¶ Batman
(male narrator) When we last saw the Dynamic Duo
The Puzzler had lashed them in the basket of an aerial balloon
which would automatically be released
and plunge them to their doom when they reached 20,000 feet.
How high are they now?
In moment, we shall see.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
(Robin) 'Gosh, Batman, the altimeter reading is 19,000 feet.'
Another 1,000 and the automatic releasing mechanism will drop
us like two eggs from a heavenly hen.
Yes, it looks hopeless, Robin.
- 'Unless..' - 'Unless?'
Unless that discarded piece of chewing gum
that one of Puzzlers henchman threw in here..
Chewing gum?
Altimeters work like barometers, Robin
but with the principle of air pressure
if you could place the chewing gum
over the air hole..
The pressure will stop and the reading will stay under 20,000.
Correct.
- I'll try to get it. - Try, Robin.
(Batman) 'Try, Robin.'
'I...think I've got it.'
I've got it.
Hurry, Robin, we haven't much time.
Right.
(Batman) 'Be sure to cover it completely.'
[grunts]
Just...under 20,000.
That was a close call, Robin.
This'll teach that crook to be litterbug.
He should put trash in the proper waste container.
Yes.
But gosh, now, how do we get down?
Holy stratosphere, if we were only birds.
- That's it, Robin! - What?
We do have a chance.
It seems to me, I read in the paper
that the elusive and high-flying
giant red-eyed hermit nuthatch birds are
migrating south for the winter.
Batman, look, coming this way.
Robin, those bird calls that you were practicing this morning..
Do you have an elusive high-flying
giant red-eyed hermit nuthatch bird in your repertoire?
Holy audubon, Batman! I didn't get to that species yet.
Couldn't you improvise?
That bird by nature is very hostile bird.
If you infuriate him, perhaps he'll attack the balloon.
I get it, one or two holes in the balloon
we'd float smoothly down to earth.
I'll sure try.
[chirping]
[cawing]
Good boy, Robin, it's working.
(Robin) 'He did it, Batman!'
Yes, he did it.
Well, he's flying off now.
He's had enough hot air.
Farewell, feathered friend.
Sorry to have disrupted your vacation!
We're dropping a lot faster than we went up.
The power of gravity, Robin.
Not even, Puzzler could prevent that.
Holy crack up!
I think we can expect a reasonably soft landing.
- Talk about soft landings. - Yes, it was a good one.
Any idea where we are?
Judging from the terrain and the direction
the wind carried us, I'd say upstate of Gotham City.
I'd say upstate from nowhere.
No, our luck seems to be holding out, ol' chum, look.
As if we ordered it specially.
(Batman) 'We can thank the taxpayer and Governor Stonefellow'
'for this emergency public telephone.'
(Batman) 'Now to get out of these bonds.'
Yes, these jewels are lovely, but they're not
a drop in the bucket compared with what we're really after.
The Retsoor is worth a king's ransom.
Now, Rocket, you know what you have to do.
But this time please, please be expressive.
Oh, what girl wouldn't be
with the bulti-millionaire like Artemus Knab?
Who controls just about everything
and might make her a movie star.
Might make me a movie star.
Nothing can stop us now, Puzzler.
No, nothing, not even the late Dynamic Duo.
By my calculation, they should've dropped 20,000 feet
from the balloon by now.
Not yet, Puzzler.
But you're..
You're dead.
How puzzling?
What on earth could've happened?
We'll explain that later, Puzzler.
- But right now.. - Escape plan number three.
Let the heavens open!
Oh, imagine me, little old Rocket O'Rourke having tea
with a great big tycoon like you, Arty baby.
Oh, let me pour.
I have oodles of talent for pouring tea, too.
Yes, well, I would say that you're
a very well-rounded young lady
with a considerable well-rounded talent.
Oh, flatterer.
Well, cheers.
Oh, yeah, this is a very delicate tea
it's, uh, from my own blend of oolong.
You see, I have a tea monopoly, play, morple, er..
Phew!
Bravo, Rocket! Bravo.
Well, it worked, Puzzler, but I almost wish it hadn't
he promised me a screen test.
"Oh, these juggling fiends that keep the word of promise
to our ear and break it to our hope!" Uh, Macbeth.
I did my job, Puzzler, now you do yours.
A-Okay, Rocket.
On to the deed.
Do you know the combination?
I haven't been watching every move of Artemus Knab
for the past two weeks for nothing.
"By the pricking of my thumbs
something wicked this way comes."
"Open locks, whoever knocks."
Voila!
The camera.
Ah, excellent! Excellent.
Well, what I don't understand, Puzzler
is if you've already taken pictures of the cockpit
why do you need more?
Those pictures of the plane's control panels
plus these pictures of the plane's plans
will teach me everything I need to know
about flying the Retsoor.
Yeah, but I don't think it'll help
my acting career any when he finds out.
The envelope.
Don't you think you've left enough clues
for the day, Puzzler?
A crime is nothing without a modus operandi, Rocket.
The envelope.
This plus another little scheme I have in the works
should certainly make the Dynamic Duo
put on their thinking caps.
(Batman) 'Careful.'
I don't hear any ticking.
But it could be dangerous.
Stand back everybody.
[clucking] Mother machree! A rooster.
I've had strange birds in my office in my time
but this is going too far.
Batman, how canst thou keep a rooster
from crowing on a Sabbath morn?
By killing him on a Saturday night.
Good heavens, tonight is Saturday night.
Yes, and I tremble to think of what might occur if we don't
piece this cunning puzzle together.
Commissioner, have you spoken with Artemus Knab?
I haven't been able to reach him.
The desk clerk at Gotham Arms says
he hasn't left his penthouse.
We were thinking of sending a man over to check--
Wait, there's a specific reason why Puzzler wanted
to be in business with Knab.
Perhaps, Knab can provide us with a clue.
I suspect this calls for one of our unnoticed arrivals.
Ready for another Bat-climb, Robin?
You bet, Batman.
[theme music]
What's wrong, Robin?
Tired? Dizzy?
I had a strange feeling, Batman.
As if, as if, visions of sugar plums were dancing in my head.
They should be, boy wonder, it's almost Christmas, ho-ho-ho.
Welcome to Gotham City, Mr. Claus.
Great, call me Santy Claus, Batman, everybody else does.
Say, you tell me where the Bat-cave is
and I'll leave little present in your stockin'.
If can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?
Can't tell you here, Mr. Claus, but we'll telephone you
at the North Pole on the Bat-phone.
Good, good, I'll get to the Bat-cave
if I have to slide down a Bat-pole instead of a chimney.
Merry Christmas! Ho-ho-ho.
(together) Merry Christmas, Santa.
Ho-ho-ho.
And say hello to those eight tiny reindeer for us.
I will! I will!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, everybody!
Another unannounced intrusion, Batman.
We didn't want to attract undue attention, Mr. Knab.
But we did suspect that you might be in trouble.
Trouble? You mean out cold.
Some aspiring actress apparently decided that the best way
to further her career was to slip a mickey in my oolong.
Strange thinking.
Do you have any reason to believe that she might..
...be associated with Puzzler?
From what I hear of his antics after I launched the Retsoor
I wouldn't put anything past Puzzler.
Including that note addressed to me and pinned to you lapel.
Wh..
Why, the scoundrel.
- I tried to warn you, Mr. Knab. - You did indeed, young man.
And I was foolish not to listen.
Holy ghost writer! There's nothing on it.
Why would he use a pretty girl to drug me
to leave a blank piece of paper for you?
There are more things in heaven and earth, Artemus
than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
- That's a quote from-- - I know.
Hamlet.
Well, I can do without any further lines from Shakespeare.
Understandable, this apparently blank piece of paper..
...seems to have a slight odor of secret writing on it.
Of course, I've heard it's one of Puzzler's favorite tricks.
What else have you heard, Boy Wonder?
Any particular reason why would be trying to fleece me?
We don't have the answer to that now, Mr. Knab
but we hope to know shortly, if you'll excuse us.
We'll take this paper back to the Bat-cave and analyze it.
- I'll come with you. - Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Knab.
The location of the Bat-cave
must remain Robin's and my secret alone.
Godspeed.
[pulsating]
Look, the invisible ink is appearing.
- P-U-Z-Z-L-E-S. - Puzzles?
Strange, nothing more.
What could it mean?
"Puzzles" has seven letters. What comes in sevens, Robin?
- Seven-league boots. - Huh.
- Seven seas. - Hmm.
- The Dance of the Seven Veils. - Hmm.
It must be something connected
with his trying to tell us something.
The telephone.
The average modern telephone number consists of seven digits.
Oh, then matching the digits to the letters P-U-Z-Z-L-E-S
would be seven, eight..
It doesn't work, there isn't any Z on the dial.
Obviously, that's the puzzle, Z is the most enigmatic letter
in the alphabet, old chum.
Think of the words that begin with Z.
Zig-zag, zither, zodiac..
- Zounds. - Exactly!
Zounds is a Shakespearean interjection
of wonder or surprise.
Apparently, Puzzler expects this puzzle to catch us unprepared.
Oh, which it has.
No, Robin..
...not entirely.
There is a Shakespearean quotation I suspect
must be upper-most in Puzzler's mind at this time
and which I find quite appropriate.
"There is a divinity in odd numbers
either in nativity chance or death."
The Merry Wives of Windsor, act 3, scene 4, line 22.
Why are odd numbers so appropriate?
Some combination of them in the phone dial
must be his number.
But we know his hideout's in that Globe Balloon Factory.
No, I doubt if we can reach him there again, so..
"Divinity in odd numbers."
If you can work this, Batman, there must be.
What a groovy jumpsuit, Puzzler.
One must keep up with the space age, Rocket.
It's the perfect garb for flying the Retsoor.
Now hurry, boys, the clock abrades me with a waste of time.
[phone ringing]
Speak, knave.
Puzzler, this is Batman.
As I suspected, Caped Crusader.
I'd like to exchange quotations with you but time is money.
So, I'll just leave you with this thought
an aviator was carrying his clothes home from the cleaner's
when it began to rain, how didst he protect them?
Holy miracles, Batman! You got his number on your first try.
Now, "An aviator was carrying his clothes home
from the cleaner's when it began to rain."
- Gosh, it's a tough one. - Yes.
First a puzzle dealing with roosters and now this.
Looks like we're flying blind, Batman.
Flying? Flying?
Don't you know how the aviator
protected the clothes he was carrying?
He put them inside the hangars.
Hangar? That can only mean..
Artemus Knab's airplane Retsoor.
Rooster spelled backwards.
This scheme could've been under our noses all the time.
To the Batmobile.
Meanwhile, back in the abandoned shed
The Puzzler has set up a magic lantern show.
Considering the haste in which I made these microfilm photos
of Artemus Knab's secret plans
I'd say the photography is not too bad.
You're a genius, chief.
Oh, no time for accolades, Ramjet.
Now, that I've solved all of Retsoor secrets
flying her should be a soft and gentle breeze.
The plane's fuelled and ready to go
but they left two guards in front.
Fret not, Blimpy, they don't even know
that we found this shed or that it connects with the hangar.
Oh, Rocket, go outside and create your usual diversion.
Sure thing, Puzzler.
Mmm.
Six million dollars worth of machinery
and we make the killing tonight.
How unbearably scrumptious.
You gonna sell to a foreign government, boss?
Have you taken leave of your senses, Glider?
I may be an archvillain but I'm a 100 percent
naturalized American archvillain.
No one gets his hands on that plane except Artemus Knab
after he's, uh, paid me a small ransom of say, uh..
...four million dollars.
"Parting is such sweet-sorrow."
My heart is always heavy when a caper comes to an end
but...end it must.
Alright, men, to thy work.
Follow me.
[intense music]
Her beauty makes this vault
a feasting presence full of light.
Where are we going, Puzzler?
To some neutral country from which I
can negotiate with Artemus Knab.
Don't we need passports and stuff?
The Retsoor is all the passport we need.
Boy, I should get an academy award for that act.
I just told the guards that I ran out of gas down the road
and I left two of my girlfriends in it.
- And the guards are gone? - Like the wind.
S-h-h-h!
I told them my girlfriends were cold and lonely.
Good thinking, Rocket.
Blimpy, open the hangar door.
(Puzzler) 'Aboard, aboard.'
My puzzles have done a lot of out-puzzling
but this is the first time I've out-puzzled
an airplane's control panel puzzle.
Egad! What was that?
Where's Blimpy?
It's shut again.
Yes, Puzzler, shut again.
And will remain shut until
you and you high-flying flunkies are floored forever.
Cleverer than I thought, Caped Crusaders
but I still mean to launch the Retsoor.
You mean highjack it.
Only a matter of semantics, Boy Wonder.
Lights, camera, action!
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
Zounds!
Now, Puzzler..
...leaving out the semantics you're about to be launched..
'...off to prison.'
'I suspect the authorities should be arriving shortly.'
[door opens]
(Gordon) 'Your suspicion is correct, Batman.'
Good thing you called from the Batmobile.
We'd have been here sooner, but Grand Avenue was all torn up.
May I present the infamous Puzzler, gentlemen.
He's in your charge now. Also this young lady.
But all I ever wanted to be was a movie star.
Opportunities like that don't come often, Ms. O'Rourke
and must be earned.
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."
Too many puzzles, is that what did it, Batman?
One too many, quantity finally exceeded quality, Puzzler.
And all those quotes of Shakespeare didn't help either.
"My soul is full of discord and dismay."
- Hamlet. - Act four.
Scene one.
- Line forty six. - Forty five.
Egads, sir, you're right.
Well..
What's going on here?
Bruce and Dick, aren't these
the cutest puzzle balloons you've ever seen?
Yes, they're very unusual.
Some balloon factory was going out of business
and Alfred was able to get the exact ones I need
for a party I'm giving for underprivileged children.
My pleasure, madam.
They really are quite a novelty, aren't they?
Verily, Aunt Harriet, quite a novelty.
- Well, "All's well--" - "That ends well," sir?
Oui.
Next week, Michael Rennie as the Sandman
teams up with The Catwoman.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
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¶ Batman