¶ Batman
A beastly hot day in Gotham City.
Rare indeed for a metropolis
which generally enjoys perfect weather.
But what better time of year
for Gotham City's Annual Miss Galaxy Contest.
For which the five remaining contestants
are already preparing this morning
for tonight's final event.
And five beauties they are indeed.
Ms. Corsica.
Ms. Canary Islands.
Ms. Barrier Reef.
The local favorite, Ms. Gotham City herself.
And Ms. Iceland.
But what's this?
Strangers are never allowed
in the beauty queens' dressing room.
Let alone, kidnappers.
Let alone, him!
Sorry, I can't take you all with me...ladies.
Oh-ho. What's a scorcher?
96 in the shade and the temperature is still rising..
Miss Iceland?
Kidnapped from the beauty pageant dressing room?
The leader was wearing what?
A collar with jet nozzles?
To keep his head cold?
Of course. At once.
Jet nozzles to keep your head cold.
Sounds like a good invention.
But there's just one man
who might have invented it, Chief O'Hara.
Just one man who can live in an environment
50 degrees below zero.
And just one who's likely to have kidnapped Ms. Iceland.
Shiver me timbers, commissioner.
You don't mean, Mr. Freeze?
I do indeed, that cold-blooded, cold-hearted, callous culprit.
Seems, a pity on a day like this to call out the Caped Crusader.
Fair whether or foul, dog days or a monsoon
who else can we call in such a crisis?
- And who else would answer? - Hmm.
Maybe he'll welcome the air conditioner.
Commissioner!
I wonder if Batman will welcome the air conditioning.
Wild!
[laughing]
[intense music]
[Chief O'Hara grunting]
Help.
Help!
Frozen.
Eh, what do we do?
And in Wayne Manor
stately home of millionaire, Bruce Wayne
and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.
(Commissioner Gordon) 'Uh, help!'
Naturally, sir.
Hi, Alfred, Mrs. Cooper was looking for you.
Something about that reception she's planning tonight.
Thank you, Alfred.
Yes, commissioner.
Ba..
'Help, Bat..'
The commissioner, I think he was trying to tell me something.
To the Bat-poles. On the double.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[tires screeching]
[tire screeching]
Meanwhile in an ice cream truck
directly across the street
the sinister, Mr. Freeze is plotting
his next cold calculating move.
So, the Caped Crusaders have come to the rescue after all.
That means, the newspaper reporters will be far behind.
Wild!
Chill, you've the iceman?
He's waiting outside, Mr. Freeze.
Shivers, you have the ice?
It's all ready, boss.
- Get the operation going. - Okay, boss.
Holy polar-front.
Yes, Boy Wonder. The commissioner and Chief O'Hara
are trapped in that office
with frost and snow and slushing ice pouring out all over.
It's terrible.
I'm afraid they died an icy death by now.
A negative view point, sergeant, man has nothing without hope.
Robin, the plastic explosive.
Stand clear of my side.
[beeping]
[explosion]
[music continues]
Darling Miss Iceland.
Soon I'll be able to make you much more comfortable.
Then I'll start lowering the temperature
in your lovely body.
And you will learn how to love me.
You'll love me as much as most people will learn
how to hate Batman.
No matter how sick the battle
no matter how heavy the frost
no matter who you really are or where you ever come from
I knew I could depend on you, Batman.
But why can't we find out what happened?
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara nearly freeze to death
'in this office on the hottest day of the year.'
And nobody can or will give us any details whatsoever.
[indistinct chattering]
Please-please, gentlemen of the press.
And this attractive young lady.
Nellie Majors, Gotham City Herald.
As if you didn't know.
I ask you all to be patient.
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
will give you the details later.
As you can see, it's been a rather harrowing experience.
That's what our readers buy, Batman.
Harrowing experiences.
Has this anything to do with the kidnapping of Ms. Iceland?
Ms. Iceland, kidnapped?
Holy hijack!
And might it involve a certain arch criminal who escaped
from the state penitentiary last week in an ice cream truck?
It just might, Nellie.
Yes, it's very possible Mr. Freeze has started another
cold wave of terror!
Robin, since when do we make public accusations
without strong, solid, proof.
Robin's indiscrete statement is strictly off the record.
Not off my record, Batman.
(Batman) 'I'm sorry, Ms. Majors.'
I certainly wasn't suggesting, what your paper should
or should not print. It's just that I feel--
That you're on a spot, Batman. Is that it?
'Oh, I know, you're a well-known crime fighter'
'and a local hero'
but I've seen many heroes
tarnished in the course of my career.
Nellie, I will not have the Caped Crusader
spoken to like that in this office.
You too, commissioner?
Something to hide?
[instrumental music]
Where did you come from? Who ordered that?
A couple of guys down in the streets sent it up.
Paid off in advance.
Nice present on a day like this.
"To Batman, for incidental crime expenses."
I-C-E, ice?
Ice. Green ice.
Bribe money, Batman?
A reward for not revealing what happened here today?
I'm afraid I don't understand, Ms. Majors.
I doubt if the readers of the Gotham City Herald
will be equally deluded.
Your mask seems to make an excellent blindfold.
Come on, fellows.
[indistinct chattering]
Regardless of how this, little windfall is interpreted
I'd still like to see it go to the policemen's welfare fund.
After the way you've been vilified here today?
It's not your fault, commissioner
and I certainly don't blame, Ms. Majors.
A reporter's lot is not easy.
Making exciting stories out of plain, average, everyday people
like Robin and me.
[instrumental music]
In a seemingly abandoned cold storage plant.
Mr. Freeze has taken up temporary residence.
Where even now he's coldly calculating his next move
in operation "Hate Batman."
Wild, boys. Wild!
Look here.
"Is Batman being bribed?
Is Batman on ice?"
What slippery character is putting these kids under
the Caped Crusader?", written by someone called Nellie Majors.
Very good article too.
Must be a very clever woman that Nellie Majors.
- Don't you think so, boys? - Sure do, boss.
She's the smartest news head on the Gotham City Herald.
Wild. Now put on your costumes for the next maneuver.
Well.
The Caped Crusader's getting the works at last.
Now, he'll understand what it is like not to be loved.
Now he'll feel hate for once.
Hate, like I feel hate.
You should feel hate.
I certainly hate you.
But why, my darling Ms. Iceland?
Haven't I made you comfortable?
All these beautiful furniture
those nice cool frosty bars
to lower the temperature in your beautiful body.
To air condition you, darling, so you would stop hating me.
Once you hit 50 degree below zero
you will be loving me.
Loving you?
Oh, you monster!
Never!
Oh, we'll see.
- We'll see. - Ah!
[laughing]
You will see, Mr. Freeze.
Wasn't there something in those newspapers about my kidnapping?
A small item or two.
But all the important headlines were taken up
by Batman's disgrace.
Ugh!
[music continues]
Do my eyes deceive me or is this the Dynamic Duo?
We put on the costume like you said, Mr. Freeze.
- I'm Batman! - I'm Robin.
Wild. From a distance, even I couldn't tell the difference.
Now, this is my plan.
We've had the Bat-analyzer all the pertinent information
on Mr. Freeze's past crimes.
Now, let's see, what it computes for the future.
[beeps]
What is it, Batman?
It's more green ice.
Ah!
Yes, Alfred.
Knowing first things come first, sir
I waited until the last possible moment
before interrupting your important computations
but the guests will be arriving shortly.
- Guests? - Yes, sir.
The pool side reception, this evening
for the Bruce Wayne Foundation.
Holy tuxedo!
If we're late, Aunt Harriet will kill us.
"Kill" is not a word to be
bandied about haphazardly, Robin.
Angry, yes, as well, she might be, if we're late.
Don't forget, we've placed the entire burden of this reception
on her stout, unselfish shoulders.
Round it up.
Good evening, Mayor Linseed, and Linda, how nice to have you.
It's so nice to be here, Mrs. Cooper.
Any party at stately Wayne Manor is a big event in our lives.
- Thank you. - My dear.
What could have happened to Bruce and Dick?
He'll be here any moment, madam.
Oh, here they are now.
Sorry, Aunt Harriet, a slight delay.
I lost a cufflink.
Well, I think everyone's here.
Alfred, ask the caterer to start passing the orders.
Uh, they already are, madam.
But I'll check again below stairs.
Beautiful, Aunt Harriet.
You've outdone yourself, as usual.
You really like it?
I originally planned to have it all Japanesey.
But the caterer called and suggested Irish.
He said, green was most becoming to women guests.
What do you think?
Green?
I even had the reflection pool dyed green.
Mrs. Cooper's a clever colleen, Bruce.
Yes, and who would've thought of a wee bit of the Emerald Isle
right outside of Gotham City.
Holy shamrocks.
Emerald.
Also known among the criminal set as
(both) green ice.
(Mr. Freeze) 'Stop.'
Don't move, anybody.
[indistinct chattering]
Nobody move.
What in the world is this?
Let's get him quick.
Patience, Dick Grayson.
You've all heard of me.
So no monkey business.
Who is he? How dare he come here and spoil our nice party?
Maybe that special duty policeman..
[hissing]
[everyone gasps]
Bruce, we just can't stand here.
These are my guests, Dick.
I don't dare make a move to put them in further jeopardy.
Waiters, clear your trays and fill them up with real goodies.
Wild!
[laughing]
That voice, it sounds exactly like the caterer
who called suggesting the Irish motif.
Figures.
I'll try sneaking around 'em.
No! Chief O'Hara, better the loss of a few bubbles
than the life of a stalwart citizen.
No, not that, it's engraved, cherished memento given to me
by the good people of Gotham City.
[laughing]
You can't do that.
(Bruce) 'Don't fight, Aunt Harriet.'
One day, these men will get their just deserts.
Oh!
You said it, Aunt Harriet.
Enough amusement for now.
And so you don't do anything foolish like following us.
Everybody into the pool, please.
[indistinct chattering]
Bruce, this is too much. Do something.
Under the circumstances
I think it would be wise to follow his instructions.
When I say, in the pool. I mean, in the pool.
Move, please!
I have never felt so indignant.
We're so helpless.
[laughing]
That'll cool you off a little.
Wild!
[laughing]
Green ice.
Just as the computer predicted.
If only Batman and Robin were here.
Sure and our only chance for salvation
are the Caped Crusaders.
They must have heard us.
Alright, Mr. Freeze, give back those jewels or else..
Or what else?
You'll be sorry.
That's wild.
[laughing]
[intense music]
Oh!
Oh.
[laughing]
Easy, Batman. You almost hit me.
I'm sorry, Mr. Freeze.
I'll be more careful, next time.
[laughing]
Let go!
[grunts]
[laughing]
[music continues]
[laughing]
Batman and Robin don't leave us.
No, the safety of the guests here comes first.
How do I look with egg on my face?
Shh.
Wild!
[laughing]
Strange, the Dynamic Duo acting in this manner.
It's not like them, not like them at all.
It is not.
Though everyone has heard the recent rumor
that is if they read the Gotham City Herald.
Ah! Merciful heavens!
Your arrival was well-timed, Alfred.
If you haven't turned on that pool heater
we'd all still be frozen in.
A clever ploy by Mr. Freeze, I'm afraid.
And a human ice cube.
If I'd arrived even earlier, sir
I might have been able to expose those imposters of his.
And if I may say so, sir
I'm a bit concerned about the, uh
the current reputation of the Caped Crusaders.
Me too.
There're other reputation is to be considered.
Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, Mayor Linseed
none of this looks good for Gotham city.
But Alfred's right, Batman.
Everyone will believe that story about you taking a bribe unless
we capture Mr. Freeze and return the jewels tonight.
And perhaps rescue Miss Iceland.
Her kidnapping seems to have become...secondary.
A regrettable situation for any young girl.
I hear Iceland is considering severing
diplomatic relations, sir.
Which we must prevent at all cost.
(Robin) 'But, where could he be hiding now?'
Yes, three good possibilities.
The bottling works, the meat packing company
and The Frosty Freezy's factory.
Currently shut down but adjoining the cold storage plant
Beautiful, beautiful.
Beautiful for my beautiful love.
I want nothing from you. Ever!
Perhaps, you are not cold enough to be cooperative.
I'm colder than I want to be.
My fingers are getting numb.
That's good.
Your metabolism is changing
and your temperature is still a bit above zero.
In the morning, you'll be 50 below
and madly in love with me.
You could turn me into a glacier
and I still wouldn't love you.
You a glacier, darling Miss Iceland.
Never!
But I have other plans for a monstrous ice floe.
[intense music]
What is it, Chill?
Here's the frozen reindeer meat you wanted for a midnight snack.
Hmm.
What else? Something seems to be bothering you.
I was leaving the meat packing company
the Batmobile pulled up.
Oh, so the Caped Crusaders are now checking cold storage units.
And getting closer.
Now, the Batmobile's parked in front
of The Frosty Freezy's factory.
Batman and Robin must be inside.
Wild!
We'll put the Dynamic Duo on ice.
Once and forever.
Gosh, Batman! Dig those flavors.
"Lemon, lime, orange, raspberry, pineapple..
(Mr. Freeze) 'Take your choice, Boy wonder.'
Haven't you read the newspapers, Batman?
'Haven't you heard the stories?'
The public is fickle.
(Mr. Freeze) 'You're no longer the great hero of Gotham City.'
And soon, very soon
you'll be hated, despised like me. Wild!
[laughing]
[intense music]
[clattering]
[groaning]
[grunting]
[music continues]
Wild!
(Batman) 'Check out, Robin!'
The freeze gun!
[laughing]
[intense music]
[Mr. Freeze laughing]
So you wanted to outsmart me, eh?
But you can't outsmart the machinery in this factory.
'And soon you'll be the first two human'
frosty freezies in history.
[laughing]
Wild!
Can zis, uh, I mean this be happening?
Batman being made into a pineapple frosty freezie?
And Robin into a lime one?
Has the diabolical Mr. Freeze
out-witted the Dynamic Duo after all?
With some fancy ice-work?
Hope for a miracle, and stay frozen in your seats!
Until tomorrow same time, same channel!
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na
¶ Batman