¶ Batman
(male narrator) A glorious morning in Gotham City
when in Commissioner Gordon's office
The Siren readies a nasty scheme.
[shrieking]
Now, commissioner, you are ready to do my bidding.
Your merest wish is my ultimate command.
Just say, "Yes" that will be sufficient although superfluous.
No man can resist the stunning note of my voice.
Two octaves above High C.
- I want you to call Batman. - 'Batman?'
(Siren) 'Call him..'
...and have him meet you in some neutral place.
If you desire.
How about, uh, how about my daughter's apartment?
- Splendid. - What do I tell him then?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
You will not show up for the meeting.
Just be sure you know where he parks the Batmobile.
In the underground garage of her apartment building, where else.
How superbly suitable.
[theme music]
Barbara Gordon's apartment? Why there?
Ours is not to reason why, Dick.
We're duly deputized minions of the law
Commissioner Gordon is our immediate superior
and good crime-fighters always obey orders.
- To the Bat-poles. - Roger.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[tires screeching]
And now in Barbara Gordon's apartment the mystery deepens.
I can't fathom it.
This is the first time Commissioner Gordon's
failed to keep an appointment with us.
It's not like him. Not like him at all.
I was looking for him meself.
And his secretary Bonnie thought he might be coming here.
I certainly hope nothing's happened to him.
Yes, but why would he wanna meet us here and not in his office?
He must have had a very good reason, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon doesn't take his responsibilities lightly.
I don't know how long they'll be, we gotta work fast.
Now, remember, your primary mission
is to discover the location of the Bat-cave
and the true identities of Robin and Batman.
With that knowledge as a weapon
plus the fortune that I plan to get from millionaire Bruce Wayne
my plan will be complete.
It's a beautiful plan. Beautiful.
Would any of you care for a soft drink?
No thank you, Ms. Gordon. We might find it too relaxing.
The first order of business is to locate your father.
Sure'n that's the truth.
Perhaps the Bat-computer could be of some help, Robin.
Roger.
Goodbye, Ms. Gordon.
And don't worry about your father.
And shortly in The Siren's hideout
in a subterranean grotto..
[harp music]
Batman and Robin you're finished I say
for hidden inside of your car..
...Commissioner Gordon is lurking and soon..
...he'll tell me whoever you are.
[chuckles]
[shrieking]
Nothing quite so pleasant as a musical interlude, eh, boys?
You hired us to be criminals, Siren, not critics.
All we've been doing is losing a week of time
while you sit around and strum the strings.
Patience I can see is not one of your virtues
if indeed you have any.
But you needn't wait much longer, my dear Allegro.
The first step in my fantastic plan has already been completed.
Even as we converse my operation is rapidly coming to fruition.
And like most women you keep talking about your operation
but you still haven't really told us what it is.
For openers, boys, who remembers the good women of history.
Florence Nightingale and Molly Pitcher..
...be pale in comparison to Mata Hari
Lucrezia Borgia and Lady Macbeth.
Evil is what makes the world go round
and I want to be evil.
'I'm not knocking evil, Siren,
'but don't forget Catwoman and Black Widow.'
'They all went up the river because of Batman.'
Hmm. Right you are, my musical mobster.
But those amateurs neglected one thing.
They neglected to expose Batman's identity.
Once that's done, the cowled crime-fighters
efficiency will be dissipated
leaving me a clear path to ravage and pillage Gotham City
as it's never been ravaged and pillaged before.
'I want to become the wickedest woman..'
[shrieking]
...in Gotham City and thus in the world.
[shrieking]
With the help of Bruce Wayne's fortune..
[shrieking]
...which I shall shortly control!
[shrieking]
[laughing]
It doesn't look as though your father's going to show up.
I'm afraid you're right, Chief O'Hara.
I'll get back to the office. If I hear from him, I'll call you.
Do that, even if I'm out I'll get the message.
Even if you're out you'll answer?
Well, not exactly that, my phone answers for me.
Oh, sure'n it's one of those tricky little gizmos
that answers in your own voice
and then replays the messages.
Sure'n it is, Chief O'Hara.
At least it won't be answering in Lorelei Circe's voice
or the windows in this building would be broken.
- Whose voice? - Lorelei Circe.
She's the world famous chanteuse who's appearing in Gotham City.
She has a range of seven octaves
when she sings her highest note
I'm told only hunting dogs can hear it
and are completely stunned.
Well, let's hope your father doesn't run into her.
Oh, I'm just spoofing you, Barbara.
I'm sure he'll show up safe and sound.
Goodbye.
[instrumental music]
Charlie, am I jumping to the world's biggest conclusion?
Could my father have run into Lorelei Circe?
Lorelei Circe.
Lorelei a temptress.
A siren who lives in a..
...grotto.
The Grotto Arms. I read that's where she's been staying.
[squawks]
What's onBarbara's mind, Charlie?
Is she about to go into action
as that Dominoe Daredoll, Batgirl?
¶ Batgirl
¶ Where do you come from? Where do you go? ¶
¶ What is your scene? Baby we just gotta know ¶
¶ Batgirl
¶ Are you a chick who fell in from outer space? ¶
¶ Or are you real with a tender warm embrace? ¶
¶ Yeah whose baby are you? ¶
¶ Batgirl
¶ Yeah whose baby are you? ¶
¶ Batgirl
What do you suppose is the matter?
Maybe it doesn't understand our question about the commissioner.
I've never seen that light flash before.
Oh, that's the Batcomputer Bat-resistance signal.
Of course it doesn't understand our question
It can't answer it.
Commissioner Gordon represents law and order.
The Batcomputer is programmed to deal only with criminals.
Holy one track Batcomputer mind!
We'll have to figure this one out ourselves.
Not without some nourishment, old chum.
The body and mind need food.
Good evening, sir. Through for the day?
We're gonna grab a bite and get back to the business.
- Which is, if I may ask? - Locating Commissioner Gordon.
Very good, sir. If you'll excuse me I have dusting to do.
You'll find your milk and sandwiches in the study.
Thank you, Alfred.
[intense music]
Commissioner Gordon, what are you doing here?
You?
You're Alfred, millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler.
And that voice
'the same nameless voice that often answers the Bat-phone.'
I'm afraid you're making a mistake.
Mistake, nonsense.
Obviously, this is the Bat-cave.
Ergo, Batman is Bruce Wayne
and Dick Grayson is Robin the Boy Wonder.
Hmm. Hmm.
'Batman and Bruce Wayne one and the same.'
I-I must convey this information at once to The Siren.
The Siren?
I think you're making a grave error of judgment, sir.
You're being very civilized about this, Alfred.
Most butlers would do anything at this moment to stop me.
Quite right, commissioner.
Oh..
Yes, indeed.
Nothing.
We should get into town and survey the area
where Commissioner Gordon was last seen.
Perhaps we can find a clue there.
(Alfred) 'You need look no further, sir.'
Commissioner Gordon?
Sound asleep, sir.
I found him in the Bat-cave.
Sound asleep in the Bat-cave.
'But he was awake when he stepped out of the Batmobile.'
Thanks to a sizeable dose of Bat-sleep
he is now languishing in the arms of Morpheus.
- Great Scott! - Yes.
And I'm afraid he knows the true identities of each of you.
[intense music]
In the absence of any word from Commissioner Gordon
I shall make a call.
Like me to do it, Siren?
Oh, no, Andante.
I'm the only person in the world that
can deliver my message to Mr. Bruce Wayne.
The millionaire playboy?
The soon to be ex-millionaire playboy.
(Siren) 'My next move is to relieve'
'Mr. Wayne of his fabulous fortune.'
With Batman revealed by Commissioner Gordon
and thus permanently impaired
and with Bruce Wayne's millions in my possession
I'll be unstoppable!
Information, I'd like the number of stately Wayne Manor, please.
Meanwhile, at their handsome residence
our heroes remain puzzled.
How much Bat-sleep did you give him?
I should say approximately 12 hours worth, sir.
What could've caused him to do such a thing?
Hide in the Batmobile.
Our main concern now is what to do with him.
He can't sleep forever, and he intends to tell who was it?
Someone called The Siren, sir.
Obviously the perpetrator of this sinister plot.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Yes, this is millionaire Bruce Wayne.
[shrieking]
[intense music]
Meet me in my private office
at the Wayne Foundation Building in a half hour.
I'll be there.
Is everything alright, sir?
Everything is fine, Alfred.
- Where are you going, Bruce? - That's not your concern, Dick.
I have a personal matter to attend to.
But you can't leave now.
Something's very wrong, Alfred.
Bruce's never acted that way before.
And right after that telephone call, sir.
I'm gonna see what it's about.
[beeping]
You'll never know, unless you answer it, Master Dick.
Hello?
Robin, this is Batgirl.
Batgirl? On the Bat-phone?
I'm in Commissioner Gordon's office. No one else is here.
I must speak to Batman at once.
I'm afraid he's unavailable right now, can I help you?
Well, perhaps you can.
A frightful thing is happening
I can't go into detail over the phone
but by some sort of sonic spell
'The Siren intends forcing Bruce Wayne'
'to give up his fortune to her.'
So, that's it.
And it seems she can project this sound over the phone.
I think that's what might've happened to my..
...Commissioner Gordon.
I'll meet you at the Wayne Foundation Building soon.
And Batman?
He, uh, may be there too.
Later in Bruce Wayne's private office
in the Wayne Foundation Building..
[instrumental music]
You now have the Wayne family jewels.
You have everything including all my ready cash.
There's still the little matter of your signing over
the properties, stocks and bonds of the Wayne fortune to me.
Oh, yes. Do you have the necessary legal forms?
Andante.
While in the lobby of the Wayne Foundation Building..
He must still be under her influence
so we'll have to deal gingerly with Mr. Wayne.
You bet. Wouldn't want an innocent man to get hurt.
I only wish Batman were here to help us.
He may be here sooner than you think.
Holy standstills!
I wish this elevator would get here.
No telling what they're up to.
There. That should do it.
I now have everything I want.
Everything.
- Except the identity of Batman. - Batman?
No doubt Commissioner Gordon is back in his office by now
and has probably been trying to call me.
[phone ringing]
Commissioner Gordon's office. No the commissioner's not here.
This is chief of police O'Hara speaking.
May I do something for you?
Yes.
[shrieking]
Go jump in Gotham Park lake.
[chuckling]
We heard that, Siren
and you're sending an innocent man to drown himself.
Well, look who's here, Batgirl and Batboy.
There's no escape, Siren, you'd better give yourself up.
We'll soon see about that.
(Batgirl) 'That won't help you.'
Girls are impervious to your entrancing voice.
And I'm wearing Bat-earplugs that successfully screen out
any sound above 14,000 decibels.
Your goose so to speak is cooked.
Not by a long shot, short stuff.
I now own this building.
Is that true, Mr. Wayne?
She now owns this building.
And I hereby order you off the premises
this is private property and you cannot come in here
without a warrant.
She has us there, Robin.
Holy Fourth Amendment!
So if you'll just make yourself scarce
I won't have to report you to the police.
This way out.
- Come on, Batgirl. - But there must be--
We're licked!
You'll pay a pretty price for this, Siren.
Let's get this thing over with.
- What're you gonna do with him? - Bruce Wayne?
That penniless fop.
(Siren) 'Now, that he has no fortune'
he's gonna do what other bankers in his position have done.
He's going to leap off the roof.
I'm going to leap off the roof.
Yes.
Good boy.
Dropping that bugging device was a smart move, Robin.
Maybe not smart enough.
They've taken the elevator to the roof.
She's going to make Bruce Wayne jump.
[dramatic music]
- The stairway? - Yes, you're in good shape.
Come on, now. Just one more step.
Don't do it, Mr. Wayne!
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
Get in there and help my men.
Sorry about this, Mr. Wayne.
Help me! Help!
Why should I? You were willing to let Bruce Wayne leap.
Oh, c-can we talk about it after you pull me up?
(Robin) 'Can you get Mr. Wayne out of that spell?'
Can you?
Oh, I might try singing an antidote note.
Then, do it.
Oh, but that's three octaves above High C.
Nobody's ever done it before.
My voice would be gone.
I'd rather die.
I'd rather live.
Alright. I'll try it.
Oh, Bruce, if only you were more like Batman.
Batman..
Perhaps then you would've had the strength
to resist The Siren's stunning spell.
Alright, Siren, do your stuff.
[shrieking]
Robin, Batgirl, what's going on here?
Don't worry about a thing. You're alright now.
What about the others?
[gasps] Chief O'Hara.
Here we go.
Batman.
Barbara.
What's going on?
You were under the spell of The Siren, daddy.
The Siren, eh?
The last thing I remember is, uh..
That's funny I can't remember the last thing I remember.
Permanent amnesia apparently last
as long as the person is under Siren's spell.
I feel like Rip Van Winkle.
You only slept like him.
Batman and Robin took care of things perfectly.
Don't forget Batgirl and speaking of Batgirl
she was on her way to fish Chief O'Hara outta--
Gotham Park lake, and begorrah she did
but after she rescued me she just, uh, vanished.
I walked over to the office to dry off but..
...I didn't do much drying.
All's well that ends well.
Particularly now that millionaire Bruce Wayne's
millions have been returned to him.
And Siren will be singing her stunning notes
from a cage with iron bars.
Right you are, Robin.
Shall we go?
Warden Crichton should find The Siren
a model prisoner, commissioner.
If she doesn't open her mouth.
[laughing]
What in the world was that?
It's our newly developed
criminal sensor Bat-indicator, commissioner.
Which apparently suggests that..
...Penguin has returned to the environs of Gotham City.
Lulu! Speak to me, Lulu.
Don't call me Lulu, Pengy. It's Senora Lola Lasagna now.
And I'm not here in Gotham City to be bothered by you.
I'm here to enter my prizewinning horse
in the Wayne Foundation Handicap.
[laughing]
We're gonna make a tidy bundle on that race, Lulu.
Not only Penguin, commissioner,
but some new female accomplice named Lola Lasagna.
Will Batman need more than luck withPenguin and Lola?
Watch the next episode to find out.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman