¶ Batman
(male narrator) When we last left the Dynamic Duo
Sandman, that notorious European criminal
recently arrived in Gotham City was preparing to deliver
a sleeping Robin into Catwoman's clutches.
while Batman was tied to a mattress
above which the wicked needle of a button stitching device
was bearing down on him.
For you, of course, sometime has passed
for the Caped Crusaders, mere seconds.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[music continues]
[needle whirring]
The kid's waking up, Sandman.
Prepare the patient for a brief
stethoscopic examination, Snooze.
Where's Batman? What have you done to him?
(Sandman) 'I?'
It was you who did it, Caped Captain.
At my command, you pressed the switch which should've
disposed of him by now.
How ironic? Batman button stitched to death by Robin.
You fiendish quack!
(Sandman) 'Now to the medical eyes such childish claptrap'
means only one thing, young man. You need some sleep.
[intense music]
[hissing]
Well, we liquidated Batman and Catwoman has her own little plan
for Robin's demise.
The day's dirty work well done. Take him out to the Batmobile.
The Batmobile, Sandman?
(Sandman) 'That's parked out in front.'
After I take him to the Cat-lair, I'll dispose
the Batmobile somewhere and then
I'm sure J. Pauline Spaghetti will be phoning frantically
for another penthouse call from Dr. Somnambula.
[intense music]
[music continues]
[rattling]
Asleep? Lovely!
Lovely!
What happened to Batman?
Tell her.
He's dead.
Are you sure?
I pushed the switch that killed him.
Then, you have a new assistant, Catwoman.
Only as long as he remains asleep.
Kitty, you know where to take him?
Follow me, Robin.
I'll join you shortly.
I'm sure you'll find your next adventure most amazing.
Did your emphasis on "amazing"
have any particular significance?
A play on words, Sandman.
How did things go with J. Pauline Spaghetti?
It shouldn't be long before her entire
fortune is in my control, Catwoman.
Your control?
Our control.
Now, I must find some place to abandon the Batmobile
and then return to J. Pauline's penthouse.
For such a highly respected criminal
there's something insidiously untrustworthy about Sandman.
Whereas he has only one life
I wonder if he realizes that a cat has nine.
With Batman and Robin out of the way
all I have to do to put J. Pauline Spaghetti
to sleep again and purloin that billion dollar fortune.
Purloin seems to be more of Catwoman's word, Sandman.
Never fear, in this somnambulistic scheme
I, sandman will have the last word
which will be the word that counts.
What do we have here
in the depths of the newly renovated Cat-a-comb?
A maze?
What's this?
Still asleep, Boy Wonder?
I think he's waking up a little.
Creep out softly, Kitty.
Where am I?
On a threshold of my maze.
An enlarged version of the type in which
scientific experiments are carried out on rats and mice.
You will notice that the entrance is here, the exit here.
Directly adjoining.
However, once you start into it, it may take
you the rest of your life before you get out of it. If then..
Somewhere within the the place
is my traitorous cat-servent Catarina
who is hopelessly wandering.
Unless of course she's found the center of the maze.
In that case, she will never return.
(Catwoman) 'Ready?'
No! I'm not going into that maze. I'm wide awake now ..
This Cat-omizer contains deadly Cat-asonic acid, Boy Wonder.
Which do you prefer?
Taking a chance on getting
out of the maze in an hour or a week, a year
or being Cat-alyzed here in a matter of seconds?
[intense music]
[hissing] Holy voltage!
(Male narrator) Set adrift without the Boy Wonder or the Batmobile
Batman courageously presses on.
Commissioner Gordon, I know Robin too well to believe
he'd ever betray me and embrace a life of crime.
I'm certain Sandman has turned him into a sleepwalker.
We must make find him. I'll put all the force behind it.
No, Commissioner. I'll find him and Sandman.
But in the meantime J. Pauline Spaghetti
must have maximum protection.
The billionaire noodle queen?
(Batman) 'I'll explain later, commissioner.'
In the meanwhile, station all men
you have available in and around
her penthouse suite. And above all
don't let her see a certain Dr. Somnambula.
Dr. Somanambula?
Now I must get to the Bat-cave as fast as possible.
Let me send you a police car.
A needless waste of taxpayers' money, Commissioner.
Gotham City's transit line is the world's most rapid.
Dr. Somnambula? Isn't that the name that
phoney sleeping beauty mentioned on television?
Yes, Chief O'Hara.
And with Robin kidnapped, the Batmobile missing
J. Pauline Spaghetti somehow dire danger
and both Catwoman and Sandman deeply involved..
I've never said this before, Chief O'Hara
but for once it looks as if..
...our side has fumbled the ball.
[intense music]
Oh! You gave me quite a startle, sir.
I didn't hear the Batmobile.
No, I took the subway to Wayne station
and Bat-walked up the road.
But what happened? Where is master Robin?
