¶ Batman
(male narrator) We've already seen innocent shoppers.
A stickup.
It's The Joker!
A clue.
Yes, to oriental royalty.
Theft of the gold golf clubs.
After them.
But no..
...theft of the maharaja.
Did the van vanish?
Or shrink?
Traced to their lair.
But not surprised.
Wrapped for mailing.
Into the mailbox.
Addressed to...oblivion.
Is there no way out?
No way but up?
Let's all hold our breath for one minute.
The gasser is yet to come.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
Oh, no! Don't give up.
[music continues]
Oh, they're so brave.
Oh, yes, one must concede that, they have courage.
[laughing]
I can't stand it.
Oh, don't think about it, my dear.
Think about how simple things will be
with Batman out of our way forever.
Think of all the things you can buy with what we can steal.
That's a good idea.
I better check the gauge.
Oh! The gas is 20 feet high in the chimney.
They must be gone.
[laughing]
Goodbye, Dynamic Duo!
[Joker laughing]
- 'Joker, let's get outta here.' - 'No, wait.'
(Joker) 'First we must shut off the poisonous gas and pump it out.'
'Some passerby might get killer.'
- Yeah, I guess you're right. - Aww. There. There.
[intense music]
Okay, it's off.
Get the truck and load up. Quickly. Quickly.
Go on, boys. Go on, me lads.
I think I'll check to make sure.
[Joker screams]
Oh! Curses!
They're getting away!
Look! They discovered we're gone.
Hey, boss. Hey, boss. Boss, boss.
Look! Look, look. They're up on the chimney.
I know that, you fool.
- How'd they get up there? - They took the elevator.
What do you think?
Want us to get a rifle and-and shoot 'em?
No, wait a minute, I've got a much more succulent idea.
[laughing]
Get in. Get in.
[Joker laughing]
Strange, they're leaving.
Perhaps they've changed their plans.
Now, we'll have to find them again.
Right. Let's go.
Remember the maharajah's still in their power.
[intense music]
[pulsating]
Oh, drat!
Nothing from this hole from the golf course
or from the stolen hairpin.
What did The Joker use the hairpin for?
To trigger the gas bomb that knocked out the maharaja.
The gas bomb..
Of course, if a trace of the gas remains..
[pulsating]
We've got it!
Uh-hah! That's it.
It's an uncommon gas.
I know of but one place in Gotham where it'd be available.
The Ferguson Novelty and Magician's Supply Company.
- That's it. - Right and we've got to hurry.
If the maharajah isn't recovered soon
it could make things very difficult with this government.
In fact, I'm surprised there hasn't been--
- Let's go-- - Wait.
We'll go.
But as Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne.
Why? Do you think..
That it's being used as a front by The Joker?
Exactly!
[Dick laughing]
Who does this remind you of?
Careful, old chum.
Good afternoon. May I help you?
Thank you.
We thought we might find some amusing favors for
a small dinner party this young man's giving.
To be sure.
How about these?
[Dick chuckles]
Very ingenious.
Oh, miss, what is a "One-way glass reversing refractor?"
A prism, which placed flush against any one-way glass
'will by refraction enable one to look'
'through the one-way glass'
in the direction opposite to the one for which it was designed.
You mean like one-way mirrors and stuff.
'Yes.'
You can look through from the wrong side.
That's right.
Gee, Bruce, this would be keen for spies, wouldn't it?
Why don't you select something you like?
And I'll just, uh, browse around.
[instrumental music]
(Jill) 'Anything suspicious?'
No, just some squares.
Well, what are you looking at?
A big, fat bundle of ransom.
And I think we've waited long enough.
[intense music]
(Batman) 'So, this is the photograph we took from across the street.'
Now, judging from the topography
the underground prison room
should be located about here, under the hill.
Holy impregnability! It's as good as a fort.
If the police try to break in
The Joker would get too much warning.
The maharajah could be injured.
So, we have to find a way to get in secretly.
But how?
Fortunately, I got a glimpse
of a large square grill in the back wall.
What do you think it is?
Unless I miss my guess, it's the cover for a ventilating shaft
which comes out..
...right here, on top of the hill straight above.
Holy camouflage! What a way to get in.
If only we knew where it was.
If my trigonometry is correct..
...and based on this photograph, it should emerge..
...right here.
Gosh, Batman.
I'll never neglect my math again.
Let's go.
(Robin) 'Batman, where are you?'
Shh! Shh!
If it's nearby they could hear us down under.
[intense music]
(Robin) I think I found it.
How far did you say that room was underground?
[whispering] About 50 feet.
Enough to give us good momentum.
Oh, boy! I'll say. Can I go first?
I wanna see their faces.
Dynamic seniority.
This could be a mistake I suppose.
Well, look out below.
[intense music]
Don't anyone move!
You're all under arrest.
It's Batman!
Joker, where's the maharaja?
I told you he'd find us, you clown.
What's the matter with you, Batman?
I'm the funny man around here.
To arms, men! Repel the invaders.
Alright, if that's the way you want it.
[siren blares]
[theme music]
[grunts]
[music continues]
Egads! The tide's turning against us.
Let's scram, Joker.
Ooh! We'd better.
[music continues]
What happened? Where'd they go?
(Robin) Holy mole hill! They went into the mountain.
'Fiends!'
Probably comes out the hill's other side.
Where's the maharaja? I didn't see him when we entered.
They probably moved him before we came.
We'll make a thorough search.
I don't expect to find anything.
[phone ringing]
Commissioner Gordon.
Oh, hello, Batman.
Yes, I've been waiting for you to call.
I-I hope you have good news for us.
I'm afraid not, commissioner.
We traced The Joker here to his hideout
and surprised him but..
...he eluded us I'm afraid.
And the maharaja?
There was no sign of him.
If we don't find him soon, I shall have to notify Washington.
Yes, I'm aware of that. Have you heard about the ransom yet?
I don't know.
You might send the wagon over here, there are..
...four of The Joker's men to pick up.
We're at the Ferguson Magician's and Novelty Supply.
Okay, I'll take care of that.
[door closes] I'll notify the...wait a minute.
Commissioner, The Joker is on the air on our band
he wants to speak to you.
Good. Bring him in. Did you hear that?
- 'Yes.' - Well, hang on and listen.
This is Commissioner Gordon's office, go ahead, Joker.
(Joker on radio) 'Good evening, commissioner. Happy to find you in.'
'Uh, perhaps you can do me a favor?'
I warn you, Joker, if the maharajah is harmed
we'll hunt you down if it takes a 100 years.
(Joker) 'By that time my jokes would be stale'
'wouldn't they, commissioner?'
I haven't the time for chitchat with your kind.
If you have something to say, say it!
'Very well. I want to talk to Batman, can you arrange it?'
- Did you hear that, Batman? - 'Yes, I heard it.'
- Do you want to talk to him? - By all means.
I just happen to be in touch with Batman now
and we've set up a relay in the office.
The next time you speak he'll hear your voice
and you can hear his reply.
(Joker) 'What superb service.'
- 'Are you there, Batman?' - I'm here.
'Well, the fun and games are over, old fellow'
'and it's time for the harvest, as it were.'
'I want to enlist your help in the ransom arrangements.'
Never.
'Now, don't take a stand until you've'
'heard everything, old boy.'
'I've a friend here, who wants to talk to you.'
(maharajah on radio) 'This is Maharajah of Nimpah speaking.'
Your Highness, are you alright?
'Quite alright, thank you.'
'And enjoying delightful interval with bandit Joker.'
'But now, time to return to business.'
'Would Batman please arrange to cash a personal check tomorrow?'
Your check? What for?
'For ransom money. What else.'
You're gonna cash the ransom check yourself?
For how much?
'Half million dollars. US.'
(Batman on phone) 'How'd you intend to pay it to The Joker?'
(maharajah on radio) 'That is already arranged.'
'between bandit Joker and maharajah.'
'What is the matter? Do you not approve?'
I certainly do not approve.
I'll have nothing to do with it.
You're free to do as you wish of course but..
...leave me out of this.
'But unfortunate, not possible to leave you out.'
'I will let bandit Joker explain.'
(Joker on radio) 'You see, that's part of the price, Batman.'
'You make the arrangements.'
'You be present when he cashes the check'
'and you endorse the check.'
'Otherwise, no maharajah.'
[Joker laughing]
It's a rotten bargain, Joker.
But the maharajah's safety counts above everything else.
You've won.
The Gotham City State Bank.
