¶ Batman
(male narrator) We have already seen
Gotham City's charter is stolen by the rottenest
egg of them all..
...Egghead.
Gordon and O'Hara with egg on their faces.
Batman and Robin answer their weekly call.
The city really owned by the Mohican Indians
and only leased by the citizens.
Nine pelts paid every five years to renew the lease
or it will eggs-pire.
Was this Egghead's plan?
It was!
Chief Screaming Chicken last of the Mohicans
give his word
but he was an Indian giver.
Batman and Robin attack.
A millionaire kidnapped.
Another millionaire kidnapped.
Our millionaire kidnapped.
Egghead suspect that Bruce Wayne is Batman.
Will this fiendish machine vacuum his brain?
Holy Hypothesis!
The Caped Crusader held in his chair
by electro-magnetic power.
Can this really be happening?
Let this serve as a warning to anyone with a delicate nature
the most eggs-cruciating circumstances areyet to come.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
More seconds and you'll be as, as helpless as a new born baby.
How egg-sotic?
Nice going, Dick, I thought I was a goner.
Well, boss, is he, is he?
Only a bit of information dribbled through
before that a cursed teenager turned the switch.
And?
That man has a mind full of trivia.
It's inconceivable that he could be Batman.
Back! Back, I say.
This is a radar egg
and the slightest vibration will make it eggs-plode and turn
this into a room carpeted with wall-to-wall millionaires.
Let's get out of here.
It's two minutes before midnight and the lease
is about to eggs-pire. Nothing can stop us now.
We've only one chance.
(Bruce) 'This type of mechanism is only sensitive up to about six feet.'
'Do exactly as I do.'
We just can't leave that bomb there, Bruce.
Some innocent bystander might get hurt.
Correct.
Therefore, we must trigger the mechanism before we leave
- Tim, Pete, you wait outside. - But, Bruce--
Please, please, there's no time left.
Now what?
- We...play marbles. - Marbles?
I heard Egghead say he didn't think you were Batman.
Yet, the machine worked, didn't it?
Only too well, Dick. After years of mental conditioning
I was able to block off that portion of my brain pertaining
to my dual identity.
Couldn't have lasted much longer though. Alright, let's get down.
[explosion]
You got it on the first shot.
At the age of 11 I was Junior Marble Champion of Gotham City.
- Even then. - Let's go.
Twelve O three.
I can't conceive of what happened
to those three millionaires.
It's all too incredible but Gotham City now belongs
to Chief Screaming Chicken.
You better believe it, buddy.
- What happened to you? - That's a long story, are we--
Too late.
Midnight came and went, with it the fate of Gotham City.
You no so up, me now owning Gotham City and all suburbs.
That is the way the whip [indistinct]
But is it legal, Mr. Mayor?
I'm afraid so, Batman.
Even though Egghead kidnapped the three millionaires
and held them until after midnight?
Isn't that against the law?
Boy Wonder, there is no more law in Gotham City.
We're at his mercy.
We must give him enough rope, commissioner
and let him be hoist by his own petard...trust me.
Batman, we're in your hands like we've never been before.
Correction, you are in my hands.
This is my official contract with Chief Screaming Chicken.
It gives me complete control of Gotham City as it's emissary.
You, fiendish devil.
Eggs-plitives will get you nowhere, my cowled crime buster.
The Gotham City charter is back in it's case
(Egghead) 'and it's quite egg-plicitive if you care to read it.'
You'll have to talk a little slower Eggy-boo, if I'm going
to catch all your wisdom on paper.
Is everybody gonna buy his book on how to be a better criminal?
Quiet, my first duty as new lease holder of Gotham City
is hereby to fire the mayor and the police commissioner.
You can't do that.
Oh, yes, I can.
You're through, finished, fired, up, out, out, over, up, out.
We're witnessing a new low in community relations, Robin.
And as for you, my caped incompetence, I hereby
eggs-pell you from the Gotham City limits.
If so much as show your masks around here again
I'll have you both eggs-ecuted.
This is the saddest day of my young life, Batman.
What will be, will be.
Goodbye, Gotham City.
You were my kind of town.
Batman and Robin ever come back to Gotham City
they'll be shot on sight.
- Ain't that great? - Hold your eggs-uberance, Foo.
My amazing brain tells me
that we haven't seen the last of them yet.
We've gotta move fast, Robin.
The longer Egghead is in control of Gotham City
the more chaos will erupt.
We're far from it.
This is one time when Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson
can do more good than Batman and Robin.
Egghead said that the city charter is back in it's place.
My training in legal matters has taught me that every document
has some fine print that is usually overlooked.
Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are going to steal the charter.
Wow, talk about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Stop them.
Stop them, they just stole $50,000 worth of jewels.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir, Commissioner Egghead says we're
not allowed to arrest any of his friends.
Well, if you don't do anything about it, I will.
Sir, sir, come back here, please.
I'm gonna have to give you a ticket.
A ticket, for what?
Jay-walking.
I don't understand all this, murderers and thieves making
Gotham City an unfit place to live in and you stop me
to tell me to fasten my seatbelt.
Just doing my job, sir.
[instrumental music]
With all the noise and shooting and everything going on.
Who could blame me for missing
that little basket with my tissue?
Just the facts, mam.
Will you please give me just the facts?
(man on TV) 'It's 3'O clock in Gotham City.'
And time for the 11th hour news.
Our town is in an uproar.
Robberies are taking place all over Gotham City.
And the police are powerless to stop them.
Commissioner Egghead seems to take
great delight at the happenings.
The big question is, where are Batman and Robin?
'Even though they are been banned from the city limits.'
'All Gotham City is hoping for them'
'to help us in our hour of need.'
Things may have gotten somewhat out of hand, Dick.
Why don't we take a nice drive into the city?
- Great. - Is that wise, sir?
We have no other choice.
[instrumental music]
How are we going to open it?
We'll have to break the case.
Why don't you use the Bat-beam
in the spare utility belt you always wear?
If I did, Egghead might suspect, Batman.
Now, we use ordinary means.
[laughing]
They fell into the trap.
Oh! I am egg-static.
Calling all cars. Calling all cars.
Be on the look out for Batman and Robin in the vicinity
of the City Hall.
Well, gentlemen.
When we capture the caped crime crushers
we will remove their masks and egg-spose their faces
to the public.
Then they'll be out of business.
I wonder who they are.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
Oh, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson
Why, I'm surprised, you came to Gotham City
the way things are going.
We had some business to attend to.
Did you happen to see Batman and Robin around the area?
Commissioner Egghead has given me orders to shoot 'em on sight.
I haven't seen Batman for weeks.
Well, thanks, anyhow.
[music continues]
Here it is.
The clause we've been looking for.
"If they heirs to Gotham City's lease fail
"to make payment on the approved day
"said property reverts to the Mohican Indians
"and or their legal representatives.
"The only stipulation to this clause
"is that the property may never be leased to anyone
"who's committed crime against the city territory
or the crown."
In those days, we were still a British Colony.
What does it mean, Batman?
It means, we've got that criminal by his large
grey double "A" head.
I don't think he'll be satisfied with half the loot collected
by the visiting gangs, Robin.
He must have something bigger in mind.
- What could it be? - Think, Robin, think.
Where is all the money in Gotham City kept?
In the treasury of course.
With the tax just having been collected
there must be close to 30 million dollars in that vault.
Right, Robin and what's the synonym for the word treasury?
Depository?
Strong-room? Versary?
Of course, the English word for treasury.
- Exchequer! - Or, eggs-chequer.
Oh, you've done it again.
To the Batmobile.
[instrumental music]
Here, I am with 29 million George Washington's
and I don't feel the least bit crowded.
And the beautiful part about it is all of these money
is tax exempt!
Me think you all crooks.
Me go tell the mayor.
My dear eggs-alted chief, you are the mayor.
Oh! Oh you right.
Mm, me have short memory span.
I say, Foo, will you loan me a couple of 100 thousands or so?
Of course, my dear. Here you are.
Pay me back when ever you can find the time. I'm in no hurry.
Perfumes from Paris and dresses from Rome.
My very own handsome guardsman from Buckingham Palace.
One of those men who don't giggle when you tickle 'em.
[cheering]
And now, and now to..
...eggs-pedite matters.
Let's start packing this stuff up. Ha ha.
Is this the way it's all suppose to end, Mayor Linseed?
Not with a bang but with a whimper?
We're like two old war horses being put out to pasture.
I never thought, I'd see the day.
(Batman) And you haven't.
Batman, Robin, you realize you're taking a grave chance
'by coming here?'
That's why we took this surreptitious route.
Egghead's got a price on your cowl.
The person bringing you in, dead or alive gets $50,000.
Holy recompense!
That's all over now.
There's a clause in the city chart that refutes
anything that Egghead might have planned.
It specifically prohibits criminals from leasing
any of Gotham City.
- Splendid news, Batman! - What now?
It's my guess that Egghead and his men
have another crime in mind.
We think they are going to loot the treasury.
We're going there right now.
[instrumental music]
Clear all police channels for an emergency message.
This is Commissioner Gordon speaking.
Men, I have wonderful news for you.
Batman and Robin are back.
We no longer have to take any of Egghead's guff.
Because he no longer has a legal hold in our fair city.
Batman and Robin were gone from our ranks less than 24 hours
Mayor Linseed, and you were witness
to the havoc that was wrought.
Call them, the Dynamic Duo, Caped Crime Fighters
the Foes Of Felons. Call them what you will.
But..
...thank your lucky stars, we can call them..
...our friends.
We better hurry, Batman.
Not too fast, Robin.
In good Bat-climbing, as in good driving
one must never sacrifice safety for speed.
Right again, Batman.
Who are you citizen?
Oh, my name is Emmenez.
And who may I ask, are you two nice people climbing down
this side of this building when the elevators are available?
- 'I'm Batman.' - 'And I'm Robin.'
I'm the poor man of a jewelry, we're trying to make up
our minds, what to do to a terrible nasty criminal person.
Going to find out now, excuse me.
Oh, you decided?
What?
Oh.
Fellows, could you leave the rope?
[music continues]
Gone, every penny is gone.
Holy banks!
Almost 30 million dollars in small bills.
[indistinct groaning]
[knock on door]
Oh. Oh, Mr. Batman, you are so right.
That Egghead, one very bad hombre.
Where did he go, Chief Screaming Chicken?
He leave me to hold him bag while he escape.
But where?
He say he..
he must replenish before he go to South America.
Then they all, lay high.
Lay low.
Lay low, you mean wrong on direction here.
He say, he lay low for one day.
And then pretty soon maybe they all leave.
Any particular place in South America?
Oh, he say he take money, all the money.
And run, Venezuela.
Chief Screaming Chicken, I think you've been lead down
a primrose path.
My face is so red.
Robin, tell Commissioner Gordon to alert all land, sea
and air exits from Gotham City.
We must keep Egghead within the city limits
until we find out where his hideout is.
Roger.
Boy, makes me feel good to be at Gotham City-ite, when I see how
everybody forgave Chief Chicken.
You'll find the people are basically good, Robin.
They're merely reacting to their surroundings.
Chief Screaming Chicken was wooed from a path
of righteousness by some extravagant promises.
You see, human failing that all of us
are subject to at one time or another.
But all that's water over the...embankment.
Right now, our job is to find Egghead.
Any ideas?
We know his diet consists solely of grade triple A white eggs.
If we were to take a trip, which all the evidence
indicates he might do.
He would first have to load up all the eggs he could carry.
Right.
How many poultry farms triple A variety
are there within the limits of Gotham City?
Three. Barney's chicken farm in the lake wood area.
But that farm produces only brown eggs.
Hm.
Paul's Poultry Palace in Pimlico.
And if my memory serves me correctly.
As it always does.
Paul's Poultry Palace has only 8 hens and one rooster.
Scarcely enough to feed his veracious appetite.
And with all the roads out of Gotham city blocked
that leaves only one place.
[chicken clucking]
Are you some kind of nut or something?
You can't come here and steal my eggs like this, bub.
Mr. MacDonald, you should be egg-spressing your thanks
that I saw fit to grace your ranch with my presence.
Only the finest quality eggs will do
for my dietary practices.
Besides your prices are eggs-orbitant.
I'll make you a good deal. Better in whole-sale.
My good fellow, let me egg-splain.
Egghead never pays for anything.
It's just not done among your finer class of criminals.
Why, do you realize that if I paid one penny
it would ruin my reputation among my peers.
'It's almost dark, Egghead.'
Don't you think, we better get going.?
Hey, how are we get outta here, anyhow?
They blocked off the airports.
- And the roads. - And the harbor.
Well, since all of the over land route has been egg-spunged.
The only way to go is underground.
So, let us eggs-plore Gotham City sewer system.
Just the right place for a rat like you.
The only place you're going is up the river.
[instrumental music]
Let's give him the taste of our knuckles, shall we?
[grunting]
[intense music]
Oh.
Ah.
Oww.
Ah!
Batman!
[groaning]
Alright.
Alright. That's all.
Cease and desist.
I am done.
Who's gonna pay for all my eggs?
You'll be reimbursed, Mr. MacDonald.
At the current market rate.
'Whoa it's me.'
My criminal career is now egg-stinct.
Foolish, evil man.
You're going to end up where all broken egg shells end up.
In the garbage.
Give me a break, Batman.
You'll be dealt with fairly.
In a court of law.
Ms. Bacon.
I'm puzzled why a girl of your obvious breeding, education
style and class should have become involved with someone
like...Egghead.
I guess, I'm just lucky, Batman.
Is this the end of the book, Eggy-poo?
The end, period.
I guess, I laid an egg.
Batman, we owe you a debt that can never be repaid.
Good city government is it's own reward, Commissioner Gordon.
All the visiting criminals have been apprehended
by our stalwart police, Boy Wonder.
The police of Gotham City are the best anywhere.
Our job is done.
Come on, Robin.
If you need us again, gentlemen, we're close as your Bat-phone.
Next week, Batman challenged by Chandell.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman