¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
(male narrator) Morning in Gotham City.
But a day that dawn's brightly
is no guarantee against darkening disaster.
[Cossacks chanting]
[donkey braying]
Olga! Olga, wait for me. Giddy-up! Giddy-up! Olga!
It's the Cossacks again, sonny.
Yes, ma'am. This time they turned down Marcus Street.
Only thing in that direction is the Gotham City Radium Center.
Radium Center? That sounds even more dangerous
than trying to cross this street.
[intense music]
The Cossacks!
The Cossacks, my little techniciansky.
Where is hot stuff being kept?
Hot stuff? I don't know what you mean.
Osseb,
sharpen little techniciansky's memory with sword.
[intense music]
Please, don't. I don't understand.
What you doing, Olga, light of my life, my little future wife?
Forget, rhymsky! She is hiding hot stuff.
I don't know what she's talking about.
Hot stuff is Cossack translation for radium, my dear.
Well, why didn't she say so?
Well, I'm saying so. Now, hand it over.
We want two pounds of it.
- It's in the vault. - Well, then open it.
Or I'll let Osseb egg-speriment with his technique on you.
Yes, sir.
[intense music]
- It's in there. - Get it!
It's cold. It's not hot.
- Is trick? - Oh, no, no.
No, Olga, no. This is merely the lead case.
The hot stuff is inside, and it's plenty hot I assure you.
Here, I'll take that.
Oh! Ugh. Thank you.
Carry on. Carry on, my Cossacks.
Commissioner, Gordon.
What?
Two pounds of radium?
And you're sure it was the Cossacks?
[sighing] Alright. Thank you.
Not them Cossacks again, commissioner.
I'm afraid so, Chief O'Hara. They've just stolen
two pounds of radium from the Gotham City Radium Center.
Radium? What for?
That's a question I intend to put to the Caped Crusaders.
Right now!
[machine whirring]
The Batcomputer is none too frisky today, Batman.
Yes, it's possible the supply of radium
somewhere in the city has been moved.
And as radio-sensitive as our machine is
it just possibly could be affected by that
and it's lucky that you and Batgirl found us, Alfred.
Otherwise Robin and Commissioner Gordon
'might not be too frisky either.'
Holy understatements, Batman.
We would have been in the soup for good.
[Batphone beeping]
Yes, commissioner.
Olga and Egghead have just stolen two pounds of radium.
From the Gotham City Radium Center?
Yes, not 10 minutes ago.
Radium there is type number six isotype fourteen.
Worth about $500 an ounce, commissioner.
The entire theft amounts to only 16,000 dollars
far below the usual scale of the Olga-Egghead caper.
Well, that's what worries me.
I'm afraid this is only the first step of a larger crime.
We'll come right down.
Let's go, Robin.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[music continues]
What? What possible purpose could Olga and Egghead
have for two pounds of radium, Batman?
I don't know, commissioner.
What about the water supply, Batman?
Right! Oh, that's a favorite trick
of Gotham City's arch criminals, Boy Wonder.
No, it'd take at least 200 pounds of radium to affect
the city's water system, Chief O'Hara.
Perhaps they plan to construct some sort of a..
...diabolical weapon.
No, the quantity they've stolen is hardly enough to construct
a weapon of any size, Commissioner Gordon.
Holy anagrams! What's the answer?
I feel it won't be long until they themselves
provide us with a clue, Robin.
Oh, I hope you're right, Batman.
Oh, I can just feel them radioactive
gammas and betas crawling up on me right now. Uggh!
And in the Gotham City Library
Barbara Gordon has a weighty problem.
Talk about heavy reading, Barbara
this thing must weigh 10 pounds.
It's a rare book on paleontology, Petula.
Professor Dactyl wanted me to bring it to his office
at the Gotham City Museum of Natural History.
You certainly know the ins and outs of this library, Barbara.
I didn't even know we had this book.
Well, paleontology used to be a hobby of mine.
I'll just take this to the professor and come right back.
- It'll take just half and hour. - Alright.
[intense music]
Oh, hello, Miss Gordon. I see you brought my book.
- Thank you, my dear. - Don't mention it, professor.
That's a...a very interesting fossil egg.
Oh, yes. A very interesting specimen.
One of the very few intact fossil eggs of that era.
Aren't you afraid someone will steal it?
Steal it? Well, who would want to steal it, my dear?
Well, there is this certain arch criminal
who has a well-known penchant for stealing
anything even remotely connected with eggs.
But it has no commercial value.
An interesting scientific curio, but hardly worth anything.
Except to the paleontologist.
Perhaps, you'd like to see one of our newest acquisitions.
The fossilized thigh bone
of a female giant saber-toothed tiger
from outer Spirlovia.
Eh, which is just outside outer Mongolia.
- I can't wait. - Ha ha, come on.
[intense music]
Well, it's hot behind fossil.
Yes, it was also enlightening, Olga.
Enlightening? What-what means enlightening, Eggsky?
Instructive, informative, my dear.
That young lady with the professor thought
that I might steal the only egg-xisting
Neosaurus egg in the Western world.
Fourteen million years old.
It's probably stale, Eggsky, after fourteen million years.
Why bother to take it?
You just leave the thinking to me, Olga.
And me?
You just look beautiful, my dear.
[speaking foreign language]
Sometimes you are such a.. [speaking in foreign language]
Hmm. Now let's dispense with the flattery
and commence with the job, shall we?
But why on earth would anyone want
to steal a Neosaurus egg, Barbara?
I don't know, daddy, but it's gone.
And I'm sure Egghead is the one who took it.
I agree with you there, but why?
Has he stolen anything else today?
Uh, well, as a matter of fact, yes, he has.
He stole two pounds of radium
from the Gotham City Radium Center
not more than an hour ago.
By the way, Barbara, this information is off the record.
I understand, daddy.
Thank you for reporting this, darling.
And assure Professor Dactyl that we'll make every effort
to get his egg back for him.
Bye.
Why on earth would anyone want to steal a Neosaurus egg?
That seems to be the question of the day, Chief O'Hara.
Do you have an answer, Batman?
Unfortunately, no.
But I'm sure this theft is connected
with this earlier theft of the radium.
But how, Batman?
I think a little session with the Batcomputer
will give us a clue.
We'll be in touch, commissioner. Let's go, Robin.
Think they can crack it, commissioner?
If they can't, who can?
Sure, and that's the truth.
I'm afraid we're not going to get much help
from the Batcomputer, Robin.
It can't go back to prehistoric times.
This is a problem for good old-fashioned brain power.
We'll have to think it out.
While Batman and Robin puzzle over the problem
in the Batcave, another mind works on the same problem
at the Gotham City Library.
Robin, do you remember a Professor Willis Grimes?
You mean that Radiologist
who stayed at Wayne Manor about six months ago.
Yes, he was here for a convention.
And at the same time, he was working on a new technique
of irradiation.
I remember something about it, but it was technical stuff.
I didn't understand much of it.
Yes, it was complex, but I think..
...I think it may be that clue we're looking for.
- Can you get in touch with him? - Unfortunately, no.
Professor Grimes is out of the country right now.
But he did publish an article
in the South Eastern Regional Journal of Applied Radiology.
[telephone buzzing]
- Yes, sir. - Alfred.
Can you locate the most recent issue
of the South Eastern Journal of Applied Radiology?
There should be an article in it by a Professor Willis Grimes.
Just a second, sir. I'll see if I can find it.
That's it! Professor Grimes!
Petula, does the library subscribe
to the South Eastern Regional Journal of Applied Radiology?
We don't get it anymore, Barbara.
Remember we'd to cancel it last year
when the city council cut our budget.
That's right, I forgot. I've got to get hold of a copy of it.
Who in Gotham City would have it?
The only person in Gotham City who subscribes
to more periodicals than the public library
is millionaire Bruce Wayne.
Excuse me, Barbara.
I've someone waiting for this copy of Robert Frost.
[instrumental music]
I've located it, sir.
What is the title of Professor Grimes article, Alfred?
[phone ringing]
Just one second, sir. Could you hold on?
The other line is ringing.
Bruce Wayne residence.
Alfred, this is Barbara Gordon.
'Does Bruce Wayne receive the South Eastern'
'Regional Journal of Applied Radiology?'
Uh, um, why? Um, yes, he does, Miss Gordon.
Oh, thank goodness.
There is an article in the latest issue of it
written by Professor Grimes.
Can you give me the title of that article?
I believe I can.
Alfred, this is just between you and me.
Of course, Miss Gordon.
I have it here, sir.
I have it here, Miss.
The title of the article is "Revitalizing Fossil Forms
'By The Use Of High-Energy Radioactive Energy Sources."'
Thank you, Alfred.
You're welcome
Sir...Miss.
[sighing]
You think Egghead plans to revitalize
that fossil egg and hatch it?
Exactly, Robin.
But that's impossible!
[instrumental music]
[beeping]
You are going to hatch 40 million year old egg?
It's impossible, Eggsky.
That's what they told Fulton, Edison and Casanova, Olga.
All we've to do is pour enough radiation into that egg
I'm sure we can get it to hatch.
Of course, Grimes theory hasn't been tested yet
but I'm sure it'll work.
And we'll have a real-life Neosaurus.
For our very own, we'll control Gotham City
and that ought to be enough dowry even for you, Olga.
Then finally, we can get married.
You hatch egg, I will hatch wedding.
Egg-xcellent, Olga. Egg-xcellent.
And think what those Dynamic Dimwits will do
when they are faced with my Neosaurus.
Did you know that the Neosaurus has 2,562 teeth?
Not covering wisdom teeth.
What is such a creature eating, Eggsky?
Well, I'm planning a three-course meal for it, yes.
Batman, Robin and Batgirl.
And for dessert, Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara.
Marvelous!
This Batgeiger counter will not only pick up radiation, Robin
but it will tell us from which direction it's coming.
Now that we've adjusted it to react only to the radium source
stolen by Egghead, it should be able to track down
his headquarters in nothing flat.
Why didn't we think of this before, Batman?
Hindsight is often better than foresight, old chum.
Let's go.
[instrumental music]
[revving]
[instrumental music]
You are hearing anything, Eggsky?
Nothing yet. We'll give it another dose.
And we ought to keep zapping it until it hatches.
[tires screeching]
- Batman, I'm getting a reading. - What direction?
- North-east, very close. - Right.
[tires screeching]
Batgirl, how did you learn about the thefts?
- I have my own sources. - So I see.
And you decided on the same method of detection as we did?
My counter indicates the source of radiation
is in that warehouse.
So does ours.
Well, I guess hindsight is often better than foresight.
I suggest we pay them a visit ...unannounced.
I've always liked crashing parties.
[machine beeping]
[laughing]
You're swimming a blind alley, Eggsky.
This is all waste of time.
What do you know about it?
I heard something stirring inside of this shell.
You're kidding!
Yes, a few more bursts and we'll hatch it.
(Robin) Hatch this, Egghead.
[intense music]
[speaking foreign language]
[music continues]
Ha!
[music continues]
Bring her here!
Alright, that's enough, Boy Wonder.
That was a slimy trick, you rotten egg!
Of course, Batgirl, I have a patent on slimy tricks.
Wait a minute, Eggsky. Where is my Little Batushka?
Batman? He was probably too afraid of me to show up.
Only these foolhardy youngsters
are impolitic enough to do that.
Does not sound like Batushka I know, huh.
That's because you don't know him as well as I do, Olga.
At heart, he is a coward in the egg-streme.
Batman has more courage in his little finger
than you have in your whole cowardly body, you..
Quiet, Wonder Midget, or I'll have you cut off permanently!
Now, you all are about to witness
one of my greatest triumphs.
Here.
You will observe a wonder of modern science.
One more burst of radiation and that egg will yield
a 40-million-year-old Neosaurus.
A hungry Neosaurus, my little friend.
[machine whirring]
[intense music]
I hear it. I hear it.
The Neosaurus is going to hatch.
[intense music]
[growling]
[screaming]
[growling]
Calm down now, little Neosaurus, calm down.
I'm your daddy. I hatched you.
You wouldn't wanna hurt your daddy now, would you?
[growling]
I'm your daddy. Olga and I are your friends.
Aren't we, Olga?
[speaking in foreign language]
Eat those two. They're young and tender.
Yum, yum.
[growling]
[screaming]
Lock the doors, Chief O'Hara. Lock us in.
[Olga speaking foreign language]
Begorrah! I never thought I'd see the likes of him
begging to be locked up.
Take it away.
[growling]
If we attack it from different sides, Batgirl
we maybe able to subdue it.
Though, personally
I think he'd rather eat peanut-butter sandwiches
than Gothamites.
Peanut-butter sandwiches?
(Batman) 'That's right, Batgirl.'
You know your Neosauruses well, Robin.
Peanut-butter sandwiches it is.
What an ingenious trick, Batman.
Not so ingenious, Batgirl.
It's impossible to hatch an egg 40-million-years-old
but Egghead didn't believe that.
So I used his disbelief against him.
But why, Batman?
Too many Bessarovian Cossacks around here, Robin.
'If I'd joined you in the fight'
'some of them might've been injured.'
'I arranged for Chief O'Hara to surround this building.'
I used my costume to..
[growling]
...frighten them into surrendering en masse.
Boy! I'll say.
What about the burst of radiation
that hit the egg when you were inside it, Batman?
Ah, I was able to protect myself from the radiation, Batgirl
by coating the inside of my costume
with a thin lead shielding.
Now that Olga and Egghead are safely behind iron bars, Robin
they should have plenty of time to study their paleontology.
She's gone again!
For once, Batman, let's follow her.
No, Robin. With my head sticking out of this Neosaurus costume
I might not appear like an ordinary
run of the mill crime fighter.
You know who was inside that Neosaurus egg?
Batman!
He sure turns up in some weird places.
But how did you know this?
You can't keep a thing like that a secret, Bruce.
The whole town is talking about the Caped Crusaders latest coup.
But how could Batman have gotten in a Neosaurus egg?
Hmm, apparently, he hatched his own little plot, Chief O'Hara.
[laughing]
Daddy.
[telephone ringing]
Pardon me, do have some more of my birthday cake.
Hello.
Skip Parker!
I am at the Gotham Point, Barbara.
It looks like the surf's really gonna be up in the morning.
Is there any chance of joining me?
Oh, I'd love to, and I don't have to be at work till noon.
Good, we can catch some really wild combers out here.
Great, bye.
But what else is at the Gotham Point besides the surf?
What else is wild besides the combers?
Not that heartless hoodad, The Joker!
- Trouble, Joker? - Oh, none, Riptide.
With the aide of this little two-way hot dog transmitter
I shall shortly to be king of the surf at the Gotham Point.
Will he? Will this green-haired gremlin
take over the world of surfing? Or will he wind up in the zoo?
There's only one way to find out.
Watch the next episode.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman