¶ Batman
(male narrator) Surf's up at Gotham Point
and all the local surfers are shaping up
for the forthcoming World Surfing Championships.
Here's Skip Parker, local surfing idol
and the hottest wave jockey around
riding out the soup..
...to join his current beach bunny, Barbara Gordon.
You really shot that curl, Skip.
Oh, I was just lucky.
Those combers are really hairy out there.
'Whoo!'
But a bad surf isn't the only thing at Gotham Point
that's hairy this morning.
Not with this jesting jackstraw the Joker on the scene.
[click] Undine.
While in the Hang Five, a surfers' hangout
run by one time surfing great, Hot Dog Harrigan..
(Joker) 'Undine.'
Coast is clear, Joker.
Hot Dog's working on his surfboard.
What are you doing to that surfboard, Hot Dog?
Fixin' a ding in it. It's a little cavity.
It's like being a fiberglass dentist. First..
[laughs]
Beautiful. Toss him into a trashcan.
And make sure the lid is closed tight.
[laughs]
And, Undine, tell that hot, young surfer, Skip Parker
he has a hot phone call at the Hang Five.
[laughs]
Oh, God. You know they're really..
Skip, there's phone for you under the Hang Five.
Your adoring public won't leave you alone.
Thanks.
Who is that?
Some chick who's been hangin' around the beach.
I think her name's Undine. See you later.
Hello. Hello.
[click]
Ooh!
Take him up to the Jokermobile.
Yes. We'll run him into The Ten Toes Surfboard Shop
and get all his surfing secrets out of him.
Then, after I've gotten rid of Batman and Robin for good
I will rule the waves.
Me, the Joker, king of the surf and all the surfers.
Then, Gotham City.
Later, the world!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
Skip Parker?
Hijacked? By the Joker?
From my daughter's description, Batman, I suspect
that clown prince of crime is up to some brazen new buffoonery.
Uh, don't forget Hot Dog Harrigan.
Hot Dog vanished too?
We'll rendezvous at the Hang Five at once, commissioner.
Robin and I will take the Bat-copter to save time.
Alfred, alert the Bat-copter port.
- At once, sir. - To the Bat-cave.
Cowabunga!
And so the forces of law and order
converge on Gotham Point by air..
(Robin) If we land on the beach, Batman, we might hurt someone.
(Batman) And cause undue attention, old chum.
We'll set down in Pelican Cove just north of Gotham Point
and walk down the beach just like ordinary people.
...while other forces of law and order
converge on Gotham Point by seashore.
Aw, these disguises are a good idea, commissioner
but this surfboard's getting heavy.
- All in the line of duty, Duke. - Duke?
Well, most true surfers
are known as Duke, Skip, Rabbit or Buzzy.
Heh! Alright, Buzzy.
You know, I-I've heard of long-haired musicians
but never green haired ones.
¶ Just a little bit harder I know I should've tried ¶
¶ Just a little bit harder I think I'm gonna cry ¶
¶ Just a little bit harder
¶ I dream of Jeannie
¶ With the light brown hair
¶ Can't find her nowhere
¶ Pa pa-pa pa
Maybe they've got some connection with the Joker.
That's a good bet, Duke.
¶ Pa pa-pa pa..
Ah!
Buzzy, I think this trashcan's trying to tell us somethin'.
Nonsense, Duke. It's an echo of the surf.
And shortly in the Hang Five..
[instrumental music]
Check the grummy.
Grummys?
No compliment.
Beach bums.
We should've worn our baggies.
May we join you?
Drop anchor. I'm Buzzy. This is Duke.
Oh.
Batman and Robin just came in.
- What else is new? - 'Barbara had to go back.'
But she told me to keep an eye on the girl behind the counter.
You mean the one talking to her hot dog?
They're sitting with a couple of antique beachcombers
who are asking some questions about Hot Dog Harrigan.
Oh, thanks, Undine, but forget Hot Dog.
The hooded hodads are sure to find me
and I'll be ready for them.
[laughs]
Hey, what is this?
- What are you doing to me? - A simple experiment, my boy.
Through my latest invention
'the Surfing Experience And Ability Transferometer'
all your surfing know-how will be drained out of you
and transferred to me.
[Joker laughs]
Oh, hook me up, Riptide, hook me up.
And don't forget to switch on the Vigor Reverser
so that all his youthful energy
will be pumped into my blood and bones.
(Batman) 'Was this from the Bat-computer?'
'Picture of two naked feet.'
Yes, I thought these new Illustrated Bat-slides
might prove a bit of a novelty, sir.
Two bare feet.
Holy ten toes!
Ten toes.
A cryptic comment, Robin.
The Ten Toes Surfboard Shop's been closed for some time.
The most appropriate hideout for Joker and a hostage.
Or hostages.
These Bat-slides are more than a novelty, Alfred.
I've learned more in the past minute
from these two naked feet
than we learned at Gotham Point in one hour
although we left Buzzy and Duke out there to follow up.
Uh, Buzzy and Duke, sir?
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara.
[gasps]
[laughs] Everything you ever knew or heard about surfing down cold
'plus your strength, speed and stamina'
all transferred to me.
[laughs]
You know what this means, boys?
The surfing championship of Gotham Point
in the palm of my pink board.
Oh. The prize is the honor
the envy, respect and adulation of all the local surfers.
Where I go, they will follow.
What I want, they will provide.
And what I want is Gotham City to plunder and to pillage
and that is what they will provide.
Sounds good, Joker, but what do we do with this wiped out kid.
Toss him in the bin under that workbench and file him away.
A funny thing, isn't it?
That I know more than you've forgotten!
Put him in there, boys, put him in there.
[laughs]
Joker. Joker, do you remember
those two antique beachcombers I told you about?
- Uh-huh. - Well, I think they are fuzz.
And I didn't dare call you again on my hot dog
so I came here instead, and I just saw Batman and Robin
parking their Batmobile in an alley behind this joint.
Exquisite. Their tricks for tracking me down
have always been clever, but this time I will outsmart them.
They will no doubt come through that window.
Oh, you have the poisonous sea urchin spines, boys?
(Riptide) 'Right here, boss.'
(Joker) 'Good. Grab a handful both of you.
'It won't hurt to needle the hooded has-beens a bit.'
- Ready? - I'm never ready.
Holy pincushions!
Obviously spines from a sea animal
of the echinoderm family, Robin.
Quite painful. Potentially lethal.
But the poison can be counteracted
if we immediately soak our bodies
in hot water and Epsom salts.
No, too bad, Batman
but we've just run out of hot water and Epsom salts.
[laughs]
Then, I think we've almost run out of time.
[Joker laughing]
What deviltry are you up to now, Joker?
Oh, a simple exercise, Batman, in which the two of you
will be processed into pre-shaped blanks.
Then, fiberglass laminated with coats of rosin.
Given a high-gloss polish
and finally a paraffin rubdown on your top decks.
[laughs] Come, Undine
to Gotham Point and the World Surfing Championships
while Riptide and Wipeout do their work.
[laughs]
[dramatic music]
Holy human surfboards!
Are Batman and Robin being processed
into human surfboards?
They'll look better with a coat of catalyzed rosin.
Come on, let's get started.
Hey, Batman's foam blank's starting to smoke.
Robin's too.
It's not only starting to smoke..
...it's starting to explode!
[explosion]
- Holy detonation! - Exactly, Robin.
Catalyzed rosin is a highly combustible mixture.
All I had to do was activate this Portable Ultraviolet Batray
from my utility belt to set off the explosion
that released us from our foam blank coffins.
Let's hit the beach.
- Aren't we going after them? - There's no hurry, Robin.
They probably stashed Skip Parker
around here someplace.
Look, the sea urchin spines are gone.
Yes, they were no doubt dissolved in that foam
along with their lethal poison.
And look again, sandy footprints leading to that workbench.
Yes. Let's follow them.
[Skip groaning]
Skip Parker?
- Yeah. - I'm Batman. This is Robin.
- Are you alright? - A little weak.
Some Joker drained everything I know about surfing
and all my ability out of me with a gizmo called
a Surfing Experience And Ability Transferometer.
Plus a Vigor Reverser.
Holy inhuman leech!
Let's take him out to Gotham Point and refill him.
Gotham Point. Yeah, that's where he bagged me.
But I'd like to find Barbara Gordon first.
You go ahead.
Robin, hop a cab or take the subway
to Stately Wayne Manor.
Take Dick Grayson's car and head for the beach.
Batman and his showdown with Joker will need the help
of Bruce Wayne's youthful ward plus his surfboard.
And so the showdown approaches as Batman and Dick Grayson
rendezvous at Gotham Point.
Leave your board outside the Hang Five and follow me in.
But play it cool.
Ah, yes, the surf at Barracuda Bay
has killed many a braver man than I.
Why, even the ripples peak at 50 feet.
I remember once when I was shooting the curl.
'Just as this comber was breaking'
I cut into the tunnel, grabbed the rail
and rode into a slide-slip. [laughs]
[gasps] Who let him out?
Batman. That's what I've been trying to tell you Joker.
- Batman? - 'That's right, Joker.'
And challenging you to the surfing title
of the Gotham Point World Championships.
[mumbling] I-i-it's too late, Batman.
- The entries have closed. - Correction, sir.
Correction? You dare correct me?
You immature mollusc.
I'm millionaire Bruce Wayne's youthful ward, Dick Grayson.
Mr. Wayne's president
of the Gotham Point Surfing Association.
In this case, I can speak for him.
So many of the competitors have dropped out
in awe of your highly-touted talents.
There will be no surfing contest without Batman.
Good. Let's not have one. Just declare me the winner.
Sorry, Joker, it isn't that simple.
I'm entering Batman in the surfing championships.
Shall we go into the men's locker room
and put on our baggies?
Excuse me.
What do you suppose is up, Buzzy?
The surf, Duke.
There'll only be one heat for the two contestants.
And you'll be judged on the size of your wave
how long you ride it and your style and sportsmanship.
Sportsmanship?
And our fellow surfers will be the judges.
Go for your surfboard. Mine's outside.
But you have nothing to worry about, Joker.
W-who's worried? Not me.
I've ridden the killers at Barracuda Bay.
(Skip) 'No, Joker.'
I've ridden them.
Oh.
[Joker laughs]
Skip, I've been looking all over for you.
Let's go watch the action.
[Joker laughing]
Well, into the soup.
Why not? It's a shore break surf.
Not too long a paddle to the peak.
[instrumental music]
Here comes the wave of the day.
They ought to be able to take off on it.
They have.
[loud banging]
Somethin' sure seems to be poundin'
in that trashcan, Buzzy.
Joker's good. What a kick turn.
But watch Batman trimmin'.
Joker's shuffling. Now, he's cutting back to meet the curl.
He caught it. He's riding the hook.
Batman can't beat Joker.
But watch him charge the swash.
Look there, a shark!
What's that in his hand?
The shark's gone.
And Joker's starting an island pullout.
Joker's ride's almost over. He's winning.
Batman's doing a nose pull-out.
I just hope it isn't too late.
That shark might have wiped him out on points.
I'll check with the judges.
[Joker laughing]
Cowabunga! Cowabunga!
I won!
I won! Batman came in second.
The order of finishing isn't what counts, Joker.
Why not?
Losers don't come in first.
I've tallied all the judges points.
You got one for being the more colorful surfer.
Batman got all the rest, including 50
for avoiding a dangerous hazard, a shark.
- Oh, big deal! - 'A simple deal.'
Thanks to the Shark Repellent Batspray in my utility belt.
But what about my tricks? And my technique?
You mean my tricks and my technique all transferred to you
by that nutty Surfing Experience And Ability Transferometer.
[loud banging]
Say, something is pounding in this trashcan.
Hot Dog Harrigan?
Oh.
[laughs nervously]
I-it was just a little joke.
- Some joke kidnapping me. - And dumping me in a trashcan.
Let's get out of here.
We can't let them get away, Batman.
I'll try to head them off.
See if you can find Robin, the boy wonder.
Ah. The Hang Five. We lost them out.
Unh!
Come out, boys.
- You're wiped out, Joker. - Yeah.
You've hung your last ten toes
and Batman's the new king of the surf.
He's all yours, gentlemen.
Oh, gentlemen, those two hodads.
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara to you, Joker.
Cowabunga!
Begorrah!
Oh, no. Batgirl's not gone again?
I just passed her in the ladies locker room.
Are you alright, Skip?
I will be as soon as they hook me and the Joker
up to that reverseramator and reverse it.
- Cowabunga! - Begorrah.
All's well that ends well.
Skip Parker is as good as new.
And that transferometer gizmo
only succeeded in transferring Joker back behind bars again.
So I think these two crime fighters
better call it a day.
Let's call it a week, Batman, and really get some sleep.
Agreed, old chum.
So if you have no further use for us, commissioner..
Not at the moment, thank heavens. Run along.
Get a well needed and much deserved rest.
But just how much rest do the dynamic duo have coming?
For what startling new crime wave
has already begun across the sea from Gotham City.
Who are these two new conspirators?
Batman and Robin haven't the foggiest notion
but they will travel 3000 miles to tangle
with these treacherous twins of aristocracy and wind up
on the maddest manhunt of all time
in that great metropolis of the old world, Londinium.
Don't become fog bound. Watch the next episode.
Cheerio.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na
¶ Batman