(male narrator) A picturesque day in Gotham City.
Even more picturesque than usual.
And in one of the many picturesque art galleries
where culture loving Gothamites gather..
[instrumental music]
Are you interested in purchasing the painting, sir?
Not for myself.
But my employer, millionaire Bruce Wayne
is very interested in acquiring an original Muzzy.
Oh, you don't say. Well, perhaps you'd like to meet
the artist himself.
It would be a pleasure.
No sooner said than done.
This way, please.
- Mister.. - Alfred will do.
Mr. Alfred, allow me to present Mr. Oliver Muzzy
beloved American artist.
It's an honor.
Hey! This is an outrage!
An outrage against art.
An insult, I say.
[laughing]
Ugliness, monstrosity.
Ugh, horribility.
Ah, and look at that.
(Joker) 'You call that art?'
And this thing. Argh! Disgusting!
Ho, ho, ho! And this, worse and worse.
Oh, this ugliness must be destroyed.
Ha, ha! Down with ugliness.
Away with dullness.
[Joker laughing]
Take this, take this. And that.
[laughing]
[intense music]
(Joker) 'Take that!'
[Joker laughing]
Fiend, monster.
I'd appreciate your mentioning it to Mr. Wayne at once.
Alright, Alfred, I'll tell him right away.
Thank you, ma'am.
[laughing]
Ah, take that, take that, and that!
[Joker laughing]
- Aunt Harriet. - Oh, Bruce.
Alfred just called from the Park Gallery.
He's found a painting he thinks you'll be very interested in.
It's called, uh, "The laughing man".
Well, that sounds very interesting, Aunt Harriet.
I think that we'll go and have a look at it.
Oh, I do hope you like it, Bruce.
[intense music]
"The laughing man."
That's Alfred's way of saying one of Gotham City's
arch villains is at Park Gallery right now.
Holy tip-off, Joker!
Exactly, and I think you better continue your education
at the Park Gallery as Robin.
To the Bat-poles.
[intense music]
What happened to the signs, Bruce?
Alfred removed them to put new paint on the Bat-poles.
Good old Alfred.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[Batmobile whirring]
[theme music]
[Joker laughing]
[intense music]
Batman! Thank heavens!
Stay back, you caped crook heads.
Or I'll turn you into a paisley shawl.
From the stains on your gun barrel
I'd say you're using very soft bullets these days.
[Joker grunting]
Oh! Internal injuries.
I'm going to die.
I hope you do, you finagling fiend.
Batman, did you see what he did to the pictures?
Priceless works of art destroyed forever.
Think of the loss to posterity.
And the loss to my profits.
Yes, the damage is irreparable.
But you can be sure the Joker
'won't be doing any decorating for a long time.'
He's destroyed the work of America's most beloved artist.
Shut up, you bubbling buffoon!
I have been trying to paint this modern stuff for years.
I could never get the hang of it.
All I could ever draw is stupid looking farm boys.
(Oliver) And puppy dogs.
Now this, this is art.
Mr. Joker, let me congratulate you.
Your work is magnificent!
[popping]
Holy hoaxes!
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, well..
Excuse my appearance, Mr. Muzzy, but..
These uncultured boobs have no appreciation for fine art.
Obviously! By the way, Mr. Joker
would you consider sharing the credits for those paintings?
After all, mine are underneath.
Oh, why not? A 50-50 split.
I mean, co-authorship.
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Peasant. Philistine!
Well, what can you expect from a man who appears in public
in such a ridiculous outfit?
[laughing]
There, Batman.
Now you're wearing an original Joker, signed by the artist.
Come, boys, let's leave this zoo full of bourgeois baboons.
And henceforth, Batman, stay out of art galleries. Hmm?
[laughing]
Are we just going to let him walk out of here?
We've no choice, Robin. He's committed no crime.
As a matter of fact, he's increased
the value of these paintings.
I think we should discuss this with Commissioner Gordon.
The nerve of that clown.
Paint all over your shirt.
(Gordon) 'Batman, you should've cracked his paint for him.'
His damage to me is unimportant, Chief O'Hara.
What concerns us is his potential damage to Gotham City.
I'm sure Joker has some larger scheme
of which this is only the first step.
You're right, Batman.
That crook has something up his sleeve besides his elbow.
I'd suggest putting some extra guards
at all the museums, commissioner.
What about some of the valuable private collections?
(Gordon) 'Right, Boy Wonder.'
You keep him under close surveillance, Chief O'Hara.
I'll watch over them like a mother hen, commissioner.
That's about all we can do until Joker makes some move.
To the Bat-cave, Robin.
Sorry about not having a clean costume, sir.
I meant to wash them, but..
...I've been so busy trying to get the Bat-poles repainted.
First things first, Alfred.
Batman, there's an interesting notice
in the current issue of the Gotham City Art News.
Hmm.
[Bat-phone beeping] That is interesting.
- Yes, commissioner. - A bit of news, Batman.
Believe it or not, the Joker's been invited
to enter the Gotham City International Art Contest.
Yes, I just found out about it myself.
I plan to have 50 plain clothes men at the contest, Batman.
That's likely to put Joker on his guard, Commissioner.
Perhaps it would be wiser to put just one man there.
Preferably a man who knows Baby Jane Towser.
The wealthy young socialite who organized the contest.
Yes. I got it!
Bruce Wayne, the millionaire philanthropist.
He's cooperated with us many times in the past.
He travels in the same social circles as Baby Jane Towser.
Excellent idea, commissioner.
I suggest that you call Mr. Wayne immediately
and apprise him of the situation.
Right, Batman.
[intense music]
Why..
...is Joker entering that contest?
Especially since they're not offering a cash prize.
[intense music]
And so, the next day, at the Gotham City Art Center..
Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin
Gotham City's International Art Contest
I'd like to introduce the five world famous artists
who are competing.
The renowned Spanish artist
well known for his Pink in Blue periods
Mr. Pablo Pincus.
[applause]
I'm sure you all know
our American artist, Mr. Jackson Potluck.
[applause]
The noted Italian artist
painter of the world famous fresco, "Midnight Snack"
Leonardo Da Vinsci.
[applause]
And the Dutch artist
founder of the Neo Gaiman School of Art
Mr. Vincent Van Gosh!
[applause]
And now, finally, Gotham City's own entry
in the art contest, the Joker!
[applause]
[laughing]
How can they clap for that crook?
Don't forget, Dick, this is a home town crowd
and Joker's from Gotham City.
Hmm.
The artist's have three minutes to complete a painting.
At the end of that time, the judges will select a winner
and award the grand prize.
Ready, artists?
On your mark, get set..
[gunshot]
[instrumental music]
[speaking in foreign language]
[music continues]
[speaking in foreign language]
[audience laughing]
Modern art tends to be rather unrestrained, Dick.
- Unrestrained? - Yes.
Governor Stone Feller should declare this place
a disaster area.
Isn't it magnificent?
Glorious.
[instrumental music]
[speaking in foreign language]
[Joker laughing]
Joker, the time is almost up
and you haven't started your painting.
Started? My dear, I'm almost finished.
Oh, yes. Every line in place.
Every color balanced.
Just needs one more little touch.
Ooh! Ah! Voila.
[gunshot]
Now, gentlemen, let us consider the works
'of these marvelous artists.'
Interesting use of color.
A fine example of Neo-realism.
Ah, excellent harmonic composition.
A fine study in abstract.
What is that?
My painting is titled "Death Of A Mauve Bat."
Where is the bat?
Well, the bat, gentlemen, is dead.
It died in 1936, a very bad year for bats.
Of course, the bat is dead.
It's symbolic.
'Symbolic of what?'
The emptiness of modern life. What else?
Gentlemen, come with me.
There's absolutely no doubt about who the winner is.
I kind of like what the monkey did.
I think our decision should be unanimous.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very pleased to announce
that the winner of the Gotham City International Art Contest
is...the Joker!
[audience applause]
[Joker laughing]
Joker's painting "Death Of A Mauve Bat"
will hang in an honored place in the Gotham City Museum.
[applause]
[monkey screeching]
I don't believe it, Bruce.
As the winner, I would like to announce
the opening of a new school
for aspiring artists where I personally
will instruct my students in the secrets of modern art.
Mm-hmm. Yes, applications for the Joker Art Institute
are now being accepted by my assistants.
[indistinct chattering]
Ah-ah, sorry, millionaires only, please.
I wanna be the very first student in your art school
you big hunka genius, you.
Well, of course, my dear.
Your filthy rich daddy is several times
a millionaire, I believe.
Oh, yes! I'm the heiress to the Paperclip fortune, you know.
Oh, well, sign right here, please.
I begin to see Joker's plan. He wins the contest
so he can start an art school.
In which, he enrolls only millionaires.
In which case, he shall welcome millionaire
Bruce Wayne as his student.
[indistinct chattering]
Joker, I'd like to enroll in your new art institute.
Well, if it isn't millionaire, Bruce Wayne.
The wealthy philanthropist.
Consider yourself enrolled.
Aren't you going to give a test, see whether I have any talent?
The rich, the well born and the able, Mr. Wayne
all have talent. Especially the rich.
[instrumental music]
We're getting a good strong signal from that homing device
Bruce has in his pocket.
The Bat-radar scope indicates, that he's at location Rip 4-7-8.
Please check that on the Bat-computer, Alfred.
Very good.
[computer dinging]
Location Rip 4-7-8 is a building on Eleanor Place.
Bruce is carrying a miniature Bat-communicator
under his jacket lapel.
He'll let us know if Joker tries anything.
(Joker) 'Good morning, dear students, good morning, my.'
But it's good to see you all working so diligently.
[laughing]
We are a happy, cheery group, aren't we?
Oh, today's lesson, is in still life sculpture.
I shall walk around you and give you my criticism
as you work.
[laughing]
Very good, Mrs. Putney. Very good.
Oh! But this orange is not quite not right.
Oh, Joker, that's not an orange, it's a pear.
Oh! But, of course, Mrs. Putney, of course.
Well, keep up the good work.
[laughing]
Well, you're making splendid progress, Mrs. Van Dorma.
Ew!
Oh, yes, now, stick to it. Stick to it.
Well, now, barbwire is the medium of the future.
But that is no way to make a banana.
Now, that is a banana.
Baby Jane? Baby Jane.
- How do you like my work? - Oh, fine, first rate.
Fruitiest sculpture, I ever saw.
But I'm not sculpting the fruit. I'm sculpting you.
Me?
Didn't you recognize it?
Oh! But of course, I recognize it.
I just didn't realize I was so handsome.
Eww!
Well, that's terrible!
Terrible, Wayne.
Why, even a three year old can do better than that.
Here, let me show you.
Ah, there, that's more like it.
Yes, I see what you mean, that's the level of a three year old.
I do the jokes around here, Wayne.
I'd say, that was one of your better ones.
Oh-ho, you're very funny, Wayne.
[laughing]
But the jokes on you.
Come in, boys.
[instrumental music]
No heroics, Wayne. Or the women might get hurt.
I should have known someone like you
would hide behind the women.
Joker, how could you?
(Joker) 'Ah, tut-tut, my dear.'
We artists should not be judged by ordinary standards.
We're a very special breed.
You're a special breed, alright.
Ah! Button your lip, Wayne or you'll buttoning your shroud.
You'll all be happy to learn the ransom notes
have already been sent to your families.
'You each own a valuable renaissance art collection'
which will be delivered to me, in exchange for your lives.
[laughing]
Tie them up.
Something's wrong, Alfred. It's not like Joker to go this long
without trying some under handed trick.
[Bat-phone ringing]
- Yes, commissioner. - 'Ah, Boy Wonder.'
I'm afraid, we've put our friend Bruce Wayne in terrible danger.
Joker's kidnapped the art class and sent out ransom notes
and we don't know where he's holding them.
Holy hostage!
I think Batman and I can find him.
- 'Will you need help?' - We can handle it.
If the police show up, innocent people might be hurt.
Something must have happened to Bruce's
Bat-communicator, Alfred.
I better get down to Joker's studio right away.
Stay here and watch the Bat-radar scope
in case Joker moves while I'm en route.
I'll take the emergency Bat-tunnel.
It comes out on highway one, I can catch a bus to Gotham City.
Your families had better send the loot pretty soon.
Or you'll all find yourselves at the bottom of the river.
Even me, Joker?
Ah, I'm sorry, my dear, but business is business.
Hmm, and for you, Wayne.
I hope your family doesn't deliver.
I'd enjoy dropping you in the drink.
I hope you're better at that than you're at painting.
Oh, you go too far, Wayne. You go too far!
- Joker! - What?
[intense music]
[music continues]
[Joker cackling]
Oh-ho!
The nerve of that rich smart alec.
Thinking he could match wits with me!
- The Joker! - Why ain't Batman here, Joker?
Because he's afraid of me, you dolt.
I knew the day would come when his spine'd turn to Bat-jelly.
I'm only sorry, he isn't here to enjoy a special surprise
I cooked up for him. Yes!
But Bruce Wayne will do as a substitute.
I'm beginning to dislike him as much as Batman.
My newest artistic creation.
"The mobile."
[laughing]
Too bad, that chicken hearted Batman isn't here to die on it.
Batman is no more afraid of you than he is a flake.
And I know Batman well enough to sure of it.
Ah! No, he was trying to alibi for him.
The Caped Crusader has turned cowled coward.
'Yes!'
And you'll soon discover, that "The Mobile" is very mobile.
Yes, as soon as I leave here
I will activate a motor that will start it rotating.
Yes! Let's see how long you can dodge
these razor sharp palette knifes, Boy Bumpkin.
[cackling]
Holy hamburger, I'll be cut to pieces by these blades.
Stay with it, old chum. While I try to loosen these ropes.
[groaning]
But, by the time you're free, there'll be nothing left of me.
Robin diced to driblets?
Batman certainly can't help him.
Will the Joker go free to practice the art of crime?
And make a crime of art?
Find out tomorrow.
Same Bat-time. Same Bat-channel!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman