1
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¶ Batman
2
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["Here Comes The Bride"
playing]
3
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(male narrator)
When last we saw
the caped crusader
4
00:00:15,147 --> 00:00:17,313
he was at the altar
about to be married
5
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to the diabolical Marsha,
Queen of Diamonds.
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Only the words "I do",
stand between him
7
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and the bonds of wedlock.
8
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[theme music]
9
00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:45,037
¶ Batman
10
00:00:46,205 --> 00:00:48,773
¶ Batman
11
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¶ Batman
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¶ Batman
13
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¶ Batman Batman
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¶ Batman
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¶ Batman Batman
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¶ Batman
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¶ Na na na na na na na
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¶ Batman
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["Here Comes The Bride"
playing]
20
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I..
21
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- I--
- Say, "I do".
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[grunts]
I..
23
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(Alfred)
'Stop the wedding!'
24
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[loud indistinct chatter]
25
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This is no time for pranks,
my good man.
26
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We are in the midst
of a sacred ceremony.
27
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I assure you, sir,
this is no prank.
28
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Who are you?
29
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Ethelbert Soames,
solicitor of law
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with the firm of Soames,
Stillwell and Thistlewaite..
31
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...Liverpool, England.
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My card.
33
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My card.
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My card.
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What has this
to do with the wedding?
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Allow me to present
my client.
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Formerly,
Miss Henrietta Tillitson
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of Morton-in-the-marsh,
Gloucestershire.
39
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What do you mean "formerly"?
40
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I mean, that for the last seven
years, she has been Mrs. Batman.
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[clamoring]
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Mrs. Batman!
43
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Yes.
44
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If you'd care to examine
the wedding certificate..
45
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Duly attested by the registrar
at Morton-in-the-marsh
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and dated seven years ago.
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Why didn't you tell me
about this, Batman?
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Er, it, uh,
it slipped my mind.
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Slipped your mind, indeed.
50
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I am not in the practice
of marrying bigamists.
51
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Why, you two-timing Bat-fink!
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How dare you leave a poor,
defenseless girl
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waiting at the altar.
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Not poor, I hope, madam.
55
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We are instituting
a lawsuit for $1,000,000
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for the alienation
of the husband's affections.
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[sighs]
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Let's get out of here.
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Mrs. Cooper.
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Why, I wasn't sure
you'd remember me, Batman.
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00:03:54,598 --> 00:03:55,563
Of course, I remember you.
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00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:57,631
I've always treasured
our brief meetings.
63
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I certainly want to thank you
for the help here today.
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Oh, I'm glad.
65
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I was afraid you'd be
angry with us
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for stretching the truth,
the way we did.
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00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:08,873
Not under the circumstances,
believe me.
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00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,775
If we can be of any
further service, sir..
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00:04:11,777 --> 00:04:13,843
As a matter of fact, Mr..
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Alfred will do, sir.
71
00:04:15,346 --> 00:04:16,978
As a matter of fact,
Alfred, yes.
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00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,779
Since Robin is currently
out of commission
73
00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:21,782
I'd appreciate it if you would
accompany me in the Batmobile.
74
00:04:21,784 --> 00:04:24,885
Certainly, sir. I've always
wanted to ride in that
75
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ingenious vehicle.
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00:04:26,421 --> 00:04:26,852
Good.
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00:04:26,854 --> 00:04:29,788
Again, my thanks,
Mrs. Cooper.
78
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:34,459
You were truly...
superb!
79
00:04:37,729 --> 00:04:43,667
Oh! Bruce will never
believe it when I tell him.
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00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:49,539
We'll have to get to Robin
as soon as possible.
81
00:04:49,541 --> 00:04:51,908
Let's drive as it is.
82
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,011
Anticipating
an emergency, sir
83
00:04:56,013 --> 00:04:58,580
I brought along a kit
of Bat-antidote.
84
00:04:58,582 --> 00:04:59,681
Good thinking, Alfred.
85
00:04:59,683 --> 00:05:02,316
Incidentally I forged
the marriage certificate
86
00:05:02,318 --> 00:05:03,250
on the Bat-printer.
87
00:05:03,252 --> 00:05:05,986
Remarkable invention
of yours, if I may say so.
88
00:05:05,988 --> 00:05:08,455
Yes, it did
the job this time.
89
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[cans rattling]
90
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[intense music]
91
00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:19,697
The sleep potion I gave
before the wedding
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is still in effect,
your highness.
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00:05:20,933 --> 00:05:25,969
Good. Pump another potion
into Boy Wonder there
94
00:05:25,971 --> 00:05:27,403
and he'll worship me forever.
95
00:05:27,405 --> 00:05:29,805
Then I'll make him lead me
to the Bat-cave
96
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:32,474
and the Bat-diamond
will be mine.
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00:05:32,476 --> 00:05:33,308
Hurry, hurry!
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(Marsha)
'Before that Bat-bigamous
partner of his shows up.'
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Yes, your highness.
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[alarm ringing]
101
00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:42,882
Where are my guardians?
102
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They were held up in traffic,
your highness.
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Forget the Boy Wonder.
Out this door.
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[intense music]
105
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Never mind about them, Alfred.
Our first concern is Robin.
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Quickly, the Bat-antidotes.
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00:05:59,432 --> 00:06:03,033
We'll use the general,
all purpose Bat-antidotes
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and hope that
it takes effect.
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Robin. Robin.
110
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Oh!
111
00:06:13,610 --> 00:06:16,344
It looks like
it's working, Alfred.
112
00:06:16,346 --> 00:06:17,878
What happened, Batman?
113
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How did I get in here?
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It's a long story, Robin.
I'll explain later.
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Alfred, give chief O'Hara
and the commissioner each
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one of those tablets.
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And tell the commissioner to
meet me later at the office.
118
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,888
You think you
can make it, Robin?
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00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,923
- Think so. I feel woozy.
- I know.
120
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We'll take you back to the
Bat-cave where you can rest
121
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and we can try to deduce the
queen of diamond's next move.
122
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She'll stop at nothing to get
her hands on the Bat-diamond.
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[humming]
124
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Can't an old lady take a bath
without being interrupted?
125
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Your potion failed, darling.
Miserably.
126
00:06:56,578 --> 00:07:00,079
A good, hot bath does wonders
for the arthritis.
127
00:07:00,081 --> 00:07:04,783
Please, darling. Pay attention
when I'm talking to you.
128
00:07:05,351 --> 00:07:07,118
What is it, dearie?
The potion?
129
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,121
Oh, yes. Well, I knew
it wouldn't work.
130
00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:13,858
Those newts I've been
getting lately..
131
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...are very poor quality.
132
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Well, you're going to have
to think of something else.
133
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:20,730
I have to get inside
that Bat-cave.
134
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:24,533
I've been in dozens
of Bat-caves, dearie.
135
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They're very dull.
136
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This is a very
special Bat-cave.
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Take it from me.
When you've seen one bat-cave
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you've seen them all.
139
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Suppose you let me
worry about that.
140
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You're going to have
to think of something
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to put those caped
clowns in my power.
142
00:07:39,615 --> 00:07:41,548
Well, alright, darling.
Alright.
143
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Fetch me my recipe book.
It's over there.
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[intense music]
145
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Is this the one?
146
00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:55,559
'Is there a buzzard's tongue
lying next to it?'
147
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Yes. Ugh!
148
00:07:56,695 --> 00:07:58,795
'Then that's the one, dearie.'
149
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[intense music]
150
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:11,573
Oh! How about a potion
to make them vanish?
151
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,440
No, no, no, darling.
152
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:17,011
I want them to lead me to the
Bat-cave and the Bat-diamond.
153
00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:17,978
Just put them in my power.
154
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:21,715
Here's a nice little potion
that turns them into tigers.
155
00:08:21,717 --> 00:08:24,984
- Too large, darling.
- Mosquitoes?
156
00:08:24,986 --> 00:08:27,119
Too small, darling.
157
00:08:27,753 --> 00:08:30,421
Here's an old potion
I haven't used in years.
158
00:08:30,423 --> 00:08:33,590
It turns them in to nice,
fuzzy, little rabbits.
159
00:08:33,592 --> 00:08:34,791
That's the one.
160
00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:38,528
Unless, of course,
they have type-O blood
161
00:08:38,530 --> 00:08:44,500
in which case it turns them
into giant boa constrictors.
162
00:08:44,502 --> 00:08:47,569
Find another
potion, darling.
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[intense music]
164
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:56,844
Ah!
165
00:09:04,619 --> 00:09:06,686
The Bat-diamond.
166
00:09:11,124 --> 00:09:12,791
What about it, Robin?
167
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:15,760
To think it's the cause
of all this trouble.
168
00:09:15,762 --> 00:09:19,597
People call it many
different things, old chum.
169
00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:22,466
Passion, lust,
desire, avarice..
170
00:09:22,468 --> 00:09:27,170
But the simplest and most
understandable word is greed.
171
00:09:27,172 --> 00:09:29,739
Why would Marsha want
that particular diamond?
172
00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:30,673
She can't wear it.
173
00:09:30,675 --> 00:09:31,707
You can't wear Michelangelo's.
174
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:36,611
You can't wear vintage cars
or old stamps or coins.
175
00:09:36,613 --> 00:09:39,847
But to certain collectors,
they're a way of life.
176
00:09:39,849 --> 00:09:41,782
In fact, life itself.
177
00:09:41,784 --> 00:09:44,885
Cars and stamps and coins
I can understand.
178
00:09:44,887 --> 00:09:48,989
Where would she find a place to
put that diamond of that size?
179
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:51,124
That's an academic
question, Robin.
180
00:09:51,126 --> 00:09:53,526
She's not going to get it.
181
00:09:53,528 --> 00:09:55,728
Gosh! I hope not.
182
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:57,963
When you got me
outta that bird cage
183
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:01,499
you said it was a long story
and you'd explain it later.
184
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,700
- Just what happened?
- To you?
185
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:05,936
The same thing that happened
to me. A cupid's dart.
186
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,905
I felt it. But she said
it wasn't poisoned.
187
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:12,843
Probably not in the true sense
of the word "poison".
188
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:17,214
but certainly, it contained
some secret ingredient
189
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:21,117
by which your sense
and your will were affected.
190
00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:23,719
You were shot by
the same type of dart.
191
00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:24,886
It didn't affect you
the same way.
192
00:10:24,888 --> 00:10:29,190
It did, Robin, I just called ON
all my resources to combat it.
193
00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:32,126
I called on all mine, too.
But all of a sudden,
194
00:10:32,128 --> 00:10:34,027
there I was, on my knees
worshipping her.
195
00:10:34,029 --> 00:10:38,831
Oh, it's merely the difference
of a few years, old chum.
196
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:42,801
An older head can't be put
on younger shoulders.
197
00:10:42,803 --> 00:10:45,170
Commissioner Gordon and
Chief O'Hara have older heads.
198
00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:49,174
- Look what happened to them.
- Yes, I know. It wasn't pretty.
199
00:10:49,176 --> 00:10:50,875
But first things first.
200
00:10:50,877 --> 00:10:52,910
If you're back
in fighting form
201
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:54,678
let's have a go
at the Bat-computer.
202
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:57,313
Instead of Marsha
finding the Bat-diamond
203
00:10:57,315 --> 00:11:01,884
perhaps the Bat-diamond
can lead us to Marsha.
204
00:11:01,886 --> 00:11:03,285
We know she's surrounded
by diamonds.
205
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,920
And perhaps if we set
the Bat-radar
206
00:11:05,922 --> 00:11:08,088
at the emanating
frequency of diamonds
207
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:11,357
we can calculate the reflection
pattern of the diamonds.
208
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:14,226
And make them show up
on the Bat-radar screen
209
00:11:14,228 --> 00:11:16,261
and figure out
the coordinates.
210
00:11:16,263 --> 00:11:17,962
Right.
211
00:11:21,666 --> 00:11:23,266
All set, Batman.
212
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:26,702
(Batman)
'What are the numbers?'
213
00:11:26,704 --> 00:11:27,235
Got it, Batman!
214
00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:32,206
The coordinates
are 4-6-7 and 9-8-1.
215
00:11:32,208 --> 00:11:37,277
(Batman) 'Four, six, seven.'
216
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,380
'Nine, eight, one.'
217
00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:42,414
'Elevation?'
218
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:45,316
Holy stalactites, Batman!
219
00:11:45,318 --> 00:11:48,285
The elevation is minus 80.
220
00:11:48,287 --> 00:11:50,120
Minus 80.
221
00:11:55,693 --> 00:11:58,127
- Just as I thought.
- Where is it?
222
00:11:58,129 --> 00:12:00,829
[Bat-phone flashing]
223
00:12:00,831 --> 00:12:01,362
Yes.
224
00:12:01,364 --> 00:12:04,231
Ha, it's good to hear
your voice, commissioner.
225
00:12:04,233 --> 00:12:05,131
And yours, Batman.
226
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:08,367
If it wasn't for you, we
would've been singing love songs
227
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:09,434
to that fiendish
woman right now.
228
00:12:09,436 --> 00:12:11,903
And if it hadn't been for
that resourceful citizen
229
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:15,306
who saved me at the alter, I'd
be on my honeymoon now.
230
00:12:15,308 --> 00:12:17,741
I'd like to send that
creature on a honeymoon
231
00:12:17,743 --> 00:12:22,145
to the state prison and
I think I know where she is.
232
00:12:22,147 --> 00:12:24,914
It wouldn't be the basement of
the building we were in?
233
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:28,851
Why, yes. She made a remark
about visiting her aunt there.
234
00:12:28,853 --> 00:12:31,353
But how could
you possibly know?
235
00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:35,090
Occasionally we men come up with
a few tricks too, commissioner.
236
00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:36,891
Robin and I
are on our way there.
237
00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,093
Be careful, Batman,
she may be waiting for you.
238
00:12:39,095 --> 00:12:42,729
Don't worry, commissioner.
We'll be ready for her.
239
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:48,267
There is no mystery
that man can't solve.
240
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,404
[engine whirring]
241
00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,275
[theme music]
242
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,177
[tires screeching]
243
00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:02,512
Be careful, Batman.
244
00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:07,750
There are some mysteries
no man can solve.
245
00:13:14,257 --> 00:13:16,024
[instrumental music]
246
00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:18,760
As Batman said,
if it hadn't been for you
247
00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:20,795
he'd be on his
honeymoon right now.
248
00:13:20,797 --> 00:13:22,429
The Caped Crusader
is too kind.
249
00:13:22,431 --> 00:13:25,031
After all, I only did
what any citizen
250
00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:26,799
of Gotham City
would've done.
251
00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:27,466
And lucky you did, sir.
252
00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:30,902
Yes. Good thinking and very
inventive, I might add.
253
00:13:30,904 --> 00:13:34,405
Producing a past wife of
Batman's who never existed.
254
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:37,875
Oh, but she very
definitely exists, sir.
255
00:13:37,877 --> 00:13:39,009
Batman's ex wife?
256
00:13:39,011 --> 00:13:41,811
No, no, no. The lady
who played the part, sir.
257
00:13:41,813 --> 00:13:45,214
Mrs. Harriet Cooper,
Dick Grayson's aunt.
258
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:46,448
In fact, it was her idea.
259
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,284
Uh, giving credit
where credit is due.
260
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,486
Now I know where I've heard
your voice before.
261
00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:55,790
(Gordon)
'Aren't you Alfred,
the Wayne butler?'
262
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:57,057
Uh, yes.
Yes, sir, I am.
263
00:13:57,059 --> 00:13:59,359
Well, Alfred,
if I ever need a wife
264
00:13:59,361 --> 00:14:02,795
on the spur of the moment,
I'll know..
265
00:14:02,797 --> 00:14:04,997
Bagora, I forgot!
266
00:14:04,999 --> 00:14:08,100
Barney said that me wife
called when I was out
267
00:14:08,102 --> 00:14:09,901
and I haven't
called her back.
268
00:14:09,903 --> 00:14:11,402
The same with me,
Chief O'Hara.
269
00:14:11,404 --> 00:14:13,470
For the same reason,
Commissioner Gordon?
270
00:14:13,472 --> 00:14:17,106
Well, being a wife, I'm sure she
wonders of my temporary absence.
271
00:14:17,108 --> 00:14:19,074
(Gordon)
'Both from the office
and home.'
272
00:14:19,076 --> 00:14:22,911
And being a husband,
what do you plan to tell her?
273
00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:24,345
The truth.
What else?
274
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,914
That you were hit
by a Cupid's dart.
275
00:14:26,916 --> 00:14:31,485
That you pleaded for the queen
of diamonds love on your knees?
276
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:34,254
'That you were locked
in a gilded cage?'
277
00:14:34,256 --> 00:14:36,256
It does sound rather far
fetched, doesn't it?
278
00:14:36,258 --> 00:14:39,592
Sure and I couldn't have
made up such a story meself.
279
00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:42,027
The wife never
would believe it.
280
00:14:42,029 --> 00:14:44,596
If I may interject
a thought.
281
00:14:44,598 --> 00:14:45,897
(together)
Please do.
282
00:14:45,899 --> 00:14:47,565
My experience
with women has been
283
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:50,401
that they tend to believe
what they want to believe.
284
00:14:50,403 --> 00:14:54,037
So, knowing you both to be
conscientious gentlemen
285
00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:54,937
and faithful husbands
286
00:14:54,939 --> 00:14:57,839
'I'm sure that if you
just tell both your wives'
287
00:14:57,841 --> 00:14:59,307
'that you were involved
in some special'
288
00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:04,545
and confidential assignment,
that will suffice.
289
00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:07,047
Have you ever been married?
290
00:15:07,049 --> 00:15:09,416
Uh, well, No. No.
291
00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:11,251
Alfred, at the risk
of sounding pompous
292
00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:15,321
experience with women
and experience with wives
293
00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:18,390
are two vastly
different things.
294
00:15:18,392 --> 00:15:20,125
Amen!
295
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,193
Well, we've all
learnt something
296
00:15:22,195 --> 00:15:24,528
from this little escapade.
Have we not?
297
00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:25,529
And now, if you'll excuse me
298
00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:29,232
I must be getting back now
to my duties at Wayne Manor.
299
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,100
Of course, Alfred
and thanks again.
300
00:15:31,102 --> 00:15:33,402
Commissioner, Chief O'Hara.
301
00:15:33,404 --> 00:15:37,139
[instrumental music]
302
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,108
Uh, if you care to
use my private phone
303
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:41,375
to call home, Chief O'Hara..
304
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:42,976
Uh, after you, commissioner.
305
00:15:42,978 --> 00:15:44,210
Oh, no, no, no.
Please, after you.
306
00:15:44,212 --> 00:15:47,479
No, sir. No, sir. It's your
office and your phone.
307
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,481
You go right ahead.
308
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:54,351
Are you sure this potion
will work, darling?
309
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,318
I think so, dearie.
310
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,421
Of course, there's always
a certain amount of luck
311
00:15:58,423 --> 00:15:59,622
in these things,
you know.
312
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:02,658
Once when I was chemistry
professor at--
313
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:05,961
Darling, please.
Enough of your academic past.
314
00:16:05,963 --> 00:16:07,996
Let's concentrate
on the present.
315
00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:11,199
Now, Batman and Robin have
already tripped the outer alarm.
316
00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:14,335
They should be on their way
down here right now.
317
00:16:14,337 --> 00:16:16,337
[footsteps approaching]
318
00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:19,573
Our guinea pigs
have arrived.
319
00:16:19,575 --> 00:16:23,009
[intense music]
320
00:16:23,477 --> 00:16:26,045
Holy trolls and goblins!
321
00:16:26,047 --> 00:16:27,212
Welcome, darlings.
322
00:16:27,214 --> 00:16:30,348
Welcome to Aunt Hilda's
little den.
323
00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:32,450
She has a surprise for you.
324
00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:33,918
Careful, Robin.
325
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:34,585
I'm sorry, Batman
326
00:16:34,587 --> 00:16:40,591
but I'm afraid I must
turn you and Robin into mice.
327
00:16:40,593 --> 00:16:42,092
- Mice?
- Mice?
328
00:16:42,094 --> 00:16:44,527
Whee!
329
00:16:44,529 --> 00:16:46,395
What is it, Batman?
330
00:16:46,397 --> 00:16:47,662
I can't tell, Robin.
331
00:16:47,664 --> 00:16:49,263
It seems harmless enough.
332
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:52,699
You bumbling old hag,
you failed again.
333
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:55,101
That's no way
to talk to an old lady.
334
00:16:55,103 --> 00:16:57,269
You mind your own business,
Boy Wonder.
335
00:16:57,271 --> 00:17:00,505
You're going to be
in enough trouble as it is.
336
00:17:00,507 --> 00:17:02,940
[clapping]
337
00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:04,107
Yes, your highness?
338
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:08,111
- Dispatch them.
- Yes, your highness.
339
00:17:09,012 --> 00:17:11,546
[intense music]
340
00:17:11,548 --> 00:17:14,148
A cauldron
of creeps, Batman.
341
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:15,983
Well put, Robin.
342
00:17:16,985 --> 00:17:20,387
[intense music]
343
00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:27,960
I'm sure
this one will work.
344
00:17:27,962 --> 00:17:30,429
It's guaranteed to
turn them into lizards.
345
00:17:30,431 --> 00:17:33,665
You said the last one would
have them running around
346
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:35,299
on the floor, squeaking.
347
00:17:35,301 --> 00:17:39,503
This time, I'll add
a little more.
348
00:17:39,505 --> 00:17:41,671
Just to make sure.
349
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:44,707
[intense music]
350
00:17:55,518 --> 00:17:58,286
Missed again.
351
00:18:00,555 --> 00:18:02,455
I don't know what's wrong.
352
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,991
Nothing seems
to be working today.
353
00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:07,192
This one has to work.
354
00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:09,394
It's one
of my best potions.
355
00:18:09,396 --> 00:18:10,528
It better be, darling.
356
00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:13,731
My guardians
are falling like nine-pins.
357
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:16,734
[intense music]
358
00:18:27,445 --> 00:18:29,245
Oh!
359
00:18:30,547 --> 00:18:32,381
Another zero.
360
00:18:32,383 --> 00:18:34,416
Playtime is over, darling.
361
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:37,318
Let the grown-up's
take charge.
362
00:18:41,523 --> 00:18:43,557
[coughing]
363
00:18:43,559 --> 00:18:45,625
Diamond dozing gas, Batman.
364
00:18:45,627 --> 00:18:47,693
Try not to breathe.
365
00:18:47,695 --> 00:18:50,762
[intense music]
366
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:55,032
[coughing]
367
00:18:58,503 --> 00:19:01,738
This is my most
powerful potion.
368
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,339
It's never failed.
369
00:19:03,341 --> 00:19:04,240
Like all the others?
370
00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:09,578
I'll guarantee this will turn
them into a pair of toads.
371
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:12,847
I'll stake
my reputation on it.
372
00:19:12,849 --> 00:19:14,748
You haven't
much to lose.
373
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:20,353
A pair of wriggling,
little toads.
374
00:19:24,925 --> 00:19:27,293
No word yet from Batman.
375
00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:29,895
I-I'm getting worried, Chief.
376
00:19:29,897 --> 00:19:30,929
Me too, commissioner.
377
00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:34,399
That felonious female is
a devilish customer alright.
378
00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:38,436
Batman and Robin can handle any
male criminal in Gotham City.
379
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:40,237
But when it comes to women--
380
00:19:40,239 --> 00:19:41,771
(Marsha)
'When it comes to women'
381
00:19:41,773 --> 00:19:44,707
'Batman's the big loser,
darling.'
382
00:19:44,709 --> 00:19:47,509
A very big loser.
383
00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:51,179
[instrumental music]
384
00:19:52,514 --> 00:19:55,415
(Gordon)
'What kind of trickery is this?'
385
00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:57,316
'Where are Batman and Robin?'
386
00:19:57,318 --> 00:19:58,417
Right here.
387
00:19:58,419 --> 00:20:01,653
Say "Hello" to
the commissioner, Bat-toad.
388
00:20:01,655 --> 00:20:03,454
The woman's gone daft.
389
00:20:03,456 --> 00:20:05,622
She's taken leave
of her senses.
390
00:20:05,624 --> 00:20:07,924
(Batman)
I'm afraid it's
true, commissioner.
391
00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:11,560
We're right here.
She's got us.
392
00:20:11,562 --> 00:20:13,395
Saints preserve us.
393
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,497
The whole world's
come unhinged.
394
00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:17,265
I'll take Suzie.
395
00:20:17,267 --> 00:20:22,403
Say something to
Chief O'Hara, Robin-toad.
396
00:20:22,405 --> 00:20:24,838
(Robin)
Holy horsd'oeuvres,
Chief O'Hara.
397
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,806
Keep that cat away from us.
398
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,208
Robin, you poor boy!
399
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,643
Commissioner, is it possible?
400
00:20:31,645 --> 00:20:32,577
Chief, I just don't know.
401
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:36,647
You remember what she did to us
with that love potion of hers.
402
00:20:36,649 --> 00:20:38,949
She's diabolical, alright.
403
00:20:38,951 --> 00:20:42,619
The Dynamic Duo,
a pair of toads?
404
00:20:42,621 --> 00:20:46,255
(Gordon)
'Oh, what will become
of Gotham City now?'
405
00:20:46,257 --> 00:20:49,891
I don't know about
Gotham City, darlings.
406
00:20:49,893 --> 00:20:52,560
But Batman and Robin
will become cat food
407
00:20:52,562 --> 00:20:55,596
unless I get my hands
on the Bat-diamond.
408
00:20:55,598 --> 00:21:00,500
Oh, Batman,
what should we do?
409
00:21:00,502 --> 00:21:01,667
Better do what
she says, commissioner.
410
00:21:01,669 --> 00:21:07,506
Otherwise, Robin and I will
end up inside that fat cat.
411
00:21:07,508 --> 00:21:10,976
Gosh, Batman! I'm too
young to be eaten.
412
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,377
Don't worry, Robin.
413
00:21:12,379 --> 00:21:13,378
I'm sure Commissioner Gordon
414
00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:16,547
will cooperate
with the queen of diamonds.
415
00:21:16,549 --> 00:21:21,618
But Batman, I don't know
where the Bat-cave is.
416
00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:22,652
That's right, Batman.
417
00:21:22,654 --> 00:21:23,953
Nobody does, but you and Robin.
418
00:21:23,955 --> 00:21:30,392
I'm sure you could find out if
you use that darling red phone.
419
00:21:30,394 --> 00:21:32,560
Should we do it, Batman?
420
00:21:32,562 --> 00:21:34,028
Yes, commissioner.
421
00:21:34,030 --> 00:21:35,896
(Batman)
'Oh, commissioner?'
422
00:21:35,898 --> 00:21:36,563
Yes, Batman?
423
00:21:36,565 --> 00:21:38,264
(Batman)
'Never mind the phone.'
424
00:21:38,266 --> 00:21:41,000
- Who said that?
- Not me, your highness.
425
00:21:41,002 --> 00:21:42,801
The real Batman said it.
426
00:21:42,803 --> 00:21:43,868
'Look over here.'
427
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:46,337
The Dynamic Duo themselves!
428
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:47,371
Saints be praised.
429
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:48,972
You're not
toads, after all.
430
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,040
No, we're quite
human, Chief O'Hara.
431
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:54,810
But Batman, how could
those two toads
432
00:21:54,812 --> 00:21:56,278
talk just like
you and Robin?
433
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,880
Oh, darling, it was
a simple little prank.
434
00:21:58,882 --> 00:21:59,614
Some prank.
435
00:21:59,616 --> 00:22:02,416
The queen of diamonds was
relying on the Grand Mogul's
436
00:22:02,418 --> 00:22:04,618
ability as a ventriloquist
to deceive you both.
437
00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:09,656
But Batman, the Bat-toad talked
in your voice, a moment ago.
438
00:22:09,658 --> 00:22:10,390
So it did.
439
00:22:10,392 --> 00:22:13,426
You see, Batman knows a trick
or two of ventriloquism himself.
440
00:22:13,428 --> 00:22:17,530
And a few tricks about
getting out of barred cells.
441
00:22:17,532 --> 00:22:20,332
I was wondering how you
managed that, darling.
442
00:22:20,334 --> 00:22:23,668
Thanks to the extraordinary
transmitting powers
443
00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:24,435
of the Bat-diamond
444
00:22:24,437 --> 00:22:27,638
'which you've been after,
we were able to carry on'
445
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,674
some long distance
computations in the Bat-cave.
446
00:22:30,676 --> 00:22:32,542
After we wired
the bars in the cell
447
00:22:32,544 --> 00:22:34,410
to convert them
into a radio ariel.
448
00:22:34,412 --> 00:22:37,312
You see, the tumbler lock
on the cell door
449
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:41,783
only had 3,724,521
450
00:22:41,785 --> 00:22:43,651
possible combinations.
451
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:46,020
Child's play
for the Bat-computer.
452
00:22:46,022 --> 00:22:48,989
That was very
clever of you, darling.
453
00:22:48,991 --> 00:22:50,790
Take care of them.
454
00:22:50,792 --> 00:22:53,692
Take care of them, I said.
455
00:22:55,594 --> 00:22:57,995
Pinned, like
a wriggling toad.
456
00:22:57,997 --> 00:22:58,662
So..
457
00:22:58,664 --> 00:23:03,366
Well, I suppose this is the end
of my little romp, darlings?
458
00:23:03,368 --> 00:23:05,668
A one to 10 year
end, at least.
459
00:23:05,670 --> 00:23:09,038
I just hope it's taught you that
diamonds aren't necessarily
460
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,407
a girl's best friend, Marsha.
461
00:23:11,409 --> 00:23:14,977
Oh, Batman, darling.
462
00:23:14,979 --> 00:23:18,780
You are so divinely square.
463
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,453
Next week, Cliff Robertson
as Shame
464
00:23:26,455 --> 00:23:29,389
corrals the Caped Crusaders.
465
00:23:30,657 --> 00:23:33,425
[theme music]
466
00:23:33,427 --> 00:23:35,593
¶ Batman
467
00:23:36,628 --> 00:23:38,695
¶ Batman
468
00:23:39,697 --> 00:23:41,631
¶ Batman
469
00:23:42,799 --> 00:23:44,800
¶ Batman
470
00:23:45,868 --> 00:23:49,136
¶ Batman Batman
471
00:23:49,138 --> 00:23:52,139
¶ Batman
472
00:23:52,141 --> 00:23:55,542
¶ Batman Batman
473
00:23:55,544 --> 00:23:57,777
¶ Batman
474
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,885
¶ Na na na na na na
475
00:24:05,887 --> 00:24:08,954
¶ Batman