¶ Batman
(male narrator) It's 11 a.m., and the graduating class
in Erinburgh High School has a very special speaker.
But the one thing you must remember is
you go into the world to face challenges
of higher education in our great universities
is always to obey the law, and support your local police.
Good citizenship is its own reward.
[applause]
There he is, Pussycat.
Do your duty.
He's kinda cute.
Say, why'd you get me involved in this anyway, Catwoman?
Well, Batman has his prodigy, and you're mine.
But I'm just a rock 'n' roll singer.
I'm not a crook.
Oh, forget it.
You're 20-years-old.
You're over the hill.
You just do as I tell you and scratch away into his heart.
[dramatic music]
Uh, excuse me.
Can I help you, miss?
My name is Pussycat
and I want to be alone with you, Robin.
Alone with me? But why?
I can see a very important part of your education
has been grossly neglected.
That's a funny-looking outfit you're wearing.
I can say the same for you, big boy.
(Robin) 'Anything in particular you want?'
Only you, Boy Wonder.
[dramatic music]
She's done it.
Now let's see if cataphrenic really works.
[grunting]
Hello, baby, you're a real cute chick.
It works.
Yeah! Hey, fellas, there's Chief O'Hara, look out.
Hello there, Boy Wonder.
Oh, who's your friend?
- What's it to you, fella? - What?
Get outta my way or I'll give you a fat lip.
What have you done to him, you little banshee?
[dramatic music]
Come on, gorgeous.
Frankly, I'm worried.
[beeping]
Yes, commissioner.
I don't know how to tell you this, Batman, but Robin--
Don't mince words, commissioner. I can take it.
Well, Robin attacked Chief O'Hara today
at the high school.
Why would he do that? What was his reason?
He escaped before we could learn anything.
'And Chief O'Hara?'
Well, he had the wind knocked out of him but he's recovered.
I'll be right there.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na na na na na
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[engine revving]
It was as though the devil had taken him.
He was trifling with some little red-headed girl
and he answered my greeting by trippin' me.
Who could've put him up to such a dastardly deed?
Chief O'Hara, had you seen this titian haired wench before?
- Never. - Hmm.
It could be we have a new villianess
to wreak havoc on Gotham City.
But now that's hard to say, Caped Crusader
she couldn't have been more than 18
give or take four years.
Uh, kind of young for crime business.
In today's rapidly changing world, one never knows.
You can say that again.
Before we set brain and sinew to this perplexing case
let's review all the facts.
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor.
- Alfred? - Yes, Madam.
I know I shouldn't ask you this but..
...why am I not allowed in Bruce's study?
Uh, well, madam..
Every man likes to have someplace
that is a sanctuary.
Far away from the..
If you'll pardon the expression, opposite sex.
Now, to those less fortunate than Mr. Wayne
it's the barber shop.
For him, his study.
'A masculine retreat'
far from the threat of female encroachment.
[dramatic music]
Stay right where you are and don't make a move.
Robin, tie 'em up.
Mercy alive!
What's Robin doing with Catwoman?
Same thought crossed my mind, madam.
[music continues]
(Alfred) 'You, you..'
Shut up, old man.
- Ha ha! - Oh!
Never thought the day would come
when Robin would be my sycophant...did ya?
Oh, dear, is there anything left to believe in?
- All done, Catwoman. - Good.
Go help the boys blow the safe.
[purring]
What have you done to him? You, you..
'You..'
He's under the influence of cataphrenic.
A drug which reverses all the normal moral ethical standards.
And causes a person to become the exact opposite
of what he was before.
So now, he's just as pro-crime
as formerly he was anti.
Exactly.
Now my next move is to put Batman
in the same condition.
[explosion]
Ah-ha!
Stick with me, sweetheart. We're goin' places together.
As soon as we get enough cash we'll lay low across the border.
Forget it. All this is working capital.
'We got a much bigger job to pull.'
- You're the boss, Catwoman. - Yep!
What's wrong?
I don't know, I feel dizzy.
I..
[grunting]
Probably a negative side effect from the drug.
It should wear off in a couple of hours.
'Spade, Marlow, Templar, take him and get outta here.'
[dramatic music]
Gimme..
[beeping]
Hello.
Oh, I'm so glad I found you, sir.
Master Robin was just here with Catwoman.
- Catwoman? - Catwoman?
Yes, sir. They proceeded to rob the vault safe
of the housekeeping money.
$200, 000.
Worst of all, sir, Master Robin didn't recognize me.
