¶ Batman
(male narrator) Gotham Park Race Track
the day before the Bruce Wayne Foundation Memorial Handicap
where two fancy fillies are meeting the press.
A high-spirited horse
and her proud spirited mistress.
Can you say cheese, baby?
It's not baby? It's Lola Lasagne.
Senora Lola Lasagne.
Can you get that nag to smile?
If you're referring to my prize-winning filly
with that wonderful wide stripe on her forehead
she'd much rather be called Parasol.
A most appropriate name I believe.
Say, haven't you got the corner
on the world's supply of shower sticks?
Shower sticks? You must mean my collection of parasols.
Hold this.
Priceless you know.
Shape up, Parasol.
Looks and your legs are all we've got left.
But what's this strange bird doing in the royal surroundings
of a queen of the turf and the sport of kings?
[laughing]
You waddling bird!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[screeching]
[music continues]
[glass shattering]
[laughing]
[Penguin laughing]
What is this?
You can't just barge in here, cut open a locked case
and walk off with a priceless folio of famous parasols.
- Why not? - It's a felony.
I'm a tax-paying citizen and this is a public library.
Beside the case shouldn't have been locked in the first place.
I'm gonna call the police.
Your beloved father I presume.
- Exactly. - Alright.
Stay right where you are.
I'm putting you under citizen's arrest.
A tax-paying citizen's arrest, I hope.
Dad, Barbara.
'Listen, The Penguin just waddled in here'
'and cut open a locked case and tried to waddle off with..'
[ticking]
Just a minute.
[ticking continues]
He's gone.
But he left an umbrella in the umbrella stand and it's..
Ticking?
The umbrella handle is ticking.
Holy time bomb! Lucky we happened to be here.
Boy Wonder, you took the words right out of me mouth.
Tell her not to remove the umbrella.
Penguin will wanna escape from the library alive
which should give us time to get there. Come, Robin.
Batman and Robin are on their way now, Barbara.
You better leave there quickly.
Leave the library?
Dad, I'm not going to let a ticking umbrella handle
frighten me off my job.
If-if you say so.
But don't touch that umbrella.
That brazen bird.
I'll wager there's a connection between this and that parasol
he stole from Lola Lasagne today at the race track.
You'll wager, Chief O'Hara?
A public servant, an upstanding
chief of police betting?
Uh, can I call it a hunch, commissioner?
Well, with the Dynamic Duo on our side
I think hunch is most appropriate.
[chuckles]
[dramatic music]
Haven't you some anti-percussion asbestos Bat-flax
in your utility belt?
No time for that, Robin.
Let's get this offending article out into the corridor
and under the Bat-bombshield.
[music continues]
[explosion]
No need for concern, Ms. Gordon, just a practical joke.
Well, some practical joke.
The umbrella handle was loaded with explosives.
And you say Penguin left it in the umbrella stand
because you prevented his stealing
'a priceless folio from a locked case.'
Yes of famous parasols.
Hardly a reason for an attempt on your life, Ms. Gordon.
You may remember he once tried to force me to marry him.
Gosh, yes, but thanks to Batgirl that wedding never took place.
Yes, thanks to Batgirl.
And I can understand a man like Penguin harboring
jealousy and revenge, but...murder.
And locked cases.
Priceless parasols. Famous folios.
Wanna give the Bat-computer a crack at it?
(Batman) 'Good idea, Robin.'
While in Penguin's Bookshop..
...or to be more accurate
Penguin's book making shop.
[phone ringing]
Penguin's Bookshop.
Near Apricot's Soup in the sixth at Pimlico.
Ten grand on a nose.
You got it, Frankie.
[laughing]
- Ten grand for Frankie. - Right, Penguin.
I received a note.
I might find my priceless stolen parasol here.
It's not as priceless as all that.
A little research has proved to me that it is a fake.
Just as you are a fake Lulu Shultz
and I didn't need any research to prove that.
Lulu Shultz!
I am Senora Lola Lasagne.
Horse feathers, Lulu.
I knew you back when..
I knew you when you'd steal the braces from other kids teeth.
While you stole their teeth.
But you're still very clever, Pengy.
I thought I had the whole world fooled.
Now, what about the other parasol?
The four-legged one.
Is that also a fake?
You mean, my prize-winning filly
with the white stripe in the middle of her forehead?
That's the only thing I got
for my three weeks of marriage to Luigi Lasagne.
What? The billionaire South American playboy?
Not exactly a playboy, Pengy, Luigi is almost 80.
Instead of dying as any adoring young wife
might reasonably expect, he divorced me.
Can you imagine, he thought I was after his money?
What slander. F-ah!
And that stingy old judge, all he gave me was one horse.
Yes, why, I even had to sell
my real priceless collections of parasols..
...for eating money.
But if my horse Parasol should win
the Bruce Wayne Handicap tomorrow, think of the purse.
What purse? It's an empty purse.
All the proceeds in that race
go to the Bruce Wayne Memorial Foundation.
I think, we've give the Bat-computer sufficient time
and thorough enough dusting, Alfred.
[dings]
It must've heard you.
Umbrella, parasol.
A sunshade coming under the general category of covering.
Such as veiling, curtaining, blanketing--
Blanketing.
Blanketing, that maybe the clue we've been looking for.
Wet blanket? Blanket of snow?
'Or perhaps something in the bedding department, sir.'
Uh, eiderdown or counterpane.
No. I doubt it very much, Alfred.
Blanket. Blanket.
Wet blanket.
Blanket of snow.
Plaid blanket. Horse..
[whispering] Horse blanket.
Of course, Parasol is the name a horse
entered in the Bruce Wayne Handicap
by Senora Lola Lasagne.
[Bat-computer whirring]
[dings]
Look, the Bat-correction signal.
Lulu Shultz.
Lola Lasagne must be a pseudonym.
Uh, that's a sticky one.
Sticky.
Paste, mucilage, glue.
Gluten.
[Bat-computer whirring]
[dings] Another card.
Glu Gluten's Glue Factor.
We start out with a question about parasols
and come up with a glue factory. Holy non-sequiturs!
I don't think so, Robin.
We all know that we're dealing
with the devious bird of prey, The Penguin.
And we certainly know, sir, that the Bat-computer
is above any practical joke.
So?
So, now that night has fallen
I propose that we pay an unexpected visit
to Glu Gluten's Glue Factory.
Remain, alert, Alfred.
Who knows what trouble we may run in to. Robin.
You can depend on me, sir.
[theme music]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
(Alfred on phone) 'Ms. Gordon?'
Oh, hello.
I've just heard that Batman and Robin have taken off
for Glu Gluten's Glue Factory
on an errand of deep mystery.
'Thought you might be interested.'
Oh, yes I am.
But how did you hear of it?
Um, actually, I overheard it.
The Dynamic Duo, were to be dinner guests
at stately Wayne Manor tonight.
Now, their tricky mission could concern you, Ms. Gordon.
Me?
Yes, it seems that, uh, Penguin, his exploding umbrella
and a rare book on parasols are involved.
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate the tip, Alfred, and as always your secrecy.
Well, Charlie, I thought I was gonna spend
a quiet evening with you, instead I'm off to
Glu Gluten's Glue Factory.
[Charlie squawks]
Once more, from Barbara Gordon, librarian
and police commissioner's daughter
to that Domino Daredoll, Batgirlin a matter of seconds.
Well, so I'll give up the purse.
I can still keep the cash
Parasol would win as the favorite.
Yes, but favorites pay peanuts you know how that, Lulu.
Oh, wait a minute!
What if Parasol wasn't the favorite?
Wasn't?
Yeah, but suppose we had another horse
that looked like Parasol and we put him in the same race.
And then took my horse and a dab of paint and a new name.
We're workin' on the same wicked wavelength, huh, Lulu?
Here, hold on a minute.
What's that?
It's a radio.
I did a little research at the library
and left a souvenir, I wanna see if it's exploded yet.
Exploded?
Pengy, you're still up to your
naughty little tricks, aren't you?
That's right.
(man on radio) 'The Dynamic Duo really burned their name'
'this afternoon when they successfully detonated a bomb'
'ingeniously planted in an umbrella handle'
'at the Gotham Library, and a--'
That Dynamic Dunderheads!
Fah! Double fah! Triple fah!
Why are you so anxious to bomb the library?
No, not the library, somebody in the library.
Somebody who had the miserable taste
to turned down an offer of marriage from me.
You, Pengy?
Scorned by a woman?
- It's incredible, isn't it? - Yes.
Let's get back to the horse-switching
before those Caped Crumb Bums get on my tailpiece again.
Hail feathered finks! Let's go.
[dramatic music]
But even as the Dynamic Duo
head for their dubious destination
and Batgirl zooms through the night
for her own surprise appearance
in Glu Gluten's Glue Factory
Penguin and Lola are completing a deal.
Or tying to.
Dead out of print, buddy. Dead is a dodo.
- The parade has passed you by. - Fah!
Glue isn't made outta horse's hooves anymore, you know?
Then, what's that horse doin' here?
Horse?
Yes, this four-legged thing with a long nose.
Oh, this horse?
I always keep a spare one just in case of an emergency.
We'd like to buy it, if you're not using it.
- How about making a deal? - What's the deal?
The usual, nothing down and a little a week.
Nothing down? What kind of a deal is that?
Why, you're out of print, buddy.
'You're dead as a dodo, the parade has passed you by.'
Don't you know anything about the economic structure?
'It's always nothing down and a little a week.'
That is the cornerstone of our financial security.
- How little a week? - Which week?
Making a deal in a glue factory for a horse.
What can we do?
What's illegal about buyin' a horse in a glue factory?
Something alright, or Penguin wouldn't be in on it.
But planting a time-bomb in a public library is a felony.
Come on, let's nail him.
Drat! Double drat! Triple drat!
Expletives will get you nowhere, Penguin.
Except back in the cooler!
The cooler?
Because I was conducting a private business?
No, because you've been misconducting
some public business.
Like bombing libraries.
Fah, that was a whimsical prank.
What other whimsical pranks
are you and your charming conspirators up to?
You do have a way with words, Batman.
They want to buy a horse.
Senora Lola Lasagne, the owner of that fine filly Parasol?
- Well, you see, I-- - Cool it, Lulu.
Grab that nag and paint a stripe in it's forehead
and make the switch at the track.
I'll meet you back at the book shop.
- Hey, I ain't got a deal! - A deal.
You got a full house.
Armband! Visor! You other finks, attack!
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
Batman!
(Robin) 'Batman!'
Batman!
Come along, little Pengy.
Fah! Struck out by Batgirl.
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
- Good show. - They sure hit the tape.
They certainly did, old chum.
We usually don't need help with our fights, Batgirl
but this time your presence is certainly appreciated.
Thank you. I couldn't ask for a greater compliment.
Oh, but the Penguin got away.
(Batgirl) 'I'm sorry.'
We'll get him back.
I certainly hope so.
I pray for the day when Gotham City's
safe from such mocking mountebanks.
[intense music]
Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl.
But one thought intrigues me.
How did you know that Robin and I might be in trouble
with Penguin in this glue factory?
Through the one thing you couldn't possibly have
in your utility belt, Batman.
A woman's intuition.
What're we gonna do about these goons?
I'd say their fate is sealed, Robin.
At least for the present.
Perhaps we should offer Batgirl a ride back to the city..
She's gone!
Like a shadow.
Like smoke.
Like a shooting star.
Who knows where she goes, who knows where she comes from.
Who knows who she is.
- Let's try to catch her. - No, Robin.
We must allow her, her anonymity
and freedom of action as we demand ours.
Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting.
And there's something sinister, something very sinister
about Penguin and Lulu Schultz
trying to find another horse, the same color as Parasol.
To the bat cave!
[intense music]
Nothin' down, nothin' a week.
A nothin' factory, what a deal.
Courage, Robin, we'll get that slippery bird.
Holy mucilage!
Yes, Robin, things are getting even...stickier.
You pulled it off, Lulu.
You switched bangtails at the track
and this hayburner is the real palooka.
The real Parasol, Pengy.
And I wish you wouldn't call her a bangtail
a hayburner or a palooka.
And the refugee from the glue factory is in Parasol stall?
With a beautiful white stripe
right down the middle of her forehead.
I combined my pancake make-up
my eye-shadow, my eye-brow pencil
my lipstick, my nail-polish and some elbow grease.
Let's hope the elbow grease is the right color?
- Nobody got wise? - Of course not.
After all, I am Senora Lola Lasagne.
Besides, nobody saw me.
That's right, yes, yes.
He's a great horse, we're gonna give you nice new paint job
and give you a nice name, what about Bumbershoot, huh?
You'll be the most famous and richest long shot in history.
'There's just one thing that worries me, Pengy.'
How's our long shot gonna pay a big price
if everybody bets on the other horse, they think is Parasol?
Because all our money will be on Bumbershoot.
What money?
Well, let's say Bumbershoot pays a 100 to 1
that means we'll make $200 for $2 ticket.
- But that takes two dollars. - Yes, Lulu.
And when we should have $10,000 down on Bumbershoot.
That's a nice round figure.
But where's it all coming from?
Don't you have any old family heirlooms you can pawn?
I told you, Pengy, my old family heirloom, divorced me.
That's right and you've sold all your priceless parasols?
They weren't as priceless as I thought.
Priceless parasols.
What about a priceless folio of famous parasol?
Yeah, what about it?
There's one at the library.
If it's that priceless
I can get a good price for it in the black market.
And after all you are in the book business.
Well, sort of.
Pengy.
- You're a genius. - Yes.
- Go get it, right now. - The library isn't open yet.
Since when has that ever stopped you?
That's right! It never has and never will.
I'll go there right now.
You go and paint up Bumbershoot
and I'll go and try to snatch a folio
of famous, priceless parasol.
Is Lola right?
Can't Penguin be stopped?
Is he really stealing a priceless folio
to finance his crooked coup
with the Dynamic Duo pasted to the Batmobile
outsidethe glue factory?
And Barbara Gordon minus Batgirls trappings
asleep in her apartment?
Or is she?
[alarm chiming]
Dad? Barbara.
I'm sorry to call you early in the morning but
the emergency library prowler signal just rang.
I'm sorry we worried you, Alfred.
But even the Batmobile's library paste
Bat-dissolvent switch got stuck.
[beeping] Look, Batman, the red phone.
But are they all too late?
Will Penguin and Lola succeed in pulling off
the foulest, race-fixing scheme of all time?
For more, tune in the next episode.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman