¶ Batman
(male narrator) When last we left our brave boys
they were encased by Catwoman in a giant echo chamber where
the drip, drip drop of a faucet was magnified
ten million times.
[reverberating loudly]
If they don't find some solution their magnificent
mindswill be reduced to oatmeal.
Thereby rendering them useless for a great many things.
Stay glued to your seats.
The worst is yet to come.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[reverberating loudly]
[reverberating continues]
Robin.
Every room has its sympathetic vibration.
A nota that can shatter glass.
Like the great Caruso did with his voice.
The note for this room should be F sharp above high C.
[buzzing]
[glass shattering]
Wow. I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while.
What?!
I said, wow, I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while!
You'll have to speak a little louder, Robin.
I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while.
- Robin? - No, Belgoody.
Call Chief O'Hara and have him pick this bounder up.
Right, Batman!
Alright, Belgoody, tell me everything.
Everything? Well, I-I was born in Youngstown
of poor but honest parents..
Come off it, Belgoody. You're pulling my boot!
What's Catwoman's plan?
Well, you're too late, Batman. You're too late.
Because right at this very moment in history
Catwoman is stealing the voices of Chad and Jeremy
at the Policemen's ' Ball
Voices?
So that's it!
What a fiendish plan!
Chief O'Hara and his men will be right over.
We must get the Gotham City Town Hall immediately, Robin.
Let's tie him up quickly.
And that Gotham City Town Hall on the other side of town
the joint is really jumping.
[crowd chattering]
(male announcer) 'And now, here they are, the music world's Dynamic Duo'
'Chad and Jeremy.'
[crowd applauding]
[instrumental music]
¶ Sweet
¶ Soft summer nights
¶ Dancing shadows
Are your see-in-the-dark glasses in order, Meany, Miney, Moe?
- You bet. - They sure are.
Ready to go.
¶ You came
¶ For me to follow
¶ And we kissed
¶ On distant shores
¶ Long
¶ Quiet hours of play
¶ Sounds of tomorrow
¶ From yesterday
Get them.
¶ Love came
[machine beeping]
[indistinct chatter]
[laughing]
I thought you said they couldn't get away, Catwoman.
And yet they did.
And so will we.
[whistling]
I can't see, Batman!
Neither can I, Robin.
But then again, neither can they.
Oh, yes we can. Cats can always see in the dark.
Especially with these glasses.
[Catwoman laughing]
Come on, kittens, we've done it.
- Let's go after them, Batman. - No, Robin.
I'm afraid it's too late.
[crowd screaming]
We must stay here and restore order.
With 5,000 screaming teenagers, someone is liable to get hurt.
Citizens! Citizens! Hi, kids!
And on the following morning two special guests appear
on the Allan Stevens Television show.
- Now you were saying-- - As I was saying..
America must have faith
that the law will recover the voices of Chad and Jeremy.
Yes, I understand that millions of the world's teenagers
are in virtual mourning since last night's tragedy.
Yes, that's quite true, Mr. Stevens
but on the plus side, millions of parents are delighted.
Speaking as an average, ordinary, red-blooded
typical American teenager, I think this is one of
the worst things that could have happened!
Fans, you've our assurance that Catwoman will be captured.
And the voices of Chad and Jeremy will be restored
before another sun sets on Gotham City.
The sun also rises, smarty tights.
Keep the audience covered. If anyone moves
hit them with the sonic beam blast.
- Let's crush 'em, Batman! - Hold it, Robin!
They appear to be desperate.
They might even fire on the audience.
You bet your baby blue eyes, we would.
We'll continue with this tense and exciting scene
in just a moment, folks. But first--
[whirring]
A-and now right back to you, Catwoman.
What is it you want, Catwoman?
Eight million pounds for the return of their voices.
8 million pounds of what? Chicken fat?
Sorry, I asked.
It comes to a grand total of 22,400,000 American dollars
and I want it fast.
How do we know you really have their voices
and will return them?
[Chad and Jeremy's Sweet soft summer nights song]
But that's impossible.
Nobody will pay that much money for those voices.
England will.
Because England swings like a pendulum do.
Or does.
England? Of all the preposterous plans.
You can't hold up an entire country.
You wanna bet?
Chad and Jeremy pay so much income tax to their native land
that if were to stop.
The whole empire might crumble
and the British power will be deflated.
And once..
...that happens, the entire economic structure of the world
would collapse. How dastardly!
Alright, you've heard my deal.
(Catwoman) 'You've got until tomorrow noon to come up with the scratch.'
If not, I turn my voice eraser loose on everyone.
Now, just a darn minute. You can't come in here and..
[machine beeping]
Come on, kittens.
Let's shake a paw.
The sneeze bomb might keep you busy for a while.
[gas hissing]
[sneezing]
Ah, Batman and Robin.
Welcome to my humble office.
I'm Sir Sterling Habits, How do you do?
And how do you do?
And what brings you here such an early after morning?
By this time, Sir Sterling, you're aware of the serious
tragedy affecting your country's most popular export?
Have we stopped making those small sports cars?
We're referring to Chad and Jeremy.
Oh, yes, those blighters.
Can't understand a word they say.
Why can't the English learn to speak?
Have you consulted your government
about the ransom demands?
Oh, yes indeed. Parliament is being overtime on it.
And?
Well, I'm expecting a telephone call
from them at any moment now.
[telephone ringing]
Hello.
Oh, Harold, how are you?
Yes.
Uh-huh, quite.
You're quite sure?
Well, thank you very much, indeed.
Pip pip.
That was them or should I say they?
Yeah, well it doesn't matter anyhow.
They will not exceed to Catwoman's demands.
(Sir Sterling Habits) 'And their feelings about Chad and Jeremy are..'
...millions for their records not a cent for their ransom.
Yes, well, thank you, Sir Sterling.
Not at all.
Yes, what is it, Rhett?
Begging your pardon, sir.
But a large crowd have gathered outside the consulate
having heard the Dynamic Duo are here.
I fear at this moment..
time's too precious to spend with our admirers.
We must get cracking.
I-I'm afraid that they've all entrances covered, sir.
To the window, Robin.
Cheerio, Sir Sterling.
[intense music]
Don Ho! what are you doing here?
Well, I came back to get some land we lost back in Hawaii.
And to do a little singing here in Gotham, I hope.
Well, I brought my most important prop along.
Its gotten me as far as your Bat-ropes have gotten you.
Hey, I think I'll introduce Bat-ropes in Hawaii.
Pick coconuts more easy that way.
I'd like to sit on the beach and chat with you all day Don but..
The surf's coming up. I'm gonna catch you in a bit.
Okay fellas, I understand. Aloha
- Aloha. - Aloha.
All about men or out there in the field, Batman.
But they're not making a bit of headway.
Poor Commissioner Gordon is still without his voice.
I think she's got us licked.
The game is never over until the last out is made, Chief.
Never say die.
We've had some dark moments in the past, haven't we?
- Yes, I know but this-- - Fear not!
The criminal always makes one mistake.
I'm sure she did too.
There is no such thing as the perfect crime.
Well, I, for one, can't think about single mistake she made.
She even had the audacity to phone me.
Right here in Commissioner Gordon's office this morning.
You remember anything she said, chief?
Better than that.
I tape recorded most of the conversation.
- Sound thinking. - Holy resourcefulness!
I couldn't have put it better myself, Robin.
No wonder you've risen to the top of your department, chief.
Chief, what I want is money.
And you've got four hours before
I start using my voice eraser on everyone.
Today Gotham city, tomorrow, the world.
God, that woman!
Do you mind if I take this with me, Commissioner Gordon?
Not at all. But why?
I heard a strange noise in the background.
We might just be able to identify it
on the Bat-sound analyzer. Courage, Commissioner Gordon.
We'll have your voice back
before you can say "Jack Robertson."
Come on, Robin, there's not much time.
Think it'll work, Batman?
It has to work, Robin. The world is at stake.
This will determine, if that sound in the background
is something unique and traceable.
Batman, there's something I don't understand.
Yes?
I realize that losing the power of speech
is an awful thing. But why do you feel that
the whole world's at stake?
Simple.
If we couldn't talk, there'll be no telephones.
Oh.
There are millions of people who use
telephones in business every day.
Now, they'd to meet their clients face to face.
Oh.
That would cause enormous traffic problems.
Further, all the people who work for the world's phone companies
would lose their jobs.
There'll be no such thing
as radio, television and movies would go silent.
Oh.
There's a whole host of ramifications.
And Catwoman can do all that?
If we let her.
Now, let's see what that noise in the background is.
Three hair dryers!
Hair dryers?
If I remember correctly, Robin, there're over
2000 beauty salons in Gotham city.
There's just not enough time unless..
Unless what, Batman?
Unless the effects of the voice eraser were off after a while.
If that's true, Robin, we don't have to worry at all.
- Gosh Batman, I hope so. - You go top side, Robin.
See if Chad and Jeremy'll recover their voices
through natural means. I'll push on here.
Aye aye, sir.
[intense music]
Any luck, Alfred?
I'm afraid not, master Dick.
Your Aunt and I've tried every remedy we can think of.
But, it appears that Chad and Jeremy may well have been
stilled forever.
It may not be long before we're all in the same condition.
There must be some way out.
What is it, Alfred?
It seems that they want to go out to get their hair done.
Boy, I thought I had heard everything.
Yes.
To Mr. Oceanbring's on Pickford street
Mr. Oceanbring's?
The world famous men's hair stylist.
(Alfred) 'Oh, it's the latest rage, master Dick.'
Almost every rock 'n roll star goes to have his hair
coiffed by Mr. Oceanbring.
Are there hair dryers at Mr. Oceanbring's?
[intense music]
Thanks.
What on the world could he have meant by that?
Ah, madam, apparently something about the hairdryers
at Mr. Oceanbring's seemed particularly attractive to..
...uh, um..
One day without the power to speak
and the whole world will be at our knees.
Then they'll pay anything to get their voices back.
Being an honorable crook
I'd let them off for measly 22,400,000 dollars.
'We should've finished off Batman'
- 'And Robin.' - 'When we had the chance.'
Oh, I couldn't bring myself to do it, boys.
Even though I don't care very much of that Boy Wonder.
Batman did save my life once. I owe him that.
If we do steal have everyone's voices
how do we give them back after we get paid off?
With this devilishly clever little formula.
Easily compounded of sweet basil, garlic, salt
and goat's milk in the right proportion.
[clock hooting]
Twelve noon.
Time to make the call.
Quentin-3-3-7-0-0.
(Batman) 'Sorry, wrong number, Catwoman.'
Batman!
Batman, why for art thou doing this to me?
It's my job, Catwoman.
I am sworn to uphold the law.
But if you just come down of your high horse for a moment..
We could make such beautiful music together.
You'll play a different tune when we're through with you.
And all the notes will be sour.
Party pooper. Teenagers should be seen and not heard.
Alright, men, destroy the Dynamic Duo!
Watch the antiques.
Gentle with Batman, boys.
[theme music]
[grunting]
You stay here until Chief O'Hara arrives and guard them.
Someone let Catwoman out of the bag.
I can't let her get away now.
[instrumental music]
[ceramic shattering]
[intense music]
The sonic beam in this gun can slice
like a hot knife through the high-priced bread.
Ah, but I've reached an impasse.
Shall I steal your voice or end your life?
Whichever you decide, I'm sure it'll be the wrong choice.
You've a pretty sharp tongue for a man about
to say goodbye to this world, Batman.
Beg, beg for your mortal existence.
I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life.
What're you waiting for?
Can't you see how I feel about you, Batman?
How I want you by my side?
It won't work, Catwoman.
If you're going to kill me, you might as well get it over with.
[intense music]
I can't kill the only man that I've..
Don't worry, Catwoman.
You wouldn't have killed me even though you shot the gun.
The Anti-bat-sonic device in my utility belt
would've deflected the beam.
Well, it was a good plot, while it lasted, huh?
Yes, Catwoman, one of your very best.
Thank you.
But still the problem remains. How do we undo what you did?
- The stolen voices? - Yes.
Oh, well, you just have them all
spray their throats with the atomizer.
Get them back to normal in seconds, uh.
Amazing!
You see, my voice eraser electronically
loosened their vocal chords and..
Just have them sprayed and it'll..
...tighten them right back up again.
Amazing!
Batman.
When I get out of jail, will you take me on a date?
Well, I have plenty of time to think about that, Catwoman.
Several years, I'm afraid.
If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a..
...bad girl?
But, uh, no.. No, of course not, Catwoman.
Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world.
Uh, some people kiss almost every day, and I'm told..
Well..
(Robin) 'Come on, Batman. The police are here.'
Boy Blunder!
Catwoman..
...may I take a rain check on that kiss?
Certainly, Batman.
Anytime..
Holy mush!
[screaming]
¶ Went up to my boss today
¶ Said hey man, can I have more pay ¶
¶ I said Will ya Please sir
¶ He took one look at me and then ¶
¶ He said If you ask me that again, I'll kill ya ¶
Aren't they great, Alfred?
Well they-they certainly do sway, don't they?
Very hap, Alfred.
It's 'hip', Aunt Harriet, they changed it.
¶ Do and die I know
¶ But even so it seems that the world ¶
¶ Has passed me over
¶ Same sort of thing with the birds in this town ¶
¶ I pick 'em up they put me down ¶
¶ Still you can't complain much ¶
¶ If I had a fancy car
¶ Mercedes or a Jaguar I'd thrill 'em ¶
Well, Bruce Wayne.
Commissioner Gordon, how nice to hear your voice again.
¶ Why do I have to cry
¶ Ours not to reason why I know ¶
¶ It's just to do and die I know ¶
¶ But even so it seems that the world ¶
¶ Has passed me over
My grandchildren insisted that
I come and hear the Chad and Jeremy.
A bit on the groovy side, aren't they?
Every era has its own music, commissioner.
So in art and so in manner of speech.
Of course, the essence of progress is change.
A point well taken, Mrs. Cooper.
But there's one pair, presently in the public eye which
I pray will never suffer the stigma of antiquity.
Batman and Robin, commissioner?
You took the words right out of my mouth, Mrs. Cooper.
¶ Just to do and die I know
¶ But even so it seems that the world ¶
¶ Has passed me over
Next week, Maurice Evans as the Puzzler vs. Batman.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman