¶ Batman
Thus far, we've seen King Tut..
...and his tank full of lovelies.
While his Tutling heists some amber beads.
But why?
A vitamin pill and a call for help.
Even Batman's stumped.
His one lead..
...a lead pestle.
An unholy operation to release sacred scarabs
from their ancient tombs.
Shock treatments to resurrect them.
Shocking!
The pestle leads to an apothecary shop
but Tut escapes with his scarabs.
All but one, that is.
A breeding farm for the plague?
No, even worse!
Abu Rabu Simbu Tu!
A deadly potion to paralyze the will.
A clever ploy of Batman's.
Robin in the Sphinx.
And the Boy Wonder gives it away.
A precarious perch for the Boy Wonder.
And Batman to the rescue.
But does Tut have the last word?
Don't go away!
The most horrendous is yet to happen.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
¶ Batman
[crocodile growling]
[theme music]
[crocodile growling]
Farewell, my moldy sparrow.
In the name of Anubis
great jackal-headed patron of the super criminal
'I commend you to your fate.'
[Tut laughing]
Come my loyal legions, that-a-way!
I love my crocodiles madly
but I dislike the sound of their chewing.
And I'm sure the commissioner awaits his pill.
[both laughing]
Don't forget to feed the scarabs.
[device clicking]
'Hang on, Robin!'
Batman!
Hang on, old chum!
[explosion]
I'll try something else.
[crocodile growing]
Don't lose heart, Robin, here I come!
It was my fault, Batman.
Dropping the Bat-radio in the Sphinx.
I'll be more careful next time.
Experience teaches slowly, Robin.
And at the cost of many mistakes.
You know how wives are, Chief O'Hara.
It's our anniversary, I promised I'd take her to lunch but..
...leaving this office under the circumstances--
Oh, think no more about it, commissioner.
I'll be proud to take over for an hour or so.
I consider it an honor that you've asked me.
'I hoped you'd say that.'
'Miss Patrick, Chief O'Hara's in charge until I return.'
'Please follow routine procedure.'
- Have a good time. - I will.
- Your pill, Chief O'Hara. - I never take pills.
It's routine procedure.
Huh?
[phone beeping]
(Batman) 'Commissioner, Thank heavens I reached you in time.'
Oh, the commissioner just stepped out, Batman.
This is Chief O'Hara. I'm in charge here for the time being.
Well, thank heavens I reached you Chief O'Hara.
There's treachery in that office.
The commissioner's summer secretary..
The one who's replacing Bonnie, is King Tut's
current Queen of the Nile.
Bagora.
'We'll be there within a half hour.
But don't be persuaded to take one
of the commissioner's vitamin capsules.
Oh, don't you worry, Caped Crusader.
I wouldn't even think of--
I already took one!
'Are me eyes playing me tricks?'
King Tut, here in this office!
How did you get here? Didn't anybody see you?
Yes, they saw me.
But I spoke to that charming
and cooperative secretary of yours
and told her we wished to be alone for a little private chat.
Unmitigated gall.
On your knees, Helot!
You got the wrong Helot.
On your knees anyway.
The devil you say, Tut.
You'll not bend my will to yours.
Abu Rabu Simbu Tu!
Abu Rabu Simbu Tu.
Batman, look!
What's he doing out there?
I suspect the worse, Robin.
(Batman) 'Chief O'Hara, take it easy.'
Hi! Hello, down there, me buckos.
He's doing a dance out there on that itty-bitty ledge. Ha ha.
Now, my every whim is his command.
Tut, give another whim. This is boss.
I'm spoiling you rotten.
Never could resist a pretty queen.
(Tut) 'Chief O'Hara!'
Sorry to disturb you.
A little acrobatics, use the pole.
Oh, that's very good.
[circus music]
Don't fall.
Holy high wire!
[giggling]
[chuckling]
[both chuckling]
Batman and Robin!
He should be giving my crocodiles indigestion
by this time.
How'd you suppose he got out of that locked tank room?
Chief O'Hara oughta know better.
It's not wise to condemn what we don't understand.
He can't help himself now.
Let's try to talk to him.
Let's away again, my pet, we've enough sport for one morning.
Without even seeing him? Batman, that is?
Cleo, just what does Batman mean to you?
Oh, I guess it's all that restoratory power in his body.
Or whatever he said.
Restoratory power in his body..
I'll give you restoratory power.
Get her out of here!
¶ Over wheel and barrow
¶ Through the streets wide and narrow ¶
Chief O'Hara, come in now.
Come on in, chief. Easy now.
Chief O'Hara, it's time to come in now.
It is?
Come on.
Easy now.
That's it.
Take it easy.
[Tut sobbing]
My pets.
My babies.
My beautiful emerald black cherubims.
And they all must die!
Yes, your kingship.
But remember, it's for an evil cause!
Also remember, that they will yield at least 95,000 gallons
of Abu Rabu Simbu Tu.
Zowie!
That's enough bug juice to cop everybody in Gotham City
or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik.
If you say that again, I'm gonna slap you.
But you're right.
After scarabating the city water supply
I'll make loyal subjects of them all.
You weren't born yesterday either, Tut Tut.
I just hope that we can get this stuff brewed..
...before Batman finds us.
[growling]
Batman! That big ninny!
I'll have him eating out of my hand.
That'll have him drinking out of it.
And I'll use Chief O'Hara as the catalytic agent.
We'll have to use Commissioner Gordon, he's back.
Chief O'Hara's left.
That's even better.
The time has come to execute my royal master plan.
Royal Lapidary, prepare the transfer of the Sphinx
while I pay the commissioner a brief call.
[laughing deviously]
I say the first order of business is to have
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
removed from office.
I mean, we can't have police officials
who are helpless pawns of a master criminal.
Here we are, sir. Six glasses of buttermilk.
Oh, thank you, Alfred.
You can discount Chief O'Hara, Robin.
I suspect he's the victim of happenstance.
That still leaves Commissioner Gordon.
Unfounded suspicions are often dangerous, old man.
Maybe, but we better do something.
Agreed.
If we're to thwart Tut's evil scheme
I suspect the answer is to be found in these..
...dusty pages.
If there is an answer.
For every venom, there is an antidote, Robin.
I've already discovered that the Nile oasis scarab
became extinct 40 centuries ago.
[Bat-phone beeping]
Yes, commissioner.
I'm very sorry to disturb you
but this is very important.
Now listen very carefully.
This is what you have to do.
Very well, commissioner.
We'll be there right away.
The Sphinx has reappeared.
He's in Jefferson Square Park.
And it's making predictions, just...as I had predicted.
(Tut over PA) 'Loyal subjects, I have returned.'
'And now for my latest prediction.'
'Your all-powerful, all-conquering'
'all-good, friendly pharaoh will reduce water rates'
'give you more drinking fountains'
'and will positively stamp out bat brutality.'
'This is a promise, this is a pledge.'
'This is a recording.'
Oh, the Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder.
You heard?
New slogans, same old Tut.
But he's right about one thing.
Our fair city could use more drinking fountains
and parks. Don't you..
Ah!
A quaint old-fashioned refreshments cart.
May I treat you to a lemonade?
Thank you, commissioner, that sounds refreshing.
Ah, Boy Wonder?
- No, thank you. - Very well then.
Two of 'em, please.
I hope you know what you're doing, Batman.
He seems quite his old self.
Five. Thank you.
[humming]
Thank you, commissioner.
To your health.
'Never been better. I'm top-hole.'
And as eager as ever to fight the forces of evil.
To that, too.
[phone ringing]
I'll get that.
May the first super-criminal to feel our righteous wrath
be King Tut.
I'll sign that one on the dotted line.
It's for you, Batman.
Excuse me, commissioner.
Surely. Surely, surely.
King Tut, Batman. He insists on talking to you.
- Right now. - He does, does he?
Well, I've got a message for him.
Tut, this is Batman.
Yes.
Yes, your majesty.
Of course, my good and friendly pharaoh.
Your every wish is my command.
I hear and obey.
What is it, Batman? What's the matter?
[Middle Eastern music]
Batman, what's wrong?
I can't tell what it is, commissioner.
I think something's happened to Batman.
He may be under King Tut's spell.
Can't you do something?
[music continues]
Batman.
Commissioner Gordon.
Batman, we bring you greeting from his kingship, Tut.
I hear and I obey.
Batman.
Never mind, Robin. Never mind.
'Making progress, Royal Apothecary?'
Tanks are almost full, your kingship.
Good.
As soon as my visitor arrives and pays me homage
we'll conclude my royal master plan.
[laughing deviously]
Hail, mighty Tut.
Take heed, loyal subject.
And note well that what was prophesied has come to pass.
Mine enemy kneels at mine feet.
Here's another one, boss.
Hmm.
On your knees, bat-brat.
Never.
Get up, Batman.
You see, ex-Boy Wonder.
He now responds only to my command.
Tut.
You are the greatest.
Uh-huh.
I had planned a command performance
to prove that this cringing crusader
'is no longer cock of the walk.'
'But merely a court jester. A buffoon.'
But I see, by the Royal Apothecary
the tanks are filled.
I must be off about my affairs.
Tut-Tut.
Hmm?
Can I... command a performance..
...of my own while you're gone?
I want a jester of my own.
And you shall have one, my queen.
After I have scarab-dated the water supply
you can have your choice of anyone in Gotham City.
[chuckling]
Anyone...who's left, that is.
But these two are going to be fed to my crocodiles right now.
No, no. Not Batman.
Another outburst like that, Cleo
and my crocodiles are going to have a three course meal. Hmm?
He's filled his purpose.
And anyway, my slithering lovelies missed their lunch.
Tonight, they shall have a truly succulent feast.
[laughing deviously]
Take them away.
I off to the water-works.
[Middle Eastern music]
Your kingship. Batman's come out of his spell.
Correction. I never was under your spell, Tut.
Oh, I drank your cursed lemonade
but I took the precaution of coating my stomach
with butter-milk.
Gosh, Batman.
A pure and simple stratagem.
To divine the super-evil crime you planned
not only against your fellow man
but against Mother Nature herself.
[mumbling]
A plague on you, Batman.
Tutlings, sick 'em.
[upbeat music]
Hmph, not now.
[groaning]
Open that hose valve.
[Tut groaning]
Keeps you hands off my Abu Rabu Simbu Tu.
No.
Not my life's work.
My life's blood and that of my lovely scarabs.
All for naught. For naught.
[sobbing]
You.
You. You're the one.
You're...
You're the nicest man I've ever met, Batman
and this humble servant kneels at your feet.
His formula. It's working on him.
Poor, deluded man.
He's walking a tight rope, Robin.
Abu Rabu Simbu Tu plays no favorites.
Gotham City has narrowly averted a catastrophe
of major proportions.
Too bad, that such a distinguished professor
and his twin trauma should become his own cavia porcellus.
Cavia porcellus?
Guinea pig.
I'm appalled, Batman. Truly appalled.
To think that I could have betrayed my high office.
And to have slipped you a polluted lemonade.
Don't give it another thought, commissioner.
[mumbling]
That will be all, young gentlemen.
Complete your assignments and hand them in tomorrow.
Not again.
I'm off to a faculty meeting.
Oh, you're off, alright.
But not to a faculty meeting.
Your phony Egyptian friends
await our royal presence at the local tombs.
[screaming]
I'm a professor of Yale.
I...you can't..
The PTA shall hear of this.
Are you going to try him in court?
I haven't decided yet, Batman.
With your approval, I'd like to think it over.
No...no choice is easy in a case like this.
I agree completely, commissioner.
The law of this city is in your hands.
We just try to... help a bit.
Here and there. Wherever we can.
So brave, so dependable and so modest.
Rare in men these days.
Very rare.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
¶ Batman