¶ Batman
(male narrator) The Gotham City 100.
Racingdom's most exciting spectacle is half over.
400,000 people have jammed into the Gotham City Speedway
to witness the proceedings.
At this point, Grimaldi Smith
dean of America's drivers
holds a comfortable six minute lead
over his international competition.
[band music]
[intense music]
Make one false move..
...you'll get another mouth, where your nose used to be.
Keep the grubby hands towards the sky, fellas.
[instrumental music]
Alright. Let's burn the breeze and hightail it outta here.
[music continues]
Who was that man?
I'm not quite sure but, he left this platinum bullet.
Platinum bullet?
Only one man uses a platinum bullet.
You mean..
No doubt about it, Chief O'Hara.
Shame has come back to taunt us with his western wiliness.
What a frightening felony
rustlin' the most expensive automobile in racing.
You heard about the other two robberies?
The hot rod and the gold cart? Yes, I know about them.
However, I thought they were simple car thefts
and handled easily enough by our department, but this..
This sheds an entirely new light on the affair.
You think Shame stole them, too?
No doubt about it.
Only one man would have the unmitigated gall..
...to pilfer an automobile and have it witnessed by
more than 800,000 eyes.
What do we do now, commissioner?
What do we do?
What can we do?
You know as well as I that this can only be handled
'by one far wiser than we.'
And in stately Wayne Manor..
[Aunt Harriet laughing]
Oh, Bruce, that's wonderful, so exciting.
The trick's to make the cars go slow enough
so they don't fall off the track on the curves.
It's child's play, once you get the hang of it.
I guess I still haven't gotten it.
That's three in a row you've beaten me.
Makes no difference, if you win or lose.
It's how you play the game.
It's easier to say that when you win.
Um, sir?
(Wayne) 'Yes, Alfred.'
You have an appointment with Mr. Red Amici, sir.
Isn't that man from the phone company?
One and the same, Master Dick
- Golly. - We can't keep him waiting.
- No, sir. - Why don't you try it, Aunt?
[laughing]
Now what was it he said about not falling off the track?
[intense music]
Yes, commissioner.
There were three auto thefts in Gotham City today, Batman.
That should be simple enough for your fine force.
It would be except that all clues
point to the redoubtable road agent.
The blood thirsty bushwacker.
Shame, himself.
We'll be right there. To the Bat-poles.
[intense music]
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[engine whirring]
[theme music]
The nerve of some of these criminals
never ceases to astound me, Batman.
Shame never was one for modesty.
All of his crimes had a certain flair.
A certain bravado not unlike the western criminals of yesteryear.
And you say those three stray cars were rounded up?
That's right, caped crime buster.
But there's something downright devilish about the whole thing.
(Batman) 'What is that, Chief O'Hara?'
Well, instead of rustling the entire car
he took just one item from each of them.
Then, abandoned the rest of the automobile.
Holy jigsaw puzzles!
He purloined the 28 barrel carburetor
from Grimaldi Smith's racer.
Some custom made alloy pistons from the engine of the go-kart.
And some mill heads from a hot rod.
Why would anyone just steal bits and pieces of cars
rather than one entire auto?
That is the question.
And he left this platinum bullet behind.
Platinum is not easy to come by these days.
Perhaps we can trace it on our precious metals Bat-analyzer.
Let's go, Robin. We've ne'ery a second to lose.
- Vamonos. - Right, amigo.
- Feel better, O'Hara? - Much.
So do I.
Meanwhile in Westernland
a deserted and bankrupt movie studio
on the edge of Gotham City
Shame has another axe to grind.
[piano music]
Good.
When I lay my paws on Batman and Robin
I'm gonna grease their skull so hard with this
they'll be known as the Dynamic Foursome.
Good idea!
I'm gonna pour me three fingers of this here tonsil varnish.
I reckon, that's why they call me Messy James, huh?
[piano music]
Okie Annie, quit pounding your finger. Get over here.
Shame, how much longer you reckon
before this truck's ready to roam in the rain?
Soon enough, dumpling.
As soon as I can get the rest of the making for that motor.
And when I do, this here truck is gonna go 300 miles per..
- Day? - Hour!
Last time I was in Gotham City, that gall darn Batmobile
followed me all over and finally cut me off at a concrete pass.
Caused me to spend quite a spell at the river.
Well, I don't aim to have that happen no more.
Shame, honey, it ain't so much the car.
It's the fellas what drive it.
Good.
If all goes well, them two'll be pushing up daisies pretty soon.
But just in case they ain't
I want that there truck to make that their Batmobile
look like a turtle with arthritis.
When you got plans as big as mine, baby
you gotta cover all the angles.
And the biggest thing of all is a clean, quick getaway.
- Hey! Someone's a coming. - Get away.
[instrumental music]
Howdy, barkeep.
My handle's Andy Stevens.
Perhaps you've heard of me. The Pecos kid.
I got 12 notches on my gun.
And they ain't there because I like whittlin'.
If you get what I mean.
Let me have some of your best red eye and leave the bottle.
Yes, sir.
Mommy!
Just as I suspected, Robin.
An ordinary lead bullet coated with platinum paint.
It's no help at all.
Let's try another tack.
Shame has stolen a carburetor, pistons and milled heads.
Now what does that suggest to you, Robin?
That he's building an engine.
Why go to all this trouble
when it's less dangerous to buy one?
Why indeed, Robin?
However, these are not ordinary automotive components.
They're highly sophisticated.
Not readily available at your local garage.
No, there's a method to his misdemeanors.
I've got it, he probably wants to enter a car
in the Gotham's City Grand Prix for the $100,000 price.
Good thinking, old chum.
Now, if you were building a super engine
what else would you need?
A special camshaft and valve lifters.
Precisely.
I think, this calls for a clever ruse.
Such as?
Hotrod Harry, dean of Gotham City's disk jockeys
the man who knows all there's to know about cars.
Please, get me radio station KGC.
Yes, siree, baby, we play the pick of the pack.
The best in waxings you like.
For all you guys and gals out there in radioland
let's move right along now with a tune written only this morning
and already it's number three, number three, do you hear me?
On the KGC survey here in Gotham City's Ville.
It's "Desert Sands" by Laurence and the Arabians.
[phone rings]
Hotrod Harry, your musical maestro.
Hello, Harry, this is Bruce Wayne.
'Hi, you Brucy baby.'
'Hey, you're the fellow that endowed the dragstrip'
'out in the suburbs. Keep the kids off the street.'
Uh, that's right, Harry, could you do me a small favor?
A radio announcement.
Cool, daddy.
And that's from the guy who is saying, "yes"
who makes the top decisions and plays the tops in pops.
And also some of the old times tunes, right here on KGC
number radio in Gotham City.
[music on radio]
Say, that's right good, Mr. Shame.
But how come you only use one gun
while the rest of your friends have two?
A fella only needs one gun, Andy.
If he knows how you use it proper.
Golly, you're pretty handy with a peacemaker.
Mighty fast.
Well, partner.
A fellow had to be handy with a six gun, where I came from.
Boot Hill was filled with fellas
'who pulled the trigger before they took aim.'
'Many a buckaroo took the long jump.'
'Cause he had a case of slow.
(Harry) 'Hey, all you chicks and chucks out there.'
'You all remember old Brucy Wayne.'
'The cat who came up with the scratch for the dragstrip.'
'He's had his limousine revamped.'
'That's what I said, had the man put on a handmade camshaft'
'and some special imported valve lifters. Now that's real class.'
'He'll be showing the car next week at the Auto Show.'
'So all you John's and Jane's kinda fall by, uh?'
'I hear it makes that car go 298 miles a hour. Wow!'
Hey, that's what we need to finish off that there stallion.
What now, boss?
Okie Annie, you gotta bushwack this here Wayne fellow
and get his Cayuse.
- Do tell. - 'Little short horn.'
'We're gonna have to hit the trail now.'
I'm gonna borrow that radio from you.
'Cause I gotta hear that, their, disk jockey fellow
and get some of them hotrod tips.
Alright, amigos.
Let's go.
[dramatic music]
Hey, wait a minute.
Come back, Shame.
Shame, come back.
Boy, I sure Shame bites the bait.
Bait, Master Dick?
I'm hoping the house is being watched this very moment.
Expect to be held up within the hour.
My word. Isn't that rather dangerous, sir?
It's our only hope of catching Shame.
All other clues have been exhausted.
Let's go, Dick.
[dramatic music]
There they go.
We'll follow 'em and then strike
while the branding iron is still hot.
You gonna kill 'em, boss.
Only if they give me any backwash.
One millionaire more or less ain't gonna be missed by nobody.
[dramatic music]
Gosh, Bruce, uh, I've never been in a place like this before.
Maybe we should have checked Aunt Harriet's shopping list
more closely before we volunteered.
What do you think we should do?
Press on.
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
Bonjour, monsieur.
May I help you?
Yes, we're looking... for something in, uh..
...uh, is-is.. Something in lingerie.
I see. Exactly, what sort of lingerie?
Well, it's, um, I-I think, one would..
How would you say it, Dick?
Uh, it's like, it's..
Uh, he wants a full slip, size 38, white and washable.
- Oh, merci, madame. - Yes.
(Bruce) 'Well, thank you, uh, miss..'
- Okie Annie. - Ms. Annie.
Aren't you millionaire Bruce Wayne?
And aren't you his youthful ward, Dick Grayson?
How'd you know?
I've seen your picture in the paper a whole passel of times.
And I could use your help.
Turn about's fair play. What do you need?
My car is in the parking lot, just plum tuckered out.
- And I'm down to my last chip. - Mm-hmm.
- Merci, mademoiselle. - Merci, monsieur.
- Uh, do you need some money? - No.
Just a lift over to Point View Street.
I mean, I couldn't ask just anyone.
But-but, I reckon on account of you're so trust worthy
because of all those nice things I read in the paper
about what your foundation does.
I think, we can arrange that. Can't we, Dick?
- Sure can. - I could kiss you for that.
Oh, here, hold this.
Come on, let's go.
[dramatic music]
Good.
[instrumental music]
[cow mooing]
Good, boss.
Come on, bossy.
Come on.
What's a nice cow like you, doing in a place like this?
Reach.
So, this was all a trick.
You bet your boots.
If you keep your hands raised and don't fuss an inch
you might live a while a longer, get it?
Got it.
Good. Alright, let's split.
[dramatic music]
Why didn't we try to stop them?
They did exactly as I'd hoped.
But now we're stuck here.
Hmm, watch.
I had the remote control unit
keep the Bat-cycle at a safe distance.
It's been following us all the time.
[engine revving]
Amazing. But what if someone see us on the Bat-cycle?
We're a mile away from the secret entrance.
- To the Bat-cave. - Allow me, sir. Thank you.
And I know the circuitous route over a deserted path.
There you are, Alfred, the Alf-cycle.
Thank you, sir.
[instrumental music]
Goodbye.
I took the precaution of coating the limousine's tires
with an infrared Bat-dust which glows by day as well as dark.
But you must look at it though the Batmobile's
specially tinted windshield.
Let's go. To the Bat-cave.
[engine revving]
[mooing]
[dramatic music]
Good.
There, and about done.
You still think this'll haul all that weight
and still out-race the Batmobile?
This thing'll be doing a 100
while that thing's still in first gear.
Besides, it won't make no difference.
Batman and Robin won't know
where we are and where to find us.
Them two is long gone. Over the hill.
[all laughing]
[indistinct]
- Watch out, Batmobile. - Here comes the Hay Burner.
[indistinct chattering]
"The best laid plans of mice and men aft gang agley."
Who that?
You better come quietly, Shame.
Let's drill him, boss.
Holster you hardware, fellows.
Wouldn't want no stray bullets
hittin' this here truck after all this work.
And all that money facin' us.
We ain't got a chance against the Dynamic Duo.
Leastwise not without guns.
Talkin' to you is like talkin' pig Latin to a donkey.
We got 'em out numbered, three and a half to two.
Now, let's hang up their hides.
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[crashing]
[gunshot]
Mr. Shame.
Yeah? What do you want, Andy?
My radio.
Well, beat it. Beat it.
Is that Batman and Robin on the floor?
- 'Yeah, what about it?' - Did you hurt them?
No. I didn't hurt them.
Now, come on, Mr. Pecos Kid.
We're just doing little show here for the TV.
We're just doing little play acting, now.
- 'Come on.' - But where are the cameras?
It's hidden, so it won't be in the way.
Now, come on, go.
'Skedaddle. Come on.'
Okay.
[dramatic music]
Could have fooled me.
Good.
Looks like we got them by the cape, buckaroos.
Now, nothin' gonna stand in our way.
You're gonna shoot 'em in cold blood?
No. That wouldn't be sport.
So, what you gonna do?
Got a little plan.
[dramatic music]
I'll bet you one's are probably wondering what all this is for?
That thought did cross my mind.
Pretty soon, I'm gonna shoot this trusty six shooter of mine
and when I do, a herd of cattle is gonna come stomping this way.
'In a mighty big hurry.'
Holy stampede.
Now, those cows don't stop comin' for no man.
'Not even you, Bat-fellow.'
And when they get through stompin'
there ain't gonna be enough of you left to put in a thimble.
Shame on you, Shame.
Watch your tongue.
'Hasta la vista, partners.'
I'll tell everybody you died with your Bat-boots on.
[laughing]
[gunshot]
[mooing]
[gunshots]
[dramatic music]
[hooves thundering]
Have Batman and Robin at last bitten the dust?
Is this the big casino?
Are the Dynamic Duo heading for the last roundup?
If you have the intestinal fortitude
to learn the answer to these questions
tune in tomorrow.
Shame time.
Shame channel.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman