¶ Batman
(male narrator) When we last saw the Dynamic Duo
the fiendish Joker had tied them to an alter
in the Gotham City Museum.
Beneath a huge meteorite, which will fall
when its supporting cable is cut
by a revolving thermite fuse.
How much time before they're crushed?
Certainly less then when we left them.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na Na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
Holy mash potatoes!
When the thermite burns the cable--
We still have one slim chance, Robin.
I've managed to loosen my hand slightly.
If I can just break out my batarang
maybe I can divert that thermite.
There it is, Robin.
Now, we'll need patience.
I can't make my throw
until the thermite is directly overhead.
But by then, it'll be almost at the cable.
'Yes, Robin.'
I'll have just three seconds..
...to aim and throw.
What the devil could've happened to Batman?
We've been up all night waiting for him to call.
Commissioner, I'm getting worried.
You have a point, Chief O'Hara.
We'll call, Batman.
(Joker) 'For that you'll need a medium.'
[laughing]
I'm sorry to report that the tenacious twosome
have been trapped, tied and terminated.
That's a lie!
Well, actually, I have the wrong tense.
They will be squashed in a matter of moments.
- You're raving-- - Oh!
Caution, commissioner.
No, I'm not raving.
I'm raiding.
My next target, Libra, the scales.
In here?
No, out there.
That, sir, is the statue of justice.
And carved of priceless Carrera marble.
Cash value, half a million.
Why, have you no scruples, you jesting jackanapes!
Scruples?
The cash value of scruples is zero.
No, I prefer Carrera marble.
As for justice, she shall be served with a hook
at the precise moment the Dynamic Duo
become the Masked Marauders.
You demon!
[laughing]
Quick frozen cups.
What a delightful dish?
Now, to put the snacks on justice!
[laughing]
Careful though, careful.
That's half a million in Carrera marble there.
[Joker laughing]
Now, marble going up, meteorite going down.
[laughing]
And now..
'But there's the chance'
the thermite will burn right through our bonds.
We would've been tomato paste!
Instead Joker's going to be canned.
Away, away, away!
[laughing]
What happened, commissioner?
Shock paralysis, chief.
Fortunately, it only lasts a few minutes.
Commissioner Gordon speaking. Sound the alarm.
The Joker was escaping via the side entrance.
[alarm ringing]
After them! They've stolen justice.
[tires screeching]
Get the police radio band, Robin.
Joker's probably been busy
while we were tied to that alter.
(Joker on radio) 'Calling all cars. Calling all cars.'
The Joker has stolen justice.
Tow truck carrying the lady
believed heading for Juniper Street.
All cars in the vicinity
'proceed at once to Juniper Street.'
Juniper Street it is.
[theme music]
Attention, this is car number 72.
I've spotted the tow truck in the vicinity of Mulberry Lane..
...and pursuing.
How did that truck get to Mulberry Lane in two minutes?
Joker probably has that truck souped-up.
We better head for Mulberry Lane.
Attention, this is car number forty one.
Have just seen tow truck at intersection
of Dopple and Briar Street and pursuing.
(Batman) 'Brace for Bat-turn.'
Attention, this is car number 98.
I've spotted tow truck traveling West on Finley Road..
...and pursuing.
Holy sonic booms, Batman!
That truck couldn't have reached Finley Road this fast.
Nor could it be travelling west
since Finley Road runs north of south.
Switch on the police radio band cut-in.
Attention, all squad cars.
This is Batman speaking
disregard all instructions broadcast on this wave length.
Batman!
You're supposed to be dead.
Crushed by that meteorite.
(Batman on radio) 'Well, I'm not dead, Joker.'
'Neither is Robin.'
We escaped that cunning trap of yours.
Incredible, impossible.
But a fact, Joker, and justice will catch up with you.
(Joker on radio) 'Oh, you're wrong there, Batman.'
I've stolen justice.
And dead or alive you're too late to stop the next theft
'of my criminal Zodiac.'
Scorpio.
'You're right, Boy Prunehead.'
At this moment a brightest star in my criminal constellation
is about to make off with Scorpio the scorpion.
Be stinging you, Batman.
[laughing]
Brightest star, he must mean Venus.
We mustn't judge her too harshly, Robin.
Even with the best intentions
'it's hard to change a lifetime of habit.'
That gives me an idea.
[tires screeching]
Let's see that rare art map, Robin.
Yup, there it is. The Joker's next target.
Of course. The famous Duran Golden Scorpion.
It's the same jewelry store that he robbed before.
Let's just hope we're in time to keep Venus
from making another tragic error.
[theme music]
You.
Yes, madame.
Brindle, special branch.
About your recent robbery.
Ah, yes, tragic, terrible!
Maybe another.
Understand you have a priceless antique
jewel scorpion, correct?
Yes, miss, officer--
Just call me Brindle.
Let's see the scorpion.
Yes, of course.
Uh-huh.
Just as I thought.
Fake!
'I'm taking this down to headquarters'
and you'd better have a good explanation.
But, Miss Brindle, did you say the scorpion is fake?
Oh, no. The scorpion isn't fake.
I am.
Come back with my scorpion.
[laughing]
Hurry up, please.
The scorpion, is it still here?
Dynamic Duo, where were you when I needed you?
Oh, we're too late.
(male #1) 'Oh, it was that girl again.'
'I'm ruined.'
First the twins, now, the scorpion.
You'll get 'em back, as soon as we catch up with Joker.
If anyone can do it, Dynamic Duo, you can.
Good luck.
- Venus? - Undoubtedly.
But the main question is, where will Joker strike next?
The next sign of the zodiac.
Which is Sagittarius The Archer.
Well, there sure aren't any golden archers in Gotham City.
They're may not be a golden archer, Robin
but there is a golden bowman, Basel Bowman.
Wealthy friend of millionaire Bruce Wayne.
No doubt that the Joker intends to steal him.
Let's go.
[knock on door]
[instrumental music]
Excuse me, is this the residence
of the well-known millionaire Basel Bowman?
- It is. - And is he at home?
- He is. - And may we see him?
- You do. - Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Delighted, Mr. Bowman.
Well, what do you want?
You.
Wrap him up, boys.
Do you dare, knowing the Dynamic Duo
will be dogging your trail?
Those fleas? F-ah!
Wrap him up, boys.
[Bowman grunting]
- Batman and Robin. - Batman!
Batman.
Smash them. Smash them.
Don't you dare.
(Batman) 'Thank you, Venus.'
But I believe we can handle this.
Oh, you do, Batman?
Uh, one move and Venus is a dead dolly.
[laughing]
I think, we can find a more favorable occasion
for a showdown with the Caped Crusaders.
Don't let him get away, Batman.
It doesn't matter what he does to me.
Ooh! Batman, won't endanger a girl.
'Now, will you, Batman?'
[Joker laughing]
Tripped up by your own ethics.
He who trips last, trips hardest.
My final predication for the day
I'm going to get clean away.
And you, traitorous, will pay.
Venus, are you alright?
Batman, I spoiled everything.
(Venus) 'The Joker got away and it's all my fault.'
Don't worry, Venus, we will catch him eventually.
Could I help?
Please.
Are you being sincere, Venus?
Very sincere.
I'm ashamed of all the crimes I've committed.
If you'd like to help me, you could help a great deal.
Oh, think of it..
...me working with the Dynamic Duo.
Oh, if you only I'd met you when I was younger.
A crooked path can often be straightened, Venus.
(Venus) 'Oh, and mine will be straight.'
And I'll start by helping you get back
the lion and the crab.
- Leo Crustash. - Yes.
- The opera singer. - Yes.
[instrumental music]
- Is this the place, Venus? - Yes.
You better wait outside, Venus.
There may be trouble.
[instrumental music]
[grunts]
[music continues]
Ah! Uh! Batman!
[Robin grunts]
[music continues]
Where's Crustash?
[Crustash groaning]
Stop that sound.
¶ Me me mi mi
¶ Me me me mi mi mi
¶ Ahhh..
My, my voice, it's injured.
But you're alright, Mr. Crustash?
Yes, Crustash is alive and kicking.
- Where have you been, Batman? - Searching for you.
¶ Me me me me
- Where's Joker? - Oh, who knows, who cares.
After spending a day in there listening to that..
...music to drill teeth by.
Oh. I gave him the ransom he demanded.
And he didn't even cut that thing off!
¶ Me me me me mi mi mi mi.. ¶
What ransom?
¶ Mi mi mi me..
What ransom?
One hundred thousand dollars, Batman.
If Joker's already gotten it, he might be off anywhere.
Putting it to no good purpose.
Call the bank and see if he cashed the check.
¶ Me me mi mi
- A check? - What bank?
The Gotham National.
¶ Mi mi mi Me me
We still may have time, Robin. Let's go!
I think, you're too late, Batman.
Joker cashed that ransom check two hours ago.
But now that you're caught, young woman.
I hope you realize that crime doesn't pay.
I think, Venus already, realizes that, Chief O'Hara
and she isn't exactly caught
'she's volunteered to help us track down Joker.'
And she's taking a big risk too
'because if Joker ever got a hold of her--'
(O'Hara) 'Begorrah, you're right.'
'Tis a fine thing you're doing, lass.
(Gordon) 'I can give you my assurance, young lady'
the authorities will take this into consideration
at your trial.
I just wish, I knew what..
...Joker planned for his next crime.
There are only three signs of the zodiac left.
Capricorn the goat, Aquarius the water bearer
and Pisces the fish.
Let's see, Capricorn has..
Wait a minute.
Isn't there a meeting
of the International Society of Zoologist in Gotham City?
Sure, and they're using one of the parks fountain
to display their tropical fish.
Precisely, Robin. Pisces the fish.
In particular, palaremus demnese
of which there are only two living specimens
left in the entire world.
Both being displayed in that park fountain.
We'd better get right over there.
(Venus) 'Can I come along, Batman?'
I won't mind going to prison
if I know I helped put the Joker there too.
When you put it that way, my dear, we could hardly refuse.
Oh.
[intense music]
What a magnificent geronemus, Dr. Gorley.
Beautiful.
And that is the finest specimen of aparima I have ever seen.
But look over there, Dr. Gorley.
Oh. How hideous.
- What is it? - A gold fish.
[gasps]
But look over there.
The prize of the zoological world.
Palaremus Demnese.
Exquisite! Exquisite!
You must be Dr. Gorley of the society.
Yes. A pleasure to see you here, Batman.
A pity more of our citizens do not take an interest in science.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to move your fish
especially the Palaremus Demnese.
Ah. You know about the Palaremus.
Unfortunately, so does a certain master criminal
who's plotting to steal it.
Steal the Palaremus?
[band music]
That music.
The Joker.
[laughing]
(Robin) 'Lookout, Batman.'
'Holy red snapper, Batman!'
'They're throwing fish at us.'
[Joker laughing]
In to my net, you lovely little Palaremus.
The fishnapping of the century.
Careful you don't get caught by a red herring, Batman.
Let us away.
[Joker laughing]
To the Batmobile.
Be careful, Batman.
Don't worry, Venus.
Don't let them catch you from behind.
Good advice, deserters.
[dramatic music]
[gunshot]
Keep your head down, Robin.
And keep your hands inside the car.
[gunshot]
They're heading for the warehouse.
So are we.
These bullets are getting to thick.
We'll have to take a detour.
[music continues]
Our two fish are about to raise to the bait.
Everybody, get out of sight.
[tires screeching]
[intense music]
Something's fishy here, Batman.
[Joker laughing]
Beautiful, Boy Beanhead.
I couldn't have made a better pun myself.
[laughing]
Lookout, Robin.
Well, what species have we here?
Oh! It looks like Dynamicas Dous.
A rare breed of caped fish.
How about a fish fry?
Ooh! I have an even better idea.
Let's feed our fish to the fish.
[all laughing]
And don't forget, we have a little bird as well.
Batman, are you alright?
Don't worry, my little pigeon.
You'll be joining your friends for dinner.
A three course meal.
[laughing]
[Joker laughing]
Wasn't I right, Batman?
A most appropriate place for a showdown.
You monster.
(Joker) 'Uh, a monster perhaps'
but a highly successful monster.
With you and Robin out of my way and my zodiac crimes completed
I'll have all of Gotham City under my control.
Oh, and I'm a tenderhearted monster too.
I couldn't possibly deprive that poor hungry clam of it's dinner.
That would be cruelty to animals.
Yes.
Very touching.
(Joker) 'Oh, Boy Wonder.'
What a succulent hors d'oeuvre, you should make.
[laughing]
And as for you, my ex-felonious friend
let this be a lesson to you once and for all
that honesty does not pay.
Yeah.
[Joker laughing]
[intense music]
Oh, what a hideous fate.
Don't lose hope, Venus.
A clam is only a bivalve...mollusc.
Some mollusc!
Push yourself away, Robin.
I can't, Batman.
I'm pinned against the side.
Robin. Robin!
Oh, no. We'll be eaten alive.
(Robin) 'Batman!'
'No! No, Batman.'
No!
Are our eyes deceiving us?
Has the giant clam really swallowed Robin?
With Beautiful Venus next on his monstrous menu.
Leaving The Joker free to confuse
confound and control Gotham City.
Find out next week!
Same time. Same channel.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na
¶ Batman