¶ Batman
[eerie music]
(male narrator) Midnight Gotham City. The very dead of night.
The Green Hornet and Kato
outside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory.
Something must be very much amiss
inside the Pink Chip Stamp Factory.
For them to invade Batman's territory.
A long way from home indeed.
And for a peephole to snap shut in their faces at midnight.
We have visitors, Boss.
What? In the middle of my midnight snack?
I've just warmed up this alphabet soup.
- Masked visitors. - Batman and Robin?
- Not Batman and Robin. - Who are you?
What do you want? If you're interested in trading stamps.
We might be.
Then visit one of our outlets in the morning.
This is the factory. That sign on the outer door.
"This means you." Means you!
Throw 'em out.
[intense music]
Why leave? We had them reeling.
We saw enough Kato.
I think at last we found what we've been looking for.
Tomorrow night we'll wrap everything up.
Then in the rosy fingered morn.
Who were your two visitors last night, Colonel Gumm?
Uh, just a couple of hoods, Miss Pinkston.
I chased them away.
Hoods, Colonel Gumm?
In fancy clothes and a big black limousine?
I saw them arrive through my apartment window.
But of course it was too late to come down.
Commissioner Gordon, please. This is Pinky Pinkston calling.
No, Miss Pinkston!
Colonel Gumm doesn't seem to understand
that I own this factory, Apricot.
He may be the foreman but I am the boss.
Let the police handle the masked intruders, Colonel Gumm.
You have enough to do printing Pink Chip stamps.
Hello, Miss Pinkston, what can I do for you?
Two strange men invaded
my factory last night, commissioner.
'My foreman threw them out.'
But I am running a legitimate business here
and I may need your help.
Well, of course. Can you describe the interloper?
[indistinct chatter on phone]
What?
While from a pink factory with a green intruder.
We go to brick colored stately Wayne Manor.
And a red Bat-phone.
[beeping]
This new stamp you've added to your collection
is beautiful, Bruce.
Supposedly it's a very rare issue.
The famous blue boar Russian Samara.
But I...have my doubts about the watermark.
Watermark?
Yes, this one's barely visible.
Ahem!
- Yes, Alfred. - The red phone, sir.
Dick, perhaps we can give blue boar a closer examination
under the microscope in the study.
Oh, Bruce, don't forget you have a luncheon date
with that sweet Miss Pinkston.
[phone ringing]
(Bruce) 'Yes, Aunt Harriet.'
Hello?
- Britt Reid? - Yes, Mrs. Cooper.
I'm in Gotham City for
the newspaper publisher's convention.
Wanted to say hello to you and speak to Bruce.
Just a moment, Mr. Reid.
- Alfred.. - Oh..
Yes, commissioner.
We have strong reason to believe that arch criminal
the Green Hornet is operating in Gotham City, Batman.
We'll run wide open.
I'm sorry to interrupt you, sir, at a moment like this.
But Mr. Britt Reid's on the other telephone.
- He's in town and-- - Find out where he's staying.
And tell him I'll call him later. To the Bat-poles!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[theme music]
But while the Dynamic Duo head for
Commissioner Gordon's office in double quick time
Britt Reid's making a little time of his own.
Or trying to.
What do you mean you have a luncheon date with Bruce Wayne?
It's the only free time I have during the convention.
Well, I do, Britt, and I can't break it.
Why don't you join us, Britt?
After all, Bruce is a friend of yours too.
Hmm, not where you're concerned, Pinky.
I thrive on rivalry.
So don't be stubborn.
The camellia room, 12:30?
Alright, you know me.
'I'll be the one dressed as the green eyed monster.'
Guess, you can't win them all, Mr. Reid.
Ever since Bruce Wayne I were kids
we've been rivals in one way or another.
The newspapers, the radio, TV
Mayor Linseed, Governor Stonefellow
all on my back.
Because the rumor is out.
The Green Hornet is in our fair city
for a piece of the action.
A piece of the action at the Pink Chip Stamp Factory.
That seems strange.
With his heinous reputation for high stakes
a cut of a trading stamps factory would seem like
'somewhat of a come down.'
Maybe he was looking for something else
at the Pink Chip Stamp Factory, Batman.
The Gotham Gothic?
Miss Pinkston's father, Pinkus Pinkston..
May he rest in peace.
...was one of Gotham City's foremost stamp collectors.
And the most valuable stamp in his collection
was the famous Gotham Gothic.
Sure, worth a fortune.
But it disappeared mysteriously shortly after he died.
[phone buzzing]
Yes, Bonnie.
'Oh, send him, Bonnie.'
An important out-of-town newspaper publisher
who I'm sure would be honored to meet you, Batman.
Ah! Mr. Reid!
- Commissioner. - Come in. Good to see you.
- Good to see you. - And as luck would have it..
Our famed caped crusaders, Batman and Robin.
- Batman - Welcome, Mr. Reid.
- Thank you. Robin. - How do you do.
- Make yourself at home. - Thank you, commissioner.
We have a mutual friend, Batman.
Millionaire Bruce Wayne. In fact I'm having lunch with him today.
Oh, give him my regards.
We were just discussing a criminal, Mr. Reid
with whom you are no doubt, familiar.
The Green Hornet from your own bailiwick.
'And just between us boys, Mr. Reid'
we have reason to suspect he'll be pulling some shenanigans
in our own bailiwick.
The Green Hornet? In Gotham City?
Well, that shouldn't disturb you, Batman.
Your name is legend among crime fighters.
Legends are sometimes highly overrated, Mr. Reid.
T'will be the Green Hornet who's overrated, Batman.
If he tries to tangle with you and Robin.
For which we must prepare ourselves.
- Excuse us, Mr. Reid. - Of course.
We must get back to the Bat-cave.
Sure, Batman, maybe the Bat-computer
can tell us a little more about our pea green adversary.
I'm very disappointed in these, Reprint.
For someone who has advanced from manufacturing
Pink Chip stamps to fine art of
counterfeiting priceless rare stamps
your work has become slipshod.
Here, look at this overprint. Tsk-tsk-tsk! Fuzzy.
- Any expert could spot that. - So I goofed.
Which we cannot afford, Reprint.
We have a lot to do in a very short time.
How short, Colonel Gumm?
Tonight and tomorrow, Cancelled.
Then we move everything into the warehouse.
Tomorrow night is the great international stamps exhibition.
Where I plan to make my big kill.
We sure oughta win some of the prizes, colonel.
Winning prizes is not what I'm after, Block.
It's walking away with some of the rarest
and most irreplaceable stamps in the world.
[doorbell ringing]
Oops. There comes the Pink Prima-donna
down her private stairway.
Look busy. And honest.
[instrumental music]
Colonel Gumm, have you heard the latest news broadcast?
Uh, no, Miss Pinkston. I've been too busy.
Oh, isn't that a shame, Apricot.
Colonel Gumm has been too busy manufacturing Pink Chips Stamps
to know that this morning's intruders may have been
The Green Hornet and his masked accomplice.
What would they be doing in Gotham City?
What would they be doing in my factory, Apricot?
I will be lunching in town, Colonel Gumm.
I wish she'd stop talking
to that pink mutt and talk to me.
I think she was talking to you, boss.
Well, I'll soon find out.
How, colonel?
As you boys grow older and more experienced
you'll find there's more than one way to skin a pink cat.
Fine time for the Bat-computer to let us down.
It's not the machine's fault, old chum.
We overlooked one thing when we constructed it.
A dual identity Bat-sensor.
Holy oversight!
So we can't really blame our faithful friend here
for failing to provide us
with the clues we need about the The Green Hornet.
No human mind has solved the secret of our own duplicity.
Who in reality are Batman and Robin?
It heard you. It's trying!
[Bat-computer dinging]
Not much of an answer.
Cold crime fighters.
Real identities unknown.
The next time were in town, we'll pick up the parts
for a dual identity Bat-sensor.
Now, it's time for Bruce Wayne's lunch date
with Pinky Pinkston.
And Dick Grayson's session with his French tutor.
French tutor?
That's one trouble with dual identities, Robin.
Dual responsibilities.
Oh, that is beautiful.
Beautiful! What's it called?
Shirley.
A peignoir named Shirley?
No, I'm Shirley.
Lingerie bazaar.
Off at six.
We're completing neglecting Britt.
No, I got the message, Pinky.
Would I supply the third corner of today's triangle
to tell you what I might know about The Green Hornet.
Yes, very lovely.
What size is it?
555-55-55.
Size five million five hundred and fifty five thousand
five hundred fifty five.
No, that's my telephone number.
Ask for June.
I do wish you two would quit flirting with models
and pay a little attention to me.
Britt's doing all the flirting.
I'm outside feeding the dog.
You can't expect me to devote my entire time to you, Bruce.
Why not?
'Because Britt's here too.'
That's right I am.
Well, where were we?
I'll line up Batman in case Green Hornet
decides to invade your factory tonight.
And I'm to find out what The Green Hornet is up to
in Gotham City.
(Pinky) 'Oh, will you?'
'I have so much at stake at that factory.'
I don't want any trouble.
I'll deliver Batman..
...if I can reach him, of course.
And all information on The Green Hornet
will be transmitted, if I can get any.
But aren't you mixing business--
With pleasure, Pinky?
Business is my pleasure, darlings.
Thank you.
Well, Apricot, time for your pedicure.
Come on, Apricot.
You boys can fight over the check.
Good day.
Goodbye, Pinky.
Good day, Pinky.
Whose idea was this?
Pinky invited me to lunch and you invited her.
Thank you.
Oh, oh, oh.
- I'm sorry, sir. - Hmm, hmm?
The only alphabet soup we have
is tomato, split pea and clam chowder.
Oh, too bad.
You colonials are still so uncivilized.
Well, I suppose I must go elsewhere.
I have to drop by stamp dealer.
He's a nice, old gentle men named Boris Severoff.
Though, I think he sold me
a bogus Blue Boar from Russian Samara.
I've been having the same trouble with my collection too.
Paid a fancy price for some stamps
that I don't think have a fancy value.
- Why don't you come along? - Sure, love to.
I don't have anything to do tonight
until the Publisher's Convention.
I'd invite you to that but it's closed to visitors.
Same with me.
Meeting of the Wayne Foundation. Board members only.
Ul, da, da, da. Yes, of course, Mr. Wayne.
The watermark on your Blue Boar stamp
is indistinct but naturally.
Do you realize that only twelve
of those stamps were ever printed
and that was over 100 years ago.
And of course Russian Samara
is a long way off.
Ah, Mr. Wayne.
Who knows how far that stamp had to travel
and what enormous perils it went through
before it finally found its way to my poor establishment?
Not quite as poor as it was
the day before yesterday, Mr. Severoff
when I paid a rather handsome price for the Blue Boar
I just hope that you were right
Are you implying that I hoodwinked you, Mr. Wayne?
That I sold you a fake?
No, of course not.
But isn't it possible that you were hoodwinked.
Nobody hoodwinks Boris Severoff.
Speaking of valuable stamps
have you ever noticed a stamp called the Gotham Gothic?
It used to be in the collection of a Mr. Pinkus Pinkston
but upon his death it vanished.
Well, of course, I have heard of this, Mr. Wayne
but you must remember what a very small
and perishable thing a single stamp is.
It might easily have gotten lost
or accidently destroyed.
Yes, most likely. I just thought I'd ask.
Well, gentlemen.
Oh, gentlemen, a true pleasure to serve you
and I hope I have the opportunity once more
before I return to my home.
[speaking foreign language]
Good day, good day, good day.
Reprint.
- Yes, boss. - Shift into high gear.
We may have to move to the warehouse sooner than planned.
The pink nibs causing problems again?
She's just one of my headaches.
I really smell trouble this time.
Too bad, boss.
But you'll flip when you see my last batch of phony stamps.
Not fuzzy at all.
(male narrator) But Colonel Gumm isn't the only one who smells trouble
as he ends Boris Severoff's day's activities.
And Britt Reid begins The Green Hornet's
evening intrigue.
I'm certain that Bruce Wayne's slippery stamp dealer
and the foreman of the Pink Chips Stamps factory
are the same man, Kato
Involved in the counterfeit stamping we are trying to crack?
And undoubtedly knowing something
about the missing Gotham Gothic.
I have a feeling that Batman
and Robin are gonna be on our tails tonight.
Making our task that much more tricky.
How so?
To the world, they're known
as the caped crusaders, fearless crime fighters.
Whereas due to the nature of our operation
the same world at large looks on us as criminals.
Only a very few know different.
Sure does sound tricky.
So I'll turn my Hornet Sting to half maximum power.
I don't want to get careless and hurt Batman if we clash
Well, you always have your gas gun.
Right.
And nothing must stop us from gaining our ends.
So, to the battlefield.
And speaking of warfare..
Now, don't lie to me, Colonel Gumm.
I know what I've heard and I know what I've seen since.
All I don't know is how I could've been
so blind for so long.
The first thing we're going to do--
Is to lock you up, Miss Pinkston.
'In my office, for now.'
We'll take you to the warehouse later on.
First, we have to wind things up here.
And then to make my big kill
at the stamp exhibition tomorrow night.
No sign of Black Beauty, Robin.
We must've beaten it here.
There's an alley around the corner.
We can hide the car there.
- No Batmobile. - Good.
We can get some work done first and fast.
Holy split seconds! Let's go.
Easy, old chum.
I chanced to notice an open window back there.
That sign on the door
this means you.
Shall we say this means us?
Us?
You should know who I am by now.
How about cutting me in on a little piece of the action?
How big a piece?
That depends on how much a stamp dealer
named Boris Severoff
'can get for the missing Gotham Gothic.'
You see I know more about you than you think.
We can take 'em all, Batman.
It's a very sophisticated looking piece of machinery.
Yes, it's my own invention.
The Enlarged Perforating and Coiling Machine.
Why not give it a closer look?
Alright.
He's not showing them the machinery
he's tossing them into it.
The Green Hornet may posses
the only clue to this baffling case.
You know my motto, boys.
Always stamp out evil.
Boss, look.
We move.
Let's give them a thorough pasting.
Come on, boys.
Holy flypaper, Batman!
We've all heard how the Dynamic Duo stick together
through thick and thin.
But this time you're really stuck, Batman
on that un-detachable glue pad.
While The Green Hornet and his masked companion
are being blocked, gummed and perforated
in that machine.
You satanic, mad stamp man!
Satanic, Batman?
Who knows, but mad stamp-man perhaps?
[laughing]
Behold, even as we speak
my machine is producing a very rare stamp indeed.
Ah, wonderful.
Shall we call him The Green Hornet?
The only stamp of its kind ever printed.
I'm sure it will be a collectors item
'if it were not for it's size.'
Ah, The Green Hornet makes such a wonderful, beautiful stamp
that I think I'll thumbtack him to the wall.
Holy human collector's item!
Exactly, Boy Wonder. And as soon as I tack up
the other masked marauder
who is even now being perforated in that machine
then it will be your turns, dynamic duo.
Oh, yes, I know you've faced many deadly perils
and escaped in many devious manners.
But you have never been so close to being completely stamped out
as you are right now.
[laughing]
The Green Hornet and Kato
blocked, gummed and perforated?
And then thumbtacked to a wall as collectors' items?
With Batman and Robin to follow
when they're unglued from the un-detachable glue pad?
Don't stampede!
Stay close to your stamping grounds!
Tomorrow, same Bat-time
same Bat-channel.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman