¶ Batman
(male narrator) A quiet, balmy midnight in Gotham city.
Not a creature is stirring.
Except these creatures..
...though they're barely stirring.
And this creature..
...an Egyptian king.
And a tank full of crocodiles..
...in our beloved borough?
Eight years, my babies.
Sethos!
How is my crowning achievement coming?
Any news from the royal laboratory?
Unless he's behind schedule, Your Kingship
they should be opening that safe at this very moment.
[explosion]
Dig this perfect, pool-white, diamond.
Sixty eight carats if she's an ounce.
Or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik.
The king did not send me, his Royal Lapidary, for diamonds.
What's going on?
How did you get in here?
Can't have this sort of thing, you know?
I advise you both to remain quite motionless
while I summon the authorities.
Ah!
This should be more to His Kingship's taste.
What is it?
A string of amber beads.
Amber beads?
Exactly, Tut-ling. With beauties such as these
His Royal Kingship shall hatch an infernal scheme
that within a fortnight should have all of Gotham city
in his royal clutches.
Ms. Patrick, a headache pill, please.
I still don't quite understand how you could be
rendered unconscious by a lead pencil?
Pestle, commissioner.
A lead pestle.
Which my assailants dropped in their escape.
(Gordon) 'Oh no, no, Ms. Patrick, I don't need a pill.'
It's time for your mid-morning vitamins, commissioner.
Oh, really? Well, what do you know?
Alright, thank you.
Pestle, a lead pestle.
Odd sort of weapon don't you agree?
And rather odd assailants come to think of it.
In their strange Egyptian garbs.
(O'Hara) 'Egyptian?'
'Well there can be no doubt about it, commissioner.'
The mad monarch must be once again on the loose.
And have something even madder than ever up
his fourth dynasty sleeve.
Gentlemen..
...I propose to call Batman.
Yes, commissioner.
'A strange and terrible threat to Gotham city.'
'An ultimatum from the remote past.'
- 'I think it's King Tut.' - We're on our way.
Holy hieroglyphics! This might mean a battle royale.
Not the first thing nor the last. To the Bat-poles.
[intense music]
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman
[instrumental music]
[engine ignition]
[tires screeching]
[intense music]
Egyptian garb.
Amber beads, lead pestles..
Can there be any doubt about it, Boy Wonder?
Only the shadow of a doubt perhaps but certainly worth
a telephone call to Yale University.
That's a sharp idea.
Positively trenchant, Batman.
Miss Patrick!
Something for you, Batman?
No, no, pills.
Oh, thank you, my dear, I seldom resort
to medication of any kind.
You see, one's body has remarkable
restorative powers of it's own.
Ms. Patrick, please just get Dean Gerber on the telephone
for Batman at Yale University.
Yes, sir.
I'd hate think that our eminent professor of Egyptology
had suffered a relapse into his eerie twin trauma.
You're too soft on hardened arch-criminals, Batman.
But, Chief O'Hara, he really believed
Gotham city was ancient Thebes and he himself
was the re-incarnation of King Tut.
Dean Gerber on three.
Uh, you take it, Batman.
Hello, Dean Gerber, this is Batman.
Batman.
B-A-T-M-A-N.
'That's right, Dean Gerber, in Gotham City.'
I'm calling in reference to your professor of Egyptology.
Oh, when did he take over the chair?
And his predecessor?
Oh.
Yes, that's what I was afraid of.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Bad news, Batman?
Couldn't be worse.
Professor fell off the podium during a teach-in
and hasn't been seen since.
Holy sarcophagus.
That means he's a super crook again.
But what kind of a super crook
would scoff at genuine diamonds and rubies
and then have his stooges make off with a string of amber beads
some of them even with beetles in them?
Beatles, Chief O'Hara?
You mean, scarabs imprisoned in amber.
A lead pestle..
Pestles haven't been made of lead
since the turn of the century.
Does that suggest something, Batman?
Yes.
An apothecary.
A word recently superseded by that of druggist or pharmacist.
Do you have copy of the Gotham City classified directory?
Miss Patrick!
Oh no, no pills, please.
Just bring Batman the classified directory, please.
It will be a pleasure.
I'm afraid the summer relief girl for my regular secretary
Bonnie isn't much of a relief.
She seems eager to please.
A virtue in anyone.
That'll be all Ms. Patrick, thank you.
Aha!
Just as I surmised.
With the dozens of pharmacies
the scores of drug stores in Gotham city
there's only one apothecary.
The Apex apothecary shop in the pyramid building.
Doubtless to be found on the top floor.
Let's pay them a call, Robin.
Meanwhile, in the back room
of the Apex apothecary shop
the demented despot is engaged in an unholy operation.
What kind of black magic is this?
An attempt to release the dead from their ancient tomb?
(Amenophis) 'If you ask me, Your Royalness'
givin' them bugs the hot-foot ain't gonna do nothin'.
Dead is dead.
Or my name ain't Amenophis Tewfik.
These are not bugs, Amenophis.
They are scarabs, of a species extinct for at least 4000 years.
Encased in amber they have slumbered away the centuries
in a state of suspended animation.
And now, I shall begin their shock treatments
to reactivate their little nervous systems.
About...100,000 Volts, wouldn't you say?
I concur, doctor.
Power.
Hard.
Amps.
'Amps.'
Air.
'Air.'
100,000 Volts.
'100,000 Volts.'
[intense music]
Oxygen.
Breathe, my children.
Free yourselves from the arms of Osiris.
Shake off the shackles of the sepulchre.
Live.
'Live.'
Live!
They ain't livin'.
More Oxygen. I'm going to 200,000 Volts.
[intense music]
Ah! Failure!
Abject failure!
All my plans..
All my dreams of domination crumbled into dust.
I shall end this miserable existence
by throwing myself off the Aswan High Dam.
[crying]
How about that?
That cockroach is really kickin'.
Is it that or you're just saying that to make me feel good?
They're all kicking.
Look, Your Kingship.
You've got yourself a batch of real live ones.
I have!
Gee whiz, Batman
dropping in on a drugstore might've been easier.
Exercise never hurt anyone, Robin.
You must always keep the element of surprise on our side.
What are you doing here?
I might ask you the same question.
Pursuing the enemies of law and order
wherever they happen to be.
(Batman) 'Aren't you in the wrong city?'
On special assignment for the Daily Sentinel.
You know my aide, Kato.
Robin, the Boy Wonder.
Well, I don't to hold you up from your crime fighting.
Thank you and good luck to you, Mr. Hornet.
Nice to have met you.
Gosh, Batman, what are they dressed like that for?
[all laughing]
[cackling]
What's that?
The burglar alarm bell on the main shop window.
Well, see what is.
Don't just stand there, go see who it is.
'Gentlemen.'
You might've found the elevator a little more convenient.
But...what form of curative do you require?
Nothing, thank you.
A nostrum called "nothing".
That I do not carry, sir-rah, but..
...I do have all kinds of potions..
...lotions..
..and notions in stock.
No!
And, uh, what's in the back room?
Trolls and goons and amulets.
Evil spells that will turn your bones to celery stalks.
Nevertheless, I think we should take a look for ourselves.
But no!
Take another think, Batman!
[laughing]
Ow!
[sneezing]
We took care of them.
We powdered them, boss.
Good.
Through the back door, down the fire escape.
Bolt the door behind us.
[both sneezing]
Too late, Robin.
Thanks to the well equipped--
A-a-a-pothecary!
Foiled again by that P-P-Pharaoh!
What's that?
Look, look.
Holy Frankenstein!
- It's alive. - Yes.
What is it?
Scarabaeus sacer, the species of ancient Egyptian beetles
sacred to the Sun God of Heliopolis.
And from which the term, "Scarab" is derived.
You should know that, Robin
if you're up on your studies of Egyptology.
You're right.
Think of it.
An insect like this, extinct for centuries
suddenly unleashed on our community.
I know, hieroglyphics, self taught are a chore, Robin.
What?
It's a sure-fire way to unravel the secrets
of the ancient mystics.
You've discovered what that moon-struck monarch is up to?
I fear so.
Inscribed upon this ancient Papyrus scroll
is the chemical formula for "Abu Rabu Simbu Tu".
Abu what?
"Abu Rabu Simbu Tu", in more modern terms
CK to the second power
plus OL to the 9th power equals KO to the 3rd power
plus 2CL to the 4th power.
CK to the 2nd power, what kind of equation is that?
In more modern lexicon of chemistry
one that has been obsolete for years because
the most important ingredient is missing.
Unavailable.
Distilled essence of scarab limbs.
Holy corpuscles!
Yes and this ingredient combined with other elements
in the chemical formula produces a potion capable
of paralyzing the human will.
Then Tut can put Gotham City under his power
if he could make enough of it.
And get it to the populous somehow.
But he only has a few resurrected scarabs.
Unfortunately, Robin
Given the proper climatic conditions
scarabs are able to multiply a thousand fold.
- Yes, Alfred? - I just come in to report, sir.
The talking Sphinx will be on the lawn of Wayne Manor
within hours.
Talking Sphinx?
If you remember, Robin, Tut made his royal predictions
through the great stone Sphinx thus creating terror
in this city.
Oh, of course. How could I've forgotten it?
I recently heard
that the Sphinx was being offered for sale.
Sold! Just when I was going to have need of her again.
Who purchased my inscrutable lady?
Millionaire Bruce Wayne.
Yeah, I might've known it.
Sheer spite!
Just because I kidnapped him last year.
What's he planning to do, make a reading lamp out of her?
"Mr. Wayne has been
"quoted as saying..
"...he will
"donate this crim-i-nal
"curiosity
"to the black mu-se-um
at Scot-land yard."
The Black Museum?
That's the hall of fame.
Now I belong to the ages.
Just think of it.
Cheek to jowl with such great ones of crimes
Landru!
Jack the Ripper..
...Lizzy Borden..
And the Lavender Hill Mob..
Yes!
Now!
I need my unfathomable female here and now
for my royal predictions.
After I'm crowned king of Gotham City
we can think about the Black Museum.
We didn't think of it, Your Kinship, Mr.--
I know it, Sethos!
But Mr. Bruce Wayne may have second thoughts
coming very shortly.
When night descends on Wayne Manor
you two will descend... and pinch my Sphinx.
[whispering] Shh. Quietly.
[whispering] There's only one light in the house. Upstairs.
I don't think anyone's home.
Sure, this sphinx pinch is a cinch.
Push.
Well, Alfred.
It looks like my young ward and I are going fishing again.
The big one.
Welcome home, my inscrutable lady.
Soon, I'll have a new prophecy for you to announce.
It's tight alright, Batman.
I think we're in some kind of greenhouse.
I know, old chum, I've been getting your messages.
I've tracked you to the old abandoned Giza Gardens
at the corner of Elm and Harvard.
Let's see what else I can find out.
You may wanna call Commissioner Gordon.
Your Majesty!
It worked, Your Majesty!
The experiment is a success!
It worked.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! It worked!
Praise to the sacred baboons.
The cow goddess of Hathor!
Osiris, the holy one!
Yes, yes!
Then praise me too!
For the first time
since the golden age of Ramses Junior.
There exists the elixir of Abu Rabu Simbu Tu!
Now, may I go back to my apothecary shop?
Don't be a boobie.
There's still work to be done.
First, you must crystallize this lovely nectar into a powder
and then insert the powder into a capsule.
Like so.
And you, Cleo
my lovely queen of the Nile in exile.
You know what to do then, don't you?
Yeah, Tut-Tut.
I slipped the Commissioner Gordon
instead of his mid-morning vitamin A.
Batman, you better--
It couldn't have made the noise.
I haven't hooked up the loudspeaker system.
Well, I sure heard somethin', boss. Or my name ain't--
Perhaps we should take a look, Your Kingship.
The Sphinx is hollow but it may not be empty.
Good idea, Royal Lapidary.
Release the hidden spring.
We've lost him. He must've dropped the Bat-radio.
It's a very sensitive instrument.
Whatever will you do now?
There's always the Bat-Geiger counter.
[Geiger counter clicking]
Good.
It's picking them up already.
How?
I planted radioactive Bat-pellets in his belt.
Now if I can just synchronize this miniaturized model
with the Bat-Geiger counter..
...we should have no trouble finding him.
Drag him out!
[grunting]
On your knees, helot!
On your knees before the almighty Pharaoh.
Never!
What, never?
You dare to match your will against mine.
Give him a shot of your bug juice, boss!
That will take the wind out of his sails!
Good idea, Tut-ling, we have need of a guinea pig.
Proceed to the Royal Apothecary.
Ah! Ah!
- Get him! - Get him!
Get him! Get him!
Watch out for the scarabs!
Alright, my young testee..
It'll only sting for a minute.
Then your cares will be over forever.
No!
Holy jawbreaker.
[Tut laughing]
I told you, my lovelies, if all went well
you'd soon be dining on something better
than frogs and fishes!
Not much better, granted, but you're due for a snack.
I hope you all have healthy appetites!
Eat your din-din!
[laughing]
Is Robin doomed?
Those crocodiles look mighty hungry.
Was Tut right?
They'd soon be having a tasty dinner.
Or was he merely shedding crocodile tears?
Above all, will Batman arrive
before the Boy Wonder's perch slides away?
Tune in your Bat-sets tomorrow
same time, same channel.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman