¶ Batman
(male narrator) We have already seen a department store catalogue
airmailed out the window.
A model of a catamaran sail Earthward.
Three little kittens lose their mittens.
Gordon suspects the Catwoman.
How right he is!
Batman and Robin seek to stifle the cat's meow.
The Dynamic Duo calls for help
from a newsman.
Catwoman is a schoolmarm.
But the subjects are sinful.
Batman and Robin spring a trap.
It backfires.
All their plans go out the window.
They land in a fishnet.
Be prepared.
Aunt Harriet swings with the latest dance.
"The catwalk."
Bruce and Dick construe the clue.
Batman and Robin scout the sandbox but
one bad turn deserves another.
A hot foot.
Catwoman's scorching scheme.
In seconds, the sun's searing rays
will burn their strong true hearts.
But hark, the ghastliest goings on are yet to transpire.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Batman Batman Batman
¶ Na na na na na na
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[groaning]
What time is it, Robin?
What time is it?
Who cares what time it is.
Judging from the position of old Sol
in just 16 seconds, we're going to have a respite.
How can you tell?
Don't you remember?
There's an eclipse of the sun due.
But that's only for a half minute.
That's all we'll need, Robin.
If my calculus is correct.
[intense music]
There it is.
We've only got one chance, Robin.
Do exactly as I say.
Right, Batman.
Move the magnifying glass
precisely 14 degrees to your left.
I've calculated the azimuthal equi-distant
projection of the sun's rays.
But be careful, Robin.
(Batman) 'One degree too little or too much'
'and your hand will be reduced to an ash.'
[glass creaking]
[intense music]
[sizzling]
[music continues]
There.
Oh!
That was the closest call we've ever had, Batman.
I have to admit. I was scared.
I had no fear whatsoever, Robin.
You didn't?
Not a bit.
Haven't you noticed how we always manage to escape
the vicious ensnarements of our underhanded opponents?
Don't you know why?
Because we're smarter than they are.
I prefer to believe it's because
our hearts are pure.
Just what was it she told us before she left us to die?
Something about an assault on Mount Gotham.
Just where is Mount Gotham?
Why, it's, uh, it's..
I don't know!
Holy Alps! I better brush up with my geography.
It won't do a bit of good in this case, Robin.
It wouldn't?
Because there is no Mount Gotham. There's a Mount Sac.
A Mount Blanc, a Montgomery but there is no Mount Gotham.
Then what did she mean?
There are man-made mountains in Gotham City's concrete jungle.
What's the highest peak?
The Gotham State Building.
Rising a magnificent 102 storeys
above the city's din.
But what could she be doing in the Gotham State building?
We'll never find out standing here, Robin.
To the Batmobile.
[intense music]
[theme music]
[tires screeching]
Uh-oh! Better put five cents in the meter.
No policeman's gonna give the Batmobile a ticket.
No matter, Robin.
This money goes toward building better roads.
We all must do our part.
Good citizenship, you know?
Holy taxation! You're right again, Batman.
[intense music]
Batman! And Robin, the Boy Wonder.
Well, what an auspicious occasion.
Please come in. I'll have some soft drinks sent in.
'No time for that. We're here on official business.'
Are there any special or unusual events here today?
Hmm. Nothing that I can think, off hand.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yes, there is something
Here, I'll check.
This maybe it.
Yes, yes, we've, uh
we've rented the penthouse for a party late this afternoon.
With whom did you make this transaction?
With, uh, Mr. Zubin Zucchini.
Zubin Zucchini.
He's the eccentric millionaire
who cornered the sulphur market in the 1920's.
And established the world famous Ruby Match Company.
Well, one and the same.
Come on, Robin, there's no time to lose.
[intense music]
Hey! There's the great Zubin Zucchini now.
Dressed like that and getting into an armored truck?
Must be some kind of a nut or something.
You should be that kind of nut. He's got 18 million bucks.
Give or take a grand or two.
(Catwoman on radio) 'Speak.'
We're outside Zucchini's house.
He just flew the coup.
(Catwoman on radio) 'Splendid. Proceed with plan A.'
[intense music]
Well, I'm all ready, young man.
Yes, young lady. What is it?
Are you Ms. Minerva Mathews, the well known wealthy recluse?
For lack of a better cognomen, yes, I am.
[intense music]
[music continues]
Yes.
Can I help you, young man?
I'm the armored car driver.
I've come to take you to the Gotham State Building, ma'am.
Oh, good. Uh..
Do you have the money?
$500,000 from your Christmas Club account.
Oh! Good!
That Mr. Zucchini just insists upon cash.
Well, he doesn't trust checks
since the banks bounced back in 1929.
Well..
You drive very well, Mr., uh..
Staphylococcus.
(Catwoman) 'Eh?'
Ralph Staphylococcus.
My friend calls me Ralph.
Ralph, eh? Have you had this job long?
Four years next July 22nd, ma'am.
I'm studying to be an accountant at night.
(Ralph) 'Can't raise three kids on this salary.'
Oh, you're married. Ha ha! How nice...for you.
(man on radio) 'Canary to cat, canary to cat.'
'Bat has flown the belfry.'
'Escaped the aluminum reflector.'
Curses, foiled again.
Ha ha ha! That's my 11 year old nephew, Marshall.
I gave him this little intercom.
We, he likes to play cops and robbers.
He's got a mighty deep voice for a 11 year old.
He matured early.
Proceed with plan B. Notify all others.
[intense music]
Oh, Mr. Zucchini. May I help you carry those, sir?
No. Open the door, then get lost.
Yes, sir. I'll just see you to the elevator, sir.
I can find an elevator by myself.
[intense music]
If you just sign here, Ms. Matthews..
Receipt for the money.
Just a minute, my good man.
There's a little gratuity, to help you along the way.
[intense music]
[music continues]
Meow!
Alright, boys. up on the ledge.
But it's a 102 storeys straight down.
Well, you've got eight more lives.
Up!
[intense music]
[theme music]
Did Catwoman just enter this building?
Catwoman? No, no, just a sweet, little old lady.
We'll see how sweet.
Catwoman's up there.
She'll make off with the bundle, if we let her.
Batman, we still don't know what she's stealing.
Eight pieces of catgut.
- How much could they be worth? - Plenty.
They're attached to two Stradivarius violins.
Each one is being sold today for a quarter of a million dollars.
Half a million in total? Who's buying them?
Ms. Minerva Mathews.
The well known and wealthy recluse?
For cash. That's your sweet little old lady, Mr. Kramer.
So, there's a cool million and goods in money for her to rob?
But, why here?
The 102 floor of the Gotham State Building
is the only place in Gotham City
with a proper altitude and humidity
to inspect those violins.
They've been in their cases in 30 years
and might crack in the improper atmosphere.
Look! Up there! Are they birds?
Are they planes?
No. They're cat burglars.
Quickly, to the elevators.
[intense music]
Excuse me, citizens.
She's put the elevators out of commission, commissioner.
He will she escape?
She must have something in her devious mind.
But the question is, how will we catch her?
Take my men and we'll run up the 102 flight of stairs.
I don't have time for that.
The Bat-jet! Come on.
[theme music]
What are those, Batman?
Bat-jets, commissioner. I haven't tried them yet.
But they should have enough power to get one of those
elevators up to the penthouse.
[music continues]
Alright, everybody, back up, back up, back up.
Cover you ears.
Five, four
three, two one.
'Lift off!'
[violin music]
Seems to be in excellent tune. Ought to be.
Paying enough for it.
There's only $499,000 here.
Ah.
I tipped the young driver $1000 for being so sweet.
[plucking string]
Didn't think you'd mind.
Tip him with your own money.
It is my money.
You old goat!
It's my money now. A deal is a deal.
You're categorically wrong!
[instrumental music]
What are you doing?
(Catwoman) 'I'm getting outta these mousy clothes.'
And into the guise of..
Catwoman!
(Zucchini) 'Catwoman!'
Now hand over the cash, Zucchini.
The heck, you say!
The heck I say, is it?
Maybe you can bully an aging mogul, but not me, Catwoman!
Robin, my little chickadee, how nice to see you again.
You better come quietly, Catwoman.
It looks like you've been thwarted.
Look again, my effervescent dove.
[groaning]
Let's can the gab-a-thon and throw this rascal out.
I might have known, you were involved.
Person like you can give a bad name to gossip columnists.
(Robin) 'You'll never get outta here.'
'It's 102 storeys straight down.'
And the police will be waiting for you.
[scoffing]
We're not going straight down.
We're going straight up, sweetheart.
This is our ticket to freedom.
You're alright, Jack.
Shall we throw the kid over the side?
Yeah. It's time to pen the climax to this stanza.
[grunting]
(male narrator) Batman, where are you?
Is this the one time you'll be too late?
[music continues]
Unhand that boy, and be quick about it.
Or you'll know the reason why.
[panting]
I thought it was curtains this time, Batman.
Save your strength, Robin.
You'll need it all to help subdue these cats.
I think all we have to do now is blast off.
[engine cranking]
You can't get away from Batman that easy.
- Easily. - Easily.
Good grammar is essential, Robin.
- Thank you, Batman. - You're welcome.
Now! Let's get them.
[theme music]
Blast off!
[groaning]
[engine cranking]
I'm getting out.
Hyah!
Whoa!
Oh!
Ow!
Get outta there.
[grunting]
Careful, Robin, it's quite a drop.
You contemptible cat burglars.
You thieving thugs.
No!
[grunting]
Drat, drat! Double drat!
Get out!
Get outta there!
Get out.
[music continues]
Catwoman's escaped!
I don't think so. She knows the place is covered.
She must be out on that ledge.
[music continues]
Be careful, Catwoman.
There's no way out. Come back.
I'd rather die!
Don't be ridiculous.
You convinced me.
Take hold of this Bat-rope. Secure it about your waist.
What do I do with the Stradivari?
Drop them. They were phonies, anyhow.
Better let go of the money, too.
(Robin) 'Someone at the bottom will pick it up.'
[screaming]
Hold on, Catwoman!
I'll pull you up.
Oops!
Batman!
I'm okay, Robin. Just get us out of here.
Batman, you saved my life.
It was the least I could do.
How can I combat you again, after all you've done for me?
'Let's hope it never comes to that, Catwoman.'
Because, in the end, veracity and rectitude
always triumph.
(Catwoman) 'Batman. Are you spoken for?'
Mm?
Married, engaged or going steady?
My crime fighting leaves me
little time for social engagements.
Boy.
Have I got a girl for you.
[instrumental music]
Well, Catwoman, I guess that's goodbye for 10 to 20 years.
You've been really swell, Batman.
What with testifying against me at the trial and all.
You'll never know how much I appreciated that.
I have to do my job, Catwoman.
- I guess you do. - Don't fret.
With good behavior you can be out in seven and a half years.
I'll be an old tabby by then.
Never fear. There will always be someone waiting for one as..
...beauteous as you.
That's the nicest thing you could have said.
May I?
Meow.
Au revoir, Batman.
I wonder if we've seen the end of her.
I wouldn't hazard a guess, Robin.
Why, Batman, are you blushing?
It's the...the heat of the day, commissioner.
Unseasonably warm.
Don't you think?
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na
¶ Batman