Main office, tomorrow morning, ten o'clock.
Is it always darkest just before the dawn?
Not when dawn, that is to say, 10 a.m.
brings ruin and humiliation.
(Prescott) 'Four hundred and fifty, four hundred and sixty, seventy.'
'Four hundred and eighty.'
One half million dollars.
[Gordon claps] There he is, right on time.
[knock on door]
This way, Your Highness.
I am Prescott Belmont, Your Highness.
I don't believe you've met Batman and his associate Robin.
How do you do? I want to thank you for cooperating, Batman.
Now, you have the money?
Yes, it's all here.
Ah.
Good.
[snaps]
Pay to the order of Batt...man..
One "T."
(maharajah) 'Five hundred thousand dollars..'
...and no cents.
Now, you will endorse.
It is a sad day for Batman.
Forced to use his name for a criminal payoff.
Yes. I'm afraid this will tarnish his image considerably.
Good. Now, I will take the money.
Don't you want to count it?
Did you count it?
Why, yes, of course.
Why should we both count it?
Oh, well..
[laughing]
Your Highness, do you actually intend to give
this fortune to that criminal?
Even though you're free and there's no necessity for it.
Last desperate effort.
Why not?
You see, Joker is an honorable bandit.
We made a bargain.
He kept his side
now, Nimpahnese gentlemen must keep my side.
Yes, I can see that you'd want to keep your word
even to a lying criminal.
(maharajah) 'But to me Joker did not lie.'
'You see, in my country a bandit is an honorable profession.'
'And if people lie to bandits'
pretty soon bandit will lie to people.
And everybody will not believe the other
and they will fight among themselves.
'And then, pretty soon nobody will have anything.'
'Also in my country, population is 80 perc..'
[screams]
- Go! - Oh, no you don't.
[dramatic music]
Batman, what are you doing?
[music continues]
It's The Joker.
(O'Hara) 'That it is.'
But where's the maharajah?
There isn't any.
There never was.
You mean, it was The Joker all the time?
Right.
As you recall, you never saw the two of 'em together.
Then, his goal was not only a historic criminal coup
but your disgrace as well.
Not only that, my endorsement on a worthless check
for half a million dollars.
But if you hadn't thwarted him..
Oh, Batman, how did you ever see through his devilish plot?
It wasn't difficult, if you remember the key
to The Jokers twisted mind.
(Robin) 'He never means what he seems to mean. '
Now, why didn't we think of that?
Also, it seemed strange that we'd heard no protest
from his government.
So, Batman called the Palace of Nimpah.
The real maharajah..
'...is on a hunting trip in the Nimpah mountains.'
You've done it again, Batman.
Egads!
I'm deflated.
A fitting end for you, Joker.
Like the rest of your criminal ilk
'you were never anything'
but a threatening bag of hot air.
Chief O'Hara, call your men.
Cart this human trash away.
Right.
An hour or so later at stately Wayne Manor
where everything is now tranquil and serene
or is it?
[beeping]
Are you sure you want him, sir?
I got the impression that he had just satisfactorily
concluded the, uh, do.
But I must speak to him immediately, please.
If you insist, sir.
No, Dick. You'll get as fat as the Maharajah of Nimpah.
Who, Aunt Harriet?
The Maharajah of Nimpah.
I just saw his picture in the Gotham City Herald.
He was on a tiger hunting expedition
and you never saw anybody so fat in your whole life.
Mercy alive, with all his money you'd think he could afford
to see a doctor about a diet.
[clears throat]
It's the Bat-phone, sir.
Now?
That reminds me, Dick, I have a new volume on tiger hunting.
It's in the study, I've wanted to show it to you.
Holy Encore, you mean..
Gosh, Bruce, I'm real interested in tiger hunting.
Excuse us, Aunt Harriet.
Tea, madam?
Oh, yes, Alfred.
[intense music]
Yes, commissioner.
Shocking news, Batman.
What could it be?
I've heard a most alarming rumor.
That you've been asked to go to California and run for governor.
Calm your fears, commissioner.
The rumor is unfounded.
As long as there's a criminal at large in Gotham City
wild horses couldn't drag me away.
Oh, thank heavens, Batman.
Saints be praised.
Goodbye, commissioner.
Holy golden gate!
Next week King Tut tangos with the Dynamic Duo.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman