¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
(male narrator) The great metropolis of Londinium.
Mighty capital of the old world
is enjoying another of its famous crystal clear days.
But in the Queen's private museum in Chuckingham Palace
something's rather foggy about Lord Marmaduke Ffogg
of Ffoggshire
and his sister Lady Penelope Peasoup.
But what are these twisted twigs of
Londinium aristocracy up to?
Purloining Her Majesty's priceless snuff boxes?
[loud hissing]
And then covering their tracks
with Marmaduke's own man-made fog?
And shortly, in Commissioner Gordon's office
on the other side of the Atlantic..
If you wish, Mr. President, I can handle this myself.
I'm going to Londinium this week
for an international police commissioner's conference.
Only Batman, Mr. President?
I'll see if it can be arranged at once, Mr. President.
What an afternoon!
It's like a Londinium fog.
Uh, speaking of Londinium
that was himself, the president, speaking of Londinium?
There have been a series of unexplained robberies
in Londinium, from which all the thieves have escaped
in what appears to be a man-made fog.
'I tried to persuade him that I could handle the problem'
just as I've tried to persuade you, Barbara
to take your vacation in Londinium with me.
Two weeks, fog bound? No, thank you, daddy.
Oh, well, maybe Batman will be a little easier to convince.
Batman?
The president, at the request of the first minister
and Londinium's venerable Ireland Yard
wants the caped crusader to look into this strange situation.
I think two weeks in Londinium would be delightful, daddy.
[instrumental music]
[percussive music]
Excellent, Master Robin.
Your turn at the boy scouts show
should prove what I believe is called a...a doozer.
[Bat-phone beeping]
Cool it, Ringo.
Yes, commissioner.
The president?
The first minister?
The venerable Ireland Yard?
Londinium?
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman, Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman, Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
And presently, on a crystal clear Gotham City night
a luxury liner is about to sail.
Hello, Barbara. Commissioner.
Well, Bruce, what a pleasant surprise to find you
and young Dick among our fellow passengers.
I've been called to Londinium on Wayne Foundation business
and I thought that Dick here might find the trip broadening.
Excuse me, sir.
- Your crate is safely aboard. - Thank you, Alfred.
I saw that immense thing with your name stenciled on it
on the pier. What do you have in it?
Just because we're travelling, I don' think Dick
should neglect his studies, so we brought along
a thousand key works of literature
his biological specimens
and also his own desk.
Yes, I expect to study hard.
It's a good thing you're going by ship, Dick.
There you are, commissioner.
I just came down to wish you a bon voyage begorrah.
Well, that very generous of you, Chief O'Hara.
Thank you very much.
Any sign of the Dynamic Duo?
I'm sure they're on board, Chief O'Hara.
But knowing their retiring dispositions
I doubt we'll see much of them.
(male #1) 'All ashore that's going ashore.'
Well, good luck, commissioner. Goodbye, Miss Barbara.
- Bye. - Goodbye, chief.
Oh, I think a ship sailing is one of
the most exciting things in the world. Don't you, Bruce?
Glamorous, romantic, a sense of mystery, adventure.
Hard to beat in this humdrum world.
While across the sea in treasure filled gallery
of Easterland House..
[intense music]
What are our Londinium culprits up to now?
Not Lady Easterland's precious hoard of...
...jeweled Russian Easter eggs.
Then once more, covering their tracks
with Lord Ffogg's personal peasoup.
And the following morning at Ffogg place..
Oh, Marmaduke.
Uh, the authorities have called on Batman.
The Caped Crusader from the colonies? Why?
In a last attempt to find out
who's been carrying out our little pranks.
You don't seem any too alarmed.
Why should I be?
We've an advantage over Batman
that none of his other adversaries ever had.
My invincible weapon. The pipe of fog.
With it, we can make our entrances and exits
'in fog bound secrecy.'
Our little sortes of the past will be as nothing
'compared to what the future holds.'
Nothing?
You call the count's coin collection
the duchess' diamonds
and Her Majesty's snuff boxes nothing?
Nothing compared to the crown jewels
in the Tower of Londinium.
With which we may conclude our lives of crime.
The crown jewels.
Oh, Marmaduke.
How utterly divine.
[indistinct]
Presently, in the dungeon of a country manor house
rented by Bruce Wayne near Londinium
the dynamic duo are ready for action.
Well, it isn't exactly the Bat-cave, sir.
In fact, I strongly suspect that at one time, it was a dungeon.
But, uh, it does have an isolated entrance
connecting direct with the queen's highway.
It will do the job, Alfred.
And you did a great job on packing Dick Grayson's
'books, biological specimens and desk.'
And not even a scratch on the Batmobile.
And the Bat-computer seems right at home, too.
Let's go, old chum. Commissioner Gordon will be waiting for us at
venerable Ireland Yard.
And if I may, sir.
Remember to drive on the left, not the right.
[music continues]
In no time at all, they are entering Londinium
which is suffering from a spell of unusually clear weather.
And turning off the queen's highway to Barnaby Street..
Blimey! The Batmobile!
Then a moment later in the office of Superintendent Watson
in venerable Ireland Yard..
Superintendent Watson, I'd like you to meet
the Caped Crusader, Batman.
- How do you do? - And the Boy Wonder, Robin.
How do you do? It's a pleasure to meet you gentlemen.
- It's our pleasure, sir. - You know my daughter Barbara.
(Batman) 'Yes, we do.'
These surroundings have a familiar feel.
Yes, Batman, decor in a police department
varies little, the world over.
'When did you arrive in Londinium, Batman?'
We didn't see you on our liner.
It's a large ship, Miss Gordon.
Well, superintendent, I suppose this small talk is slightly
out of order in the face of your current criminal crisis.
It is indeed, Batman.
Just one mysterious theft after another.
We had hoped that they would end with Her Majesty's snuff boxes.
But earlier this week, the same pilferers invaded the gallery
of Easterland House.
And swept off with a precious hoard
of Russian jeweled Easter eggs.
'I read that in the ship's bulletin.'
Yes, swept out is right, Batman.
And under cover of what seemed to be a-a man-made fog.
Holy haziness!
You say there were signs of this strange fog
at scene of every robbery.
(Watson) 'It's almost a trademark.'
Fog..
Fogbound, foghorn..
- 'Aftergrass.' - Aftergrass?
Yes, aftergrass is a form of lawn, sometime called fog.
Beautiful, too. Ffogg Place in Ffoggshire
has one of the finest aftergrass lawns in the country.
Ffogg Place?
The famous baronial estate of Lord Marmaduke Ffogg?
(Watson) 'Oh, you've heard of it.'
Oh, yes, his Ffogglawn is world renowned.
Uh, superintendent, what would be the chances
of our looking around Ffogg Place?
(Watson) 'You, Batman? Ho!'
Surely you don't suspect Lord Ffogg.
One of our most respected aristocrats.
No, my friend millionaire Bruce Wayne
has a magnificent aftergrass lawn at stately Wayne Manor
outside of Gotham City. I'd like to compare it with Lord Ffogg's
while I assemble my thoughts about our
ubiquitous, iniquitous enigma.
Ooh, good! Good!
Lord Ffogg and his sister Lady Penelope Peasoup
also run a posh girls finishing school there.
They're quite proud of it. And I always liked to
get outside Londinium, you know, into the country side.
Gives me a chance to change hats, you know. Ha ha ha.
I'll call Lady Peasoup right now.
Batman and Robin coming here? Why?
Uh, Superintendent Watson said something about
our aftergrass lawn.
- Yes, Prudence? - Lady Prudence, Aunt Penelope.
I came to tell you we are back
from our little shopping expedition, governor.
Mission accomplished.
Good. Lady Prudence, please have the girls freshen up.
Ffogg Place is about to play host to Batman and Robin.
The Dynamic Duo?
Smashing!
I doubt that Batman is coming here
to look at any lawn, Penelope.
One false move and he'll be six feet under it.
- Call Basil. - 'Right here, your lordship.'
And I couldn't help overhearing, sir.
I'll have the chauffer and the foople start preparing a grave.
Not night now, Basil.
But when you do, make that two graves.
We may need a second one for Robin, the Boy Wonder.
[laughing hysterically]
Thus again, very shortly
Ffogg place prepares to receive its visitors.
[dramatic music]
Hello, there.
Oh, Batman and Robin. How nice of you to come.
Superintendent Watson, and uh..
Uh, Lady Peasoup. May I present Miss Gordon.
Her father is police commissioner of Gotham City.
'While he is attending a meeting here in Londinium'
I thought I'd bring his charming daughter along with us.
Welcome Ffogg Place, my dear.
Thank you.
Oh, the gout again, Lord Ffogg.
Not again. Always.
- Oh.. - Lady Prudence.
Uh, His Lordship's daughter, my niece.
She helps with the school.
- How do you do? - Uh, Duchess.
- How do you do? - 'Kit.'
- How do you do? - 'Daisy.'
- How do you do? - 'Rosamond.'
How do you do?
'They're our boarders.'
Our daily students are away on holiday.
Lady Prudence, will you please stay here
'and entertain our guests?'
Young ladies, may I suggest that you get back to your studies.
A refreshing innovation. No school uniforms.
Well, our little student bodies
have their clothes specially designed on Barnaby Street.
We like them to have individuality
and to keep their wits about them.
Their wits?
Oh, they must learn to handle themselves in this world
so full of sham and deception.
Uh, did you finish, my dear?
Finish? I graduated from college if that's what you mean.
Ah-ha..
A college graduate from across the sea.
But it might be most interesting to add you to our faculty.
What's this about aftergrass, Batman?
I'm quite interested in fog lawns, Lord...Ffogg.
Well, there it is. Help yourself.
[intense music]
(Barbara) 'As nice a lawn as millionaire Bruce Wayne's, Batman?'
A fine stand of fog grass, Miss Gordon.
He was on our ship, you know.
I wonder where he's staying in Londinium.
I can't help you there, Miss Gordon.
A handsome fog lawn, Lord Ffogg.
My! What an interesting pipe--
My most beloved possession, Batman.
I promised them a look around the school, Lady Peasoup.
Oh, what fun.
Uh, Lady Prudence.
Perhaps you would show Robin around the grounds
while I take care of the others.
Smashing!
Could I be excused from the tour, Lady Peasoup?
And use your phone? I just remembered.
An old friend of mine from Gotham City
may be living close by.
Of course, my dear.
[ringing bell]
Now, Basil, will you please show Miss Gordon
'the telephone in the hall?'
Of course, your ladyship.
And we can start with the judo room in the girls' gymnasium.
A judo room? An unlikely sport for young gentlewomen.
[laughing]
[intense music]
Quick, Scudder, it's bug time. Advise the others.
[music continues]
Operator, I'd like..
I'd like the number of Londinium's
temporary visitors registration office, please.
Shortly in the Londinium Bat-cave
near the queen's highway..
But how in the world did you find me, miss?
I'll explain later, Alfred. But right now..
Just a minute.
I've slipped an anti-eavesdrop plug into the phone, Alfred.
Now, you can do me a great favor, if you'll..
While in the dormitory of Lady Peasoup's
pretty little student bodies..
Oh, isn't Batman the grooviest?
You're right, Duchess.
And that Robin.
I am out of my skin over him.
I wish we'd stolen some sharp threads today on Barnaby Street.
Instead of that old silver tea service his Lordship wanted.
Well, you two flunked your courses in thread-lifting.
Don't you remember? Well, you'll will have to take it over.
Oh, and that Lady Prudence.
Her father's pet.
Well, let's just hope she isn't talking too much.
I guess I've been talking too much.
But this place is greeby.
Greeby?
It's supposed to be a finishing school.
We're being finished, alright.
- With an M.S. degree. - M.S.?
Mistresses of Shoplifting.
That's what Lady Peasoup meant about using out wits.
Holy contributing to the delinquency of minors!
But you won't tell Batman, will you?
I'll be roped out with the governor.
Roped out with the governor?
In big trouble with my father.
While on another section of the ground..
What's that, Lady Peasoup?
Oh, a beehive.
Uh, special pets of Lord Ffogg's.
African death bees.
One sting and you're finished. Ha ha ha.
But he has so few other interests.
- But where Miss Gordon? - I haven't the foggiest notion.
Strange you should put it just that way, Lord Ffogg.
Uh, she's left.
Basil was telling me that the friend that she called
is picking her up outside.
She said she'd phone her father and explain.
And she does hope you understand, superintendent.
Hmm, seems very odd.
And she also says that she'll call me later.
And she might be interested in joining our faculty, Marmaduke.
Uh, for a short while, anyway.
Oh, perhaps we ought to be leaving, Batman.
A pity.
Maybe you could head back for your office, superintendent.
Uh, we'll join you as soon as Robin--
- I'm right here, Batman. - Good.
Good day, Lord Ffogg. We found your fog lawn most impressive.
Thank you, Batman. I'm sorry you found me indisposed.
- Lady Peasoup. - 'I'll see you out.'
Our servants are...at tea.
Well, Prudence. How did you make out with Robin?
He's greeby, governor.
Perhaps we've seen the last of those two dynamic dunderheads.
If the household staff aren't still at tea..
And on a country road near Ffogg Place..
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, Alfred.
No trouble, miss, your directions were perfect.
I found the key to the flat you've rented.
Borrowed this cab from my second cousin, Cuthbert.
And hey! Presto!
- Batgirl's clothes. - Oh, thank you, Alfred.
Something's very wrong in Ffogg Place and I'm afraid
Batman and Robin are headed for a lot of trouble.
Of course, as usual
our secret must not be disclosed.
Mum's the word, miss. Would you like me to wait for you?
Oh, no. I'll be alright.
[intense music]
So, while Barbara Gordon begins
her tantalizing transformation into Batgirl
the visitors leave Ffogg Place and start back to Londinium.
Through the fog-free country side.
But what's this?
Holy roadblocks.
And some rather unholy highway men I'm afraid, Robin.
[intense music]
Shouldn't be too hard to take that Batman.
'He looks like a slow bowler to me.'
And that youngster. We'll make mince meat out of him.
Why wait?
Come on, governor.
Get out of that car.
Come on, mate.
Shake a leg.
[dramatic music]
- Batgirl! - Batgirl?
[music continues]
Holy show-ups, that Batgirl.
She does make a colorful reinforcement, alright.
Although I don't want her to think we can't fight.
Gosh, no, Batman.
But what do you suppose she's doing in Londinium?
And where do you suppose she went?
I can't answer the first question.
Never been able to answer the second.
- What did she go in? - Or on.
These men look like the footman, the butler and the chauffer.
I did notice the similarity.
So let's go back to Ffogg Place and clean it up for good.
Unless Lady Prudence was conning me, there's plenty to clean up.
I'm sure there is, old chum, but it's hostile territory.
I suggest we return to our Londinium Bat-cave
and regroup our forces.
Right as rain, Batman.
[theme music]
[intense music]
Why on Earth did you invite that girl to join our faculty?
She's the daughter of Gotham City's police commissioner.
No doubt, has a direct line to Batman himself.
Where ever he may be.
That's exactly why I did it, Marmaduke.
To keep an eye on the doings of the Batman brigade through her.
And if necessary, we would have a hostage.
You're a dizzily clever woman.
(Robin) 'Holy surprise parties.'
Has Basil, Lord Ffogg's friendly butler
succeeded in befogging the Dynamic Duo?
Is Batman up against a sticky wicket?
Our next episode will give you much more than a foggy notion.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman, Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman