¶ Batman
Night, the cloak for sinners
draws its dark folds over Gotham City.
Where The Riddler hides out in a Little Used Gymnasium.
[laughing]
Throw the biggest fight of my career tonight?
In Gotham Square Garden? I won't do it.
Oh, yeah.
I won't go if the fight's fixed.
Oh, yes, you will, Kid Gulliver. Yes, you will.
[laughs]
I have a riddle for you.
What do many boats, shovels, laundries, whistles
and hot showers have in common?
Steam. Put him in the steam room.
Shrink him down to size.
After Kid Gulliver, what?
Get rid of every other top prizefighter in the town, Betsy.
That's what.
Plus that contemptible crime fighter Batman.
Then control all the prize fighting in Gotham City
once and for all, and everywhere else.
Well, that's a big order. How're you gonna do it?
With an ace I have up my sleeve. And what an ace!
But for starters, when is the top of a mountain..
...like a savings account?
Now, go on, Riddler.
When it peaksone's interest.
Kid Gulliver, down to the count in the third?
It's hard to believe, Bruce.
As chairman of the Gotham City boxing commission
I'm gonna call an emergency meeting.
It looks like undesirable elements have once again
infiltrated the manly art of self defense.
And making off with the box office receipts.
Riddle me this.
When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush?
When he's a stick-up artist. Ha ha ha!
I'd like two seats for--
That box is blinking!
Help! Please help!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
And you caught no glimpse of the robbers, Batgirl?
No, I heard the cashier scream
'called Commissioner Gordon's office'
and brought this box directly here.
It's lucky you were in the vicinity
of Gotham Square Garden.
Yes, luck is an important weapon
to a woman crime fighter, Batman.
Ah!
As I suspected.
This little blinking device..
...is merely an added touch to peak our curiosity.
Sounds like a trick of Riddler's.
(Batman) 'Indeed. He's back.'
What's in the box?
Apparently, just some...metal filings.
And this note.
"Who rules the ring, no prince, king or raja
look for a clue on the walls of Kafaja."
Ah , Riddler indeed.
Returned to tease, taunt, and torment us again.
Look for a clue in the walls of Kafaja.
What could he mean this time, Batman?
Kafaja was a famous temple
in what was the land of Mesopotamia.
My daughter Barbara, studied the history
of South Western Asia in college, Batman.
Perhaps if I call her she could be of some..
What, uh..
What happened to Batgirl?
Begorrah, she's gone.
(Robin) 'Into thin air.'
Her particular brand of vanishing cream.
Another weapon in her arsenal.
[phone ringing]
Commissioner Gordon. Yes.
He what?
Well, Batman's right here. I'll tell him at once.
That was the boxing commissioner.
He was calling about Kid Gulliver.
Who's vanished. Disappeared completely
while his seconds were carrying him from the ring
down to his dressing room.
That shot I gave him won't wear off for a week.
- What was in that shot? - A little riddle juice, Kayo.
Gentlemen, if we had our choice of laps to sit on right now.
which would we choose?
Laps? To sit on?
Kid Gulliver's temporary lapse of memory. Take him away.
Here are the burnooses, Riddler.
And my latest news break.
"Mushy Nebuchadnezzar, unchallenged champion
"of South-Western Asia's boxing world
"arrived in Gotham City tonight..
...ready and willing to take on any and all comers."
Mushy Nebuchadnezzar.
Stroke of your usual feminine genius, Betsy.
Well, then...slip into your burnoose, Riddler.
Because Mushy Nebuchadnezzar..
...is going to appear on my "Midnight Sports" telecast.
[instrumental music]
[knocking]
Sorry to bother you at this time of the night, Miss Gordon.
We would have entered the building
by more conventional means
but we didn't want to startle the tenants.
Oh, I understand. I was expecting you.
- Oh.. - My father called.
- Won't you come in? - Thank you.
You want to know about the famous temple of Kafaja?
Yes.
Well, as I recall
strange scrollwork was found
on the walls of that temple indicating
men used their fists to fight long before
the supposed beginnings of boxing in ancient Roman Greece.
Holy hieroglyphics! How would Riddler know that, Batman?
The mind of a criminal like Riddler's is a sponge
where he soaks up many strange facts, Robin.
Riddler is an old archenemy of ours, Miss Gordon
returned to try to outwit us
and bilk the good citizens of Gotham City.
That riddle he sent us. Perhaps we should examine it again.
"Who rules the ring? No prince, king or raja.
Could he mean the prize fighting ring?
We should have thought of that ourselves, Batman.
Up until tonight, Kid Gulliver was a local champ.
Perhaps Riddler himself is trying to take over.
That punctuated pipsqueak?
[knocking on door]
(Gordon) 'Barbara, Barbara. It's I.'
It's my father.
[laughing]
Well, tonight seems to be my night for gentlemen callers.
I was walking home and took a chance
that Caped Crusader would still be here.
Kid Gulliver's been found, Batman.
'Outside Gotham Square Garden'
'but he remembers nothing.'
Uh, an injection of some drug
seems to have affected his memory.
It'll do us no good to talk to Kid Gulliver.
We might take a look at Gotham Square Garden.
'Maybe we'll find something there.'
Thank you, Ms. Gordon.
You've been great help.
Batman.
It's a little enough to do for so courageous a crime fighter.
I thought I'd catch the last of Betsy Boldface's
"Midnight Sports" telecast.
Betsy Boldface seems to have quite a hold over you.
Ho ho ho! She's as good as any man would be on that job.
- Mushy Nebuchadnezzar. - Yes.
South-Western Asia's unchallenged champion
'and also one of the most colorful'
'prizefighters in the world.'
For instance, Mushy, tell us just, uh, what do you eat?
Tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs, and licorice.
'But only licorice native to my country.'
(Betsy) 'Well, what liquids do you drink?'
Just uh, camel grass juice. What else?
Enough of that, he sounds like
South-Western Asia's unchallenged nut.
While in the box office of Gotham Square Garden..
[intense music]
We saw your car parked outside.
Commissioner Gordon said that you might be here..
...looking around.
Are you alright, chief?
What car? Who's Commissioner Gordon?
(Riddler) 'Riddle me this, Dynamic Dull-heads.'
What have the following in common
hemming, basting, pearling and tagging?
[Riddler laughing]
Holy blackout!
Unique trick of The Riddler's, now you see him, now you don't.
He's gotta be someplace in this building.
Unfortunately, we don't have time to go after him.
Our Chief O'Hara needs help and quickly.
Hemming, pearling, basting and tagging
are all words related to needlework.
You think they gave Chief O'Hara
the same injection that they gave Kid Gulliver?
Uh-huh, I'll take Chief O'Hara down to headquarters in his car.
You follow in the Batmobile.
Come, come, chief.
You know something, Charlie, all I could see under that burnoose
was Mushy Nebuchadnezzar's chin and didn't look much
like a South-Western Asiatic chin to this student of history.
And there's something about that Betsy Boldface.
I'm afraid, Batman and Robin are headed
for more than just Gotham Square Garden.
Maybe Batgirl should investigate the local source
of tamarisk berries, bulbul bird eggs,
liquorice and camel grass juice.
[Charlie squeaking]
So it's across her bedroom in a flash
to the secret Batgirl nook where Barbara Gordon makes
her dazzling change to Batgirl.
And into action on her Batgirl-cycle.
And shortly, back in Riddler's Little Used Gymnasium..
I picked up more than Mushy Nebuchadnezzar's
tamarisk berries.
Tamarisk?
Bulbul bird eggs and liquorice and camel grass juice.
- Ah! - Asiatic dove pheasant.
Riddler, Batgirl's on my trail.
- Batgirl? - Yes, Batgirl.
I saw your phony broadcast tonight, Riddler
'masquerading as Mushy Nebuchadnezzar.'
What's your scheme? What do you have up your sleeve?
Up my sleeve, Batgirl? Riddle me once.
What's most alluring when it's lowest or highest
when it's in the air or in a hole
when it's served you, yet you can't touch it?
An enchanting ace.
Put these earmuffs on.
Siren, let her have one of your most stunning notes.
[siren wailing]
[siren wailing continues]
What happened? It didn't work, it didn't work.
Well. I've never tried my note two octaves above high C
on a woman before.
And she won't try it again.
Get her.
Good, now pass her into the steam room
as you did Kid Gulliver.
Batgirls wilt just as quickly as other women.
[giggling]
Like a dream, it worked just like a dream, Betsy.
I thought my broadcast would put the Dynamic Decimal Points
in your track, but Batgirl will work just as well.
Even though Siren's stunning note didn't work on her.
It didn't work on me either, I didn't have the earmuffs on.
Well, it's never failed to put men under my spell, Riddler
and at my command.
Well, then men you shall have.
Three..
...top prize fighters in the country waiting outside
right now, they'd be dazed by your dazzling decibel.
And with them in my power and Batman kayoed once and for all
I shall rule the ring.
This is Jerry Quarry, Mushy.
A contender for the heavy-weight title.
Oh, yes, Jerry, uh, contend with this.
[siren wailing]
Alright, Riddler, they're under my spell.
- They'll obey any order now. - Good.
Take them into the steam room.
[Riddler laughing]
And turn the heat up and find out how Batgirl is doing.
Now, now to put Batman under my spell.
I too have plans for Batman..
...and Commissioner Gordon too.
Ah, good party, good party, thank you, Siren
from the bottom of my...burnoose.
- Batgirl's gone, boss. - Gone? Gone!
- Gone. - No! No!
- She must have went up a vent.. - No!
Would you like a quick shot of camel--
No! No, no! Oh.
Ah! Aah!
Oh, what's looser than a thread
a fish, flying ribbons or woman's tongue?
Possibly Batgirl.
I've got to get on some provocative riddles quick
if I'm going to...coax Batman into the ring
with Mushy Nebuchadnezzar.
The next morning, Batman and Robin reply
to a summons on the red phone.
I have called Batman, Barbara.
But I called you too because I needed someone
to talk to until he arrived.
Oh, I know you'll be late at the library but, but Chief O'Hara
is still under state of amnesia, and lost, that's all, just lost.
Whole city's aroused over Kid Gulliver's condition
plus the strange disappearances of three
of the other top contenders and I'm snowed under with riddles
sent here to this office to care of Batman.
Listen to this nonsense.
What do bells, curtains, twins and hair have in common?
- That's easy, daddy. - Easy?
Something like his riddle of last night..
...who rules the ring?
A...ring?
Bells ring-out, curtains ring down, twins are perfect ringers
and hair often comes in ringlets.
Well, smart girl. Yes, alright, let's see you get this one.
Any aggressor should beware his successor.
Well, it isn't a very good rhyme, but it must have
something to do with Nebuchadnezzar.
So, he still taunting Batman, eh?
Aggressor, successor, ah..
Sounds like a challenge to me.
Challenge?
Yes, Batman, to meet Mushy in the ring.
[phone beeping]
Commissioner Gordon.
Yes, he's right here.
This call's for you two.
Excuse me. Hello.
Riddle me this, Batman
what are the chilliest 12 inches in the world?
It's The Riddler.
The chilliest 12 inches in the world...cold feet.
Excellent! What suit of cards lays eggs?
One, that's chicken hearted.
Now, listen to this, Riddler.
'Sticks and stones may break my bones--'
Now, you listen to me, Batman
my line is plugged into radio station GTZR, that means
that all of Gotham City has heard you call..
...a coward.
[laughs]
That's it, commissioner.
Regardless of who Mushy Nebuchadnezzar may be
or what The Riddler is up to
regardless of my private or my public image
one thing I cannot abide is being called a coward.
You may inform all the news medium that I will meet
the champion of South-Western Asia
in Gotham Square Garden tonight.
[audience cheering]
Phil, take over for a minute, I'll be right back.
You make an excellent second, second, Alfred.
I trust no one would penetrate my disguise, sir.
But, I think, perhaps you better call me Gus.
Gus.
Holy missing relatives.
Look who's sitting down behind Commissioner Gordon.
Mrs. Cooper, how nice to see you.
My daughter, Barbara.
Your daughter, how do you do, my dear?
Hello.
Oh, commissioner, I've been such a wanderer.
I just got back from the New Hebrides this evening.
I didn't want to let the boys know, I wanted to surprise them.
And there was nobody home, not even Alfred.
And then I heard that Batman was fighting this
Mushy Nebuchad-whose-this..
...and you know me, I love a fight.
As I thought, it's Riddler,
This is ridiculous, he's smaller than you are.
[bell ringing]
Wanna do clean fight. Touch gloves.
Batman, what eats crow, yells uncle and tosses sponges?
A loser and I'm not a loser, Riddler.
Oh.
[Riddler laughing]
[crowd cheering]
Shpritz him, Riddler, with the metal filings in your gloves.
Betsy's under the ring with a magnet.
- Go on and get him. - Stick it up, stick it up.
Wait, wait, wait, wait..
[Riddler laughing]
Holy sudden incapacitation!
Drawing part of this fight, seems to have concentrated
beneath the ring.
[Riddler laughing]
Mother Machree, what's happenin'?
Batman's feet seem to be, ma, magnetized to the canvas.
Ah, excuse me, I have something in my eye.
Through the door as Barbara Gordon
and seconds later making her startling reappearance
as Batgirl.
Batgirl.
Yes, Betsy Boldface, we meet again.
Ladies and gentlemen, riddle me this
when is a prizefight like a beautiful lady?
Answer, when it's a knock-out.
[laughing]
Something went wrong, let's get out of here.
What happened to you?
- She happened to me. - Get her.
'Batman's on our tail, let's get out from the steam room.'
[intense music]
Any final riddles, Riddler?
Yes.
What do you throw away that keeps returning?
(Batman) 'A boomerang.'
Correct.
And I'm a boomerang.
And I...shall be back.
Well, that winds that up, fellow crime fighters
thanks to Batgirl.
- She's gone. - Yes.
But, this time I saw where she went
through that transom, and her Batgirl-cycle's parked
in the back alley. Let's follow her, Batman
let's really find out who she is.
Let us respect her disguise as she respects ours.
I guess you're right.
Some camel grass juice, sir?
Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great.
Beware of strong stimulants, Robin.
Yes, Pauline.
'There's a Ms. Circe here to see you, commissioner.'
'Lorelei Circe.'
Circe?
Name doesn't ring a bell, but send her in.
Ms. Circe?
What can I do for you?
It's what I can do for you, commissioner..
...that really counts.
[siren sound]
Will The Siren succeed in the plan she has
for Batman and Commissioner Gordon?
Will her purring parley pay off?
Watch for the stunning surprise on the next episode.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na
¶ Batman