Both of them are still in the clutches of that
scheming sleepy-hood Sandman who barely
missed making a mattress out of me.
If I may, sir.
Sometimes I can't help wondering if..
...if the hazards of crime fighting
are really worth the go.
That, Alfred, has never entered my mind.
Perhaps, the Batmobile tracking graph
can be of some help to us now.
Let's just hope that wherever the Batmobile is, Robin is.
[beeping]
Aha! Good.
The Batmobile is still transmitting
its location signal.
Strange!
It seems to be passing through a run down factory area.
It won't be found too soon in this run down factory area.
What about Nap?
He's right behind us in the pick up truck.
[beeping]
It's stuck.
I know that section of the city well, Derwin alley
It's surrounded by run down factories.
Perhaps a call to Commissioner Gordon, sir.
No, Alfred. The Batmobile is my personal responsibility.
And who knows what might've happened to Robin?
But there's no subway station in that vicinity
nor bus line.
I could drive you down in the Wayne limousine, sir.
I couldn't drive the Batmobile back as Bruce Wayne, Alfred.
No! No you couldn't.
Let me take you in on the Alf-cycle, sir.
I don't think we shall attract much attention.
Yes.
A wise solution.
[theme music]
That's funny. It looks just like the Batmobile.
All new cars look alike here.
Maybe they all look alike to a rookie, Reggie
but when you've been on the force
a while longer, you'll see some difference.
Registered to a guy named Batman, alright.
No street address.
And he left the keys in the ignition.
Two traffic violations right there.
- Vehicle code numbers-- - Not like Batman to do that.
[theme music]
There we are, sir.
Thank you for the lift citizen.
The least I could do, sir
Good work, Officers. I see you found my car.
Your car, bub?
(Reggie) 'Got any identification?'
Reggie, this is Batman. I can vouch for it.
Then you know your registration is incomplete
and you left your keys in the ignition.
The Batmobile was stolen.
The thief didn't wanna get caught with the keys.
Did you report that it is stolen?
- Not exactly - That's another violation.
- Vehicle code number-- - Reggie, will you get off it?
He's got pull with Gordon and O'Hara.
Correction!
I try to co-operate with the police of Gotham City.
I say impound the car and run him in.
If you think that's your duty, officers.
Let's get to work.
Here's your keys, Batman.
Thank you, officers. I'll correct the oversights.
Did either of you see Robin when you found the Batmobile?
Who's Robin?
Oh, you really got a lot to learn, Reggie.
[intense music]
Robin? Robin? Batman to Robin.
But deep in the labyrinth of Catwoman's maze
Robin, lost and confused
doesn't know Batman is still alive.
And also finds he's joined policewoman Monney
in the inescapable center of Catwoman's torturous trap.
Robin, Boy Wonder, what're you doing
in the center of this maze?
It's a long story. Who are you? Catarina?
Also policewoman Monney.
Where's Batman?
I'm afraid it's over for the Caped Crusader.
And for me.
- And for you too. - No.
We got in here and there must be a way out.
None, Robin, none.
[sizzling]
Holy rat trap!
(Catwoman) 'Precisely, Boy Wonder. For both of you.'
And then when he gets his hands on his Spaghetti billions...
...the Sandman.
A patrol car in Derwin alley, Batman?
That must have been officers Hogan and Dietre.
(Batman) 'A credit to your department, commissioner.'
One of them pointed out three traffic violations on my part.
I trust, he didn't give you a ticket, Batman.
The other one talked to him out of it.
Rather unusual police procedure but under the circumstances..
What are the circumstances? Have you found Robin?
No, nor Sandman either.
You know if he's tried to see J. Pauline Spaghetti again?
Chief O'Hara is over there right now
with all the men we could spare--
[phone ringing]
Hold on for a minute.
That may be him on my private phone right now.
Yes.
What?
But how could Sandman walk into J. Pauline Spaghetti's penthouse
and spirit her out from under your nose?
She said he was her savior and demanded we let him in.
Its hard keeping saviors out, commissioner.
Then he looked at me and me men.
Said we seemed a little peaked
and the first thing I knew he had this stethoscope..
[phone ringing]
Hold on a minute, chief.
Commissioner Gordon.
This is Tuthill, commissioner. Gotham City Security Trust.
(Gordon) 'Ah, yes, Mr. Tuthill.'
I'm sorry to bother you, Commissioner.
But if you hear from Batman--
Well, he's holding on another telephone right now.
- Why? - A certain Dr. Somnambula--
- Dr. Somnambula?
'Yes, Dr. Somnambula just told me'
Batman might like to know Catwoman's address
which he gave me.
It's Cat-acombs condominium, subterranean, suite 6.
What-what did he want to see you about?
He came into the bank an hour ago with J. Pauline Spaghetti.
- What for? - 'It's rather sweet, really.'
It seems the billionaire noodle queen
and her doctor are eloping. And she cashed
a counter check with two hundred million
just to see them through.
Eloping? Where?
They happened to mention J. Pauline's Spaghetti island.
Sentimentalistic.
The site of her first noodle factory.
Its grand larceny! That's what it is.
'Not to mention fraud, swindle'
extortion and vicious and sinister plot.
O'Hara, O'Hara. Get back over here on the double.
Are you still there, Batman?
Yes, Commissioner.
Brace yourself!
How do I know this isn't some kind of trick, Batman?
It's no trick, Catwoman. It's the truth.
How else would I've learned the location of your Cat-lair?
Sandman eloping with J. Pauline Spaghetti?
And all those beautiful billions
I suspect you wanted to get your paws on.
But there is one way he might be stopped
if I can count on your help.
You can count on me for anything.
To get even with that two-face continental traitor.
Where's Robin?
- Who? - Robin.
Sandman said that he delivered him here to you
as a little souvenir of a quilting bee.
Oh, Robin.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Where is he, Catwoman?
Oh, you're so strong and forceful, Batman.
And determined.
If I can find Robin, we can go to J. Pauline's Spaghetti island
and your mouth is so has it when you are anger in your eyes.
It's a flashing.
Under that mask.
Where is he, Catwoman?
And if I purr? So to speak?
I'll testify that you co-operated
the rest is up to the court.
Kitty.
- Take Batman to my maze. - Maze?
You find Robin in the center of it. If you find the center.
Also that cunning cat-servant Catarina.
Otherwise known as policewoman Monney.
This way, Batman.
After you.
Cattie, pack at once!
We're catching the first plane to the Canary Islands.
You've just missed that plane, Catwoman!
How'd you get in here?
Wherever there's a cat, Catwoman there's usually a back alley.
For the last time, what do we have here?
Batman in and out of Catwoman's amazing maze in no time.
Back in the Batmobile with Robin.
And away like dynamic flashes.
To the Bat-boat.
[motor whirring]
And J. Pauline's Spaghetti island.
[intense music]
Queen, this is where it all began, my dear J. Pauline.
Oh, Doctor do you know?
It started with a little shack on the other side of the island.
I used to raise my own wheat outside.
Actually, this is were it all ended.
Or at least my first husband ended here.
Your first husband?
Yes, J. Peter Spaghetti.
He fell into a kneading machine.
And my second husband, J. Phineas Spaghetti
He dried to death on a vermicelli tray.
And my third husband, J. Patrick Spaghetti.
- Cut. - Cut?
You know, those revolving knives?
They cut noodles into bite-sized pieces.
And J. Paul Spaghetti.
He stumbled into the steam cylinder.
He expanded to three times his size.
Not a bit pasty.
Who is this for?
Oh, doctor dear, a wise woman must look ahead.
All of this factory holds so many memories for me.
That's why I wanted to be married here.
I'm so glad that you brought the witnesses along.
I-I wonder what's happened to the minister I called?
He's probably stumbled into something.
Dear, lady shouldn't you lie down
and rest before the ceremony?
Oh, for my fifth wedding day. Oh, no.
I don't mind staying awake for that.
[intense music]
Sandman?
Look, the living mattress.
You two again?
Intruding as usual.
Yes, Sandman, this little sleepwalk is over.
Pardon me, dear lady.
[grunting]
[whistling]
[grunting]
[intense music]
[rattling]
[Snooze screaming]
[intense music]
Sorry to interrupt your wedding, Mrs. Spaghetti.
Holy sedative! She's asleep.
I don't think sedatives had anything to do with, Robin.
But she's certainly is blissfully
Vertically, deeply asleep.
Noodles!
I want to hear what happened to both of you
in the mountains, really, I do.
But I've been so involved with a landscape architect
who came up with a novel idea.
A maze in the front garden!
A maze?
(Mrs. cooper) 'Yes, Dick.'
Like they have in the gardens of old European palaces.
Now, ours would be constructed on a hedge and alley system.
And planted with Hornbeam and Holly and Yew.
Lovely!
'Just think of the fun we'd have at parties.'
With our friends trying to find their way to the center.
Indeed, madam. Very tricky.
Actually, not so tricky, Alfred.
You see most mazes are based pretty much on the same pattern.
Upon entering turn to your left
then on the first two occasions we have a choice
You keep right. There after you keep to your left.
Is that how you found..
I mean, uh, is that how it's done?
Yes, that's how it's done, Dick.
Of course, the garden mazes do present problems, Aunt Harriet.
Do they, Bruce?
For some unknown reason, they attract cats by the thousands.
They are also strangely sleep inducing.
Undoubtedly, due to the hypnotic effect of the irregular pattern.
Oh, well, then I'll go back to my original idea.
A plain clover lawn.
In the long run, Aunt Harriet
I think that would be much much more restful.
Next week, David Wayne returns as the Mad Hatter.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman