¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
(male narrator) Another serene day in Gotham City.
But on terrace of a penthouse suite
atop the sky high, Gotham Arms
storm clouds gather.
Puzzler, what if Arty Knaby finds us his penthouse?
It's Artemus Knab, Rocket. He isn't due back until later today
and I have pass key, I don't think he'd mind.
You see, as Shakespeare would say
we are birds of the self same feather.
Alright, Glider, Blimpy, is the model plane ready to soar?
'Just like you said, Puzzler.'
[Puzzler laughing]
Yes, this should
startle the pillars of the law.
The caterpillars of the Commonwealth
which I have sworn to weed and pluck away.
No quotation from the bard, Rocket.
Phew.
- King Richard II. - Wow!
And I would particularly like to see it
sail through that window, down there.
I realize your prison facilities are becoming overcrowded.
Doubtless, that can be attributed
to the efficiency of this department.
Yeah.
Methinks, I'll launch this myself.
[humming]
[whooshing]
[dramatic music]
Oh!
[explosion]
[coughing]
Well, for your information, warden, that was an explosion.
Yes, right here in this office.
Commissioner, are you alright?
[coughing]
- What happened? - I don't know.
Model plane sailed through the window and dropped a bomb.
All a child's prank, no doubt.
Some child. A window, this high up?
What? What's that? A message attached?
Ah.
Uh..
"Forsooth, the puzzles are coming"
[coughing]
"I know a bank where the wild time blows.
Inside out, the puzzle goes."
Are you thinking what I am thinking, Chief O'Hara?
Aren't I always, commissioner?
Well, then.
Sure, and who else could it be, but The Puzzler himself.
Come to confound and confuse us.
I know we've been working the Caped Crusader overtime lately.
I feel I'd be shirking my duty to the populous of Gotham City
if I didn't call on his help in this dire crisis.
[imitating bird calls]
Why, Dick, it worked. One heard you.
[bird chirping]
Yes, Dick. Your bird calls are close to perfect.
If more people practice them, someday we might have a chance
for real communication with our feathered friends.
In that case, I'll polish up my ruby-crowned kinglet
and my rose breasted yellow tailed grosbeak calls.
The Bat-phone, sir.
Why don't you continue practicing those calls
out of White's Pond, Dick?
White's Pond, Dick.
I could get some fishing in at the same time.
Let's go.
[instrumental music]
Those two, always on the move.
Youth, madam, youth.
Yes, commissioner.
Right away.
To the Bat-poles.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[theme music]
There is no doubt about it, gentlemen.
Puzzler's malfeasant methods are legendary.
Plus the fact that they're usually connected
with an avi-atic caper.
Along with his Shakespearean touches.
Holy Hamlet!
In this particular instance..
...it's the backward puzzle that intrigues me.
- Backward, Batman? - Yes.
"I know a bank, where the wild time blows.
Inside out, the puzzle goes."
Maybe he's asking a question. Like, "What will I rob next?"
Perhaps.
But we all know, the Puzzler uses reverse logic from..
Reverse...
Why, that's it. "Inside out."
Robin, take the word "Bank" and spell it backwards.
K-N-A-B. Knab.
Add "A" for Artemus.
Holy deposit slip!
Artemus Knab! One of the richest men in the world.
'And he's right here in Gotham City, now.'
Correct, Robin. And some of Artemus Knab's millions
come from his aviation monopoly
along with his many other monopolies.
Gentlemen, I strongly suspect that Puzzler's prime
and present target is Artemus Knab.
You've done it again, Batman.
Chief O'Hara, take some men to Artemus Knab's penthouse suite
at the Gotham Arms immediately.
A moment, Commissioner. May we handle this?
I welcome the opportunity to
cross swords, as it were, with Puzzler.
We won't attract much attention as full police squad moving in.
By all means, Batman, if that's the way you want it.
We haven't a moment to lose, Robin.
Whoever they are beneath those masks--
You've said that before, Commissioner.
I'll say it in my dying day, Chief O'Hara.
Gotham City owes the Dynamic Duo a debt
which can never be repaid.
Well, if this Artemus Knab's as rich as they say
maybe he can help a little.
That's what I said, sell.
I don't care what happens to the market.
I'll give you 5200 for Park Place, not a penny more.
6000.
58 now, two, when I pass "Go." Move.
[telephone rings]
Yes. Did you get a quote on Pan-Uranium?
Good. Buy all you can get.
I don't know how, just buy it.
And I'll give you 5000 for Board Walk.
[telephone rings]
Yes.
What do you mean you can't find a 200 foot diesel yacht?
I don't know how, just find it.
"This castle hath a pleasant seat."
[telephone rings]
Yes.
So, the movie is 5 million over budget.
'Who cares? It's my 5 million. Keep shooting.'
Hold my calls.
Now, what's all this about castles and seats?
Oh, Macbeth, act one.
But you do have a splendid penthouse, Artemus.
I can see you enjoy the pleasures of life.
[laughing]
One hotel's is the same as the other to me.
I couldn't have it put it better myself.
Oh, good. Good.
I like a partner who agrees with me.
(Robin) 'Yes.'
(Batman) 'That always makes for a better partnership. '
Now, fie, two-headed traitors.
Nature has framed strange fellows in her time.
Art thou not verily, The Caped Crusaders?
You mean Batman and Robin?
I'm sorry we came in unannounced, Mr. Knab.
And via Bat-ropes up this side of the building.
'I'll explain presently.'
Yes, Puzzler. I am Batman.
And I'm Robin.
We suspected you'd be in town.
And we also had reason to believe
he'd be in this penthouse suite with you, Mr. Knab.
Is that your explanation for interrupting us?
We thought you might be in trouble.
I'm Artemus Knab.
I'm never in trouble.
Never!
And he's Puzzler, who knows every weasel word in the book.
Weasel words, as you put it, are no concern to me.
Puzzler has come up with a novel idea
out of which I expect to make millions, more millions.
And if that's trouble, Batman. I'd like a lot more of it.
You mean more honest millions?
Young man, there's no easier buck to be made in this world
than an honest buck.
Oh, how true.
I'm sorry, Mr. Knab.
Robin is sometimes inclined to be a bit impetuous.
Impetuous and curious, about that backward puzzle of yours.
Yes, Puzzler, just what is your novel idea
for increasing Mr. Knab's coffers?
My usual novel method, Batman.
These are highly competitive days.
Anyone with a product to sell must look for a new
and unique approach to publicity and advertising.
- Publicity? - Advertising?
Yes, for this new venture.
I'm backing Puzzler in the manufacture
of puzzle balloons.
Something seldom done before.
Um, never done before.
It should make an interesting addition
to my airplane monopoly.
Not to mention, my movie studio monopoly.
'My stock market monopoly, my ship building monopoly.'
My various other lesser monopolies.
Care to see a sample of our wares?
Here, Boy Wonder.
You're obviously not too old to play with balloons.
Maybe not.
But I'm old to recognize a bunco artist when I see one.
Really, Artemus!
How much more am I expected to take from
this-this caped nincompoop?
Nothing more.
But allow me one last warning, Mr. Knab.
Your new business partner is not called Puzzler for nothing.
Forgive the intrusion. Let's go, Robin.
Uh, use the front door.
It's faster that way.
I just hate to see a reasonably successful multi billionaire
like Artemus Knab taken for a ride by that
shady pseudo-Shakepearean swindler.
I suspect even Puzzler's met his match in Artemus Knab.
But, let's see what problem
this sample balloon poses, shall we?
[air hissing]
"If you knew a hawk from a hand saw
would you know a parrot from a plane?"
Maybe he was telling the truth.
Sample balloon, a silly puzzle?
I'm not sure.
A hawk from a hand saw is in a line from Hamlet, act 2 scene 2.
I know a hawk from a hand saw.
If I remember properly.
But a parrot from a plane.
Airplane.
[dramatic music]
Of course.
Puzzler said the balloon might entertain us.
An airplane and entertainment mean only one thing.
Holy flight plan. Artemus Knab's coming out party
for his new fantastic plane, the Retzor.
Yes, with some of the crem de la crem
of Gotham City's society attending.
And that, among other things, spells expensive jewelry.
Puzzles, airplanes, jewelry!
Let's get to the airport.
Right, Robin.
[instrumental music]
A short time later
in an airplane hanger at Gotham City airport..
(Artemus) Your attention, please.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Friends.
Folks.
I here by christen the Retzor.
Code name for this experimental model
of my X-1000 counter insurgency
reconnaissance jet plane.
At the same time, outside the hanger, a strange delivery.
[bottle shattering]
[crowd applauding]
Well.
Have a good time and remember your donations
are going to a very worthy cause.
Research for my aviation monopoly.
[crowd applauding]
Well.
That was a close call.
I thought Artemus Knab would have left.
Artemus Knab? In that beat up old jalopy?
He's a trifle eccentric.
Hey, why didn't you introduce me?
He'll never make me a movie star if he never meets me.
Harp not on that string, Rocket.
"Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens."
Fat and greasy?
A favorite line of mine from "As You Like It," Blimpy.
Translated it means, get going.
This caper calls for split second timing.
I don't get it.
If you plan to steal the airplane
why was time with the jewelry?
A little extra pocket money never came amiss, Blimpy.
My mission is to photograph Retzor's controls.
Yours is to line our pockets.
Let the masquerade commence.
On with the plane.
[instrumental music]
Get your puzzle balloons.
[clamoring]
- Sticks. - Ready.
[balloons popping]
Pow, pow.
[popping continues]
[clamoring]
That invisible puzzle balloon gas is doing yeomen service.
Bewildering our prey is far better than knocking them out.
Wow, I just wanna touch all those jewels.
Frailty, thy name is woman.
We must not hesitate.
Our uninvited guests will be here presently.
[instrumental music]
Ah.
Pow, wow!
Pow, wow-wow-wow!
[Rocket gasping]
Sweets to the sweet. Farewell.
Rocket depart by under the portal.
We'll see you at the factory.
Gee, thanks!
All the ones escapes.
Now, we wait.
[dramatic music]
Just what I wanted.
To catch you in the act, Puzzler.
My timing is perfect.
Naught but fools, these mortals be.
Puzzle balloons for the Dynamic Duo, boys.
Something in the air, Robin.
The games afoot. Curtain going up.
Aye, and the Caped Crusaders..
'muddled and mazed like all the others.'
Do we liquidate 'em now, boss?
No, Glider.
I have a far more delicious idea for their demise.
And now, to snap a few pictures of the plane's cockpit.
And then, for some more puzzles.
On with the show!
"What letter is ne'er perceived in the alphabet."
The letter you put in the mailbox.
But what could that mean?
Maybe, the answer's on..
[balloon popping]
...this piece of paper, which was in that balloon.
Gosh, Batman, it might be.
It also might be the reason
Puzzler or one of his heinous henchmen
pinned that balloon on me while I was momentarily incapacitated.
"Yay, verily, the answer is a fence, in this world's globe."
Ah.
Of course, a fence is someone who buys stolen jewelry.
I don't think Puzzler would make it that easy for us, old chum.
The hammer spring of a gun lock is also called a fence.
And they say a horse fences well when he leaps a fence.
Maybe that's it, Batman. Just a plain fence.
Maybe Puzzler wants to make it easy for us.
Hmm, if we follow that line of reasoning
what constitutes a fence?
- Boards. - Mm.
- Palings. - Mm.
- Rail. - Mm.
- Wire. - Mm.
Posts. Posts!
Like the letter you put in a mailbox.
- It's a double clue. - But the answer is a fence.
An enclosure, something separating
one yard from another.
- Barnyard, graveyard? - Mm, mm.
- Shipyard - Mm.
- Railroad yard! - Mm!
Railroad yard, we maybe on to it, Robin.
The main post office is located
directly adjacent to the rail road yard.
And somewhere in that facility
Puzzler plans to sell the stolen jewelry.
I've got it!
The old Globe balloon factory
is also adjacent to the rail road yard.
I should've seen that from the start.
One moment, please.
- Now, may I help you? - I'd like to see Puzzler.
- Your names, please. - Batman.
And Robin.
- If you're salesmen.. - We are not!
I'm sorry. The Puzzler told me he's not seeing anyone today.
At the risk of sounding conceited, young lady
we're not just...anyone.
Let's go, Robin.
[instrumental music]
Just as you thought, Puzzler.
There're on their way in, right now.
Man the barricades!
Alright, Puzzler. Your insidious little game is, as they say, up.
Not quite, Batman. I know a trick worth two of that.
Attack!
[theme music]
[crashing]
I'd say this calls for drastic action.
Ow! Ow!
Batman! Help!
What are you going to do with those?
The pointed venom tool.
[screaming]
- Ouch! - Batman!
Wow!
Ouch!
Boy!
That's really giving them the needle.
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Rocket.
[intense music]
There's something in the wind, Caped Crusaders.
Holy Graf Zeppelin, an aerial balloon!
And here is another little surprise for you.
You see this altimeter?
(Puzzler) 'When you reach 20 thousand feet'
an automatic mechanism will release
the basket from the balloon.
(Puzzler) 'And you both will reaffirm'
'Newton's law of universal gravitation'
back down 20 thousand feet.
Bet even Shakespeare didn't have words for such villainy.
Gilder, Blimpy.
- Hey, you guys want some gum? - Really, Ramjet?
That's what they give in the airlines before you take off.
No, thank you.
- Litterbug. - Now, for the docking.
Give me the dagger.
This...is the unkindness cut of all.
(Puzzler) 'Farewell, Dynamic Duo.'
Bon voyage, happy landings.
Adieu, adieu.
(Puzzler) 'Remember me.'
[dramatic music]
Horror of horrors! Is there no escape?
That altimeter is rising fast!
Is this the last harrah for the Dynamic Duo?
Can anything save them?
We can only hope 'til tomorrow!
Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel!