¶ Batman
(male narrator) Nothing has changed with the weather
in the great metropolis of Londonium.
It's still clear as glass.
But at least the dynamic duo
are out of the fog in the winch room.
And the mist seems to have missed the Batmobile.
Thank heavens, Master Robin. I despaired of ever seeing you.
The despair was mutual, Alfred.
I think we better get out to Ffogg Place
and see what's happened to Batgirl.
- Batgirl? - Yes.
Alfred heard
'that she discovered a super secret cricket pavilion'
which just might contain the solution to this entire mystery.
She has and it does.
You two seem to know a lot more about Batgirl than I do.
She's in a dungeon at Ffogg Place, Batman.
Beneath the gallery of the super secret cricket pavilion.
I'd be, too, if Lord Ffogg hadn't wanted me
to wind up in the winch room.
- We better get there quickly. - If I may, sir. My cab.
Your cab?
I borrowed one from my cousin, Cuthbert
to get around a bit, you know.
It's parked in the dock area.
Yes, of course, I remember.
Better still, Robin. You drive the Batmobile.
Let us off at Alfred's cab
go straight to Ffogg Place and we'll follow.
You bet, Batman. If we disassemble
maybe we can catch the whole gang off guard.
And don't forget to drive on the left and not the right.
I won't, Batman. I learnt that
when we got our international drivers' licenses.
Good.
[theme music]
[engine revving]
Meanwhile, in the dungeon of Ffogg Place
Batgirl seems to have survived Lord Ffogg's paralyzing gas.
But what next?
So young, so pretty.
(Ffogg) 'Such jua de vive.'
Yes, Marmaduke.
It seems a pity that we have to dispose of her, doesn't it?
But dispose of her, we must.
With Batman and Robin fog bound in the Tower Bridge
we can now plan our crowning theft.
- The crown jewels. - The crown jewels?
She heard you, Marmaduke.
It matters a little, sister dear.
Somehow Batman has managed to regain his memory.
But death will prevent Batgirl from regaining hers.
When I toss these lethal fog pellets from the steps..
- Toodle-oo. - And jim-jim.
[intense music]
[Lord Ffogg laughing]
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
And soon, hard by the gates of Ffogg Place..
[intense music]
[music continues]
What's that?
The bloomin' Boy Wonder climbed over the main gates?
On your places. I'll handle this.
Did you hear that, Penelope?
Robin is on the grounds, some place.
We must act covertly to trap him.
Well, why don't we have Lady Prudence act covertly?
Lady Prudence? Splendid, my dear! Splendid!
[intense music]
Smashing, Robin.
You've tripped the wire leading to His Lordship's beehive.
You released an African death bee.
The queen, in fact.
She's landing on your hand, Robin.
Don't lose your cool.
[intense music]
Tempted, sir?
Sorely, Alfred.
By opening this suitcase
I might learn Batgirl's true identity.
And thus, destroy the anonymity so precious to her.
As yours is to you, sir.
I know, Alfred.
You go back to the city while I infiltrate Ffogg Place
and try to find both her and Robin.
Alert Commissioner Gordon in venerable Ireland Yard
as to my whereabouts.
Tell him I'll be in touch if I need help. Cheerio!
[intense music]
[music continues]
She won't leave.
She may.
But once a death bee lands, she usually stays a while.
Or she may sting you, Robin. And you'll die.
[intense music]
All the other girls are out of their skin over you.
I can see why, Robin.
I can see why.
[intense music]
What? Not dead yet?
No, Lord Ffogg. Far from it.
My lethal fog pellets must be stale.
They're losing their strength.
Well, I had the girls make up
a fresh batch in chemistry class, Marmaduke.
And I hid them amongst
the Duchess of Desborough's diamonds to be handy.
Let's get them.
[intense music]
But, Marmaduke, haven't we better hurry?
What with Robin out on the lawn and Batman coming up the drive?
When the death bee stings Robin
he'll be out on the lawn forever.
Then Digby, Scudder and Basil can handle Batman.
Well, they didn't before.
Since that little incident, I've given them a severe talking to.
[telephone ringing]
What? Batman got away from the terrace?
He's coming here to the cricket pavilion?
Basil, you are discharged.
[intense music]
We had better hurry, Penelope.
Come.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
Batgirl.
No, Batman, don't come down here.
Look out behind you. Lord Ffogg.
Quick, the pellets, my dear.
Now we'll close and bolt the door to the dungeon.
What a triumph. A double triumph.
'And the grooviest thing happened, governor.'
What happened?
The bee stung Robin.
Oh.
Well, you'd better take him up to the girls dormitory
and let him perish there.
And round up the rest of the people.
We're off to the Tower of Londonium and the crown jewels.
Why don't I perish here? It's closer.
Courage, Robin.
Seconds away, Alfred is forcing the gates of Ffogg Place
with an unusual show of strength.
What's this? Another troubled visitor
in venerable Ireland yard?
I'm sorry to bother you here
in venerable Ireland yard, commissioner.
Oh, no bother, Mrs. Cooper, I'm glad you found me.
I'm sure Bruce and Dick are some place in Londonium.
But I haven't been able to locate them.
I'm on my way home from my North Cape cruise
and I hoped to surprise them.
Well, Bruce has been tied up on Wayne Foundation business
since his arrival and young Mr. Dick
I believe, is doing some research
at the various museums.
And we have various, various museums, Mrs. Cooper.
Yeah.
Well, I thank you both for your time.
It's been a pleasure.
- Oh, commissioner. - Yes, ma'am?
If you hear from either of them
will you please tell them that I'll be at the Londonium house
for another day or so?
Of course.
- It's nice meeting you. - The pleasure's been all mine.
- Thank you, again. Goodbye. - Goodbye.
Yes, quite a lady.
While, back in the dungeon..
That anti-lethal-fog Bat-spray is working, Batman.
Yes, I always carry some in my utility belt..
...along with the Bat-file.
Now, to get to work on those chains.
And in the pretty student body's dormitory..
You're not dying, Robin.
I was down to my last African death bee antidote pill
but I popped it in my mouth, and I'm fine.
- Groovy. - You're right, Duchess.
Man, I'm ape about you, Robin.
Oh, you do bend my mind.
I'm launched.
Were you aped and launched when you way-laid me?
When you shanghaied me and brought me back here?
When you knew I was being tied to a winch in Tower Bridge?
Merely scholastic exercises, Boy Wonder.
Holy homework! I'm getting out of here!
[girls screaming]
Your daughter, commissioner.
Oh, no, she's not here. She left earlier this afternoon.
Left? For where?
I don't know, we were out.
That's very unlike Barbara, not getting in touch with me.
I'm coming over there at once.
Oh, certainly, commissioner.
He's coming out here at once, Marmaduke.
At once? With Londonium traffic the way it is
in the late afternoon it'll be an hour at least.
'And I don't see why the girl's alive.'
'It was your idea.'
'That was before we decided to fog in on the crowned jewels.'
Tell the girls to bury Robin..
'...where the aftergrass lawn is thickest.'
No one will ever find Batman or Batgirl in that dungeon.
And we're home free.
'As soon as we get the crowned jewels.'
I have a strange feeling that the authorities are beginning
to get suspicious of us, Marmaduke.
Getting suspicious of us is one thing.
Getting us is another.
Our private plane is being refueled right now.
And Argentuela has no extradition treaty
with this country.
Argentuela?
Oh, Marmaduke, I've always wanted to go
to the southern hemisphere.
I'll alert the household staff.
You sacked the household staff.
I rehired them. They're doctoring their bruises.
What is it, Lady Prudence?
Robin got away, Governor.
He jumped out of the window of the girls dormitory.
- Dead? - Dead?
He wasn't dead.
He took some sort of bee sting pill.
Isn't that the most?
To the Tower of Londonium, at once.
[dramatic music]
Just as I suspected, the dungeon door's made of solid oak.
I can't break through it.
If we could only reach that grating up there..
Your Bat-arang?
I left it in the Bat-mobile.
If we only had a length of rope..
Here's some rope, Batman.
How can you get it to the grating without your Bat-arang?
By using the old Indian rope trick, I mastered it years ago.
How can I help?
By standing directly under that grating..
...and concentrating on the Indian Fakir command.
Rassee seedha rakho.
Hindi for rope stay straight.
Rassee..
...seedha..
...rakho.
Master Robin, I just heard you were dead.
Well, you heard wrong.
Uh, wrongly. I got to get a message to Commissioner Gordon
at venerable Ireland yard on the double.
Just what I was attempting to do.
Lord Ffogg is planning to steal the crowned jewels
from the Tower of Londonium.
And Batman and Batgirl are both in the Ffogg Place dungeon.
I'll get back there. You get on the Bat-mobile's Bat-phone.
Good.
But Lord Ffogg and his evil entourage of Londonium ladies
are already on their way to the Tower of Londonium
and the crowned jewels.
It worked.
Yes, there's more to old Indian Fakir tricks
than one might suspect.
And concentration, magnified by the power of yoga?
Yes, yes, that's enough talking Batgirl. Up you go.
[dramatic music]
This rope may have saved our lives.
Batman. Batgirl. How did you get out of that dungeon?
Rassee seedha rakho.
Holy levitation!
The rope's doing it again.
Yes, I better reverse the incantation.
Rakho seedha rassee.
Can you conjure up something to get us
to the Tower of Londonium before Lord Ffogg and Lady Peasoup?
They've left to steal the crowned jewels.
I certainly hope so, Robin.
And so at the famed Tower of Londonium
otherwise known as "The Bloody Tower"
where two beef-eaters and a buzz bin sentry
guard the glass case
containing the crown jewels.
Here we are, girls.
The crown jewels. Aren't they magnificent?
'Look at the star of Africa diamond in the royal scepter.'
Isn't it smashing?
I'm out of my skin over the Sovereign's golden orb.
I'm sorry, but it's past closing.
Past closing? To me? Lord Ffogg of Ffoggshire?
I'll take that halberd.
But not the crowned jewels, Lord Ffogg.
Batman, Robin?
How did you get here?
It took a holy incantation.
Basil, Digby, Scudder!
Right here, guv'ner.
- Johnny on a spot? - Jolly good timing, what?
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
I think we better split, Lady Peasoup.
Indeed, Prudence.
Batgirl.
Batgirl!
Batgirl?
My pipe of fog Bat-reverser, your lordship.
You'll not catch us flat-footed again.
Well, this is a jolly little beanfest.
Take His Lordship and Her Ladyship and these..
..these girlships to the tombs.
But who's going to look after our aftergrass, Marmaduke?
[indistinct]
I wish I had time to explain, Robin.
I've been very naughty.
I thought if I could play all sides against each other
I would come out on top.
And be her Ladyship of Ffogg Place alone.
But it didn't work.
No, Lady Prudence, it didn't.
But cheerio.
I think calls for a cup of chai at venerable Ireland yard.
Chai?
Yes, Robin, a colloquialism for tea.
I think a cup of chai would be most welcome, sir.
It'll be our first in Londonium, as a matter of fact.
Will you join us, Batgirl?
Hmm, she's gone.
Batgirl? I just passed her outside in the fog.
She was on her Batgirl cycle.
Barbara, where have you been? I've been worried.
And what are you doing in this bloody tower?
Bloody tower is right, daddy.
I'll explain later, or at least I'll try to.
But look, the crown jewels.
Right where they belong, my dear.
Thanks to Batman and Robin.
Pip, pip, chin, chin and toodle-oo.
Yes, sir.
We all know how important international relations are.
And I'm glad we were able to help in our small way.
Uh..
How's your grandson?
He is? Extraordinary.
He is?
Incredible.
He is?
Amazing.
One second, sir, he's right here.
This is Batman, sir.
A weekend in Texas, sir?
With a barbeque, sir?
And bring the Batmobile, sir?
That's a great honor, sir, but..
I wonder, could Robin and I take a rain check, sir?
Sometime around Easter?
Ooh, Of course, sir. I'm sorry. I completely forgot.
Yes, that's convention time.
But thank you for calling, sir.
How could you turn down an invitation like that, Batman?
Well, I'm sure he has plenty of problems right now
without trying to entertain average citizens
such as Robin and I.
No, we'll just hole up here in Gotham City.
Yes, Bonnie?
'I'm sorry to bother you, commissioner.'
'But some very feline character just breezed in here.'
Hold it, Bonnie, say that again, will you, please?
'Some very feline character just breezed in here'
'and stole all the police women's new mini uniforms'
'you were to approve.'
Some feline character?
Could it be Catwoman back again?
Let's take a look.
The Caped Crusaders will try to head her off, Bonnie.
Just one minute, Catwoman.
[hissing]
The nerve of her, invading police headquarters.
Yes, Robin, Gotham City may be in for some
cataclysmic catastrophes.
And how right Batman is.
How catastrophic are the days and nights to come?
As you will see in the next episode.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman