¶ Batman
(male narrator) We have previously seen..
...a day at school.
A glass of milk..
[dramatic music]
Not milk, but money.
Holy cow juice! It's easy living.
Sounds like the Joker.
Watch out, kids, the Joker is back of this.
How true!
What's he up to?
[music continues]
An innocent jukebox..
Oh, yeah?
Plunder by remote control!
And in the Joker's workshop..
...cheerleader Susie?
A secret member of the gang?
But what's the Joker's plan?
And that night, at school..
Watch out!
Ouch!
Knockout gas!
And inside this van..
..a ghastly game.
Three lemons win 50,000 volts!
One lemon..
Two lemons!
Short pause..
Hold your breath for the dynamic duo..
[theme music]
¶ Batman
[music continues]
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman
[dramatic music]
[rattling]
- Hey, boss, look! - What, what, what?
The whole town, dark.
'Street lights, everything.'
Oh! Curses and criminy. What confounded luck!
Gotham City is having a power failure
just like New York.
[siren wailing]
The cops.
I don't like the twist this joke is taking.
Get us away! Cheese it, everyone!
Let's go, let's go.
Strange, an abandoned truck.
Let's have a look inside.
[dramatic music]
'Holy smoke!'
Quick, cut us out of here before the power comes on.
Of that's what we will be, just holy smokes!
A mobile slot machine torture van.
The mere possession of such a vehicle
violates 17 separate statutes.
And not a shred of evidence tying it to the devilish Joker.
No fingerprints, stolen license plates..
You overlooked this, Chief O'Hara.
A reel of tape?
Right. The tape from our anti-crime recorder.
Before setting out tonight, I equipped my utility belt
with a tiny microphone and transmitter.
(Robin) 'Every word those criminals said was recorded in the Batmobile.'
But what good will that do, Boy wonder?
I thought you said they spoke to you
through a trick voice distorter.
Tricky, commissioner. Tricky, but vain.
They didn't realize that every human voice
has its own private wave pattern.
Private as a fingerprint.
Astounding.
Is it evidence? Can it be used by the district attorney?
True, the courts won't accept it as yet.
I think I'll take this tape to the Bat-cave.
Run it through the anti-crime voice analyzer.
Check it against the voice file.
That way, we'll learn the identity
of the Joker's henchmen.
We might be able to follow
one of them to the Joker's hideout.
Robin's right.
It's our only card. Let's hope it's a trump.
I'm afraid the Joker may still hold the winning hand, Batman.
Will the anti-crime voice analyzer operate without power?
Fortunately, commissioner, the Bat-cave is equipped
with an anti-crime auxiliary generator.
Which automatically compensates power failure.
Saints be praised.
And the Caped Crusader's advanced technology.
To the Bat-cave.
Morning! Hallelujah.
The mighty power grid serving Gotham City
is back in action.
And in the Batcave, deep below stately Wayne Manor..
Master scope circuit, A-Okay.
Let's check the beginning of the tape.
Right.
That'll be Susie when we ran into her in the hall.
(Susie) 'Am I ever glad to see you two.'
- Perfect. - What'll I do?
- Jump the tape ahead? - Roger. Pick it up at 12.7.
'That'll be when we were tied inside'
'that grisly torture van.'
12.7, here it goes.
'Oh, let 'em fall.'
The same voice.
I don't believe it. Susie?
Quick, both tapes.
Let's run them again, back to back.
(Susie) 'Am I ever glad to see you two.'
'Oh, let 'em fall.'
Holy Benedict Arnold, Susie!
Our chief cheerleader.
A member of the Joker's criminal gang!
Is it possible, Batman?
Steady, Robin.
Steady, old chum.
But how can it be?
It's an old story, I'm afraid.
Old as Eve and the apple.
That snake, the Joker must have promised her some baubles.
Led her astray.
But what are we gonna do, Batman?
It's bitter... but it's a break.
The first one we've had.
We'll have to use it.
You're right. Only how?
Let's see, today is a school holiday, isn't it?
Where does that cute little trickster
happen to be hanging out?
I know. The Easy Living Candy Store.
It's on East 3rd, two blocks from school.
Get set, Robin. Get set for an ugly job.
No, correction.
What?
Not Robin..
Dick...Dick Grayson, undercover agent.
'His job is to get inside that gang.'
[gulping]
Dog George to Batman, do you read me?
'Do you read me, Batman?'
Loud and clear, over.
'I'm about to go in.'
'How's the micro-TV camera working.'
- Push button for test pattern. - Roger.
Bat-scope a-okay, Dog George.
Rendezvous in Bat-cave at end of mission.
'Good luck. Over and out.'
Good gravy, it's Dick Grayson, president of the school council!
A goodnik like that? Coming in here?
Hiya, Sue-baby.
How's tricks?
I must be seeing things.
I thought you spent all your spare time studying.
Oh, sure, I used to, maybe. But, uh, who needs it anymore?
You're looking at a guy who's seen the light, Sue-baby.
Who's the boyfriend?
Oh, my friends call me Nick.
(Robin) 'No kidding. What do your enemies call you?'
(Nick) 'My enemies ain't in no condition'
'to call nobody nothin'.'
Some joker, isn't he?
[clears throat]
Uh, you looking for something, Dicky boy?
Same as everyone else, Sue-baby.
Some way of making an easy buck, that's all.
You, the ward of that rich millionaire, Bruce Wayne?
'What a skinflint.'
If I didn't swipe dimes from the butler
I wouldn't even have cigarette money.
Why, here... Have one on me, buster.
Oh, thanks, pal.
[coughs]
'I better pass this round, I already had two packs today.'
So, how's the easy buck setup? Got any leads?
'You know, he might be able to help us, Nick.'
- He's a real super athlete. - Oh, is that so?
You oughta see him climb and stuff.
Maybe I should introduce him to--
Zip your lip, baby.
Introduce me to who, Susie?
- Hey, you want a tip, buster? - Yeah.
Oh, there was a cocktail lounge stuck up recently.
These guys used that trick jukebox.
Yeah, I heard about that. Some cute caper.
Yeah, well, here's my tip.
You go down to that same joint
'at exactly 3pm today'
'you might pick yourself some nickels and dimes.'
- Thanks, pal. - That's my tip.
I'll see you around, huh?
Oh, yeah, you'll see me around.
So long, Sue-baby.
[engine revving]
Gee, Nick, what's the idea?
Why, you gorgeous, dumb hunk of cheerleader.
Couldn't you see? That guy is strictly a phony.
What do you mean?
Already had two packs today, huh?
My blind grandmother could see.
That guy never had a weed in his hand in his life.
Good gravy.
How'd I do, Batman?
Good show, Robin. Darn good show.
It's 20 minutes to three. We'd better hurry up
if we're gonna trap them in that cocktail lounge.
Right you are. Let's go.
[engine revving]
A trap indeed!
But who's the mouse?
For, in the lurid lair of that criminal cat, the Joker..
My favorite kind of joke, one which ends in a bang.
Right. Now, what about Susie?
Has she filled the milk machine again?
She's just getting ready.
Uh, Susie, sweetie.
A special extra bonus.
A half pint bottle of the most exquisite
imported Canadian perfume.
Wow! Canadian perfume.
It's called, " Une nuit sans fin."
One endless night.
Gee, that's like poetry.
No, Susie, no.
Do not open until after you've loaded the milk machine.
Do you understand?
Oh, sure, Joker, anything you say.
You're just the best boss any crook ever had.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, Joker, it's 3:00.
Batman's zero hour. Watch for the green light.
[dramatic music]
Back! Everybody, back at the bar.
We gotta have room to throw our Bat-arangs
when the crooks come in for the loot.
Ready with the coin, Robin?
Ready.
Zero hour.
Put it in the slot.
Roger.
[music continues]
[coin clattering]
Batman's funeral dirge begins.
I give him five seconds.
Now!
(Joker) 'The joke's on you, my cheery booze hounds.'
'It's a stick up! Hands up, you coward.'
Surprise, Batman!
Quick, Robin, down behind the Bat-shield.
'Surprise and goodnight!'
[gunshot]
[dramatic music]
[explosion]
Holy hailstorm. You knew this was gonna happen.
Or something like it. You see, Robin.
You betrayed yourself in that candy store.
How?
Despite your boast, it was painfully evident
that you're not a smoker.
Nick must've seen you were working
hand in hand with the police.
- Gee, Batman, I'm sorry. - 'Don't be silly.'
It's to your credit that
that charade failed.
The thing now is to save Susie.
- Save Susie? - 'Work it out.'
Why would an undercover agent try to pump her?
Because I knew she was one of the gang.
Right. And once they know that we know
that young lady's life isn't worth a plugged lollypop.
Holy murder! We gotta find her quick.
Where? Back at the store?
- School. - On Saturday?
She'll be in the gym practicing cheers.
Of course. Tonight, there's a big game.
Woodrow Roosevelt against Disko Tech.
Let's hurry, Batman.
[dramatic music]
Bartender, a bit of advice.
Always inspect a jukebox carefully.
These machines can be deadly.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, just a sec. He's right here.
Joker. Joker it's for you.
It's Las Vegas.
- Pete, the Swede. - Ah.
Hello, Pete, the Swede.
What's the line on the big game tonight?
The odds are 20 to 1?
On Woodrow Roosevelt High?
Oh, what a killin'.
Uh, take a whimsical wager.
$50,000 on Disko Tech.
Yes, Pete, the Swede, you heard me.
Disko Tech.
Fifty times twenty. One million bucks.
Oh, how delicious!
[laughing]
What? Bet against these champs?
The clown prince of crime must have slipped a cog.
But wait..
'One..'
[in unison] ¶ Disko Tech, hey
¶ Fight 'em Woodrow Roosevelt
¶ Beat 'em Woodrow Roosevelt
¶ Woodrow Roosevelt Woodrow Roosevelt ¶
¶ Fight, fight, fight
Okay, kids, let's take a break. Huh?
Gee, too bad that Magic Milk machine's out of order.
Susie, stop. Give yourself up.
Your life's in danger, Susie. The Joker knows we're on to you.
He's discard you without mercy like an old shoe.
Have you guys stripped your gears?
'Quick. Catch her.'
So long, dynamic duo.
Poisoned.
- Dead. - Are you sure?
Yeah, I saw 'em loading her on a meat wagon from the city morgue.
The Boy Wonder was bawlin' his head off.
Oh, well.
Well, it had to be done, my Bad Pennies.
What's the death of a greedy little dupe?
This life, at best, is one long impractical joke.
Have a memorial cigar.
Why, thank you, Joker.
[explosion]
[laughing]
The brief shadow has lifted.
I am my own humorous self again.
What's the hour?
5:22.
Quick. Cameras. Disguises.
It's time for my greatest strike.
[basketball pounding]
Okay, drop in.
One more.
Okay fellas, let's knock it off before we go stale.
Right you are, Cap.
We'll quit while we've got our sharp edge.
Yeah, we'll beat 'em by 50 points.
We'll do it for Susie, right?
- Right. - Come on.
The "out of order" sign's gone off the milk machine.
Oh boy, it must be fixed.
Hey, who's got a dime?
Here, I got one.
What the heck?
This machine's been fixed, alright.
Good gosh.
These are next week's nation-wide
pre-college exam papers.
Complete with the answers written in.
[camera flash clicking]
Oh, ho, ho, ho. Dear me. How disillusioning.
The champs are cheats.
'Caught red-handed with the answers'
'to the nation-wide pre-college exams.'
The Joker.
At the moment, merely an honest citizen.
We was passing by to inspect this here school property
which we support with our taxes.
And imagine our surprise.
We're not cheats.
No, it's a typical filthy Joker's trick.
It hardly matters, boys. Now, does it?
When the board of education sees this picture
with you holding the answer to those exams..
'Ho, ho, ho, ho.'
Good gosh, we'll be suspended.
We won't be allowed to play Disko Tech tonight.
Oh, well.
[laughing]
I'm sure the scrubs will do their best.
The scrubs? They'll be creamed.
Oh, so sad, so sad.
And after Batman's lectures to you about honesty.
What on earth will the caper crusader say?
'Ball players. 'Run for cover.'
Don't worry about having seen those exam papers.
They're a fake.
(Robin) 'We planted them'
'and the Joker's picture doesn't mean a thing.'
We saved Susie's life by using the Universal Antidote pills
in our utility belts.
She repaid us by revealing the whole criminal scheme.
Okay, Batman. Let's deliver the punch line.
[theme music]
[music continues]
Tough luck, Bad Pennies.
You're out of circulation.
They'll melt you down in a pan.
[rattling]
[clanging]
'Holy new year's eve.'
He's got me in his famous trick streamers.
[laughing]
Have a sneeze on me, Batman.
[explosion]
No use, Joker.
I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder.
So I took an anti-allergy pill.
Instead of a sneeze, I've caught you...cold.
That's what easy living gets you kids.
Stick to your books.
And good luck against Disko Tech.
Well, I guess it's goodbye, Susie.
- Goodbye, Dick. - I give you my word.
I'll mail you the new cheers as soon as they're made up.
You can practice 'em while you're away.
- Gosh. - What's the matter?
You've all been so nice to me.
I can hardly bear it.
Heck, Susie, it wasn't all your fault.
I mean, with your unhappy childhood
in a broken home and everything.
No wonder you fell for that crook's phony promises.
It's time, Susie.
The chauffeur is waiting.
Gee. Imagine being taken to jail by a chauffeur.
The Wayne Foundation for Delinquent Girls
is hardly a jail, Susie.
Heck, no. There's teams and clubs and everything.
I don't know what to say to you both.
I just..
Thanks, Dick
You're welcome, Susie.
I'll have nightmares all my life, Mr. Wayne.
'If it hadn't been for that power failure'
'where would Robin be?'
And where would Batman be?
- Where would Dick Grayson be? - Huh?
'Don't think about it, young people.'
Just be thankful that life is..
.. filled with unanswered questions, that's all.
Goodbye, Susie.
Goodbye.
Next week, Batman battles False Face.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
Batman ¶
¶ Batman
¶ Na na na na na na na na na ¶
¶ Batman