¶ Batman
(male narrator) When last seen, the Dynamic Duo
was trapped in a large vaporizing pipe
in Mr. Freeze's frosty hideout
beneath the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena.
With his hand on the controls
Mr. Freeze was in the process of lowering their temperature
and then vaporizing them into the Bruce Wayne Ice Rink above.
Did he?
Has he?
Will he?
In one chilling moment, we will find out.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
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¶ Batman
[intense music]
As soon as that tube is completely frost-covered
which will mean that the caped crackpots
are ready and chilling..
...then I will activate this vaporizing pipe-pump
and Batman and Robin will be a permanent part
'of the ice rink upstairs!'
And it won't be long now!
Gosh, Batman, I've heard of people freezing to death
in places like Siberia
but not in the heart of Gotham City.
Keep working on that Reverse Thermal Bat-lozenge
I gave you, Robin. It might do some good.
Will it keep me from vaporizing?
I doubt it.
What a ghastly way to go.
How long will it take?
Under the right conditions and with the right temperature
even solid matter
the human body can be vaporized in a split-second.
(Robin) That's not very long.
Batman, I feel like I'm evaporating right now.
As far as Mr. Freeze is concerned, you are.
The tube is completely frost-covered, so..
Darling..
This is no time to get cold feet, Glacia.
The countdown's over. Time for blast-off.
They're gone.
Of course they're gone.
And all the frosting in the tube with them.
One moment masked meddlers, the next moment called cold crepes.
Pumped, like any other freezing mixture
right into the ice rink upstairs.
Speaking of ice, boss, what about Professor Isaacson?
Take him out of the quick freezer once again, boys.
Let's see if we're making any headway in that department.
Well, professor, I'm sure your native Iceland seldom
has a temperature as low as that of my quick freezer.
What's the temperature?
Two hundred degrees below zero--
Two hundred degrees below zero!
I admit it was c-o-o-ol!
You think you could remember a little more
of your secret formula now?
I think you've frozen my memory as-as well as me.
Well then, perhaps another injection of dry ice might help.
Not that again, please.
Please, please!
I'll try. I-I'll try.
Alright, come.
Where was I?
You..
[mumbling]
Double-crossers all of them.
Bruce Wayne, Batman, Robin..
I wouldn't blame Mr. Wayne, darling.
I'm sure he's a man of his word.
When I met him earlier tonight--
You met him earlier?
Where?
He came backstage before the performance.
Alone?
No, he had Mrs. Harriet Cooper with him.
A charming lady, only if she hadn't picked up my--
Picked up what, Glacia?
Picked up what?
My compact.
So that's what was happening
when all the time I thought this was broken.
You know what you've done, don't you?
I didn't do anything.
I said it was a little music box.
Some music box, which sang a song of
underground hideouts beneath ice skating rinks.
Bruce Wayne is no idiot.
I'm sure he's worked out some clever scheme
so that Batman and Robin can bring the professor back
without paying any ransom.
Well, it didn't work.
No.
But if Bruce Wayne knows where I am
so do the police.
And if the departed duo don't return--
Well, I told you not to vaporize them.
There's plenty of ice in the ice rink already.
Yes, there's plenty and far safer ice
floating in Gotham Harbor.
Frosty! Chillblains!
Take the professor back to the ice-wagon.
We are going in the ice-sub to the hideout in Gotham Harbor.
Where I'll demand a far greater ransom from the professor
or else I'll destroy all of Gotham City.
What about his Isolde, boss?
You know your seal, she's never come back.
We'll just have to sacrifice Isolde.
Just another expendable seal.
Take him.
Come on, Glacia.
But, darling..
...what about the ice review and my famous waltzing arabesque?
Glacia, take your choice.
Your career..
...or me.
I have no choice, darling.
But what's this?
Something stirring in the seal house?
When we know Isolde's in a bathtub at police headquarters.
The Es-caped Crusaders, it's a cold fact alright.
Holy escape hatch!
Yes, Robin, most refrigeration systems as large as this one
in the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena have emergency exits.
It's lucky you remembered the one behind that
vaporizing tube when you did.
You're seldom wrong, old chum
but a split-second is longer than you realize.
Long enough for Mr. Freeze, so that he split too I see.
No doubt taking Professor Isaacson with him
and his frosty confederates and Emma Strunk.
You mean, Glacia Glaze?
No Robin, Emma Strunk.
No, you mean Glacia Glaze.
No, Emma Strunk!
Glacia Glaze is far too charming a pseudonym
for one of her chilling corruption.
- To the Bat-cave? - And up the Bat-poles.
The Bat-poles?
[yawns] Even crime-fighters need their sleep, Robin.
While those crooks we're after stayed away from us?
Don't worry, Robin.
Mr. Freeze will be frozen in his tracks
before we're through with him. Let's go.
But what's this?
On the dawn of a new day
not just one iceberg but a sea of icebergs
off Gotham City Harbor.
How are we doing, boss?
Fine, boys.
Our ice-magnets have attracted every iceberg
from the South Pole to the Arctic Circle.
Now, no one will be able to tell which is our iceberg.
Now, professor, how are you doing?
I'm done.
Here's my secret formula.
(Isaacson) 'As nearly as I can remember it.'
How does this work?
How does what work?
How does this formula work?
I don't know how it works.
I worked out the formula..
...but I never did work out how it works.
You..
Darling!
Aren't you being a little rough on poor Professor Isaacson?
Poor Professor Isaacson will become
rich Professor Isaacson, Glacia.
If we can put his secret formula to use for our own gains.
We'll all be rich.
The world will be yours, Glacia.
Mine.
Of course.
Don't you see the potential?
The Kremlin will be a cold water flat in a second.
The White House, an ice box.
We would control everything from cold cream to cold wars.
And all the lovely ice in the world
will sparkle on your fingers..
...will dangle from your ears.
You mean ice like in diamonds, darling.
No, Glacia, I mean, ice like in icing.
That secret formula will be the frosting on the cake.
And the cake will be..
[inhales deeply]
...the universe.
Well, then, professor.
Go, Glacia, go.
Yes, Governor Stonefellow.
[indistinct chatter over telephone]
Yes, Governor Stonefellow?
Yes, Governor Stonefellow!
[sighs]
A little problem, commissioner?
A little problem? Ha!
Everything that has happened before, Chief O'Hara.
Everything that happened yesterday, last night.
The near disaster to the Gotham Queen
the apparent kidnapping of Glacia Glaze
the astounding build-up of icebergs
outside of Gotham Harbor.
Even the strange disappearance
of the Caped Crusaders themselves.
Ha-ha! Insignificant, trivial, paltry.
- It is? - Peanuts, pepper powder.
- Pinch of snuff. - It is?
A child's play, a b-b-brass farthing.
It is, commissioner?
Compared to the word just received
'from the nation's capital.'
The chief executive was just beginning
an early morning address to congress
and when he looked at his teleprompter..
...what do you think he saw?
- His speech. - No.
In some diabolical way
perhaps the thermodynamic ice ray beam of some kind
'his speech on the teleprompter had become frozen.'
And in it's place was a message from Mr. Freeze.
Bless me suspender buttons!
Saying that this city, this state, this country
would be returned to the ice age in a matter of moments
unless we capitulated to all his demands..
...at once!
Well, what are his demands?
Oh, that's just it, Chief O'Hara.
He said to prepare ourselves for a little sample
of what he had in mind..
...and then prepare to pay.
Wh-where did they think that this, uh..
...thermodynamic ice gizmo was being beamed from?
Inside one of the hundreds of icebergs off Gotham Harbor.
What about the coast guard, the ice patrol?
Understaffed, overworked.
There must be some solution.
The solution, as always
rests in hands other than ours, Chief O'Hara.
Oh, Batman..
...wherefore art thou?
[beeping]
Where forever he art, commissioner. He heard you!
Yes!
Yes, Batman.
I probably should've checked in earlier, commissioner
but we had a busy night.
Mr. Freeze escaped us.
I'm aware of that, Batman.
But we'll now use every means at our command and there are many.
to track him down.
Well, hurry, Batman. Hurry.
Time now belongs to Mr. Freeze it no longer belongs to us.
But so does the thermodynamic ice ray beam
constructed in his icy Noah's Ark
under the direction of Professor Isaacson.
You're a genius to have made this, professor..
...out of the odds and ends in this iceberg.
Genius, Ms. Glaze, is the talent of a man who is dead.
Well, the ice ray beam isn't dead.
Now, to give Gotham City a small sample of how it works.
And how it works..
Frozen assets.
Frozen pipes.
Frozen wastes.
Even in the Bat-cave.
Holy chillblains! Look at the Batcomputer, Batman.
I am, old chum, I am.
Frozen to it's very marrow.
But how? Why?
No doubt Mr. Freeze up to another diabolical
thermodynamic experiment.
At the risk of sending cold shivers down your back.
Mrs. Cooper has just heard a most chilling morning broadcast.
Say no more, Alfred.
Yes, Batman.
Arrange a broadcast to Mr. Freeze, commissioner.
Tell him, tell him we await his demands whatever they are.
In the meantime..
...is that seal still in the bathtub in police headquarters?
Yeah, flippin' merrily away.
Good.
You have the seal Bat-signal I gave you
the small echoing seal pulsator?
- Yes, Batman, it's right here. - Excellent!
Attach it to one of the seal's flippers
then release the seal in Gotham Harbor.
No doubt it will home for Mr. Freeze's iceberg
and we'll pick up it's wavelength in the Bat-copter.
Right, Batman!
[theme music]
(Robin) 'Picked up the seal pulsator yet, Batman?'
(Batman) 'We're still over land, Robin'
'and a seal is an aquatic marine mammal.'
(Robin) 'Gosh, yes, Batman, I forgot.'
'Anything now?'
(Batman) 'I think I got a slight blip from the seal Bat-signal.'
'Isolde seems to be heading through Gotham Narrows.'
Meanwhile, in his refrigerated refuge
Mr. Freeze and his frosty flunkies work out..
Our demands..
Can you think of anything else?
The part I like, boss, is that..
...complete guarantee of immunity.
The part I like is "All that ice like in diamonds".
Fifty million dollars is not to be sneezed at.
Of course, I never catch cold.
Aren't you skating on thin ice?
How do you expect payment to be made?
By Batman and Robin, of course.
No, Frosty, you seem to forget.
The Dynamic Duo are now defunct.
Oh, that's right.
Part of an ice rink.
I guess we can call them now The Vaporized Vanquishers, eh?
[Frosty laughs] 'Eh, boss?'
That's not bad, Frosty.
"Vaporized Vanquishers."
[laughing]
That's not bad..
[all laughing]
(Robin) 'Now, where's the seal, Batman?'
(Batman) 'Heading to the iceberg in that floating mass ahead.'
'Take a look.'
(Robin) 'Holy polar ice sheet!'
(Batman) 'We'll drop down but I don't think we can land there.'
'You'd better inflate the Bat-pontoons.'
'Check the compass and tell the commissioner our location.'
'He and his men may have to come out by coast guard icebreaker.'
- 'Ready, old chum?' - 'You bet.'
(Batman) 'Here we go.'
What do you mean the coast guard doesn't have an icebreaker?
We've never needed one, commissioner.
With Gotham Harbor completely blocked by icebergs
wouldn't you say we needed one now?
I don't quite know where I could
put my finger on one, commissioner.
Put on finger on one, I don't care where!
What's that?
My parker, commissioner. Here's yours.
It's P-A-R-K-A, Chief O'Hara.
It's a hooded Siberian and Alaskan outer garment.
Well, I'm no hooded Siberian but how do I look?
Well, in this particular case, it isn't appearance that counts.
And you needn't put it on until you get aboard the icebreaker
if you go aboard the icebreaker.
Just trying it on for size.
Uh, Bonnie, please call my daughter Barbara at college
ask her to take a later plane home.
I want to meet her, but I have some cool facts to face
before I get to the airport.
Uh...okay, Nanook, let's go.
[barking]
Hey, boss, look who's in here?
Isolde!
I told you she was a homing seal.
Homing..
Homing!
Darling, what's the matter?
This could be some kind of a trick.
It is some kind of a trick!
The Bat-copter's landed just outside the iceberg.
- The Bat-copter? - Yes, Glacia.
Please don't ask questions which I can't answer.
Frosty!
Frosty, Chillblaines, activate the ice-magnets.
We'll pull that Bat-copter right into the iceberg
just the way we did the Gotham Queen.
(Batman) 'I doubt that, Mr. Freeze.'
Salvation!
How did you keep from being vaporized?
How did you land outside the iceberg
and get on it without me seeing you?
How did you find the entrance to the ice-ladders?
Oh, darling, stop spitting ice-cubes!
It was really quite simple, Mr. Freeze.
Thanks to ingenuity.
Your homing seals, our ice Batarangs and our ice Bat-ropes.
(Robin) 'And our Reverse Thermal Bat-lozenges.'
So, you see, Mr. Freeze, you're the one who's on ice.
The gun.
(Batman) 'Didn't you learn last night'
that your freeze gun has no effect on us?
Not with our Super Thermalized Bat-skivvies
under our regular clothes.
Icemen, to the attack!
[grunts]
[dramatic music]
Put 'em on ice! Ice!
Aah!
[blabbering]
No, you fool, back into the battle!
[grunts]
[music continues]
Glacia, I'm getting out of here.
Even though normal temperature may mean my death
in spite of my collar!
Maybe not your death, Mr. Freeze
but at least a good, long cooling off period.
In our local Siberia.
Take him away, Officer Sherman.
- Don't touch the dials! - Darling!
Her too, Batman?
I'm afraid so, commissioner.
Emma Strunk is as guilty as the rest of them.
Emma Strunk?
I'm Glacia Glaze, Batman.
To the world of the rich and renowned
such as millionaire Bruce Wayne, you may be known as Glacia Glaze
but to the world of the crime-fighter
'you're known as Emma Strunk.'
Batman, if ever you see Mr. Wayne
and he asks about me and Mr. Freeze..
...would you tell him something Rabelais once said?
Rabelais? Of course.
"To each his own, as the woman said when she kissed her cow."
Alright, alright.
Well, Batman, you've done it again.
I don't know how to begin to express Gotham City's thanks.
In this case, commissioner, Gotham City owes
most of its thanks to a certain...homing seal.
Gosh, yes.
Isolde!
[barking]
In fact, she deserves more than thanks
she deserves a special reward.
Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?
A true crime-fighter always carries everything he needs
in his utility belt, Robin.
Bruce, Christmas sure came early this year.
Yes it did, Dick, thanks to Aunt Harriet.
(Bruce) 'I don't know how you constructed this playroom'
as a surprise without us knowing about it, Aunt Harriet.
Well, this slot car race way it's the coolest, Aunt Harriet.
Well, Alfred was a big help.
(Harriet) 'And speaking of cool, Dick'
'can you guess what I've named my car?'
- What? - Glacia Glaze.
'And I think it's the prettiest car in the race way.'
That's a good reason, Aunt Harriet.
I've named mine Emma Strunk.
Emma Strunk?
For purely personal reasons, Aunt Harriet.
What about you, Dick?
I think I'll call mine Isolde.
How barbarian, Dick.
Romantic.
Alfred, what did you name your car?
Mine seems to have run into a bit of trouble, madam, so, uh..
...I think I'll call it Mr. Freeze.
Mercy alive! That terrible man.
When I think of all the trouble he caused
and the problems so many people have
like you, Bruce, with your Wayne Foundation
and you Dick with that essay on the glaciers..
My, I'm just so glad that I thought of this playroom.
(Harriet) 'And this slot car race way.'
Yes, Aunt Harriet.
At least for a little while, we can forget our worries.
(Dick) 'And have some fun.'
Next weeka repeat of the very first Batman broadcast.
The show which gave television a big breath of fresh air.
If you missed it then, don't miss it next week.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
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¶ Batman