He's under the influence of some-some drug
that makes him, well, sir, quite a bully.
It also causes amnesia and fainting spells.
Mm-hmm.
It appears she has the power to cloud men's minds.
- Stay right where you are. - Yeah.
Commissioner...it's worse than we thought.
Where's Robin?
Sleeping it off in the other room, Catwoman.
He seems sort of fuzzy since we got back from Wayne Manor.
Oh! Well, we just won't take him on any of our jobs.
But as long as he's on our side even in spirit
that'll keep Batman under safe distance.
What are you doing, Pussycat?
I bought one of those background music records.
(Catwoman) 'Music?'
Just wanna hear how I sound.
Marlow and Spade and Templar
they've generously consented to be my test audience.
I told you to forget about music.
Now either you're gonna be a singer
or are you gonna be an arch criminal?
You can't be both.
- Do I have a choice? - No. You're too short.
Anyway, you had your choice and you took it.
I picked you out of "Milkshake a go-go on the Sunset Strip.
Ah, the Milkshake a go-go.
Sunset Strip.
Alright, sing.
But I won't listen.
Forget your past flings.
[instrumental music]
¶ Along the sand
¶ Let's walk the shores together now ¶
¶ Yes hand in hand
¶ It's gonna be fair weather now
¶ When the stars come out stop ¶
¶ To count them in the sky
¶ Love California nights
¶ With the breeze blowing in
¶ And time for love to begin
¶ I would miss
¶ California nights
¶ If I went on my way
¶ Thank you now but I'll stay ¶
¶ Ooh baby
¶ I love you baby
¶ Mmm baby
¶ Love California nights
¶ Always plus is a kiss
¶ Nothing sweeter than this
¶ And we'll spend California nights ¶
[applause]
Enough.
No more. Quiet.
Nobody gets more applause than Catwoman.
Ahem! That was very...nice.
Have you gotten it out of your system?
For the time being.
Alright, we can concentrate on the problems at hand.
Which are?
We need another $800,000.
And Batman, in that order.
Batman?
You said we'd be in the clear with Batman
as long as we have Robin.
Well, I want more. I want Batman in my corner.
Once we get him on our side
there'll be no end to our criminal activities.
That's a tall order, Catwoman. About six foot two.
Well, I can do it.
The first item on the agenda
is a phone call to the commissioner.
Pussycat, bring me the telephone.
Oh! Put her on my private line please.
(woman on phone) 'Yes, sir.'
What do you want, Catwoman?
Plug me into the Bat-phone.
If you know what's good for you.
Now look here, what do you think this is anyway?
Stop fumfering and be quick about it.
- Yes, commissioner. - I have a call for you, Batman.
(Catwoman on phone) 'Hello, Batman. How are you feeling?'
I know you didn't call to ask about my health, Catwoman.
- What have you done to Robin? - He's safe.
- As long as you do as I say. - Go on.
(Catwoman) 'I plan to commit a series of robberies.'
(Batman) 'Why are you telling me?'
If you or the police do anything to stop me
I'll have Robin killed instantly.
Catwoman, I find you to be odious...abhorrent
and insegrevious.
Dealing with you has expanded my vocabulary
increased my word power
uh, uh, whole lot.
Now if we could meet on some mutual ground
I'm sure we can come into a complete agreement.
Don't do it, Batman. It's a trap!
Are you listening, Commissioner Gordon?
Don't you know that that's illegal?
No deal, Catwoman.
Alright.
It's curtains for Robin.
[humming]
Dreadfully sorry, Batman. But I could scarcely contain myself.
It's alright, commissioner. I understand.
I must handle this in my own way.
Don't be shocked by anything that happens.
And under no circumstances make any attempt
to capture her.
It may mean Robin's life.
[theme music]
Why are we only stealing cash?
Because, my dear Pussycat
I must raise one million dollars in small bills
to purchase plans to the Gotham City mint.
The mint?
Wow! You always did think big, Catwoman.
Why not?
I get the same prison term for knocking over a hotdog stand.
When you're a 12 time loser
it doesn't make much difference what you steal.
Go see if Robin's ready to move.
- How much? - Only a 100 thou, Catwoman.
Added to the two we got from Stately Wayne Manor
and we're still 700 thou short of our goal.
Well..
There are a couple people around town
that are known to keep large sums of money
We'll have to hit them for that.
Robin is dead to the world.
I had to put a mirror to his mouth to see him breathing.
Hmm. Probably gave him an overdose. Ha ha ha!
