¶ Batman
(male narrator) Daybreak at Gotham City Library
where Penguin has just purloined
a priceless folio of famous umbrellas.
I know where to dispose of you for a good price.
Then Lulu and I are off to the races.
Caught with the goods, eh, Penguin?
Fah! How did you get unglued?
Hand-over that folio, you feathered felon.
And come quietly.
Oh, I always knew I'd come to the end of the road.
Holy diversionary tactic!
I'll have me men pick him up.
- No. - No?
No, since we didn't apprehend him here
and since he got away with the folio
'let's let him play out his hand'
I suspect that this robbery is only part of much bigger caper.
Escaped? With the folio?
Hello, Ms. Gordon.
Hello, Batman Robin. Chief O'Hara.
And last but not least.
I told you we can handle this, you needn't have come so early.
Well, it was almost time to open anyway, daddy.
Who was it, the Penguin again?
Yes, and that slimy bird slipped right through our fingers.
Well, I guess I'd better phone Bruce Wayne.
As head of the library's board of trustees
I'm sure he'd be upset to hear about this.
You needn't bother Mr. Wayne needlessly, Ms. Gordon.
Needlessly? That folio is invaluable.
I'll have that folio back within an hour
I suspected he might steal it and I've prepared a counter one.
Today is the day of the Bruce Wayne Foundation handicap
at Gotham Park Racetrack.
I'm sure Mr. Wayne has many other things on his mind.
Well, Robin, to the Bat-cave.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
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¶ Batman
Lulu, Lulu, that's magnificent.
That is a sharpest looking horse of another color
I've ever seen in my life.
At least nobody will recognize him.
But I do hope nobody recognizes that the horse from
the glue factory in the Parasol's stall is a phony.
By the time they do the race will be over.
What about the track officials, the jockey?
Wally Bootmaker's supposed to ride Parasol.
He's not blind.
Don't worry about Wally Bootmaker
my two finks will take care of him when they get back.
[phone ringing]
Oh, well, business as usual, huh?
Penguin's Bookshop.
Hello, Sammy.
I earned marshmallow in the big race. Listen, Sammy.
I got a tip it's gonna be scratch.
In fact, all but two of the horses are gonna be scratch.
Parasol and a late entry by the name of Bumbershoot.
But the big bet, Sammy, is Parasol.
Alright, I'll take it.
But pay cash, Sammy.
What do you mean all but two horses are gonna be scratched?
Scratched means withdrawn from a race.
I know what scratched means, but what do you mean, Pengy?
- I got plans, dear. - I hope so.
Why did you tell him to bet on Parasol and not Bumbershoot?
Because the more money that's bet on that phony nag
which is bound to lose
the more money we'll make cause the odds will be higher.
All I have to do is to unload this folio
and get some money to bet.
What's that, the racing news?
No, this is the Saturday review folio.
All the rich collectors advertise it.
Wait a minute.
This sounds like a pigeon.
"Wanted for private collections, priceless folios
"of all famous articles, particularly parasols.
Will pay, top prices, A.L. Fred, at Gotham West Hotel."
That's a very, very wealthy hotel.
I'm sure that our ten grand's gonna be
in the feed bag, Lulu.
It's not Lulu, it's Lola Lasagne.
Hello, would you get me Mr. A.L. Fred?
This is Penguin Bookshop for him.
Hello, Mr. A.L. Fred?
Yes, this is A.L. Fred.
Don't you think we should take this up with the Bat-computer?
Take what up?
Well, the location of Penguin's hideout for one thing.
It's a little book-making shop on flea street.
I did a little extracurricular crime detecting
while Dick Grayson was doing his homework.
And found out you were gonna have that folio back in an hour?
I still want Penguin to play out his hand, Robin.
And I believe you'll find that the priceless folio
is upstairs in Bruce Wayne's study.
Now, he just came in, Ms. Gordon
I don't know if Mr. Wayne is here or..
...oh, he just walked in. One moment please.
It's Ms. Gordon from the library, sir.
And there's the priceless folio.
A steal at $10,000.
Hello, Ms. Gordon.
Oh, Mr. Wayne, I'm glad I finally reached you.
I've been trying for over an hour.
Dick and I were out taking our usual early constitutional
and apparently Alfred didn't hear the telephone.
What can I do for you, Ms. Gordon?
Well, completely against Batman's suggestion
and my father's advice, I thought you should know.
The priceless folio of famous parasols
we keep in a locked case
'was stolen earlier this morning.'
Yes, by the Penguin.
He apparently made his entrance with some sort of passkey
and his exit through a window
by using his umbrella as a parachute.
A man of many talents.
You're not upset at such a loss?
I'm not upset, Ms. Gordon, because the priceless folio
is at this very moment on the desk in front of me.
One second please.
Yes, Alfred tells me that Batman returned it
just a few minutes ago, Ms. Gordon.
Well, that's incredible.
Batman said he'd have it back within an hour, but..
You didn't believe him?
Well, I'm afraid I'm still naive enough to believe
the impossible can't be done.
I guess, I owe Batman an apology.
A word of thanks should do at the proper time.
I'll see that the folio is returned to the library shortly.
- 'Goodbye, Ms. Gordon.' - Goodbye.
Good work, Mr. Fred.
I feel we're one step closer, Dick.
One step closer?
When you're now out $10,000 to that pompous purloiner?
"Patient men win the day."
An apt quotation from Chaucer.
Apt maybe, but I doubt if Chaucer had run
into Penguin when he wrote it.
While back with the baleful bookie..
Those freeways are murder, boss.
No explanations, no excuses and you shut up.
I wanna see what the radio has to say about this.
(male on radio) 'Priceless folio of famous parasols stolen earlier'
'this morning from the Gotham Library has been recovered'
'by Batman and returned to Bruce Wayne'
'Chairman of the library's board of directors.'
'Any further details are lacking at this time'
'but Commissioner Gordon--'
Returned already. Quadruple fah!
She is gonna pay for this!
Who is she?
Ms. Gordon, that's who.
She works at the library, doesn't she?
She knows that that folio was stolen
she also happens to know Bruce Wayne
who knows Batman who just might know A.L. Fred.
We get the ten grand, Pengy.
Why ruffle your feathers?
Because I smell a deep and dire plot in the works
but Ms. Gordon is going to smell something even worse.
What's that another radio?
No, it's a little toy for the Police Commissioner's daughter.
- Does it walk? - Of course, it walks!
And after it walks a little while it throws out
a deadly gas on anybody who toys with it.
Pengy, all we wanna do is win a horse race.
We don't wanna kill anyone.
She screwed me, didn't she?
Well, she's not gonna get a second chance.
Now, you take this over to the police commissioner's daughter
and tell her it's a gift from an admirer, quick.
And, Visor, you go to the racetrack
and you get rid of this Wally Bootmaker.
I don't care how you do it, get rid of him.
We'll follow with our dark horse
and while I am making the entries
I want you to get rid of all the other horses.
Me? How?
Well, it's simple enough they know you're there
just apply plenty of this.
Meanwhile at Gotham Park Racetrack
the racing secretary has some startling news
for millionaire Bruce Wayne.
Every horse except Parasol has been scratched?
That's right, Mr. Wayne.
And Wally Bootmaker's disappeared.
And there's someone here with a last minute
entry called Bumbershoot.
Yes, he's in my office now.
Well, he has his entry fee, says he's the owner, trainer--
And jockey.
What does he look like?
Confidentially, he's a bit of a bird.
[Penguin neighs]
Let him enter Bumbershoot.
I'll get another jockey to ride Parasol.
And there'll be another last minute entry from
the Bruce Wayne stables.
But don't say anything about it yet.
Just as I thought, Penguin's not only over-played his hand
he's tipped his mitt.
Somehow he's managed to switch horses
and put the big money on the wrong horse.
Probably that goat from the glue factory.
What's this about another last minute entry from Wayne stables?
Waynebow.
(Bruce) 'My new three-year-old should win it.'
I didn't enter him early because I didn't want it to look like
I was sending up my own horse to win the race.
Now, about jockeys.
Bruce, let me ride Waynebow, I'm light enough.
No, Dick, I couldn't allow my own ward
to ride my own thoroughbred.
People might think it was funny.
But you can ride the fake Parasol and try to win it.
But if I did win
wouldn't that upset all your plans?
No, I'll get another jockey to ride the other horse.
Who?
Well..
...no, I wouldn't even know where to look for her.
Her?
Batgirl.
Gosh, yeah, she'd be great.
On our side and all.
And all, Dick.
But, who is she?
Where is she?
I wouldn't know how to go about finding her.
So, a short time later
Barbara Gordon, receives several surprises.
A little toy penguin, oh, what a cute gadget
and look it winds up.
Oh, be careful, Myrtle.
Oh, be careful about a darling little thing like this?
Myrtle? Myrtle?
And while Penguin's pusillanimous plot proceeds
Barbara gets a second surprise.
Oh, thank you. Myrtle, are you alright?
I think so, I only got a little whiff of that smoke
but it certainly made me dizzy.
You should lie down in the ladies lounge, I'll help you.
Never mind, Barbara, I can make it.
These diabolical tricks must be stopped.
- I'm going to call my father. - One moment.
I think this toy penguin has probably breathed
his last poisonous breathe.
And, uh, it's just possible that a certain live penguin
maybe rendered equally useless.
Come here for a word together.
And speaking of words..
This is farce, Mr. Wayne.
An unknown jockey on the horse that's the favorite.
An unknown horse with that birdman on board.
'And-and your own entry which even the Townsend tipster'
'haven't heard about yet.'
'I demand the Wayne Foundation Memorial handicap be canceled.'
Oh, you do?
As racing secretary of this meet, I have a duty to
the owners, trainers, officials and tracks fans and myself.
Why, if there were any logical explanation for such a travesty
if, if Batman for instance
'told me that this race must be run for a particular reason'
'well, that might be different'
but just to satisfy a stubborn whim of your own, Mr. Wayne
as honorable a man as I know you are.
And suppose Batman did tell you that the race must be run?
I would have to hear it from him in person.
A very capable man, the racing secretary.
Remind me to give him a bonus, Alfred.
You say you talked to Batgirl?
I did manage to convey your message, sir, yes.
Yes, would you convey, the change of Bruce Wayne's clothing
to the governor's suite at the turf club.
While Batman, conveys a message to the racing secretary.
While an excited crowd awaits the running of
the Wayne Foundation Memorial handicap
the racing secretary hears from Batman in person.
This race must be run, when it's over I'll tell you why.
And I'm sure Mr. Wayne himself will make a public announcement.
Very well, Batman, I still thinks it's a farce
but I'll bow to your judgment.
And Lola Lasagne meets her new jockey.
I wish you were Spanish.
Si, Senora.
Oh, you are Spanish. Do you speak Spanish?
- Si, Senora. - Good.
It's nice to have a Spanish jockey on a Spanish horse.
Si, Senora.
And Penguin smells a rat.
That jockey, you know who looks like?
Dick Grayson Bruce Wayne's ward.
What would Dick Grayson be doing as saddle monkey, boss?
One thing he'll be doing soon, is eating my dust.
[laughing]
Be a good girl, Parasol.
You know who that kid is up on that phony nag of yours?
A darling Spanish boy.
I'm so glad you hijacked Wally Bootmaker.
He might have smelled a mouse.
I smell a mouse trap. Did you put the bet down on Bumbershoot?
- We still have 10 minutes. - Oh, get going.
Meet me outside the jockey room right after the race.
Never mind. I got it.
(male on PA) 'The horses are on the track for the 100 thousand dollar'
'Wayne Foundation Memorial handicap.'
'One mile and one furlong.'
[bugle music]
But as the horses come out on the track.
What's this? Waynebow making his surprise appearance.
With a very surprising saddle monkey aboard.
Who's that riding your horse Waynebow, Mr. Wayne?
It looks like..
It is!
That new crime-fighter, I've heard something about.
Batgirl!
[grunts]
Why, this is getting more farcical by the moment.
Let's just say there's a touch of irony in it.
Oh, Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, won't you join us?
Batman called me, he said something very interesting
might turn up here this afternoon.
So Chief O'Hara and I better be on our toes.
Good idea.
Come on, chief.
What is that third horse doing down there?
A very late entry, madam.
I believe, he's called Waynebow.
That looks like a girl riding it.
Doesn't it, though?
- I better go make my bet. - Yeah.
[indistinct chattering]
(male on PA) 'It is now post time.'
I want one $10,000 ticket on number 2, please.
(male on PA) 'Bumbershoot is not steady yet. Not straight.'
'We're waiting on Bumbershoot.'
'He stretches. The flag is up!'
[bell ringing] 'There they go!'
[crowd cheering]
'Parasol is moving to the front.'
'Bumbershoot is second. Waynebow is third.'
'They're coming down the straight the first time.'
'It's Parasol in front, five to length'
'Bumbershoot is second, two and a half lengths.'
'Waynebow on the inside.'
'Passing the stand the first time, it's Parasol in front.'
'By two and a half length, Bumbershoot is second.'
'By two lengths on the inside, Waynebow looking for room.'
'There goes Waynebow up on the inside.'
'And Bumbershoot moves out.'
'Around the club house turn.'
'It's Bumbershoot on the outside in front and now Waynebow'
'moved up on the rail but is in tight corners.'
'And on the rail, Parasol.'
'Into the back stretch, it's Bumbershoot coming clear'
'by four lengths.'
'On the inside Parasol.'
'And Waynebow.'
'It's Bumbershoot in front five to lengths.'
'Parasol is in second.'
'And Waynebow coming out, here he comes'
'to the outside for the run and Waynebow on the outside.'
'Here comes Waynebow to Bumbershoot'
'It's Bumbershoot still in front..'
'...holding on. On the outside, Waynebow and Parasol stay.'
'At the half mile, it's Bumbershoot at front.'
'Now, here comes Waynebow on the outside'
'Waynebow's now charging in and taking the lead.'
'It's Waynebow on the outside, Parasol moving on the inside.'
[indistinct]
'It's Waynebow. Waynebow coming clear.'
'Bumbershoot is second. Parasol is far behind'
'It's Waynebow in front, Waynebow on the inside.'
'And Bumbershoot again trying to challenge. Parasol is staying.'
'Waynebow looking for racing room.'
'Comes on out. Comes to the leader.'
'It's...Waynebow running clear.'
'It's Waynebow now in front by one.'
'Parasol is on the outside.'
'It's Waynebow and now Bumbershoot again.'
'Waynebow, and Waynebow is flying.'
'There goes Waynebow flying away.'
'Waynebow wins it easily.'
'Bumbershoot is second. Parasol is third.'
[crowd clapping]
'Hold your ticket, please hold all tickets'
'until the results of the race has been declared official.'
'My word.'
[intense music]
You have a good sized ride on your hands, Mr. Wayne.
Almost, everyone bet on Parasol.
Batman better have a good explanation too.
I'm sure, he will.
It's a very dark day for racing in Gotham City, Mr. Wayne.
Mr. Wayne?
[grunting]
I'll change and we'd better make tracks.
Why? We haven't done anything wrong.
We haven't done anything right, we just lost 10 grand.
And the paint is running faster than the horses.
You can't go in there, you're a woman!
No need to change clothes, Penguin.
They'll issue a nice striped wardrobe where you're going.
Fah! Armband! Visor!
Bridle that filly.
[dramatic music]
Help! Reserve! Reserve!
Your odds haven't been too good this afternoon, Penguin.
But five men against one girl is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm enjoying it. Don't bother.
No bother to return the many favors you've done for us.
Mash 'em!
[music continues]
Well, Penguin, looks like your perfidious prank is up.
Perfidious, fah! I admit, I fixed the race.
But I fixed it, so the best horse won.
Regardless of that, I'm sure that the results
of the handicap will be declared permanently unofficial.
And you'll be declared permanently incarcerated.
You too, Lulu Schultz.
- Lulu Schultz? - Hmm.
I am Senora Lola Lasagne.
[laughing]
In a penguin's tail feather.
Alright, come on, come on.
- Let's go. - You, too.
Batgirl she's gone again!
Like spring. Like a cloud.
Like lightning.
We should try to find her and thank her.
Your "thanks" are empty words, Robin.
Whoever she is
wherever she goes, whatever she's after.
I think we'll be seeing more of her.
- Little dusty, Barbara? - Oh, hi, daddy.
I was just trying to spruce up the Egyptology section
of the library but..
sands of time seem to have pretty well buried it.
I was gonna call you at your office. I just haven't had time.
I haven't been at the office. I had been to the races.
Races? The police commissioner?
All in the line of duty, Barbara, and it paid off.
The Penguin and the female cohort tried to fix
the Bruce Wayne handicap but we fixed them.
So, to celebrate, I thought, I would take me favorite librarian
out on the town tonight.
Hmm, your favorite librarian would love it.
Just let me freshen up a little bit. Huh!
What's the matter? King Tut?
[instrumental music]
I didn't expect to turn up a pharaoh in here.
Where did he go?
Well, you can never tell about King Tut, my dear
but I better alert Batman.
You mean, a real arch criminal has turned up here?
Well, part of him, anyway. He's a split personality.
A modern day Yale professor, some of the time.
And the rest of the time?
A reincarnated Egyptian despot.
Old as the pyramids, wise as the Sphinx.
Oh, he sounds fascinating.
Mm-mm, no darling, not fascinating.
He is fiendishly evil.
The most dangerous kind of fraud.
I better get word to the Dynamic Duo.
So, King Tut has returned.
But for what evil purpose?
With what nefarious scheme?
And what is he doing in this library?
Watch the next episode for the awesome answer.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
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¶ Batman