¶ Batman
(male narrator) So far we have seen a royal visitor
arriving in Gotham City.
A festive reception.
With greetings from The Riddler.
[theme music]
A dynamic duo to the rescue.
Solve the tricky riddle.
And then a beauty queen..
...robbed of her tiara.
Batman and Robin perplexed.
Champagne for everyone.
A vanishing king.
More riddles in his place.
The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder are on his trail.
Holy entanglement!
Trapped like flies.
Horrors strapped to The Riddler's whirling wheels.
Can the dynamic duo escape a spinning death?
Wait, the most fiendish is yet to come.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana ¶
¶ Batman
[intense music]
[explosion]
[grunting]
Robin..
...are you alright?
Come on.
Robin.
Snap out, Robin.
I must have passed out.
[coughing]
Well, feels like taking a 100 rides
on a supersonic roller coaster.
One more revolution of that wheel
will probably finish both of us.
What happened?
While they dragged us down here, some of the..
...web-like material tore away from my hand and waist.
I just barely managed to get the cutting torch
out of my utility belt.
You burned the armature and short-circuited the power.
Golly, Batman, the utility belt saves again.
Now, old friend, it's time to get back on The Riddler's trail.
[instrumental music]
The following morning at the wallowing place
of the evil river rats.
Deep below Gotham City.
[snoring]
[screams] Rise and shine!
Sorry, my dear rats to disturb you all slumber
but I believe you are working for me.
Then sleep on your own time!
- Where's Mousey? - She ain't here, chief.
She'll be here soon. You know her types.
They're never on time.
Time. Time's of the essence. We have a tight schedule.
Good morning.
Late morning is more like it.
You know I detest tardiness.
I missed the bus! Big deal.
It will be if you miss the caper.
We have a great many important details to work over.
Okay. I'm here. Relax.
Yeah, Riddler, this thing'll be a cinch.
For once, we don't have to worry about Batman and Robin.
How true.
So many people have tried.
The Penguin, Mr. Freeze, The Joker.
All masters of their craft, granted
but I, only I have triumphed in ridding
Gotham City's criminal kingdom of the dynamic duo.
And good riddance it is.
How frustrating it'll be for my colleagues when they'll learn
that I succeeded where they failed.
I'd sure like to see their faces when they hear about it?
They'll have no one to outwit anymore.
Regrettably, it is no longer our problem.
For tomorrow we shall be
miles and miles away in another country.
With all that beautiful green dough.
If everything goes according to plan, that is.
And why shouldn't it?
What if they refuse to pay?
I've left them no choice.
And my plan is foolproof, I promise you.
I gotta go along with The Riddler.
- He ain't stood us wrong yet. - Deeply touched.
Whiskers, any problems last night with my friend the king?
- Took him back safe and sound. - Good, good.
Rats, I'm a man of few words but a man of many riddles.
So riddle me this
what is it that is always coming but never arrives?
Quickly, quickly.
We ain't tuned in on the riddle bit, chief.
Yeah. We give up.
What is it that is always coming but never arrives?
Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Tomorrow.
But when it arrives, it is today.
And today, my dear rodents
should prove to be most memorable.
And that's all you can tell us, Your Majesty?
It is exactly as I have explained.
A sinister humoresque in mask and tights
some other scoundrels, Batman and Robin being captured.
It all happened so suddenly, so swiftly
then I was returned to my hotel blindfolded.
And you have no idea where you were at?
None whatsoever.
Alright, Your Majesty, thanks for your time.
I feel terrible about Batman and Robin
but I'm due at the Queen Of Freedom Monument..
- I could cancel that-- - Oh, no, no, Your Majesty.
If we need further information, we'll contact you.
Thank you, gentlemen.
[beeping]
They're alive!
Batman, are you alright?
Yes, commissioner, we had a nasty turn
but we came out of it alright.
Have you spoken with King Boris?
Yes, he's perfectly safe. On his way right now.
for some festivities at the Queen Of Freedom Monument.
And The Riddler?
He left us in the clutches of death.
Well, thank the stars that you managed to escape.
Commissioner, with The Riddler thinking we're out of the way
he might get a bit careless.
I suggest that you don't tell anyone that we've contacted you.
O'Hara and I won't tell a soul.
Good, I'll be in touch.
A riddle a day keeps The Riddler away.
I won't forget you told me that.
Don't.
Whatever his evil scheme is
he hasn't hatched it yet.
I wonder what his next move will be.
Let's get to the Bat-cave and be ready for it.
[dramatic music]
(man on TV) 'From the Queen Of Freedom Monument.'
'This station presents a special public affairs program.'
Yeah, this should prove very interesting.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
Here we are at the Museum Of Fame
housed inside the torch room
high atop the inspiring Queen Of Freedom Monument.
In just a few minutes, King Boris
will present the museum with a gift indicative
of his country's appreciation.
A gold, bejeweled, miniature replica of the Queen Of Freedom.
Here comes the king.
[camera clicking]
And now His Majesty, King Boris.
Good afternoon, Your Majesty.
It is my great pleasure and honor to welcome you
on behalf of our fair city, our nation
and the television audience.
My friends, it is the great honor for me
to present Gotham City's Museum Of Fame with this statue.
A symbol of courage and freedom to all the world.
God bless you.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
On behalf of Gotham City and our country
permit me to express our gratitude
and also the hope that you thoroughly enjoy
the remainder of your visit here.
So there you have it, folks.
The replica will now go on permanent display here
along with other famous memorabilia.
Some of which you might be able to see.
Uh, over here for instance
we have the original Gotham City Commodity Exchange building.
And, uh, back here..
I think you can see, a bust of Gotham City's first mayor.
And of course, how could our Museum Of Fame exist without
Batman and Robin.
[booing]
I think they are cute.
Just because we're on opposite side to the fence doesn't--
We were on opposite side to the fence. They're dead, remember?
[booing]
Take that thing off!
(man on TV) 'The inspiring..'
Thanks, Kenny. You're the best partner in crime I ever had.
[intense music]
Later, on a Gotham City street corner.
[siren blaring]
[explosion]
[music continues]
Good heavens!
What? What is it?
Alright, listen
"If Gotham City does not pay me one million dollars in cash
"by 10 o'clock tonight, the Queen Of Freedom Monument
"will be blown sky high.
"All security of its cannot stop the destruction
"and only I can deactivate the bomb.
PS, Batman and Robin..
...are dead. The Riddler."
That infernal devil.
Oh, so that was his plot.
To get rid of Batman and Robin
and then pull off the biggest extortion caper
in the history of Gotham City.
And he might just get away with it.
So that's his scheme, commissioner.
And obviously, the city must pay for it.
But it's almost 4 o'clock now, Batman.
Half the city council are out of town
They won't meet again until tomorrow.
I couldn't get that kind of money if my life depended on it.
Hmm, that is a problem.
Could you get it from any private source?
I don't know of anyone
that has that kind of money readily available.
- Except. - Except who?
Well, except my good friend, Bruce Wayne
the millionaire socialite.
And by all means, call him, you can't waste any time.
Alright, I'll contact you later, Batman.
You understand, Bruce, this million dollars is just a loan.
I don't know what this is all about, commissioner.
But if it's in the best interest of Gotham City
I'm certainly happy to do it.
But you may not get all the kudos that Batman does.
But believe me, Bruce,
you're the unsung hero of this dark hour. Thanks.
I just wanna do my duty as a proud citizen
of this fair community.
Batman! What the devil!
It's Batman.
Sorry, commissioner, I used the Bat-rope to get up here
because I didn't wanna be noticed.
I'm sure The Riddler has notified you
that Robin and I were dead.
Yes.
Good. I wanted him to think that.
But, Batman, we discussed--
I never had the pleasure of meeting Batman, commissioner.
Oh, I-I'm sorry. Batman, this is my good friend, Bruce Wayne.
Ah, the millionaire socialite.
I've always wanted to meet you, Mr. Wayne.
The feeling is mutual.
Ah, speaking of millionaires,
did you get the money for The Riddler?
I've just made the arrangements.
Am I free to speak?
I trust Bruce Wayne as I trust you, Batman.
Good.
I have a plan.
I suggest no cops.
Police, that is.
9 o'clock, have your men place the money
'inside the museum, in the torch room with the monument.'
'Then they must leave.'
Million dollars is a lot of money.
But The Riddler's smart and tricky.
If he suspects a trap, he'll pass up the cash
'and destroy the monument.'
Then how do we catch him?
You leave that to Robin and me.
You have to deactivate the bomb wherever it is before he leaves.
Then we will jump into action.
(Bruce) 'I know nothing whatsoever'
'about this sort of thing, commissioner.'
But as a layman, it makes sense to me.
Alright then, that's the way it'll be.
You're a smart man, Mr. Wayne. We should get together sometime
and discuss crime prevention.
With pleasure.
I'll look forward to seeing you in the near future.
[instrumental music]
[intense music]
Batman!
Take it easy, you're not seeing a ghost.
That's Whitey.!
[laughs]
How did it go?
Great, uh, Gordon went for it like a duck to water.
And that millionaire socialite Bruce Wayne was there also.
Well, he fell so hard for the act
that he helped sell our plan to Gordon.
And the coast will be clear.
Clear!
As your gorgeous brown eyes, my little Mousey.
[giggles]
Oh, I've really outdone myself this time.
Oh, genius.
Sheer genius.
[giggling]
[applauding]
Robin, Robin, where are you?
'Up here.'
What are you doing up there?
It was making a funny rumbling noise.
I thought some part might be loose.
Just checking it out.
Did you, uh, give Commissioner Gordon the money?
Yes, I also met Batman.
Oh. You what!
Very interesting.
[beeping]
The Bat-phone's ringing.
Yes, commissioner.
By any remote possibility, were you in my office this afternoon?
(Batman) 'No, why?'
I didn't think so.
But someone impersonating you was here.
I played along with the hoax because Bruce Wayne was present.
I didn't wanted to expose him to any danger.
Good for you. You did exactly as you should have done.
Did he give you any instructions?
Fine. You do just what he says.
In the meantime, I'll map out a plan.
What was it?
As I was telling you
The Riddler had someone impersonate me today.
I knew he'd get careless if he thought we were out of the way.
But how do we stop him?
The clinch here would be to solve this last riddle.
"Why is a woman in love like a welder?"
I bet that'll tell us the location of the bomb alright.
Well, stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here.
Two heads are better than one, old chum.
Okay, I can't fix it anyway.
Not without a torch.
Great Scott!
- A torch. That's it. - Huh?
"Why is a woman in love like a welder?"
Because they both carry a torch.
Holy conflagration!
The torch room at the Queen Of Freedom.
But how could The Riddler place a bomb there?
He didn't, King Boris did.
What? King Boris?
I'll explain on the way.
[instrumental music]
[tires screeching]
Darkness flows over Gotham City.
But on a shadowy balcony,
in the torch room of the Queen Of Freedom Monument..
How does it look?
Two policemen came earlier
they placed the black bag down there.
Then left.
Good, good. Perfect, perfect! That's the landing. Wonderful.
My friends, plan 136-triple A is about to begin.
Mousey, you stay her and be the lookout.
Good luck.
Onward.
Beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful!
- Can we see the dough? - Not now, you dope.
I have to deactivate the bomb first.
Or do you want to be blown to smithereens?
Now just..
The replica. It's gone.
What squeals louder than a cotton rat?
Answer, several cotton rat.
I've been out-riddled.
But the dough.
[explosion]
They fooled me with my own trick.
That's the only way we can smoke you out.
What?
Is this what you're looking for, Riddler?
(Batman) 'Clever of you to place'
'a time bomb inside it when you kidnapped King Boris.'
Knowing he was gonna present it here the following day.
Poor fellow was nothing but an innocent stooge.
But you're dead, Batman.
Not quite!
We foiled your villainous death plot.
The bomb, it'll go up any second.
Don't worry.
I deactivated it.
Now we're going to deactivate you.
There are four of us against the two of you.
But we're not afraid.
[instrumental music]
[grunting]
[music continues]
Ha!
[door opens]
I'll never understand why girls like you
get involved in things like this.
Kicks, I guess.
I've been looking for them ever since I dropped
out of high school.
[chuckles]
But I'm sort of glad they didn't do you in.
Thank you.
Uh!
Time to go, Riddler... to jail.
[instrumental music]
There's just nothing like a good cup of tea.
Well, I'm off.
Where you going Aunt Harriet?
Oh, I have some out of town friends
who are visiting Gotham City for the day.
I thought I'd take them to see the Queen Of Freedom Monument.
Say, would you like to join us?
Uh, no, thanks, Aunt Harriet.
I've some Wayne Foundation business reports to go over.
- Oh. - Perhaps, Dick.
No! I've got my algebra.
Well, alright, but you're missing a treat.
It's a very interesting place, you know.
I'm sure it is, Aunt Harriet.
Probably more interesting than you could imagine.
[door opens and closes]
The algebra.
Ah!
Next week, Batman Meets the Mad Hatter.
[theme music]
¶ Batman
¶ Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana ¶
¶ Batman