Come on, tabbies. Pussycat, guard the money.
[intense music]
And in the decrepit loft department
of the world's richest and cheapest inventor
Pat Pending
Rudy, I've got it!
Ha ha! I've perfected the formula for a universal solvent.
Oh, that's real good, Mr. Pending.
But what are you going to keep it in?
What?
If it's really a universal solvent
it'll go right through every container.
- By George, you're right. - Yes.
I never thought of that.
And you can give up any thoughts
about your perpetual motion machine.
Never! It'll be a boon to humanity.
No, it won't.
It'll put millions of people out of work.
What happens when parks don't need to be replaced anymore?
Think of the machinists and lathe operators
and folks like that who'll be on the breadline.
Rudy, besides being a good valet, you're a genius.
Thanks, Mr. Pending.
Well, at least I still have one thing.
My money.
[laughing]
I don't know, Mr. Pending
Sometimes I think your money would be safer in a bank.
Sometimes, Rudy, you're too negative.
Now you heard the news on the radio.
Was that money in the bank safe from Catwoman? Huh?
Here on the 10th floor of this old warehouse
we've got the best bank of all.
My mattress.
[door opens]
Get him.
[intense music]
Any stocks, or bonds missing?
No, no!
I woke up when they were gathering the money.
Catwoman specifically indicated cash. My cash.
Said her contact demanded small bills only.
Did she have anything else to say about her contact?
She mentioned something about a prince getting weighed.
Whatever that means.
"A prince getting weighed."
Do you know what? I think I've got it.
Tomorrow morning, Prince Eben Kereb of Gedallian
has his annual weighing in ceremony
in his embassy ballroom.
It was in this morning's paper.
Of course.
They weigh the prince on one side of a scale
they pour paper money on the other side.
I read it too.
And the weight of the money equals the princes weight
they turn it all over to the orphans of the country.
Fantastic!
Let's go. We must notify Batman.
You bet, commissioner. To the elevator.
(Commissioner) 'Yes.'
And the next morning, Prince Eben Kereb
is getting weighed.
[Arabian music]
This is a surprise attack.
Now, you all have your instructions.
Synchronize watches.
None of us have watches.
Ah!
Just get the money and run.
How are you feeling, Robin?
[laughing]
Purr-fect!
You're learning.
Get the loot, Robin. Everyone else, freeze.
Don't do it, Robin.
She's got you under a spell, Robin.
Who's the character in the ridiculous costume?
Ha ha! That's Batman.
Don't you recognize me, Robin?
What a dastardly development this is.
Stay out of this, men. I'll rather do it myself.
[intense music]
My money! Stop them!
[shouting indistinctly]
Stop them! Oh, the money!
[shouting indistinctly]
[instrumental music]
Now that I've dispensed with your men, Catwoman
Your turn is come.
Not yet, Batman.
- Robin? - Yeah.
Ha! Slay the blue dragon.
Groovy!
- Oh, no! - Ha ha! Oh, yes!
[grunting]
[intense music]
Come on, champ.
[music continues]
Everyone into my Cat-illac.
[engine whirring]
[instrumental music]
[tires screeching]
Across the bridge in New Guernsey
lies the Cat lair west.
Ha! Batman's on my trail, I can feel it in my whiskers.
Well, we'll have to get ready.
Wake up.
Uh! Get me the electric cattle prods.
Yeah and turn 'em up full volume.
Oh, boy, is he in for a shock.
[parrot squawking]
[intense music]
Commissioner Gordon, I seem to have found a second cat lair.
This could be a trap.
But I've to chance it, Robin's life is at stake.
Of course, I'll call you.
[music continues]
Holy nick of time, Batman. I'm glad you came.
Good boy, Robin. You've been playing possum.
And all the time I thought you'll become a turn-cape.
Oh!
[intense music]
Ha ha ha! Would I do that to you, huh, Batman baby?
[pulsating]
[Robin laughing]
[intense music]
- Great Scott.. - Batman.
If you agree to help me, I'll let you out.
If not, Robin will cut the rope
the steel bar will snap
and you'll be divided into equal parts.
In another words ...you'll be beside yourself.
I'll never be your partner, Catwoman.
Hmm.
Ho-hum!
Boy Wonder, start cutting.
[intense music]
Holy Bat-trap! What a decision!
A life of crime or no life at all!
There's no way out! Or is there?
Tune in next week for the shocking answer.
Same Cat-time! Same Cat-channel!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na na na na na na
¶ Batman