¶ Batman
(male narrator) Another exciting event in Gotham City.
An unveiling at Madame Soleil's Wax Museum.
[applause]
A tribute to the city's most illustrious crime fighter.
[French accent] Thank you, Monsieur Mayor.
Messieur the governor, the mayor
and most honored dignitaries
'of Gotham City.'
I know you are anxious
to see what I, the famous Madame Soleil
have imported for you all the way from Paris, France.
Mes amis, I unveil this wax figure of..
...Batman.
[cymbal gongs]
[exclaiming in French]
What is this ghastly travesty?
Why, that's not Batman. That's the Riddler.
(Riddler on tape) 'Surprise! Surprise!'
[Riddler laughing]
'What is black and white and red all over?'
[women screaming]
[Riddler laughing]
'Illustrious friends'
'if that little riddle is too hard for you'
'why, here's another.'
'What has branches and leaves and no bark?'
[women screaming]
What did you say, Madame Soleil?
The figure of Batman stolen?
It's the work of the Riddler.
Don't touch a thing. We'll take care of it.
Well, you heard, chief. The Riddler is at it again.
Two weeks out of jail, and he's up to his old tricks.
I knew it was too good to last.
There's only one thing to do.
We may never know the identity of the man behind the mask..
...but he's the only one who can cope with the Riddler.
And in Wayne Manor
stately residence of millionaire Bruce Wayne
and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.
He's just come in, sir. I'll get him for you.
I thought Lima was the capital of Ecuador.
Now as you can see, I was right. It's the capital of Peru.
Oh, I just love this game of capitals. It's so educational.
Not only that, if we don't know about our friends to the south
how can we carry on our good neighbor policy?
- Ahem. - Yes, Alfred.
It's the Bat-phone, sir.
Oh, Aunt Harriet, I forgot to tell you
Dick and I are having dinner with an old college chum.
He's promised to show Dick how to tie flies.
He's an expert fisherman.
Let's hurry, Dick, or we're gonna be late.
Oh, those two.
Hither, thither and yon.
[intense music]
- Yes, commissioner. - The Riddler.
- He struck again. - We're on our way.
To the Bat-vault.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[engine revving]
[theme music]
[tires screeching]
[Riddler laughing]
(Riddler on tape) 'What is black and white and red all over?
He must be kidding. That's too easy.
We figured that one out ourselves.
By wonder, it's a newspaper.
You know well how the Riddler likes to taunt us
with these disguised clues.
Clues that always reveal whatever plot he's hatching.
This pause here is where the tricky paint gun went off.
'Illustrious friends..'
Here comes the second riddle.
'...if that little riddle is too hard for you'
'why, here's another.'
'What has branches and leaves and no bark? Hmm?'
That's all there is.
There's always some definite connection
between the answers to his riddles and his nefarious plans.
What has leaves and branches but no bark?
Hey! A book has leaves.
But a book has no branches.
Yes, but a library does!
Then, the answer to the first riddle
could have been book instead of newspaper.
You've done it again, chum.
The answer is library, but what library.
If I know the Riddler it'll be the biggest library.
The Gotham City Library.
But what'd he want with a public library?
We'll never find out standing here.
Let's go, Robin!
Meanwhile, in a secret hideaway
beneath this innocent-looking candle factory.
Oh. Oh, if only this were the real Batman?
Oh! Tis' a consummation devoutly to be wished
that this too, too solid flesh would melt
thaw, and resolve itself into a dew.
Oh, Riddler, honey, that's beautiful.
I wrote it myself.
Little did they suspect the real reason
why I stole the wax figure of Batman.
I knew, I knew those dull customs inspectors
would never think of looking for this revolutionary
new ring of wax universal solvent
in the mannequin of their precious champion.
Big deal. Wax is wax.
What's so special about this stuff?
Oh, you don't know my pretty little, Moth
what universal solvent is.
It can eat through anything.
This remarkable wax can be found only in the hives
of the Cognac district of France.
No wonder the United States government
has banned its importation.
It might fall into the wrong hands.
'Why, with this illegally imported substance'
there's no vault I cannot enter.
[squealing]
Hear me, world. Nothing can stop me now.
Ain't he ever gonna move?
Yeah, we gotta get in the vault.
[whispering] Remember, it is better
to light one little candle than to curse the darkness.
Quickly, Moth. Batman's had time to solve my clue.
Go downstairs and keep a sharp lookout.
Okay.
It won't be long now.
That rare old book.
The lost treasures of the Incas
will soon be in my hands.
Ain't somebody bound to hear us when we break into the vault?
Don't talk, stupid.
Why do you think I went to so much trouble
to smuggle in this universal wax solvent? Hmm?
[laughing]
Genius. So far so good.
[laughing]
[siren blaring]
Ah!
Go on.
Now, remember, no writing in the margins.
Heavens to Betsy!
It can't be, but it is.
The dynamic duo.
Can I be of any help to you at all?
Have you seen any unusual looking people around here?
Unusual? In what way unusual?
Their garb.
For instance, a man wearing a bright green suit
with big black question marks on it.
Let me think a moment.
No, I can't say that I have off hand.
I see many people in the course of the day.
We've serious reason to believe that a serious crime
will be committed here.
- 'We sure have.' - 'Oh, dear.'
Where's the vault in which you store your most precious books?
It's upstairs. Follow me.
Boss, this is Moth. They're on their way up.
I'll be ready for 'em.
Hey, here it is, boss.
Oh!
At last I found it.
This will lead me right to the lost treasure of the Incas.
Every greedy bone in my body
cries out, "Huzzah! Huzzah!"
[laughing]
[gasps] My stars! Look at that hole and the lock's gone.
Careful, Robin, this looks like a robbery.
Wait here, Ms. Prentice.
As you can see, Batman, by the deadly weapons we hold
you'd be fools to move.
- What are you doing here? - Checking out a book.
- Checking out a book? - Exactly, Boy Wonder.
Lost treasures of the Incas.
What'd he want with a book like that?
Who can explain the devious mind of an arch criminal?
You'll never get away with this, Riddler.
Would you like to make a little wager?
I never gamble.
[gunshot]
Holy mucilage!
I can't move my feet! I'm stuck to the floor.
Yes, it's my own concoction.
I call it Dr. Riddlers Instant Forever Stick
Invisible Wax Emulsion.
[alarm blaring]
Boss, you hit the alarm.
An unfortunate error on my part, but lucky for you, Batman.
Let's get outta here, boss.
Since you'll be sticking around for a little while
I'll leave you a riddle to work on.
The more you take away, the larger it grows.
'What is it?'
[both coughing]
Look, they're gone!
We must get out of this. I'll try the laser gun.
[pulsating]
What devilish sticky stuff.
If only the Riddler's inventive mind
could be channeled for good
what a better world this would be.
It's working, Robin.
The wax is beginning to melt.
(Prentice) 'Are you alright in there?'
Yes. It's safe to come in now, Ms. Prentice.
Oh! Saints above! How did that hole get there?
- That's it! - What is it, old chum?
The answer to that riddle. Don't you see?
The more you take away from a hole, the larger it grows.
You're right! What can that mean?
- Unless.. - Yes?
[intense music]
There's a strange waxy substance here.
Could this be his clue?
But how was this done? I heard no explosion.
We must take this back to the Bat-cave at once and analyze it.
Unless I miss my guess, I'm holding the answer in my hand.
[theme music]
[tires screeching]
We've no time to waste.
Let's get this sample of wax
into the hyperspectrographic analyzer.
This should tell us what makes up this waxy substance.
Aha! It's just as I thought.
Nitrogen is one of the component elements.
That orange color. Doesn't that mean uranium?
Right on the nose, Robin. You're catching on fast.
No kidding, gee!
But what about that blue line?
That one's easy. It's sodium.
Of course, this is a universal wax solvent.
So that's how they got into that vault.
If the Riddler left this as a clue
I don't get it, do you?
There's something here that escapes me.
Nitrogen, uranium, sodium.
What could it possibly mean?
Well, if we take the first three letters of those elements
it spells NUS, but that doesn't mean anything.
Reverse the order and what do you have?
SUN.
Of course, that's got to be it.
But what's it supposed to mean?
Robin, I'm surprised at you.
You're studying French in school.
What's the French word for sun?
- Soleil. - Correct.
The Riddler has left us a clear indication
of where he intends to strike next.
Back at Madame Soleil's Wax Museum.
What are we waiting for?
[instrumental "Yankee Doodle Went To Town"]
Madame Soleil?
It's Batman and Robin.
Are you here?
Such vandalism.
What a disastrous unveiling this must have been.
Boy, wax museums are sure spooky.
You think the Riddler's here somewhere?
For heaven's sake, caped crusaders, watch out!
Ah!
Good shot, boss.
Ah, music hath the charm to soothe the savage beast.
You sure soothed them, boss.
You soothed them right to sleep with that thing.
- They look dead to me. - Just drugged, my pet.
Why kill them fast when watching them die slowly
is so much more entertaining.
[laughing]
Ah!
Beauty after all..
...is in the eye of the beholder.
Ah!
'Well, what do you know?'
A dividend I hadn't considered.
What a haul this day has yielded.
First the rare old book and the lost treasure of the Incas.
Then, the invincible Batman and Robin and now..
[laughing]
...the famous Batmobile for my very own.
[laughing]
Watch it, boss. It's loaded with burglar alarm.
Don't you think I know that?
A little snip here.
A little snip there.
[laughing]
Now, it's safe to drive.
You're gonna drive the Batmobile?
Finders keepers, losers weepers as I always say.
What do we do, boss?
Take Batman and Robin out to the candle factory
and I'll meet you there.
[laughing]
[engine revving]
We better get our everyday clothes back on.
We look too suspicious this way.
Sure, boss, just as soon as we get
these two prized packages inside.
Hey, look. Look, he's coming to.
Oh, he, he looks so handsome beneath that mask.
A Diamondback rattlesnake is a handsome creature too
but dangerous and deadly.
Remember, Moth, Batman is our sworn enemy.
We can ill afford such emotions as pity.
Where am I?
Ah, you could say you're
in the proverbial pickle, Batman.
Take them in.
Robin, do you hear me?
Batman, what, what happened to us?
It seems you have been overpowered again.
But how?
The last thing I remember, we were in the wax museum.
We'd just passed the revolutionary war scene.
You're getting warm.
So that's how it was done.
- How what was done? - Oh, it's so clear now.
We were victimized by a repeating blowgun.
Holy iodine! So that's why the back of my neck smarts.
The wax is hot enough now, boss.
If they want a life-like figure of their precious Batman
for the wax museum, we'll give it to them.
We'll even throw in a dividend.
Robin!
You fiend!
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but names will never hurt me.
Matches, start the motor. Slowly.
Very slowly.
Oh, I want to savor
each sweet delicious moment of this.
Got you, boss.
[motor buzzing]
Riddler, tell me why you removed my wax figure
from the Madame Soleil's?
How else could I smuggle in that revolutionary
new ring of wax solvent?
But why go to all that trouble?
Wouldn't TNT have been much simpler?
Have you ever been in a quiet library when TNT went off?
It makes a frightening noise.
Why did you steal that rare old book
on the lost treasure of the Inca's?
What possible meaning
could a scholarly book like that have for you?
For two people about to become human candles
you have a lot of questions.
I'm always interested
in the way the criminal mind works.
Well, then I'll tell you.
Within that rare old book
I found an ancient Incan riddle
which will lead me right to
the fabled lost treasure of the Inca's.
You must be mad.
The lost treasures of the Inca's is only a legend.
Ah, but that's where you're mistaken, Batman.
The treasure is real. Very real.
But unfortunately you won't be around to see it.
[laughing]
Infamy of infamies!
Can this be the end of our beloved caped crusaders?
Will Batman wax serious?
For the sake of our heroes, let's think positively!
But it looks bad, very bad.
How can we wait until tomorrow night?
Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Na-na na-na na-na na-na na
¶ Batman