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<b>03 Bridget Jones Baby - Comedy 2016 English</b>

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[ MUSIC PLAYING ON TV ]

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[ SINGING ] Happy birthday
to me Happy birthday to me.

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[ BRIDGET ] How in hell
did I end up here again?

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Ugh.

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Fuck off.

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[ MUSIC STOPS PLAYING ]

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[ CHANNEL CHANGES ]

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[ RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON TV ]

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[ MOUTHING LYRICS ]

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[ BRIDGET ] My birthday actually
began the way of all my birthdays.

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[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

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[ SIGHS ]

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[ MUM ] Hello, darling. Just ringing
to wish you a happy birthday!

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Mum? It's 6:00 a.m.

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[ MUM ] I'm doing the FaceTime.

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Una taught me. It's
really marvellous!

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Mum, the point of FaceTime

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is that you haven't got to
put the phone to your ear.

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[ MUM ] Oh! Silly me!

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Oh! There you are!

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This time, 43 years ago,

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I was having a lamb biryani in
an attempt to coax you out.

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Twenty-three hours of labour.
Never been the same down there.

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It's a miracle, the
gift of childbirth.

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[ BRIDGET ] Here it comes!

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Penny Husband-Bosworth's son
sells his sperm on the Internet!

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You don't even need
a man, Bridget.

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Some people have
marvellous lives

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without them! I
mean, look at you.

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A nice flat, a lovely
job. Nice flat!

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I'm putting the phone down
now, Mum. [ BLOWING KISSES ]

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[ MUM ] Oh, um... Say happy
birthday to Bridget.

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Colin!

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Happy birthday to Bridget.

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Thank you!

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[ MUM ] I love you,
darling. Now don't forget,

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I'm counting on you to
head up my media campaign.

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It's the parish council elections,
Mum. Not the US Primaries.

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[ SIGHS ]

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[ BRIDGET ] Annual phone
call from Mum reminding me

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to take my ovaries
out of retirement.

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The truth was that by now,

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I thought I would have had
a little baby to love

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with the chisel-jawed
love of my life.

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But sometimes, life gives you
shallower compensations.

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And at least I was finally down

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to my perfect weight.
[ WHISTLES ]

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Buongiorno, Miss Bridget.

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[ WAITER SPEAKING ITALIAN ]

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[ BRIDGET ] There was
life in the old dog yet.

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Hadn't exactly been
put out to grass.

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[ GASPS ] Ding dong.

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But this year, all these things

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were brought into sharper focus

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by an event I hadn't expected
to attend quite so soon.

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[ INDISTINCT MURMURING ]

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Hi.

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[ CLEARS THROAT ]

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So, how are you
feeling? Are you okay?

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Mmm. Yeah.

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Just can't believe
he's gone, really.

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His death seems to have
hit the Eastern European

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teenage modelling community
particularly hard.

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[ MUFFLED LAUGHTER ]

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They found the flight recorder,
but still no bodies.

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Strangely fitting that he should
have died going down in the bush.

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[ LAUGHS ]

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Shh.

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Sorry. Oops. [ CLEARS THROAT ]

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[ PRIEST ] We are gathered
here to celebrate the life

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of Daniel Vivian Cleaver.

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Daniel was a kind
and wonderful son.

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[ WHISPERS ] Fuck. What the
fuck is he doing here?

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[ PRIEST ] A loving
uncle and brother.

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Oh, you know what he's like,
wanting to do the decent thing.

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Is that his wife?

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Mmm.

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[ BRIDGET ] Did I ever get
over losing Mr. Darcy?

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Was he my Mr. Right?

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Oh, Christ.

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[ PRIEST ] A man of outstanding
charm and charisma.

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Just a bit emotional.

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[ PRIEST ] I would like to invite
his loved ones up to share

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some of their
memories of Daniel.

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[ BRIDGET ] Daniel could
be very sensitive.

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Make you feel like you were
the only woman in the world.

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I first met Daniel in Moscow.

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He once took me rowing on the
Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart.

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He could quote Keats by heart!

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"Where be ye going,
you Devon Maid?"

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"And what have ye
there in the basket?"

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"And what have ye
there in the basket?"

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"Ye tight little fairy
just fresh from the dairy,."

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"Will you give me some
cream if I ask it?"

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[ MUFFLED LAUGHTER ]

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He did it to everyone.

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Would anybody else like
to say a few words?

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Say something for his mum.

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[ WHISPERS ] Get up, go on.

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[ CLEARS THROAT ]

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Um...

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Daniel was a man

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who touched many of us
here today, including me.

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[ INDISTINCT MURMURING
AND LAUGHTER ]

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Oh, dear.

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This is when Daniel would
say, "Shut up, Jones."

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And he would be right because all
I really need to say is, um,

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dear Daniel, I will
miss you terribly.

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We all will.

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[ JUDE ] Give you a call? [
BRIDGET ] Yes, very good.

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Bye, Bridget. Bye. Bye.

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Oh! Bridget.

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Mark!

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This is Camilla.

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Hello.

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Bridget. An old friend.

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Well, less old, more
childhood! [ CHUCKLES ]

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So, nice memorial,

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as memorials go.

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Almost makes one look
forward to one's own.

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[ CHUCKLES ]

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Yes, well...

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Goodbye.

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Goodbye!

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[ BRIDGET ] Maybe that's the reason
Mark Darcy and I never made it.

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I always felt like a verbally
incontinent old maid

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even when we were together.

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Still, I wasn't going to
dwell on the negatives.

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At least no one at work
knew it was my birthday.

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Or, indeed, how old
I was going to be.

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[ ALL ] Surprise!

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[ ALL CHEERING ]

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[ WOMAN ] Happy birthday,
Bridget! Gosh!

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[ BRIDGET ] Or so I thought.

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Who told you?

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It's so hot. So many candles!

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[ ALL SINGING ] Happy
43rd birthday to you.

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Happy 43rd birthday to you.

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[ BRIDGET ] Isn't there some
sort of statute of limitations

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about the number of
sodding candles on a cake

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once you get to a certain age?

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Josh, I need you to
see what Reuters

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is saying about the
attacks on Ramallah.

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We might need a live link.

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[ BRIDGET ] I may have been another
year older and still single,

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but I could always
take consolation

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in my job as top news producer.

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So, how will I be
changing the world today?

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Well, our main feature is
the exclusive interview

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with the Foreign
Secretary about NGochi.

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OMG. How did you do that?

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NGochi. NGochi.

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You're good at that! I know.

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I've been practising. NGochi.

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NGochi.

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NGochi. NGochi.

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[ CLICKING TONGUE ]

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NGochi? It's harder
than you think! NGochi.

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[ BRIDGET ] Plus, have great new
30-something work colleagues

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who are not obsessed with
children and marriage.

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How do we plan on
celebrating tonight?

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Well, night out with the gang.

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Please say that
involves group sex.

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Gang bangs?

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Ooh. We like to do that.

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I know a smashing little club
round the back of Berwick Street.

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[ BRIDGET ] Chance
would be a fine thing.

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I'm beginning to think I've
passed my sexual sell-by date.

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No! There are names for
women like you now, Bridge.

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You're a cougar. You are a MILF.

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I'm not a MILF. I'm
not even a mum.

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I'm a spinster. I'm
a SPILF. [ LAUGHS ]

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Three minutes till we're on air.

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It's called Voyeurs, with a 'Z'.

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You tell them that
Cathy sent you.

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And if you go on a Thursday,
there's a Chinese buffet,

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all you can eat, as it were.

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[ BRIDGET ] But whose
advice was, nevertheless,

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sometimes a tad too
modern for me.

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It's me. Checking
talk-back. [ MIRANDA ] Yep.

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You didn't freeze your eggs
by any chance, did you?

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No. I imagine they're
hard-boiled by now.

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You know what, Bridge?
This weekend,

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you and me need to go out and
get stuck into some serious...

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[ BELL TOLLS ] Binge drinking, a
dangerous scourge on society.

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Is new legislation needed?

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Bridget, Miranda. I've told you,
don't talk between the bongs.

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Stick to the questions
on the cue cards.

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[ DIRECTOR ] Miranda,
cue. [ BELL TOLLS ]

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The Foreign Secretary will
be live in the studio

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to talk about the looming
crisis in Muribundi.

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You could always try
online dating again.

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The other night I was on
Tinder. Half an hour later,

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I'm having a three-way with...
[ DIRECTOR ] Miranda, cue!

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Prince Andrew, the Royal Special
Representative for Trade and Investment...

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You did that on purpose.

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Has just written his
first children's book.

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He had a massive cock.

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[ CHUCKLES ]

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Live in the studio, I'm joined by
Foreign Secretary, George Wilkins,

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who has just returned from
war-ravaged Muribundi...

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00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,120
Miranda, I'm in your ear.
Just follow my lead.

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00:12:01,144 --> 00:12:04,163
Where the assassination of
bloody dictator, Charles NGochi,

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has resulted in civil
war. One take.

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00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,687
Come back to four. Four.

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00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,600
[ MIRANDA ] Minister, was
this a military coup?

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00:12:09,624 --> 00:12:11,642
Well, the signs are that
NGochi's own generals

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did take him out in a
rather bloody way.

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[ WHISPERS ] Hi,
Tom. Can't talk.

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00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,800
[ TOM ] How was
Daniel's memorial?

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00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,409
It's just sad. I can't
believe he's gone, actually.

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00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,807
It's just sad. I can't
believe he's gone actually.

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00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,605
Uh...

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00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,490
I don't think there was any
particular sadness in his passing.

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00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,922
His persecution of the Unbutu
people amounted to genocide.

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00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,843
That is well documented.

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00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,160
I know he had his faults.

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00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:35,536
Well, I know he had his faults.

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He could be a massive arsehole.

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00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,890
But I miss him. We all do.

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[ WILKINS ] Well, he was certainly
a very colourful character

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00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,411
on the world stage, Miranda.

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I grant you that.

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00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,250
But I think the
genocide resulting in

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the deaths of over 10,000
of his own people,

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00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,361
men, women and children,

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00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,760
probably did rather put him
on the wrong side of history.

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00:12:58,784 --> 00:13:00,722
At least he was never boring.

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00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,689
Well, at least he
was never boring.

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00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,640
[ DIRECTOR ] One, two
and three. Clear.

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00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,651
Do you think a
spirit of democracy

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00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,643
can carry over into West Africa

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00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,290
now NGochi's dead?

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00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,886
Do you think, Minister, that
the spirit of democracy

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00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,249
can carry over into West Africa
now that NGochi is dead?

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00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,602
Now that is an interesting
question. Finally.

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00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,696
[ WOMAN ] Running out of time here.
[ DIRECTOR ] Miranda, wrap it up!

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00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,760
Briefly, please, Minister.

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00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,803
It is a complicated
issue. Yes or a no?

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00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,891
Miranda, make it
the last answer.

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00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,246
Let's hope so.

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00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,641
I'll take that. Thank you for
joining us on the sofa today.

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00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,880
[ DIRECTOR ] Stand by. Toby
on one. Over to you, Toby.

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00:13:32,904 --> 00:13:35,284
[ TOBY ] And now, what if a
man was to experience labour?

246
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,442
Well, thank you,
Miranda, Bridget.

247
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,329
You couldn't just
behave yourselves

248
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,920
when the new management
team were here?

249
00:13:40,944 --> 00:13:42,324
They're the new management team?

250
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,563
That is Alice Peabody,
new Brand Manager.

251
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,809
Apparently, Hard News is too
old-fashioned, too serious,

252
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,962
and she is the smiling assassin

253
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,088
brought in to sack
anybody older than her.

254
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,125
Everybody's older than her.

255
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,011
I've got tins of soup in my
cupboard older than her.

256
00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,764
Look at them all.

257
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,766
With their apps, and
their ironic beards.

258
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,769
Maybe one of them could
give Bridget some sex.

259
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,841
What?

260
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,160
Does Brid... Do you need sex?

261
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,690
No! Yes!

262
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,002
Which is why I'm taking
her on a girls' weekend

263
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,202
to beat all girls' weekends.

264
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,487
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

265
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,123
Bridget, isn't it?

266
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,361
Yes. Nice to meet...

267
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,331
Team meeting tomorrow morning.
We can do introductions then.

268
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:31,760
[ BRIDGET YAWNS ] 9:00 a.m.

269
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,961
We should all start an
hour earlier from now on.

270
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,480
You think she saw that?

271
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,688
Uh, quite possibly not.

272
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,531
And you're sure you don't wanna
come out with me and my crew?

273
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,601
Mmm-hmm.

274
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,967
Thanks, but can't let
the old gang down.

275
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,249
They're stay-at-home mums
now. They'd be disappointed.

276
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,481
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] Ooh.

277
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,001
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

278
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,331
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

279
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,401
Hmm.

280
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,526
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

281
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,965
Huh.

282
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,163
Thank God for the gays!

283
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,770
[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ]

284
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,890
[ TOM ] Now whatever fears you're
bringing in the room with you today,

285
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,769
I want you to take those fears

286
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,400
and I want you to tell
them to fuck the fuck off!

287
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,011
[ ALL CHEER ] [ TOM ] Yeah!

288
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,010
Are you ready for this? Are you
ready for this? [ ALL CHEERING ]

289
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,362
Then ride, you sexy
bitches. Ride!

290
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,160
Ride!

291
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,081
Look, I'm so sorry, Bridget,

292
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,328
but I'm actually gonna
have to blow you out, too.

293
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,641
Oh!

294
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,202
I didn't wanna have to
tell you this today,

295
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,364
but Eduardo and I are adopting.

296
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,606
"Adopting"?

297
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,486
What, a baby?

298
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,483
Yes. A baby. [ CHUCKLES ]

299
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,929
Or gayby, in our case.

300
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,882
That's fantastic news!

301
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,040
Tom!

302
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,400
Yeah. I'm going to
Bogotá tomorrow

303
00:15:55,473 --> 00:15:57,433
to start the paperwork, so
I've gotta go and pack.

304
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,913
Wonderful! Go!

305
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,042
Happy birthday. Have
fun. [ KISSES ]

306
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,281
Congratulations!

307
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,361
Thanks, darling. Bye.

308
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,008
[ BRIDGET ] Fucking excellent.

309
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,403
And that was how I wound
up back here again.

310
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,564
The last barren husk in London.

311
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,643
And of the two loves of my life,

312
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,247
one is married, and
the other is dead.

313
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,005
Right. New birthday resolutions.

314
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,731
I, Bridget Jones, am done
with affairs of the heart

315
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,925
and dedicating my autumn years
to the pursuit of hedonism.

316
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,084
Will hang only with new,
free-spirited friends like Miranda.

317
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,004
And when the going gets tough,

318
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,004
the tough go on a
luxury spa weekend!

319
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,490
What the fuck?

320
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,601
[ LAUGHING ]

321
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,446
[ MIRANDA ] Love the shoes.

322
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,971
[ LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ]

323
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,764
[ MIRANDA ] I didn't tell you
because you wouldn't have come!

324
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,769
Seriously, it's been five years.

325
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,604
You gotta shake
yourself out of this

326
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,489
self-imposed purdah
you've been in

327
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,771
ever since you split up with
your precious Mark Darcy.

328
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,922
Rubbish. I barely think of him.

329
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,082
[ MIRANDA ] What you
need is a good shafting.

330
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,730
You need some good
old-fashioned,

331
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,121
lie-back-and-think-of-England
bonking.

332
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,931
And festivals are
sexual free-for-alls.

333
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,924
Like Sodom and
Gomorrah, with tofu.

334
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,124
First man you meet,
you gotta sleep with.

335
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,280
First man?

336
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,930
I'm not taking no for an answer.

337
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,128
I'm gonna find our
backstage passes.

338
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,765
You get the maps.

339
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:36,841
[ HUMMING ]

340
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,481
[ EXHALES ]

341
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,680
[ VOLUNTEER ] Wanna
know where you are?

342
00:17:41,704 --> 00:17:42,704
Maps!

343
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,840
[ BRIDGET ] I may be old and
inappropriately dressed,

344
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,404
but at least I look
fucking amazing!

345
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,481
[ EXCLAIMS ]

346
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,090
[ WOMAN GASPS ]

347
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,161
Oh.

348
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,091
That's exactly why I
didn't wear my heels.

349
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,969
[ BRIDGET ] Ding fucking dong!

350
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,401
May I?

351
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,561
Uh...

352
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,001
Ah.

353
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,170
Um... Uh...

354
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,001
[ BOTH GRUNT ]

355
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,366
[ GRUNTS ] Ooh.

356
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,530
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

357
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,011
Thank you.

358
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,686
Oh! [ CHUCKLES ]

359
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,000
[ JACK ] Ah. There you go.

360
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,360
It fits.

361
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,407
[ CHUCKLES ]

362
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,205
[ MIRANDA ] Bridget!

363
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,601
Bridget!

364
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,045
Is that your wicked stepmother?

365
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,326
Yes.

366
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,166
I'd better go before she has me
sweeping fireplaces all day.

367
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,724
Thank you. You're welcome.

368
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,211
[ BRIDGET ] Ah-ha. Birthday
resolution number two.

369
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,964
Must remember the way
to a man's heart

370
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,565
is not through beauty,
sex or love...

371
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,161
It's Jack.

372
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,041
[ BRIDGET ] ...but merely the ability
to fall arse over tit in the mud.

373
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,051
By the way.

374
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,727
Right.

375
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,205
Which one's ours?

376
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,203
Uh, let's try up here.

377
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,724
And anyway, it's not
camping. It's glamping.

378
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,163
[ BRIDGET ] Putting a "GL" in front
of it doesn't make it any better.

379
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,571
Calling him Gladolf Hitler

380
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,122
wouldn't suddenly make you
forget all the unpleasantness.

381
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,561
[ BRIDGET GRUNTING ]

382
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,765
Oh. Fuck me!

383
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,331
[ JACK ] NGochi!

384
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,649
[ BRIDGET AND MIRANDA LAUGHING ]

385
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,370
[ BOTH ] NGochi!

386
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,366
[ BOTH ] NGochi!

387
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,329
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ]

388
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,364
It's 2:30 in the afternoon!

389
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,363
I should be hoovering!

390
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,163
[ CROWD CHEERING ]

391
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,651
This is incredible!

392
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,245
We've got to get a photo!

393
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,440
Excuse me?

394
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,406
Do you mind if we ask you
to take a photo of us?

395
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,324
Yeah. Sure. [ BRIDGET
] Thank you.

396
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,600
All right. You ready?
Hey, what are you doing?

397
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,961
I was taking a photo. I thought
you guys wanted a photo.

398
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,650
Yeah, we do. Of us.

399
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,807
Yes. Terribly sorry,

400
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,565
but we thought it would be really
fun to get a photo of us backstage

401
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,324
among all these
glamorous people.

402
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,647
I think that's the guy
from Bargain Hunt.

403
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,800
It would be great if you
could get him in the shot.

404
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,001
Quick, quick, quick!

405
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,800
So, you don't want me
in the photo at all?

406
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,848
Oh, God. You can lose
the attitude, babes.

407
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,604
Is it really that difficult?

408
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,169
God. They let any old
riff-raff backstage nowadays.

409
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,766
I don't know. I thought
he was kind of cute.

410
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,486
But he looks familiar.

411
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,968
I think he works at the
Starbucks in Balham!

412
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,210
[ CROWD CHEERING ]

413
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,520
Here we go!

414
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,523
One, two, three, sing!

415
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,844
[ CROWD SINGING IN UNISON ]

416
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,681
Oh, my God!

417
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,920
I know!

418
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,968
It's the guy from Starbucks!

419
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,121
[ MAN ] Crowd-surf! Whoo!

420
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,366
[ BRIDGET LAUGHING ]

421
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,130
Miranda!

422
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,291
[ SOFTLY ] Miranda!

423
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,651
Miranda?

424
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:51,881
Shit.

425
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,126
Hey, Miranda.

426
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,163
Oh, God!

427
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,041
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

428
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,729
I have to admit that was fun.

429
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,330
And you're right.

430
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,406
What I need is a good shafting.

431
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:16,007
Some good old-fashioned
lie-back-and-think-of-England

432
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,440
bonking.

433
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,240
Well, sign me up.

434
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,081
[ GASPS ] Oh, my God!

435
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,764
What are you doing in my yurt?

436
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,888
With all your clothes and
luggage and possessions.

437
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,084
Yeah. It's as if I've
come in, made it my own.

438
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,601
Wait, it's you.

439
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,125
The creature from
the Black Lagoon.

440
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,124
Oh. Yes. Sorry.

441
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,960
Well, you don't really
expect me to believe

442
00:22:42,984 --> 00:22:45,146
that you accidentally crashed
into my yurt, do you?

443
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,441
Oh!

444
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,604
Since you're here, maybe
I could help you.

445
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,169
[ BRIDGET ] Well, he is
the first man I met.

446
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,284
And his yurt is one heck
of a lot nicer than mine.

447
00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,566
Bridget!

448
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,564
Where the fuck are you?

449
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:03,881
Bridget!

450
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,805
I'm so pissed!

451
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,883
[ SINGING ]

452
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,401
[ MIRANDA ] Bridget!

453
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,600
I'm zorbing with Ed Sheeran!

454
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,526
[ WHOOPING ]

455
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,043
[ SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS ]

456
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,128
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, God! I've just
slept with a complete stranger!

457
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,320
I'm nothing but a
feckless prostitute.

458
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,528
No, no. I'm an
elegant older woman

459
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,682
taking men for my own pleasure.

460
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,247
Or am I just a deluded,
middle-aged fool?

461
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,891
Fuck it!

462
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,721
Miranda.

463
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,845
Good morning.

464
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,201
[ SHAZZER ] So, it
lasted six hours?

465
00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:00,601
What lasted six hours, Mum?

466
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,889
Um, a puppet show that
Auntie Bridge went to.

467
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,842
Six-hour puppet show?

468
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:08,921
Hello.

469
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,765
So, tell me, were they
little puppets or...

470
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,808
Very nice-sized puppets.

471
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,931
And did he put his
puppet in your mouth?

472
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,567
God! I feel like my days of puppet
shows are behind me. [ SIGHS ]

473
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,804
I've had finger puppets.

474
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,326
[ LAUGHS ]

475
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,120
And has he called?

476
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,362
Well, it doesn't work
like that anymore.

477
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,967
You just hook up with rugged
troubadours at music festivals

478
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:43,645
and there are no strings.

479
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:45,929
Puppets with no strings.

480
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,286
[ LAUGHING ]

481
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,600
Take the wings off. They're
for little girls. Come on.

482
00:25:49,624 --> 00:25:51,642
[ BRIDGET ] Hello? Where
the fuck are you?

483
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,404
Speeding through
lovely countryside

484
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,721
on our way to your
christening. [ CARS HONKING ]

485
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,280
No, we're not. Why is
Auntie Bridget lying?

486
00:25:58,360 --> 00:25:59,361
Shh. Shh.

487
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,366
Bridge, I thought you should
know after Tom dropped out,

488
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,124
Giles asked Mark to
be the godfather.

489
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,009
What? He did what?

490
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,810
Yes, I know. He really
is a useless cock.

491
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,764
Did it without asking me.

492
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,370
[ HORNS HONKING ]

493
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,646
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, my God!

494
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:14,808
Mark Darcy again.

495
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,649
Twice in the space of a week, I turn
up at church as rent-a-spinster.

496
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,085
Where the fuck were
you? [ PEOPLE GASP ]

497
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,686
Sorry. Sorry.

498
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:35,966
Sorry.

499
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,087
[ PRIEST ] Good
morning, and welcome.

500
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,248
[ BRIDGET ] Well, this
isn't embarrassing at all.

501
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,051
Mark Darcy and I at the
altar with a baby.

502
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,376
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] [
PHOTOGRAPHER ] That's lovely.

503
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,368
Okay, now. Nice big
smiles. Looking at me.

504
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,682
Thank you. Lovely! [
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

505
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,480
Okay. Can I just get the
godparents now, please?

506
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:56,881
So, how are you?

507
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,044
Very well, thank
you. How are you?

508
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,690
Well. Thank you. Mmm.

509
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,807
Are you here with your wife?
I can't remember her name.

510
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:08,566
Camilla. No, she, uh... No, she
couldn't make it. Ah. Mmm.

511
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:09,801
You with anyone?

512
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,201
No, no. Not today. No.

513
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,164
Come on. It's not a
funeral. [ CHUCKLES ]

514
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,920
Can I get a couple of smiles
out of you two, please?

515
00:27:16,944 --> 00:27:19,384
Maybe give her a little kiss? You
know, on the forehead there.

516
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,890
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

517
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,325
Uh... I was talking
about the baby.

518
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,085
[ CAMERA SHUTTER
CLICKS ] Lovely!

519
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,811
All right.

520
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:33,936
I'll see you later,
I shouldn't wonder.

521
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:34,961
[ BRIDGET ] Yeah.

522
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,401
Unless I make a break
for it with this thing.

523
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,124
[ BRIDGET ] Could this day
actually get any more awkward?

524
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,242
Just keep walking, keep walking,
keep walking, keep walking!

525
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:46,601
[ SIGHS ]

526
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,250
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

527
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,402
Hello.

528
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,241
How are you?

529
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,250
Very well, thanks. How are you?

530
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,561
I'm fine.

531
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,290
So am I.

532
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,091
Well, goodbye.

533
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,685
Goodbye.

534
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,850
A glass of wine. A
whiskey, please.

535
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,610
Big. Big glass. Double.

536
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:14,886
Thank you.

537
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,890
[ POP MUSIC PLAYING ]

538
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:21,961
[ LAUGHTER ]

539
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:23,967
[ WHOOPING ]

540
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,805
[ LAUGHTER ]

541
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,565
[ WHOOPING CONTINUES ]

542
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,241
I'd ask you to join me,
but I'm pretty sure

543
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,369
you're not a big Gangnam
Style kind of guy.

544
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,085
I was only there very briefly.

545
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,160
Where?

546
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:58,486
Gangnam.

547
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,650
What are we talking about?

548
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,570
Gangnam. Dancing.

549
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:04,687
Ah!

550
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:06,331
Not the suburb of Seoul.

551
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,007
No.

552
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,367
Not familiar with
Gangnam, the suburb.

553
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,682
It literally means "South
of the Han River."

554
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,725
It was inhabited as early
as the Palaeolithic Period.

555
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,770
Suddenly seems so
much less catchy!

556
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,161
[ MIC FEEDBACK ]

557
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,363
Now something for you
lovers out there.

558
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,648
We're entering "the
erection section."

559
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,848
Don't say fucking "erection"
at a christening!

560
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,650
[ ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING ]

561
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,201
Oh.

562
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,924
Would you like to get some air?

563
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,682
I mean, some more air.

564
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,325
Sure.

565
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,968
I don't suppose you happen
to have a cigarette?

566
00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,121
No.

567
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,002
Gave up 1,891 days ago.

568
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,323
Not that you're counting.

569
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,050
Since when did you smoke?

570
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,244
I don't. It's been a tense time.

571
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,484
Maybe I'm nervous.

572
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:16,241
Why?

573
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,243
You have a train in your hair.

574
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,485
I'm aware of that. [ CHUCKLES ]

575
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,245
Courtesy of one of
my many godchildren.

576
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,604
Seems to be stuck.

577
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:36,321
[ NERVOUS CHUCKLE ]

578
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,925
And this would be...

579
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,081
Cake?

580
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,366
Profiterole.

581
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,808
It's technically more of a
dessert than a cake, I suppose.

582
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,849
What are you doing?
You're married.

583
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,126
No, I'm not.

584
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,410
I mean, I am. I'm
getting a divorce.

585
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,369
That's why she's not here.

586
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,367
Weren't you together
at the memorial?

587
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,082
No. She was just
being supportive.

588
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,125
She's gone back to The Hague, where
she's now living and I'm not.

589
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,370
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark.

590
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,484
Right at this precise moment,
I'm not sorry at all.

591
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,764
[ ROMANTIC SONG PLAYS ]

592
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,282
How the fuck am I
supposed to get in here?

593
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,488
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

594
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,166
Again?

595
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,484
Mr. Darcy.

596
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,561
Wow.

597
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,761
Bridget.

598
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:58,561
Mmm-hmm?

599
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,209
God, I've missed you.

600
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:05,931
[ ALARM BEEPING ]

601
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,563
Are we on schedule?

602
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,001
I have a flight to
Khartoum tomorrow.

603
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,445
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

604
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,204
[ BRIDGET ] I'm so sorry,
Mark. Had to leave.

605
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,443
Probably sounds pathetic,
but I got scared.

606
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,251
The fact that we went round and
round for the best part of 10 years

607
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:04,246
without ever making it across the
finish line leads me to think

608
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,449
we did the best thing by
ending it when we did.

609
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,961
Sometimes it feels scary
still being on my own at 43,

610
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,361
but you and I have
been here once before.

611
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,408
We always loved the
fantasy of us,

612
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:21,971
but the reality,
as we both know,

613
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,570
is quite different.
[ CAR HONKING ]

614
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,521
Ta-da!

615
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,163
We could both come up with 100
reasons why we didn't make it.

616
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:36,446
But in the end...

617
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:41,003
I always felt that you were never
there and I was mostly alone.

618
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:56,130
No, can't go back and keep
making same mistakes.

619
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,529
Must keep moving forward
and make new ones.

620
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,363
And will launch myself into
frenzied keep-fit regime.

621
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,649
Am allowing four weeks to
reduce thigh circumference

622
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,322
in order to squeeze lardy arse
into teenage skinny jeans.

623
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,644
Obviously not meant for
women of a certain age.

624
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,647
[ BRIDGET ] All this bloody cycling
is pointless. I'm putting on weight.

625
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,840
Let's rule out some of the
other options, shall we?

626
00:35:20,864 --> 00:35:22,468
You're not pregnant, are you?

627
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,211
Of course not.

628
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,682
A lady is always prepared.

629
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,320
And I always carry
these in my handbag.

630
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,046
[ SHAZZER ] Oh, God!
You didn't use those?

631
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,850
The vegan condoms?

632
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,048
"Biodegradable and
dolphin-friendly."

633
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,727
If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice
to think I'm helping the environment.

634
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:40,801
[ SHAZZER ] Christ.

635
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,044
Bridget, I remember
when you bought those!

636
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:45,810
That was decades ago!

637
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,361
Sell-by dates don't
mean anything.

638
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:50,561
Do they?

639
00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:52,006
[ TELEPHONES RINGING ]

640
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,240
[ MIRANDA ] They were a gift.

641
00:35:53,264 --> 00:35:54,550
Don't ask.

642
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,004
Tumbling rapids,

643
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,401
frothing waterfalls,

644
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,801
a babbling brook! [
IMITATES URINATION ]

645
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,603
Oh, come the fuck on, Bridget.

646
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:10,921
[ PEE TRICKLING ]

647
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,090
[ TOILET FLUSHING ]

648
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,442
How long do you think it takes?

649
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,286
I think that's a
positive result.

650
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,243
[ BRIDGET GASPS ]

651
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:32,726
I'll just make sure.

652
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,928
Oh, don't shake it.
You'll hurt the baby!

653
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,361
The baby's not in
the stick, Bridget.

654
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,771
I think this is when you're
meant to jump for joy.

655
00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:44,960
Oh, my God.

656
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,610
Oh, my God. You're pregnant.

657
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,046
I'm pregnant?

658
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:49,611
You're pregnant.

659
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:51,645
I'm pregnant.

660
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,768
You're going to have a baby.

661
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,491
[ CHUCKLING ] I'm
going to have a baby.

662
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,050
I'm going to have a baby.

663
00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:04,241
[ ALICE ] Yeah.

664
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:12,007
If you've got footage of her
punching a horse, I want it.

665
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,004
Bridget, do you want a baby?

666
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,731
I don't know. [ CHUCKLES ]

667
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,643
I mean, I'm 43.

668
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,205
It might be the only
chance I'm going to get.

669
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,524
Look, one broken,
out-of-date condom

670
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,682
I might have believed
was an accident.

671
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:29,641
But two?

672
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,891
You wanted it.

673
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,725
Maybe I did.

674
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:37,081
[ WINCES ]

675
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,281
Ooh.

676
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,365
Can we get a medic, please?

677
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,526
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, my
God! I'm pregnant!

678
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,964
This is it!

679
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,683
More to the point, whose is it?

680
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:59,041
This is not how I thought
this moment would be.

681
00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:04,487
Always imagined myself in OK!
Magazine with the man of my dreams.

682
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,730
Oh, Christ. Too many
dilemmas to ponder.

683
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:12,204
Not least of all, who was
that man I shagged in a tent?

684
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,330
[ DR. RAWLINGS ] And so,
your age will be 43?

685
00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:18,721
Mmm.

686
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,161
Huh.

687
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:27,282
So, um, which of the times
with my wonderful man

688
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,563
do you think we got pregnant on?

689
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,171
Does it matter?

690
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:35,006
Well, yes. It's such
a special moment.

691
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,845
We'd like to know which one
it is, so we can treasure it.

692
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,042
Can't you treasure both of them?

693
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,121
Oh. Yes. We will.

694
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,281
I mean, we do,

695
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:46,570
but surely one of those dates
is more likely than the other?

696
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:53,005
Uh, well, actually, day 10, which was
his birthday, is a little early.

697
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,924
And day 16, which was the...

698
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:57,081
Anniversary dinner.

699
00:38:57,240 --> 00:39:00,449
Ah, yes. The osso buco, I
recall, is a little late.

700
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,047
Are you sure there wasn't another
treasurable occasion in between?

701
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,769
Yes, I'm quite
sure. He was away.

702
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,647
So, which of the two
would you go for?

703
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,484
Couldn't say. They're
both equally likely.

704
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,680
It could've been after the
events because as you know

705
00:39:15,704 --> 00:39:18,025
sperm can live for several
days after ejaculation.

706
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:20,607
Couldn't you just have
a guess for me? No.

707
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,086
What about the first scan?

708
00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,447
Would that show when
conception took place?

709
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,921
No. Ring this number
to fix a date.

710
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,766
And do bring along the father if
you can work out which one he is.

711
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,446
Right.

712
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:35,890
Right. Um...

713
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,641
Just out of interest...

714
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:38,961
Mmm?

715
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:43,405
If someone did have an element
of confusion about the father...

716
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,801
Well, you can get a DNA
sample at the amniocentesis.

717
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,680
And I do recommend that you
have the amniocentesis

718
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,120
because there are always more
risks with a geriatric mother.

719
00:39:52,144 --> 00:39:53,145
[ LAUGHS ]

720
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,486
"Geriatric"?

721
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,324
Mmm. That's outrageous.

722
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:58,641
Indeed.

723
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,362
Unless you can sign on
for your child support

724
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,522
and pension at the same
time. [ CHUCKLES ]

725
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:07,450
That's hilarious.

726
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,081
[ HORN BLARING ]

727
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,206
It's called "news" 'cause
it should feel new.

728
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,204
Otherwise, it would
be called "olds."

729
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:16,681
Sorry.

730
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,042
Last night, top stories.

731
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,326
Earthquake in Asia.

732
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,601
Seen it before.

733
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,160
Car crash on the M5,
blah, blah, blah.

734
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,486
We are making olds.

735
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,329
We need to flip the
switch, mix it up.

736
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,320
I want to NutriBullet the
shit out of the news.

737
00:40:31,344 --> 00:40:33,527
She's on the warpath. Susan
the Floor Manager's gone.

738
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,842
[ WHISPERS ] She's
six months pregnant.

739
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,684
[ ALICE ] We've got to
grab the attention!

740
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:39,490
Get the eyes on the screen!

741
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:44,282
I want to see headlines like "Is
your sofa bed giving you cancer?"

742
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,491
"Is your freezer giving
you Altimeter's?"

743
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,205
Oh, my God. Are they?

744
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,840
Literally no evidence whatsoever,
but you're missing the point.

745
00:40:51,864 --> 00:40:53,104
You're intrigued, aren't you?

746
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,211
I want to re-launch Hard News
with a clear new objective.

747
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,409
We have a presentation in 12
weeks at the London Media Show,

748
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,605
and I am looking for someone
dynamic, innovative, focused,

749
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,368
to lead the charge.
Any volunteers?

750
00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:11,371
[ BRIDGET ] Whatever happens
now, must hold on to job.

751
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,569
Must prove to fascist boss
that I may be single mother,

752
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:17,610
but am willing to roll with
the ironic-bearded hipsters.

753
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:18,841
Anybody at all?

754
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:21,765
Do you need the loo, Bridget?

755
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,730
No. I want to volunteer.

756
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,568
# Let's do this.

757
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,730
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

758
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,840
[ MIRANDA ] It's me, it's
me. Turn on your TV now.

759
00:41:38,864 --> 00:41:41,105
Look at your TV. Now! Now! Now!

760
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:42,765
Turn on Channel 4.

761
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,081
[ TV SWITCHES ON ]

762
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:50,086
Bridget, I found him! He's
the dating website guru!

763
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:52,686
See, you have to
trust the science.

764
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,364
Algorithms don't lie.

765
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,489
You only slept with a
fucking billionaire!

766
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,800
[ SCREAMING ]

767
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,562
[ TOM ] So, tell
us, Bridget, um,

768
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,564
what was it that
initially attracted you

769
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,290
to the billionaire, Jack Quant?

770
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:07,965
Was it his face or his body?

771
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:09,360
Yeah. Well, I'd do
him, obviously.

772
00:42:09,384 --> 00:42:10,087
Big dick?

773
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,280
[ TOM ] If I were you, I
wouldn't tell either of them.

774
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,800
All you need's a DNA
sample from one of them.

775
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,930
And then you can eliminate the
other one from your enquiries.

776
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,082
What would I say to Mark?

777
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:22,481
"Hello, Mark. I know I
just left you asleep,"

778
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,320
"but I don't suppose
you've got any blood,"

779
00:42:24,344 --> 00:42:26,631
"sperm, or old fingernails
lying around?"

780
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,569
But how would you even
get in touch with Jack?

781
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,160
Yeah.

782
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,646
He is a bloody mogul.
Can't just ring him up.

783
00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:36,721
[ NERVOUS CHUCKLE ]

784
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:38,081
Oh!

785
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,921
[ BRIDGET ] May have just worked
out how to win favor with new boss

786
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,930
and eliminate one father
from my enquiries.

787
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,368
I have to say, Bridget.

788
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,000
I'm actually excited
about this next guest.

789
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,322
Relevant, relatable,

790
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,167
extremely fuckable. Good work.

791
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,529
[ BRIDGET ] Welcome
to CSI Hard News.

792
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:00,840
[ WOMAN ] One minute left on
the VT now. Out on Simon.

793
00:43:00,864 --> 00:43:02,944
[ DIRECTOR ] Bring in next
five, stand by. Thank you.

794
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,880
Thank you, my love. If
you could just fuck off,

795
00:43:09,904 --> 00:43:11,508
that would be great.

796
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,365
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

797
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,321
Jack, this is Cathy.
She'll get you ready.

798
00:43:19,456 --> 00:43:20,816
[ JACK ] Hi, Cathy.
[ CATHY ] Jack.

799
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,280
Nice to meet you. I
was just thinking

800
00:43:22,304 --> 00:43:23,730
like a simple
magenta eye-shadow.

801
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,724
Make your eyes pop, and
little bit of rouge, maybe?

802
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,249
Kidding. [ LAUGHS ]

803
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,520
You're funny.

804
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:31,800
Yeah, but you do happen to have

805
00:43:31,824 --> 00:43:33,409
a little stray gray hair there.

806
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,369
There we are. Ah! Jesus.

807
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:36,646
That's it.

808
00:43:36,816 --> 00:43:39,256
Actually, there's a whole gray
patch up there. Shall I just...

809
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,816
Yeah. Let me see. Let's
just get in there.

810
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,200
Yeah, my hair is
full of gray hair.

811
00:43:42,224 --> 00:43:43,271
That's it. I've sorted it.

812
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:44,646
Okay.

813
00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,131
Jesus Christ. Okay.

814
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,441
All gone. Yeah,
that's lovely. Oh.

815
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,685
These fingernails
on this silver fox

816
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,520
could do with a bit of
a trim, couldn't they?

817
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,808
These hands haven't experienced
much manual labour, have they?

818
00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:59,245
No. I'm a mathematician.

819
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,731
They're silky soft.

820
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,524
Tell me, Jack.

821
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,967
Do you happen to
like Chinese food?

822
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,124
[ GASPS ] Jack. Let
me take you to set.

823
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:10,281
Great. Thank you.

824
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,090
I do, sometimes. Yes. Thank you.

825
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,120
[ JACK ] I don't think she
put any make-up on me.

826
00:44:14,144 --> 00:44:16,226
[ RICHARD ] It's fine.
You look radiant.

827
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,281
Okay. Coming out of VT in five,
four... And remember the gear shift.

828
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:23,680
And Miranda, cue.

829
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,366
But now, though, I'm
joined by Jack Quant.

830
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,284
Raised by a single
mother in Baltimore,

831
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,491
he created the matchmaking
website, Quantify,

832
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,962
and he claims to have found
an algorithm for love.

833
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,408
And he's here today to tell us all
about his number one best-seller.

834
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:39,881
Quantum Leap.

835
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,210
It is absolutely wonderful to
have you on our sofa today.

836
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,560
Thank you. It's
great to be here.

837
00:44:45,584 --> 00:44:48,251
Now, we'll talk all about
your new book soon.

838
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,401
Obviously. Yes.

839
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,050
But first, let's
talk about romance.

840
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,045
Quantify has found true
love for millions. Mmm.

841
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,280
[ DIRECTOR ] Coming to two.
Has it worked for you?

842
00:44:56,304 --> 00:44:59,011
Now if I answer that, can we go
back and talk about the book?

843
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,491
Maybe. [ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

844
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,881
Can you please try not
to shag him on air.

845
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,088
This is dynamite. Tell her
to flirt with him more.

846
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,364
Some people had their first
crush on Farrah Fawcett.

847
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:12,166
My first crush was an algorithm.

848
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,800
And we've lost them! If he carries
on talking about algorithms,

849
00:45:14,824 --> 00:45:16,887
I'm cutting to the VT of
cats who look like Hitler.

850
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,760
[ DIRECTOR ] Back to four.
Love it. Thank you.

851
00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:20,845
He's avoiding the question!
Get him off maths.

852
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,287
Ask him if he's
with someone now.

853
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,807
For someone so good
at matchmaking,

854
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,085
is there a special
someone in your life?

855
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,846
Apart from Lady Mary
on Downton Abbey?

856
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,800
Now, can we go ahead and
talk about the book?

857
00:45:34,824 --> 00:45:35,601
Cue Hitler cats!

858
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:36,727
Don't be evasive.

859
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,285
Oh, don't be evasive.

860
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,408
Uh, it's apparent you
have everything.

861
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,323
Why have you chosen
to have no family...

862
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,528
Why the decision to
have no family and...

863
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:45,840
No children?

864
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:47,686
And no children?

865
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,884
Brilliant. Zoom in on four.

866
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,281
Go on four. Love it.

867
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:53,410
[ JACK ] Look, I love kids.

868
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,246
But I've always found the
idea of being a father

869
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,970
myself kind of petrifying.

870
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,082
Which is why I've been
drawn to algorithms.

871
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:02,844
Cue Hitler cats!

872
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,685
They're rational,
reliable, predictable.

873
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,322
Everything a kid isn't.

874
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:09,960
So, can you have children?

875
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,920
And can you have children,
though? I mean...

876
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:16,763
Are the soldiers working?

877
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:17,927
[ MOUTHING ] What?

878
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:20,561
Well, I believe so.

879
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:25,168
The barracks are in
pretty regular use.

880
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,606
Really? Really?

881
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,847
Yes.

882
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,321
Because for someone with a
supposed algorithm for love...

883
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,687
Isn't it odd that
you've never found it?

884
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:34,928
Well, I think in order
to find something,

885
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,570
you have to be actively
looking for it.

886
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,688
I've just been too
busy, so I haven't.

887
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,241
What about the Quant
family bloodline?

888
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,080
And what about the Quant
family bloodline?

889
00:46:43,104 --> 00:46:45,207
Are there any skeletons
in the closet?

890
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,369
Sexual deviants?

891
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,444
I'm sorry. I don't know where
we're going with all of this,

892
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,649
but I have to tell you, I can
attract the wrong type of women.

893
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,007
[ JACK LAUGHS ]

894
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,562
That's really great. Thanks
for sharing that with us.

895
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:01,641
[ GASP ] Fuck.

896
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,529
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

897
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:04,806
Bridget, what are you doing?

898
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:07,531
You wouldn't believe some of the
weirdos that cross my path.

899
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:08,721
[ MIRANDA ] Really?

900
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:10,165
[ RICHARD ] Get up! Fuck, fuck.

901
00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:11,920
[ ALICE ] Can you tell
me what she's doing?

902
00:47:11,944 --> 00:47:13,355
Ask him something
about algorithms.

903
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,160
[ DIRECTOR ] This has to be
the last question. Has to be.

904
00:47:16,184 --> 00:47:18,232
[ MIRANDA ] Lastly, algorithms.

905
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,451
Yes. What first
attracted you to them?

906
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:23,931
The logic, and... Wonderful.

907
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,686
Jack Quant, thank you
for coming on my sofa.

908
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,524
I hope you've had as
much fun as I have.

909
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,600
Jesus.

910
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,608
That's it from me. Goodbye.

911
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,001
That was great.

912
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,004
You look really familiar,
outside of being on the show.

913
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:39,207
Are you on Tinder?

914
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:40,281
What?

915
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,323
Then we won't have
met. No. Okay.

916
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:43,601
[ GATE LOCK BEEPS ]

917
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,200
Well, hey! How about
seeing you here.

918
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,250
Hi. [ NERVOUS CHUCKLE
] Great to see you.

919
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:53,447
Great to see you, too.

920
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,961
I was going to come and
find you to say hello,

921
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,930
but you know how live
TV can be so chaotic!

922
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,520
Well, you know there are easier
ways of getting in touch with me

923
00:48:01,544 --> 00:48:04,886
than inviting me on national TV
and asking me about my sperm.

924
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,930
[ STAMMERS ] No.
That's not what... No.

925
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,367
I would have liked to
have heard from you.

926
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:14,725
I was disappointed when I came
back that morning and you'd gone.

927
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,206
You were?

928
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,328
We had an amazing night.

929
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,725
And I thought you were great.

930
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,370
At least I did until
I became a clip

931
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,683
of the 50 most embarrassing
chat show moments of all time.

932
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,083
Really sorry about
that. Yes, that, um...

933
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,161
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

934
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,206
I don't know how to,
uh, explain. Um...

935
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:42,685
I'm pregnant.

936
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:45,924
Wow. Okay.

937
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,402
That's so much better than you
being mentally unbalanced.

938
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,723
I'm about 12 weeks.

939
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,248
Oh. Right. Wow.

940
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,001
So, you mean it's
the music festival.

941
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,201
Yes.

942
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:09,041
I know, it's quite a
surprise! [ CHUCKLES ]

943
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:10,921
Yes. Um...

944
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:12,361
But, um...

945
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,242
I'm fine.

946
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,608
And you should know that
I don't... I'm not...

947
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,921
I'm not looking for
anything from you.

948
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,122
Well, except for a
complete DNA check

949
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,202
and review of my
medical records.

950
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,768
Well, the thing is
that I didn't mean

951
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,684
for you to find out
about this yet.

952
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:35,210
And I'm feeling, um, a
bit foolish right now.

953
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:39,001
Mortified, actually.
Yes. I'm mortified.

954
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,885
And, um, I'd like to
just retreat gracefully.

955
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,162
[ FEMALE FAN ] Mr. Quant,
will you sign my book?

956
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,761
Um... Please.

957
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:50,365
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, God.

958
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,490
I didn't even tell him he
may not be the only daddy.

959
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,006
I love this book.

960
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,368
Hey, Katie Couric! I
need to talk to you!

961
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,006
[ BRIDGET ] What if this DNA
turns out to be Jack's?

962
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,844
Do I want the father to be Jack?

963
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,729
I don't even know Jack.

964
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,684
And what if it's Mark Darcy's?

965
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,763
Christ. I'll have
to confess to him

966
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,683
I've been a whore
with dolphin condoms.

967
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,761
Good.

968
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:14,566
So, the baby's okay?

969
00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:15,721
Perfect.

970
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,166
See?

971
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,968
[ GASPS ] Oh, my
God. Is that it?

972
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,840
[ DR. RAWLINGS ] Mmm-hmm.
[ BRIDGET GASPS ]

973
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:28,565
And it's all right?

974
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,286
Sound as a bell. Cooking nicely.

975
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,161
Have a listen.

976
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:36,849
[ HEART BEATING ] [ CHUCKLES ]

977
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:37,921
[ CHUCKLES ]

978
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,883
There you are. I've
recorded that for you.

979
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,320
You can watch that for a moment.

980
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,446
So glad you've decided
on the amniocentesis.

981
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:53,883
Hello, you.

982
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,369
Is that your ear or your foot?

983
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:00,726
You have got very big feet.

984
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,643
Oh, and look at you,
waving already.

985
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:07,001
Hi.

986
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,331
You're the best thing
I've ever seen.

987
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,323
I promise I'll try my best.

988
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:27,604
So, you just stay safe
and snug in there

989
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:31,251
while I try and sort
the mess out here.

990
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,204
And hopefully...

991
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,051
What the fuck is that?

992
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,489
Um, it's the
amniocentesis needle.

993
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,646
We just pop it in, take a little amniotic
fluid, test it for any abnormalities,

994
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,450
and also the DNA sample
that you require.

995
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,524
Now, there is the slightest
risk of miscarriage.

996
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,560
So, you'll have to stay
very still indeed because

997
00:51:49,630 --> 00:51:51,510
we don't want the needle
to come into contact...

998
00:51:51,534 --> 00:51:53,047
What? No, no.

999
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,085
I'm not taking that chance.
And it's enormous.

1000
00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:58,049
It'd go straight through
the other side.

1001
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,040
Come on, I'm taking you home.

1002
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:05,361
[ SIGHS ]

1003
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:07,689
Your mother will
be over the moon.

1004
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:11,561
Will you promise not to
tell her? Just not yet.

1005
00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,882
No, no. Of course.
No, no. I promise.

1006
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,010
Really sorry, Dad.

1007
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,523
Not to know about the father.

1008
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:20,849
Don't be daft.

1009
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,401
I know dozens of people who
could have been anybody's.

1010
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,127
So, you're not disappointed?

1011
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,681
You don't think I belong
on Jerry Springer?

1012
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:30,962
Not a bit. I'm thrilled.

1013
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,168
Actually, I'm not
sure if you're mine,

1014
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,927
or that nice Lieutenant Colonel's
who ran the bowls club.

1015
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:39,081
Hmm.

1016
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:42,290
Only joking. You've got my feet.

1017
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,483
I've always had
very dainty feet.

1018
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,128
Just tell the truth, Bridget.

1019
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,001
Can't go too far wrong
telling the truth.

1020
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,164
[ BRIDGET ] "Mark, I have
some exciting news."

1021
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:09,363
"Mark, I have the funniest
story to tell you."

1022
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,488
"Mark, I'm up the duff."

1023
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,089
[ MARK ] My Lords, my Ladies.

1024
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,449
There is only one fraud committed
here today and it is this.

1025
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,083
To use the laws of one country to destroy
the freedom of speech of another.

1026
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,809
A cynical political
expedient to take away

1027
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,564
the right of these
brave young women

1028
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:30,162
to speak the truth about
the country they love.

1029
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,924
Now you may not
like their music.

1030
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,642
And for that, I
cannot blame you.

1031
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,442
They may not have mastered
the fundamentals of melody,

1032
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:42,807
or even the most basic
tenets of musicianship.

1033
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:47,682
But this is the land of
Shakespeare, Orwell, Lawrence.

1034
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,205
[ BRIDGET ] Oh. I'd forgotten just
how hot he is in that wig and gown.

1035
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:52,885
To any country,

1036
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,243
any ruler, any despot, that
here, in the United Kingdom,

1037
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,370
we will always defend and
protect women such as these

1038
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,524
who have selflessly and
courageously risked their liberty

1039
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,728
and quite possibly their lives

1040
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,084
to tell the truth.

1041
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,050
The court will now adjourn and
judgement will be given in due course.

1042
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,401
Poonani! Poonani!
Power to the Poonani!

1043
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:14,521
[ ALL ] Poonani!

1044
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:16,768
Christ. I'm looking
forward to going back

1045
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:18,569
to some good
old-fashioned genocide.

1046
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,523
[ MAN ] Silence! Silence!

1047
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:24,160
[ WOMEN CONTINUE
"POONANI" CHANT ]

1048
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,608
[ BRIDGET ] Right.
How to do this?

1049
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,125
I wasn't expecting
to see you again

1050
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,770
after the events at
the christening.

1051
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,400
[ BRIDGET ] Crap.
He's dived right in.

1052
00:54:34,424 --> 00:54:37,210
No. Right. I understand.

1053
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,080
[ BRIDGET ] Okay. Maybe
flattery will work.

1054
00:54:39,104 --> 00:54:40,764
You were very impressive
in there today.

1055
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:42,200
Thank you.

1056
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:44,800
Although dealing with
them over the last month

1057
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:47,800
has given me a certain amount of
sympathy for the totalitarian dictator

1058
00:54:47,990 --> 00:54:49,364
who wants to silence them.

1059
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,569
[ BRIDGET ] Okay. Jokes.
Will laugh harder next time.

1060
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,566
There's only a certain number
of times one can listen

1061
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,846
to the resolutely un-catchy
Menstruation, Castration, Liberation.

1062
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:02,481
[ BRIDGET LAUGHING ]

1063
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:03,766
Mark.

1064
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,651
That's hilariously funny.

1065
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,006
[ CONTINUES LAUGHING ]

1066
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:14,321
Please.

1067
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:24,481
So...

1068
00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:27,408
So, Mark. [ CHUCKLES ]

1069
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:28,521
Yes.

1070
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,884
The gardens look lovely.

1071
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,121
Autumnal.

1072
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:35,361
Yes.

1073
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:37,323
Is that a conker tree?

1074
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,891
Bridget.

1075
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:43,401
[ DEEP BREATH ]

1076
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:45,401
I...

1077
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,323
Am pregnant.

1078
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,001
Right.

1079
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,009
Congratulations.

1080
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,166
How can I help?

1081
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,570
I'm three months pregnant.

1082
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:04,361
Oh.

1083
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:07,371
You mean the christening?

1084
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:10,971
Right.

1085
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:15,765
Would you excuse me
for just a moment?

1086
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:17,641
Mmm.

1087
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:18,961
[ MARK CLEARS THROAT ]

1088
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:21,921
[ DOOR CLOSES ]

1089
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:23,641
[ BELL TOLLING ]

1090
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:34,646
[ DOOR OPENS ]

1091
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:40,445
I think that this
is quite possibly

1092
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,040
the most wonderful
piece of information

1093
00:56:42,064 --> 00:56:44,829
I have ever received
in my entire life.

1094
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:46,641
Oh!

1095
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:49,290
Okay.

1096
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,091
Of course, I've got
no expectations

1097
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:52,400
for how things should work out.

1098
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:54,767
I just thought you should know.

1099
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:56,006
No, of course.

1100
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,442
I mean, how do you
feel? Are you happy?

1101
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,802
Yes, I am.

1102
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,970
But so much has happened
in the past 10 years.

1103
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:09,363
A lot has changed. I mean,
you've been married,

1104
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:14,447
and I've been on a number
of long-haul holidays.

1105
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,001
But, um...

1106
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:17,640
[ BRIDGET ] So
here goes on Jack.

1107
00:57:17,664 --> 00:57:19,553
And, I mean... No, I know that.

1108
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:22,125
It's just, right
now, I can't quite

1109
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:23,690
bring myself to feel
gloomy about it.

1110
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,961
[ BRIDGET ] [ GROANS ]
How can I tell him now?

1111
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,567
State of emergency,
cannot sleep.

1112
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,560
Looping thoughts going
round and round in head.

1113
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:52,929
It's surely weird that you can do
something as complicated and important

1114
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:54,650
as growing a baby
or invading Iraq

1115
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:56,210
without any instruction at all.

1116
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,200
Keep thinking all the alcohol
I've drunk over the years

1117
00:57:59,224 --> 00:58:01,240
will give the baby fetal
alcohol syndrome.

1118
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:02,765
These are the things I could do.

1119
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:04,726
Tell Mark about Jack,

1120
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,247
but risk hurting him so badly,
I couldn't live with myself.

1121
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:08,970
Not tell Mark about Jack?

1122
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:10,840
But I'd never be able
to go through with it.

1123
00:58:10,864 --> 00:58:12,728
Tell both of them the
other one is the father,

1124
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,366
and then if the one who isn't
the father is upset about it...

1125
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:17,408
[ DOOR INTERCOM BUZZING ]

1126
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,568
Oh, Christ. Tell no one
and make a run for it.

1127
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:23,801
Hello?

1128
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,121
[ JACK ] Hey! It's the
father of your child.

1129
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:28,167
Jack?

1130
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:29,651
Yeah. Who else?

1131
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:31,880
Come up.

1132
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:33,766
Okay.

1133
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:34,841
[ BEEPS ]

1134
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:38,880
[ BRIDGET ] Oh,
fuck, fuck, fuck.

1135
00:58:38,904 --> 00:58:42,970
He's probably employed a team of
Google Earth detectives to find me.

1136
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,003
Okay. Just act naturally.

1137
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:52,967
Hi.

1138
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:54,566
Come in.

1139
00:58:54,760 --> 00:58:55,761
Okay.

1140
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:00,962
[ LAUGHS ] You found it.

1141
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,770
Try it on. See if it fits.

1142
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,081
Wow.

1143
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,443
I didn't expect to see you.

1144
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:15,650
I wasn't expecting to come. I'm
not used to being rejected.

1145
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:17,121
Twice.

1146
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,287
I hope you've got
cake in that bag.

1147
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:29,041
[ CHUCKLES ]

1148
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,770
I've been doing a
lot of thinking.

1149
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,969
Bridget, this whole baby
situation threw me initially.

1150
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,851
We squashed an entire
relationship into one night

1151
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,209
and skipped straight to
starting-the-family phase.

1152
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,250
We never even had a
real second date.

1153
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,321
[ CHUCKLES ]

1154
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,166
Just so you know, if we did,

1155
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,120
I would have taken you
to Ottolenghi. Oh.

1156
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:56,171
You would have had the grilled
salmon and pine-nut salsa.

1157
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,046
Unbelievable and healthy. Oh.

1158
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:04,690
And we would have come back
here, had incredible sex,

1159
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:09,010
spent the next couple days
sending each other filthy texts.

1160
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:11,241
[ MESSAGE TONE ]

1161
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:12,521
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

1162
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,040
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] [ GASPS ]

1163
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,685
I would not have let you
do that on a second date.

1164
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,571
Why not? You let
me on the first.

1165
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,770
And then we'd go on a naughty
weekend to the seaside,

1166
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:35,369
and I would prove my manliness
by winning you a cuddly toy.

1167
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:37,408
Aw. At the pier.

1168
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,289
But I really wanted
the giant Scooby-Doo.

1169
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,250
Oh, nobody wins those.
Coconuts are glued on.

1170
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:51,486
[ GASPS AND LAUGHS ]

1171
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:52,721
What are those for?

1172
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:54,884
[ JACK ] To apologize.

1173
01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:56,610
We had our first fight.

1174
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,407
I was not flirting
with that waitress.

1175
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,291
She means nothing to me.

1176
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:07,961
And then,

1177
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,801
I would have bought

1178
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:14,887
Swedish furniture
for us to make.

1179
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:16,400
[ LAUGHING ]

1180
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:20,201
If we can get through this,
we can get through anything.

1181
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,049
Anything.

1182
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,051
I'd find it adorable
how your neck

1183
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:25,600
gets all blotchy when
you get nervous.

1184
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:30,604
And I know you'd be the greatest
possible mother to my child.

1185
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:03,681
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, no.

1186
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:06,923
Cannot fall in love with
shiny new American.

1187
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,970
I'll tell them both
tomorrow. Definitely.

1188
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:12,841
Hi.

1189
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:14,251
So, I just wanted to connect

1190
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,288
to check how the
presentation is shaping up.

1191
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,160
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Totally on top of it.
NutriBullet-ing the shit out of it.

1192
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,010
I'm relying on you, Bridget.

1193
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,040
I need you to get this
right. Do you understand?

1194
01:02:24,064 --> 01:02:26,715
100%. You can count
on me. [ CHUCKLES ]

1195
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,207
Great.

1196
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:32,201
[ VOMITS ]

1197
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,121
You all right?

1198
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:35,601
[ BRIDGET COUGHING ]

1199
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,170
I'm fine.

1200
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,163
Big celebration.

1201
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:41,403
I so glad to see you
back together, huh?

1202
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:42,721
Certainly is, Gianni.

1203
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:44,041
Wonderful news, huh?

1204
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:45,281
[ SPEAKS ITALIAN ]

1205
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:47,570
I was thinking about "Jack."

1206
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:49,161
Huh?

1207
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,203
If it's a boy, after
my grandfather.

1208
01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:54,330
It's a good strong name.
You can rely on a Jack.

1209
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,722
Yes. One for the list.

1210
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:58,245
To Jack. To Jack!

1211
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:01,001
Oh!

1212
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:02,525
So, this is Dad, I presume.

1213
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:03,886
So glad you could be here.

1214
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:06,520
This is a unique and
wonderful moment.

1215
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:07,721
Dr. Rawlings,

1216
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:11,287
I wonder if you could maybe
do me a little favour?

1217
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:12,361
Mmm.

1218
01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:15,367
So, this is Dad, I presume.

1219
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:18,040
Pleased to meet you. I'm
so glad you could be here.

1220
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:22,728
This is a unique and
wonderful moment.

1221
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:25,845
Before we start, would you
like to know the sex?

1222
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:27,161
Maybe we should be prepared.

1223
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:29,050
You know, I'm not
sure. It's a boy.

1224
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:30,321
Oh. A boy!

1225
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:31,526
A boy! A boy!

1226
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,166
A boy. A boy!

1227
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:34,360
[ MARK ] Aw. [ BRIDGET ] Aw.

1228
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:36,484
My boy.

1229
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:40,086
[ BRIDGET ] Okay. Right.

1230
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:43,164
This time, I have to tell
them. Will start with Jack.

1231
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,483
Have invited him to big
scary work presentation.

1232
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,040
And will explain all afterwards.

1233
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:52,371
Welcome.

1234
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,967
In a digital age where every
cell phone is a camera,

1235
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,804
we are all broadcasters.

1236
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,885
Hard News is partnering
with the London Media Show

1237
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,123
so that you will be able
to use your smart phones

1238
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,886
to create your own news
broadcasting channels!

1239
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:10,284
Simply download the
new Hard News app

1240
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,727
and broadcast directly
to our studios

1241
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:18,091
where Miranda is waiting for
our first ever live simulcast.

1242
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:22,290
And hello, everyone, live
at the London Media Show,

1243
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:27,128
and welcome to the new look of Hard
News studio. [ AUDIENCE LAUGHING ]

1244
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,610
We are now live!

1245
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,804
And yes, our viewers
are broadcasting.

1246
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,284
[ MIRANDA ] Right. Let's
now go to the Grampian's

1247
01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:40,331
where Adam Wollaston is leading
a team of Venture Rangers

1248
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:42,522
to the top of Ben Nevis.

1249
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,447
Hello, Adam Wollaston!

1250
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:48,122
[ MEN IN UNISON ] Hard
News sucks balls!

1251
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,123
[ AUDIENCE GASP AND LAUGH ]

1252
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,081
Jesus!

1253
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:56,410
Oh, dear. Well, let's put that
news story firmly behind us.

1254
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:57,481
[ GASPS ]

1255
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:01,600
[ SIGHS ]

1256
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,290
[ CLICKING ] [
HEMING AND HAWING ]

1257
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,843
Technical glitch. [ CHUCKLES ]

1258
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:08,287
[ DEJECTED SIGH ]

1259
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:14,484
Of course, it's never been easier
to email or text the show.

1260
01:05:14,680 --> 01:05:16,728
Just search "Hard News,"

1261
01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:20,000
or simply, "H."

1262
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:21,281
Because...

1263
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:22,521
Uh...

1264
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,282
Because...

1265
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,801
Holy fuck! What's he doing here?

1266
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:32,528
Because at Hard
News, we believe...

1267
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:38,005
We believe that we are ready
and on the front-line,

1268
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:41,648
asking the questions the
world wants answers to.

1269
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:42,721
[ COMPUTER CHIMING ]

1270
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:43,847
[ AUDIENCE LAUGHING ]

1271
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:46,960
[ AUDIENCE GASPS AND MURMURS ]

1272
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:50,361
[ MOUTHING ] Turn around.

1273
01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:53,001
[ AUDIENCE LAUGHING ]

1274
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:54,721
[ GASPS ]

1275
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:02,641
Thank you.

1276
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:06,011
[ BRIDGET ] Okay.
Career down the toilet.

1277
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:10,449
Both men in the same room.
What could possibly go wrong?

1278
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:13,081
[ SIGHS ]

1279
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:17,087
I hope you don't mind my just
showing up and surprising you.

1280
01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:18,611
No.

1281
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:20,250
Anyway, well done.
It was very...

1282
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:21,441
Yes.

1283
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,120
[ JACK ] Hey. [ BRIDGET
GASPS, MENTALLY ]

1284
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,440
Technically adroit.

1285
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:29,001
Mark, I would love
for you to meet...

1286
01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:30,847
Uh...

1287
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:41,404
Ari Yaratra Sitharamthanthan.

1288
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:47,084
Ariyaranta is the Area Manager
for DTC Technological Solutions.

1289
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:50,604
Aren't you, Ari Sinatra?

1290
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:55,810
Hi. Hello.

1291
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:56,881
Hey.

1292
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:00,604
What the hell was that?

1293
01:07:01,040 --> 01:07:02,087
What were you thinking?

1294
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:05,164
I've got four voice mails from
David Cartwright on my phone

1295
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:07,040
that I dare not listen
to. I'll be right back.

1296
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:08,605
You call that a presentation?

1297
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:10,136
I don't know if I've got
the right people around me

1298
01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:11,161
because you're not...

1299
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:13,049
Alice, I'm so sorry, but...

1300
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:14,760
[ ALICE ] Sorry doesn't
cut it. Excuse me.

1301
01:07:14,915 --> 01:07:16,275
Look at me when I'm
talking to you.

1302
01:07:16,299 --> 01:07:16,961
Excuse me?

1303
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:19,088
I'm so sorry, but I really...

1304
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:21,807
What?

1305
01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:25,524
Bridget, I'd like you to meet Jack
Quant. He's rather extraordinary.

1306
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,921
I was just reading a profile
of him in The New Yorker.

1307
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,969
Right. Yes. We actually
know each other.

1308
01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:31,485
Yes. We certainly do.

1309
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:33,880
Good job. Why didn't you
introduce me to this man before?

1310
01:07:33,904 --> 01:07:37,184
He's brilliant. You know, he represents the
punk-rock band that's being extradited.

1311
01:07:37,264 --> 01:07:38,264
That's right.

1312
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:39,810
Yes, yes. I knew that, too.

1313
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,966
Hi. We met fleetingly
before as well.

1314
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:46,164
I'm in charge of data management
for most of Daventry.

1315
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:47,441
Oh. [ CHUCKLES ]

1316
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:48,971
Well, um...

1317
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:52,046
I must say it's fantastic that
you're getting on so well

1318
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:53,964
because you have
a lot in common.

1319
01:07:54,480 --> 01:07:58,485
Shall we get out of here and
find a place a bit quieter?

1320
01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:00,290
Uh, yes. Why not? I
booked Gianni's.

1321
01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:02,522
Great. That sounds lovely.

1322
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:04,321
Oh. Um...

1323
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:08,531
You might have to sit
this one out, Ari...

1324
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:09,841
I'm sorry.

1325
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,571
[ MARK ] So, do you actually
believe that mathematics can...

1326
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,324
How did you put it in your book?

1327
01:08:20,480 --> 01:08:23,211
"Help us analyse behaviour
previously invisible to science"?

1328
01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:25,603
Well, my dating algorithm
is to help people

1329
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:27,682
find love, not
necessarily replace it.

1330
01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:30,202
Oh, no. Is incredible idea.

1331
01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:32,840
Have you ever tried it out?

1332
01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:36,091
You're single, right?

1333
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,370
[ MARK ] Well, I'm...

1334
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,249
Yes, I suppose so.

1335
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:42,565
And how did you two meet?

1336
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:44,446
[ NERVOUS LAUGHTER ]

1337
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,363
Oh. [ CHUCKLES ]

1338
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:48,121
Yeah.

1339
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:49,406
[ LAUGHTER ]

1340
01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:50,521
[ BRIDGET ] It's, um...

1341
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,728
It's sort of a funny
story. Sort of.

1342
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,040
[ LAUGHING ]

1343
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:02,286
You see, um, a few months ago,
on the fourth of the month,

1344
01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:04,727
I met Jack at a music festival.

1345
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:05,841
Right.

1346
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:08,002
And we got on very well.

1347
01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:11,841
And sort of had, um, relations.

1348
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:16,211
And the next week, that is to
say, on the 11th of the month

1349
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,522
at Jude's baby
christening to be exact,

1350
01:09:18,680 --> 01:09:20,921
uh, following the consumption
of quite a lot of alcohol,

1351
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:24,163
Mark and I, well, we
had similar relations?

1352
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,924
And this is the funny
part, I suppose.

1353
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,447
Owing to these relations,

1354
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:34,120
uh, the resulting life form
currently residing in my tummy

1355
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:37,284
could actually, in fact,
be either of yours.

1356
01:09:44,360 --> 01:09:45,361
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

1357
01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:48,881
[ BRIDGET ] I know I should
have told you both before.

1358
01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:52,924
But I just didn't.

1359
01:09:54,760 --> 01:09:56,285
You both seemed so happy.

1360
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:58,126
So, correct me if I'm wrong,

1361
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,520
but did you just say that the
baby could be either of ours?

1362
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:08,723
So, you have no idea which of
us is actually the father?

1363
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:11,486
[ EXHALES ]

1364
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,487
I know, it's all very confusing.

1365
01:10:16,120 --> 01:10:18,248
I'm sorry.

1366
01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:23,648
So, however we choose,
uh, to do this,

1367
01:10:27,480 --> 01:10:29,642
the most important
thing now is this.

1368
01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:31,086
Is this.

1369
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,960
Okay, Bridget, I'm not gonna
pretend this isn't a shock.

1370
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:42,800
But I want you to know, whatever
the circumstance, you're right.

1371
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:46,082
The most important
thing is the baby.

1372
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,368
Who knows, this could
be a great adventure.

1373
01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:53,609
I'm afraid you're going to have
to excuse me. I have a meeting.

1374
01:10:55,120 --> 01:10:56,121
Oh. Uh...

1375
01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:00,207
I'm sorry.

1376
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:01,526
Mark. Um...

1377
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,249
Gianni, can we have
the bill, please?

1378
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:11,401
[ SPEAKS ITALIAN ]

1379
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:22,040
[ BRIDGET ] And if I
thought that was tricky,

1380
01:11:22,064 --> 01:11:23,849
how would the news
go down at Mum's

1381
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:25,649
parish council
election campaign?

1382
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:29,210
Honestly, we started half an
hour ago. Where have you been?

1383
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:30,725
You said it was an emergency?

1384
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:32,802
Well, The Gazette wants to
take a family portrait.

1385
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:33,881
What are you wearing?

1386
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:37,565
Oh, my God. Bridget, are you...

1387
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:38,881
Yep. [ NERVOUS CHUCKLE ]

1388
01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:40,601
Oh! Yeah.

1389
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:43,083
Why didn't you say anything?

1390
01:11:44,400 --> 01:11:45,765
Well, didn't want to upset you.

1391
01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:47,524
Well, why would you?

1392
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:49,561
Oh, no, Bridget.

1393
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:50,846
Who's the father?

1394
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:53,568
It's not Mark, is it?
Oh, do say it is.

1395
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:55,609
Well, there's at
least a 50% chance.

1396
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:57,250
"A 50% chance"?

1397
01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:59,607
Mark or this really nice
American called Jack.

1398
01:11:59,760 --> 01:12:03,560
No, Bridget. An American?
Did you have a three-way?

1399
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:04,681
[ GASP ]

1400
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:06,046
[ PHOTOGRAPHER ] Mrs. Jones.

1401
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:07,321
[ MUMBLES NERVOUSLY ]

1402
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:11,282
Here, take this and pretend
every thing's fine.

1403
01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:12,401
Everything is fine.

1404
01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:14,250
[ PHOTOGRAPHER ] Mrs.
Jones. Can we...

1405
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:16,762
Look, here's a lovely
place for you to stand.

1406
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:21,967
Are you ashamed of me?

1407
01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:24,651
No, darling. It's just
the circumstances.

1408
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:27,724
I'm running for high
office, you see.

1409
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:30,562
[ BRIDGET READING ]

1410
01:12:30,640 --> 01:12:31,766
So long.

1411
01:12:32,440 --> 01:12:34,886
It's not the 1950s.

1412
01:12:35,440 --> 01:12:36,566
Look around you.

1413
01:12:36,640 --> 01:12:40,326
Two lesbians have just
adopted at number 32.

1414
01:12:41,120 --> 01:12:42,960
If you don't change the
way you look at things,

1415
01:12:42,984 --> 01:12:45,191
you're going to lose
your precious election,

1416
01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:47,563
and perhaps your daughter.

1417
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:53,090
Bridget, so lovely to
see you. Are you...

1418
01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:55,242
Yes. I am. [ CHUCKLES ]

1419
01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:59,246
How wonderful. We thought
you'd just got all fat again.

1420
01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:01,881
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

1421
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:05,240
[ BRIDGET ] I'm now the Mary
Magdalene of Middle England.

1422
01:13:05,440 --> 01:13:07,807
Have alienated Mum
and Mark Darcy.

1423
01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:09,809
Am like tropical female insect

1424
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:12,088
that shags men to impregnate
self, then eats them.

1425
01:13:12,480 --> 01:13:13,561
The question is,

1426
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:16,962
will Mark even turn up and engage
in our polyamorous family?

1427
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:26,001
Hey!

1428
01:13:26,080 --> 01:13:27,081
Hello!

1429
01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:29,325
First prenatal class.

1430
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:31,606
Exciting, huh?

1431
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:32,847
Yeah!

1432
01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:34,361
Wow.

1433
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:36,570
You look great.

1434
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:44,651
Hello. Hello!

1435
01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:47,724
Oh, I'm so glad you came.

1436
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:49,370
Yeah, me, too.

1437
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,409
Brought you an iced
tea. Oh, well!

1438
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:52,686
Thank you.

1439
01:13:54,920 --> 01:13:56,490
It's awesome to see you, man.

1440
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,526
But there's a heck of a lot
of caffeine in that tea.

1441
01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:03,042
I brought you a super juice.

1442
01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:04,121
Oh!

1443
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,321
Thank you!

1444
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:08,886
Um... Shall we go in?

1445
01:14:09,040 --> 01:14:11,168
Why not? Sure. Let me
carry that for you.

1446
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:12,526
Oh. Thank you.

1447
01:14:12,680 --> 01:14:14,523
Can I carry your phone for you?

1448
01:14:15,240 --> 01:14:16,765
Okay.

1449
01:14:18,760 --> 01:14:19,886
Thank you.

1450
01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:23,048
And who do we have here then?

1451
01:14:23,240 --> 01:14:27,325
I'm Bridget and this is Jack.

1452
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,565
And this is Mark.

1453
01:14:31,480 --> 01:14:33,642
[ GASPS ] Oh!

1454
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:34,926
Lovely.

1455
01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:37,521
You're our second
same-sex couple today!

1456
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,246
[ CHUCKLES ] [ APPLAUSE ]

1457
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:42,725
Uh, no, actually, we're...

1458
01:14:42,880 --> 01:14:44,041
Absolutely!

1459
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:47,647
We just need the gift of a
baby to make us feel complete.

1460
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:49,446
You must be the surrogate?

1461
01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:51,645
Exactly. Yes.

1462
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:55,088
Just helping this wonderful couple
make their dream come true.

1463
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:56,969
See, Mark is very
nervous about all this.

1464
01:14:57,120 --> 01:14:59,566
It's all new to you,
isn't it, lamb chop?

1465
01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:05,646
[ BRIDGET ] Like all visionaries,
we'll encounter bumps along the road.

1466
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:08,605
How would you like to give
birth to your placenta?

1467
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:09,921
Quickly!

1468
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:12,641
[ LAUGHS ]

1469
01:15:13,160 --> 01:15:14,161
[ COUGHING ]

1470
01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:36,445
Are you okay? Are you sure?

1471
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:38,720
[ DAISY ] And of course,
massage can have

1472
01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:40,842
many benefits
throughout pregnancy.

1473
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:42,161
Can we name some of them?

1474
01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:45,130
Yes. It relieves stress and
promotes feel-good hormones.

1475
01:15:45,280 --> 01:15:47,561
And is also to be avoided in
cases of high-risk pregnancy.

1476
01:15:47,585 --> 01:15:49,648
For example, when there
is a geriatric mother.

1477
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:52,849
[ DAISY ] Right! Excellent.
Someone's been reading up.

1478
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:54,126
Would you like to have a go?

1479
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:56,004
No, I think I'll let
Jack get on with it.

1480
01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:57,764
I think he seems to
have it covered.

1481
01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:01,208
That's very sweet of you. That's
why I love you, my little teacup.

1482
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:05,576
[ JACK THROUGH SPEAKERS ] What
if we asked the right question

1483
01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:07,329
and applied the
laws of mathematics

1484
01:16:07,480 --> 01:16:09,767
so that the science of
courtship could be quantified?

1485
01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:20,520
Uh-oh!

1486
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:28,520
[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

1487
01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:34,246
Yippee!

1488
01:16:34,360 --> 01:16:35,566
It's a match!

1489
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,001
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

1490
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:49,161
Oh.

1491
01:16:56,240 --> 01:16:57,969
[ WINCES AND GROANS ]

1492
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:04,851
[ PHONE RINGING ]

1493
01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:09,089
May I please make an application

1494
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:10,844
for leave to appeal
in the case of.

1495
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,049
Her Majesty's Government and Saddiq
Al Bashir. [ PHONE VIBRATING ]

1496
01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:17,844
As Your Lordship is no doubt
aware, Mr. AI Bashir lost...

1497
01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:19,531
So, every thing's all right?

1498
01:17:19,680 --> 01:17:22,047
Yes, well, it's
this combination.

1499
01:17:22,240 --> 01:17:26,689
Gherkins, anchovies, banana
juice, and Pringles!

1500
01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:28,969
So, essentially...

1501
01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,081
It's wind.

1502
01:17:30,160 --> 01:17:31,161
Huh.

1503
01:17:31,880 --> 01:17:34,406
Right. So, going forward,

1504
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,125
regular Pringles, not
hot spicy barbecue?

1505
01:17:38,280 --> 01:17:40,123
Or possibly no Pringles at all.

1506
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,406
Try that. [ SOFTLY ] Ugh.

1507
01:17:44,600 --> 01:17:47,046
Ah! Is everything all
right? Is Bridget okay?

1508
01:17:47,160 --> 01:17:48,605
Yes. Perfectly fine.

1509
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:49,841
She in there with...

1510
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:51,763
That's Dr. Pringle.

1511
01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:54,120
He's testing her blood.
This is interesting.

1512
01:17:54,144 --> 01:17:56,765
This is a new bedside technique
we're testing out of Oslo.

1513
01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:58,001
It's Norwegian...

1514
01:17:58,080 --> 01:18:00,160
It's all right. I know about
Jack. Thank you, Doctor.

1515
01:18:00,184 --> 01:18:02,520
Oh, thank goodness. Why didn't
you tell me? She's fine.

1516
01:18:02,680 --> 01:18:04,887
He's calmed her down
completely actually.

1517
01:18:05,080 --> 01:18:07,481
I'm sorry. I got your
messages. I was in court.

1518
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:08,561
[ LAUGHING ] Oh.

1519
01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:11,201
Oh.

1520
01:18:11,560 --> 01:18:14,484
Hi. It's all right.
Can't be helped.

1521
01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:16,844
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

1522
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:20,291
You should get it.

1523
01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:22,124
It might be work.

1524
01:18:25,040 --> 01:18:26,769
Don't worry. I got it covered.

1525
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:28,405
Yes, I can see that!

1526
01:18:29,320 --> 01:18:32,051
Wow. Okay. You
need to chill out.

1527
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:34,290
We have to do this together.

1528
01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:37,400
You know, in Peru, the Um
Bat Do consider paternity

1529
01:18:37,560 --> 01:18:39,289
a task shared between
the many tribesmen.

1530
01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:41,642
Well, unfortunately, we Um
Bat Don't live in Peru.

1531
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:43,165
I live in Ealing.

1532
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:47,130
Negative energy is just
so bad for the baby.

1533
01:18:47,560 --> 01:18:48,925
[ SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE ]

1534
01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:52,491
Stop it, both of you!

1535
01:18:52,800 --> 01:18:54,802
This isn't a competition.

1536
01:18:56,800 --> 01:18:58,643
[ JACK ] She's right.

1537
01:18:58,920 --> 01:19:01,924
We should take this toxic
energy out of the room.

1538
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,650
I won't be a minute.

1539
01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:25,285
What's up?

1540
01:19:25,360 --> 01:19:26,600
Come on, buddy.

1541
01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:28,807
Why are you so angry?

1542
01:19:30,440 --> 01:19:32,329
You know what? I'm
really not your buddy.

1543
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:35,848
And I don't know about vibes or
negative energy or prenatal wind

1544
01:19:36,040 --> 01:19:37,485
and even less about algorithms.

1545
01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:40,530
So, I will confess that the laws of
attraction are somewhat beyond me.

1546
01:19:41,280 --> 01:19:44,045
In fact, Bridget defies
comprehension generally.

1547
01:19:44,120 --> 01:19:45,849
But despite, or
perhaps, owing to

1548
01:19:45,896 --> 01:19:47,376
the bewildering litany
of catastrophes

1549
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:48,816
I've witnessed over
the last 40 years,

1550
01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:50,176
I feel I've come to know
Bridget rather well,

1551
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:52,328
and I've spent those years
caring for her very deeply.

1552
01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:53,960
And that may defy
automated reasoning,

1553
01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:55,480
but there's nothing
I can do about it.

1554
01:19:55,504 --> 01:19:56,766
Nothing you can do about it?

1555
01:19:56,840 --> 01:19:58,256
Maybe you should try and
stay around a little

1556
01:19:58,280 --> 01:20:00,123
instead of saving the
world by cell phone.

1557
01:20:00,280 --> 01:20:01,406
I make her happy, Mark.

1558
01:20:01,560 --> 01:20:03,130
And I suppose your
algorithm tells you

1559
01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:04,760
you're destined to be
together, does it?

1560
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:06,120
Actually, it does.

1561
01:20:06,200 --> 01:20:08,800
The fact that you've been trying
and failing for the past 10 years

1562
01:20:08,824 --> 01:20:09,825
tells me you are not.

1563
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:11,007
No.

1564
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:12,570
I don't want to fight with you.

1565
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:17,564
We should think about
Bridget and the baby.

1566
01:20:18,200 --> 01:20:20,160
For better or worse, fate
has brought us together.

1567
01:20:20,184 --> 01:20:22,346
It wasn't fate, it was condoms.

1568
01:20:23,040 --> 01:20:24,041
What do you mean?

1569
01:20:24,200 --> 01:20:25,760
Those ridiculous
dolphin-friendly things

1570
01:20:25,784 --> 01:20:27,434
from the bottom
of Bridget's bag.

1571
01:20:28,320 --> 01:20:30,360
I'm sorry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

1572
01:20:30,384 --> 01:20:31,874
When Bridget and I got it on,

1573
01:20:32,800 --> 01:20:34,848
I was not dressed
for the occasion.

1574
01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:10,529
[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]

1575
01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:19,451
No Mark today?

1576
01:21:19,560 --> 01:21:20,607
No.

1577
01:21:25,760 --> 01:21:27,683
We must thank one person

1578
01:21:27,760 --> 01:21:30,286
who was prepared to fight for
us when no one else would.

1579
01:21:30,720 --> 01:21:33,849
And we say to that person
with all our heart...

1580
01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:37,564
[ CHEERING ]

1581
01:21:37,960 --> 01:21:39,485
Free speech!

1582
01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:42,803
[ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING
] [ CHEERING CONTINUES ]

1583
01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:45,803
[ RICHARD ] Bridget.
Camera back.

1584
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:51,087
[ SHAZZER ] I still can't believe
Mark ducked out like that.

1585
01:21:51,400 --> 01:21:53,164
[ BRIDGET ] Well, it's
not really his fault.

1586
01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:58,122
I suppose we just have to
hope it's Jack's, right?

1587
01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:00,650
I mean, let's face it.

1588
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:04,009
Things could be worse. He
is pretty fucking amazing.

1589
01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:07,243
He's richer than God, and he
has a very nice-sized puppet.

1590
01:22:07,440 --> 01:22:08,851
He does.

1591
01:22:09,440 --> 01:22:12,171
And we match up very
nicely on paper.

1592
01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:14,646
How do you know?

1593
01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:16,531
You just have to have faith.

1594
01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:18,205
You just have to ask yourself,

1595
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:23,287
"Can I see myself growing
old with this guy"

1596
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:25,809
"and not Mark Darcy?"

1597
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:31,011
There it is. Uh-oh! There we go.

1598
01:22:38,680 --> 01:22:40,728
Oh, hey! Oh.

1599
01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:44,123
You know, first few months,
they only see black and white.

1600
01:22:44,200 --> 01:22:46,567
This will help stimulate
spatial awareness.

1601
01:22:47,040 --> 01:22:49,202
Or early onset motion sickness.

1602
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:53,571
I got him one of
these. A bouncy chair.

1603
01:22:53,880 --> 01:22:55,405
[ CHUCKLES ] Ah!

1604
01:22:55,840 --> 01:22:58,730
Not quite sure where
we're going to put it.

1605
01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,001
Yeah.

1606
01:23:00,200 --> 01:23:01,201
About that,

1607
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:05,882
uh, it's kind of cramped
in here, don't you think?

1608
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:09,640
It's cozy.

1609
01:23:12,240 --> 01:23:13,924
You know, I've been thinking...

1610
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:17,526
Might be nice if we
moved in together.

1611
01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:20,402
You think we're ready for that?

1612
01:23:20,560 --> 01:23:24,087
I'm just tired of living in hotel
rooms and airport lounges.

1613
01:23:25,320 --> 01:23:26,765
We could be a family.

1614
01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:30,042
Me, you and him.

1615
01:23:31,360 --> 01:23:32,691
What do you say?

1616
01:23:32,760 --> 01:23:33,761
[ CHUCKLES ]

1617
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:39,765
What if it's not yours?

1618
01:23:40,360 --> 01:23:41,441
What?

1619
01:23:41,520 --> 01:23:44,091
What if the baby turns
out to be Mark's?

1620
01:23:49,360 --> 01:23:52,091
Well, I mean, it would
certainly change things.

1621
01:23:56,960 --> 01:23:59,361
Is that what you want?
For it to be Mark's?

1622
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,040
Oh. Uh...

1623
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:03,281
[ SOFT CHUCKLE ]

1624
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,329
Are you in love with him?

1625
01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:12,569
I have been.

1626
01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:14,165
In the past.

1627
01:24:16,600 --> 01:24:17,931
And me?

1628
01:24:20,360 --> 01:24:23,489
I could be one day.

1629
01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:35,482
Bridget, I haven't been
entirely honest with you.

1630
01:24:37,120 --> 01:24:38,531
Mark thinks the baby isn't his,

1631
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:40,921
and I let him believe
it was mine.

1632
01:24:41,560 --> 01:24:43,801
That's why he disappeared.

1633
01:24:47,720 --> 01:24:48,801
Why would he think that?

1634
01:24:48,960 --> 01:24:52,567
Because I let him. Because
I wanted you for myself.

1635
01:24:54,240 --> 01:24:55,241
Oh.

1636
01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:58,521
We could be so good
for each other.

1637
01:25:00,480 --> 01:25:02,369
97%.

1638
01:25:04,720 --> 01:25:06,324
On paper.

1639
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:09,321
But falling in love
doesn't happen on paper.

1640
01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:13,449
Sometimes you love a person

1641
01:25:13,600 --> 01:25:16,888
because of all the reasons
they're not like you.

1642
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:21,160
And sometimes you love a person

1643
01:25:21,184 --> 01:25:23,994
just because they
feel like home.

1644
01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:29,803
I've got to find Mark.

1645
01:25:32,520 --> 01:25:33,521
[ DIALING PHONE ]

1646
01:25:34,360 --> 01:25:35,407
[ PHONE RINGING ]

1647
01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:39,364
Hello, Pierce. It's Bridget.

1648
01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:40,760
I'm trying to get hold of Mark.

1649
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:42,760
[ PIERCE ] He just got
back from a trip, Bridget.

1650
01:25:42,784 --> 01:25:44,673
He's in a taxi on his way home.

1651
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:49,881
[ SIGHS ]

1652
01:25:53,120 --> 01:25:54,167
[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

1653
01:26:18,920 --> 01:26:19,921
Hi.

1654
01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:27,281
[ CAMILLE CHUCKLING ]

1655
01:26:36,560 --> 01:26:37,891
[ HORN HONKING ] [ GASPS ]

1656
01:27:04,960 --> 01:27:07,804
Approximately eight weeks to go.

1657
01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:09,761
Mmm.

1658
01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,608
You don't really
need them, you know.

1659
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:18,200
All they're good for is fitting
car seats and blaming things on.

1660
01:27:18,224 --> 01:27:20,431
They really just get
in the way after that.

1661
01:27:21,360 --> 01:27:24,648
You're absolutely capable
of doing this on your own.

1662
01:27:26,480 --> 01:27:27,527
I did.

1663
01:27:30,800 --> 01:27:32,325
[ HORSE NEIGHING ]

1664
01:27:33,000 --> 01:27:35,162
[ CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING ]

1665
01:27:46,640 --> 01:27:49,928
[ BRIDGET ] You know what?
I can do this on my own.

1666
01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:52,328
We can do this on our own.

1667
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:54,205
One of the perks
of being pregnant

1668
01:27:54,280 --> 01:27:57,090
is no longer feel like a
tragic, lonely spinster

1669
01:27:57,240 --> 01:27:59,811
because of miniature
miracle growing inside.

1670
01:28:00,320 --> 01:28:01,321
Hello.

1671
01:28:01,560 --> 01:28:02,800
Hello!

1672
01:28:05,000 --> 01:28:08,322
Mum's throwing a Christmas
party political rally.

1673
01:28:08,480 --> 01:28:10,721
It's like the G8 summit
with Scotch eggs.

1674
01:28:11,280 --> 01:28:13,851
Oh. Be brave. Go in.

1675
01:28:14,480 --> 01:28:16,164
Hello, darling! Hello.

1676
01:28:16,320 --> 01:28:20,006
Sorry, I didn't realize everyone
was here. I'll just pop upstairs.

1677
01:28:20,160 --> 01:28:23,369
No, nonsense. Nonsense.
[ CHUCKLES ]

1678
01:28:23,880 --> 01:28:26,611
Una's had all the
posters re-printed.

1679
01:28:27,440 --> 01:28:29,120
[ BRIDGET ] Oh. [ MUM
] You've inspired me.

1680
01:28:29,144 --> 01:28:30,650
[ BRIDGET ] It's still so long.

1681
01:28:30,720 --> 01:28:32,722
You were quite right,
as it turns out.

1682
01:28:32,880 --> 01:28:35,326
This place is teeming with
single mothers, single fathers,

1683
01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:37,482
bisexuals, surrogates,

1684
01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:38,721
and they're all lovely.

1685
01:28:38,880 --> 01:28:40,211
And so normal.

1686
01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,520
Do you know, I've even got
two homosexuals on the team?

1687
01:28:42,544 --> 01:28:43,544
No, thank you.

1688
01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:45,523
Who knew? Everybody.

1689
01:28:47,440 --> 01:28:49,602
I'm so proud of you,
darling, you know that?

1690
01:28:50,080 --> 01:28:51,280
What you're doing is not easy.

1691
01:28:51,400 --> 01:28:53,243
But if anyone can make
it work, it's you.

1692
01:28:54,240 --> 01:28:58,165
That child is the luckiest boy
on earth to have you as his mum.

1693
01:28:58,280 --> 01:28:59,520
And he's going to have the love

1694
01:28:59,544 --> 01:29:01,846
of a million fathers
with you by his side.

1695
01:29:02,040 --> 01:29:03,041
Oh...

1696
01:29:03,520 --> 01:29:06,126
Come on. We've got some
campaigning to do.

1697
01:29:06,440 --> 01:29:10,001
Make way, make way. Single
pregnant mother coming through.

1698
01:29:11,840 --> 01:29:13,763
Laura, Josh.

1699
01:29:14,040 --> 01:29:17,726
We need to give six minutes
to General Lu Tong, okay?

1700
01:29:17,880 --> 01:29:19,530
It's a huge scoop.

1701
01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:21,569
Yeah. Alice wants to pull
the interview. What?

1702
01:29:21,640 --> 01:29:24,883
She's got a feature on "Is the
world really ending on Tuesday?"

1703
01:29:25,080 --> 01:29:28,402
Well, it may as well if we
lose Lu Tong. Lu Tong stays.

1704
01:29:28,560 --> 01:29:31,006
Six minutes. Let's do this.

1705
01:29:32,360 --> 01:29:34,601
General Lu Tong. Hi!

1706
01:29:34,800 --> 01:29:38,566
Sorry it's so chaotic in here
today. Thank you for coming on.

1707
01:29:38,720 --> 01:29:40,802
We're on live in two minutes.

1708
01:29:40,960 --> 01:29:42,803
Miranda will probably
want to start

1709
01:29:42,880 --> 01:29:45,486
with what's going
on in Naypyidaw.

1710
01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:47,848
Miranda, get back
on General Lu Tong.

1711
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:48,961
Keep pressing.

1712
01:29:49,480 --> 01:29:52,290
So, let me ask you one more
time, General Lu Tong,

1713
01:29:52,440 --> 01:29:55,523
will you take responsibility
for the human rights abuses

1714
01:29:55,680 --> 01:29:57,569
perpetrated by your
own government?

1715
01:29:57,720 --> 01:30:00,564
He's on the rack. Tight on four.
Get those beads of sweat.

1716
01:30:00,640 --> 01:30:02,120
[ DIRECTOR ] In you
go, four, push in.

1717
01:30:02,144 --> 01:30:04,795
I'm sorry. I can't answer that.

1718
01:30:05,240 --> 01:30:07,004
Can't or won't, Lu Tong?

1719
01:30:07,160 --> 01:30:09,162
Can't or won't, General Lu Tong?

1720
01:30:09,320 --> 01:30:11,687
On balance I'd suggest "can't"

1721
01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:14,963
considering I've just found
General Lu Tong in the lobby

1722
01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:16,963
and his chauffeur is
currently live on-air

1723
01:30:17,120 --> 01:30:19,805
answering questions about
Far Eastern geopolitics.

1724
01:30:19,960 --> 01:30:21,849
[ MIRANDA ] No? Any
comment you want to make

1725
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:24,844
about the use of sexual
torture by your own military?

1726
01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:28,761
Ask him about London traffic.

1727
01:30:28,920 --> 01:30:32,003
London traffic, General Lu Tong?
Anything to say about that?

1728
01:30:32,440 --> 01:30:33,851
No comment there.

1729
01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,081
Unbelievable.

1730
01:30:35,280 --> 01:30:36,770
That's it from General Lu Tong.

1731
01:30:36,840 --> 01:30:38,729
We'll see you after
this short break.

1732
01:30:38,840 --> 01:30:39,841
Good job!

1733
01:30:43,640 --> 01:30:46,291
Unfortunately, you
leave me no choice.

1734
01:30:46,360 --> 01:30:49,842
It's actually illegal to fire
somebody for being pregnant.

1735
01:30:50,000 --> 01:30:51,176
I'm not firing her
for being pregnant.

1736
01:30:51,200 --> 01:30:52,680
I'm firing her for
gross incompetency.

1737
01:30:52,704 --> 01:30:55,047
[ RICHARD ] Bridget is the
beating heart of this show.

1738
01:30:55,160 --> 01:30:56,605
How could you want to fire her?

1739
01:30:56,800 --> 01:30:59,451
How about for interviewing a
chauffeur instead of a general?

1740
01:30:59,640 --> 01:31:00,926
Using a TV interview

1741
01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:03,651
to determine if a guest might
be the father of her child

1742
01:31:03,800 --> 01:31:08,442
and being responsible for the
broadcast of six bare arses?

1743
01:31:14,160 --> 01:31:15,321
It's okay.

1744
01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:17,722
It's really okay, Richard.

1745
01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:21,369
I was going to quit
anyway. Probably.

1746
01:31:22,320 --> 01:31:26,723
Believe it or not, I was a little
like you when I started here.

1747
01:31:26,880 --> 01:31:29,201
A little chunkier,
much less make-up.

1748
01:31:29,800 --> 01:31:31,404
But I wanted to
make my mark, too.

1749
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:34,647
But I don't want to be
part of your re-branding.

1750
01:31:34,840 --> 01:31:36,569
I haven't got the
right haircut anyway,

1751
01:31:36,760 --> 01:31:38,489
and I don't drink
cocktails out of jam jars

1752
01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,847
or post photos of my
lunch on Instagram.

1753
01:31:41,120 --> 01:31:43,600
And I suppose it's
become unfashionable

1754
01:31:43,760 --> 01:31:46,161
to care about wanting to
make something worthwhile.

1755
01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:50,291
But I would rather be
old-fashioned and unemployed

1756
01:31:50,480 --> 01:31:53,165
than part of a show that
celebrates the inane.

1757
01:31:54,000 --> 01:31:56,571
Then maybe when my boy is
old enough to understand,

1758
01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:59,086
integrity will be
fashionable again.

1759
01:32:27,800 --> 01:32:29,484
What have I done?

1760
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:41,681
Oh.

1761
01:32:43,960 --> 01:32:46,247
It's all very well fighting
for your principles

1762
01:32:46,320 --> 01:32:48,687
when there's no
food in the fridge.

1763
01:32:53,880 --> 01:32:56,963
[ BRIDGET ] I mean, how difficult
can it be to find another job

1764
01:32:57,120 --> 01:33:01,330
when you've just been fired and
you're nine months pregnant?

1765
01:33:01,480 --> 01:33:03,164
And whatever happens now,

1766
01:33:03,320 --> 01:33:06,483
I'm going to get you one
of those bloody Bugaboos.

1767
01:33:09,640 --> 01:33:11,529
Birthday? [ KEYPAD BEEPING ]

1768
01:33:14,120 --> 01:33:16,487
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, God.
Brain's gone to mush.

1769
01:33:16,640 --> 01:33:18,085
First shag?

1770
01:33:18,160 --> 01:33:19,161
[ KEYPAD BEEPING ]

1771
01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:23,846
No!

1772
01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:25,641
Ooh!

1773
01:33:26,720 --> 01:33:28,210
Bugger!

1774
01:33:29,120 --> 01:33:30,121
[ STIFLED GRUNT ]

1775
01:33:33,160 --> 01:33:35,162
I'm really sorry.

1776
01:33:37,840 --> 01:33:40,605
I've gone all crap
all of a sudden.

1777
01:33:41,960 --> 01:33:43,007
Right.

1778
01:33:50,840 --> 01:33:51,841
[ GASPS ]

1779
01:33:54,040 --> 01:33:55,644
No, no, no.

1780
01:33:58,720 --> 01:33:59,926
Oh, fuck.

1781
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:08,570
[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

1782
01:34:16,080 --> 01:34:17,081
[ DOORBELL BUZZING ]

1783
01:34:19,040 --> 01:34:20,121
[ DOORBELL BUZZING ]

1784
01:34:23,080 --> 01:34:24,491
[ DOORBELL BUZZING ]

1785
01:34:25,280 --> 01:34:26,281
[ SHIVERING ]

1786
01:34:30,000 --> 01:34:31,809
Bugger, bugger, bugger.

1787
01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:35,564
[ BRIDGET ] Okay. New
pre-birth resolutions.

1788
01:35:35,720 --> 01:35:40,487
I, Bridget Jones, am going to be
the best mother in the world.

1789
01:35:41,200 --> 01:35:43,521
I'm going to try not
to leave you in a shop

1790
01:35:43,680 --> 01:35:44,960
or put you in the
washing machine

1791
01:35:45,000 --> 01:35:48,083
like that woman in the
newspaper with her cat.

1792
01:35:48,600 --> 01:35:50,967
Look, I know I
made you a promise

1793
01:35:51,120 --> 01:35:53,885
I would get things sorted
before you got here.

1794
01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:56,566
Well, the truth is, I haven't.

1795
01:35:56,720 --> 01:35:59,121
But you and me can
do this together

1796
01:36:00,200 --> 01:36:03,886
because knights in shining
armour don't exist any more.

1797
01:36:04,760 --> 01:36:07,809
Or do they?

1798
01:36:23,160 --> 01:36:24,161
Hi.

1799
01:36:26,160 --> 01:36:27,161
Bridget.

1800
01:36:27,480 --> 01:36:28,925
Good God, what are
you doing there?

1801
01:36:29,080 --> 01:36:30,161
You're all wet.

1802
01:36:30,320 --> 01:36:31,321
Yes.

1803
01:36:31,440 --> 01:36:33,249
I locked myself out.

1804
01:36:33,400 --> 01:36:37,849
I left my bag, lost
my keys, phone,

1805
01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:40,805
my mind.

1806
01:36:41,320 --> 01:36:43,322
What are you doing here?

1807
01:36:44,880 --> 01:36:48,851
Well, it seems I can always
find time to save the world.

1808
01:36:49,000 --> 01:36:50,764
But you're my world.

1809
01:36:58,160 --> 01:37:00,731
I thought you were
back with Candida.

1810
01:37:01,520 --> 01:37:03,682
You know perfectly well
her name is Camilla.

1811
01:37:04,240 --> 01:37:05,366
Camilla. [ CHUCKLES ]

1812
01:37:07,640 --> 01:37:12,248
I came round your house to
find you and she was there.

1813
01:37:12,480 --> 01:37:15,643
She came to collect her bags.
Gone back to The Hague.

1814
01:37:16,160 --> 01:37:18,731
I've just taken her
to the airport.

1815
01:37:36,920 --> 01:37:38,285
Thank you.

1816
01:37:41,760 --> 01:37:42,761
Bridget,

1817
01:37:44,480 --> 01:37:49,247
you know I find emotional
declarations difficult.

1818
01:37:51,600 --> 01:37:53,489
But the truth is...

1819
01:37:59,160 --> 01:38:00,810
Why are my trousers warm?

1820
01:38:04,280 --> 01:38:05,520
My waters must have broken!

1821
01:38:05,760 --> 01:38:06,760
Oh, Jesus.

1822
01:38:06,800 --> 01:38:08,928
So sorry. I'll get a cloth.

1823
01:38:09,000 --> 01:38:11,320
But you're not due for another
two or three weeks at least.

1824
01:38:12,120 --> 01:38:13,360
Oh. That's a contraction.

1825
01:38:13,520 --> 01:38:15,320
I think we should get to
the hospital quickly.

1826
01:38:15,344 --> 01:38:16,201
Absolutely.

1827
01:38:16,320 --> 01:38:17,606
Let's take your car.

1828
01:38:17,760 --> 01:38:18,966
I came in a taxi.

1829
01:38:19,160 --> 01:38:20,400
Oh, for fuck's sake.

1830
01:38:20,480 --> 01:38:21,845
Well, how was I
supposed to know?

1831
01:38:22,160 --> 01:38:23,491
No, not you. The contractions!

1832
01:38:23,640 --> 01:38:24,641
No, we'll take your car.

1833
01:38:24,720 --> 01:38:25,721
We can't!

1834
01:38:25,800 --> 01:38:28,451
The car keys are in my bag
with everything else.

1835
01:38:28,520 --> 01:38:29,521
Oh!

1836
01:38:29,840 --> 01:38:31,365
Five, six, seven, eight.

1837
01:38:31,440 --> 01:38:33,647
You just pant and
breathe and count.

1838
01:38:33,840 --> 01:38:35,800
Nine. That's what you're
supposed to do, isn't it?

1839
01:38:35,824 --> 01:38:37,325
Ten...

1840
01:38:37,400 --> 01:38:38,686
[ PHONE RINGING ]

1841
01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:44,806
You should get that.

1842
01:38:44,960 --> 01:38:46,689
It might be work.

1843
01:38:48,480 --> 01:38:49,481
No! Don't!

1844
01:38:49,840 --> 01:38:51,080
[ CELLPHONE THUDS ] [ MAN ] Oi!

1845
01:38:52,360 --> 01:38:53,407
[ MAN ] What the fuck?

1846
01:38:53,520 --> 01:38:54,851
That's really sweet.

1847
01:38:56,120 --> 01:38:57,804
But we've got to call a cab.

1848
01:38:58,240 --> 01:38:59,526
Oh, shit.

1849
01:38:59,840 --> 01:39:01,205
Right. What do we do?

1850
01:39:03,840 --> 01:39:05,330
I'll think of something.

1851
01:39:09,720 --> 01:39:11,563
[ MARK ] Look out! [
GIANNI ] Move, move, move!

1852
01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:14,645
We goin' ospedale.

1853
01:39:14,760 --> 01:39:16,330
We gonna make the baby.

1854
01:39:18,640 --> 01:39:19,641
[ WHOOPING ]

1855
01:39:19,720 --> 01:39:20,846
[ SPEAKING ITALIAN ]

1856
01:39:21,200 --> 01:39:22,361
God!

1857
01:39:23,880 --> 01:39:25,086
[ HEAVY BREATHING ]

1858
01:39:25,160 --> 01:39:29,051
This is really happening!
I'm going to be a mother!

1859
01:39:29,120 --> 01:39:30,406
Maybe I'm too old for all this.

1860
01:39:30,560 --> 01:39:31,561
[ MARK ] Wait!

1861
01:39:32,360 --> 01:39:33,600
Why are you stopping?

1862
01:39:34,040 --> 01:39:37,567
A margherita with onion and
pineapple, number 17. I thank you.

1863
01:39:48,400 --> 01:39:52,564
Who has onion and pineapple, huh?
Some people, they are crazy, no?

1864
01:39:53,400 --> 01:39:54,401
Oh.

1865
01:39:54,920 --> 01:39:55,920
Okay! Yeah.

1866
01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:56,961
Okay. [ SPEAKS ITALIAN ]

1867
01:39:58,160 --> 01:39:59,525
[ SPEAKS ITALIAN ]

1868
01:40:02,200 --> 01:40:04,601
Don't you worry, Miss Bridget.
We get you there, huh?

1869
01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:07,730
There is no traffic this time
of night. It's okay, yeah?

1870
01:40:07,920 --> 01:40:10,651
[ CROWD CHANTING ] Poonani!
Poonani! Power to the Poonani!

1871
01:40:10,720 --> 01:40:12,449
[ GIANNI SPEAKING ITALIAN ]

1872
01:40:12,920 --> 01:40:15,844
I cannot believe, it's a
bloody women's rights march!

1873
01:40:15,920 --> 01:40:18,400
[ BRIDGET ] Oh, jeez, not now!

1874
01:40:18,600 --> 01:40:20,762
[ MARK ] Christ! It's
those women I defended.

1875
01:40:20,920 --> 01:40:22,800
It's those infernal Russians.
Just hold my hand.

1876
01:40:22,824 --> 01:40:24,404
We really need to get there.

1877
01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:26,449
We need to get
there. [ HONKING ]

1878
01:40:27,560 --> 01:40:29,005
All right! We're getting out!

1879
01:40:29,120 --> 01:40:30,720
Uh, no, I don't think
that's wise. Ready?

1880
01:40:30,744 --> 01:40:31,745
No, Bridget. Bridget!

1881
01:40:34,280 --> 01:40:35,281
Call Jack.

1882
01:40:35,440 --> 01:40:37,761
I come behind with
the bags, Mr. Mark.

1883
01:40:37,920 --> 01:40:39,126
And I call Mr. Jack.

1884
01:40:39,280 --> 01:40:40,920
It's all right, Bridget.
We'll find a way.

1885
01:40:40,944 --> 01:40:42,673
I don't think I can walk.

1886
01:40:43,640 --> 01:40:45,449
All right. I'll carry
you. [ WHOOPS ]

1887
01:41:07,800 --> 01:41:09,564
[ PANTING ]

1888
01:41:09,640 --> 01:41:11,529
Good God, Bridget.
You're immense!

1889
01:41:11,680 --> 01:41:13,284
I can't help it!

1890
01:41:14,080 --> 01:41:15,241
[ CONTINUES PANTING ]

1891
01:41:15,320 --> 01:41:17,846
I think my lung's collapsed.
But this is not about me.

1892
01:41:18,360 --> 01:41:20,120
[ GROANING ] My contraction's
starting again!

1893
01:41:20,144 --> 01:41:22,003
I'm going to have the
baby in the street.

1894
01:41:22,160 --> 01:41:23,286
I'll tell you what.

1895
01:41:23,440 --> 01:41:26,330
We'll rest for 10, and
we'll walk for 10.

1896
01:41:26,480 --> 01:41:27,891
All right? Okay.

1897
01:41:29,920 --> 01:41:30,921
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

1898
01:41:43,800 --> 01:41:46,246
It's not much further?

1899
01:41:46,800 --> 01:41:47,881
No. No?

1900
01:41:47,960 --> 01:41:49,564
I think it's about...
I don't think...

1901
01:41:49,640 --> 01:41:52,041
a mile and a half to go.

1902
01:41:52,640 --> 01:41:55,086
[ GROANING ] Are you okay?

1903
01:41:56,200 --> 01:41:58,441
It's probably best if I
don't talk too much.

1904
01:41:58,520 --> 01:41:59,681
Yes.

1905
01:42:03,520 --> 01:42:06,171
Okay. I'm here. Okay.

1906
01:42:07,520 --> 01:42:09,841
I can take it from
here. I'm here. Okay.

1907
01:42:10,400 --> 01:42:11,731
I got this!

1908
01:42:11,920 --> 01:42:13,604
Thank you! I got this.

1909
01:42:13,680 --> 01:42:15,569
[ HEAVY BREATHING ] Okay.

1910
01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:17,201
Jesus!

1911
01:42:18,400 --> 01:42:19,447
Jesus!

1912
01:42:20,880 --> 01:42:21,961
Jesus!

1913
01:42:22,040 --> 01:42:23,485
I'm here. This is a two-man job.

1914
01:42:23,560 --> 01:42:24,560
Okay.

1915
01:42:24,600 --> 01:42:26,840
[ JACK ] Take her. Take her!
[ MARK ] I got her. Got her.

1916
01:42:26,864 --> 01:42:28,992
[ JACK ] Jesus! Don't drop her!

1917
01:42:29,240 --> 01:42:30,969
[ PANTING ]

1918
01:42:35,680 --> 01:42:37,569
Just go in. Okay. Do you
want to go this way?

1919
01:42:37,720 --> 01:42:39,120
Yes. Go there! No,
I'll go this way.

1920
01:42:39,144 --> 01:42:40,286
Okay. Go. Go.

1921
01:42:40,440 --> 01:42:42,204
All right. Squeeze in.

1922
01:42:42,360 --> 01:42:44,089
Are we gonna get in? All right.

1923
01:42:44,240 --> 01:42:45,810
Squeeze in. I'm squeezing.

1924
01:42:46,000 --> 01:42:47,081
And, push!

1925
01:42:47,440 --> 01:42:49,010
[ GRUNTING ]

1926
01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,286
No, no, it's fine.

1927
01:42:53,280 --> 01:42:54,770
[ GRUNTING ]

1928
01:42:55,800 --> 01:42:57,450
We're out. Okay.

1929
01:42:57,520 --> 01:42:58,521
Nurse!

1930
01:42:58,600 --> 01:43:00,040
Carol, Carol,
wheelchair, wheelchair.

1931
01:43:00,064 --> 01:43:01,270
One, two, three...

1932
01:43:02,480 --> 01:43:05,290
Yes. Over here,
please. Thank you.

1933
01:43:06,240 --> 01:43:07,810
[ GRUNTS ]

1934
01:43:07,880 --> 01:43:08,881
You okay?

1935
01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:10,610
[ HEAVY BREATHING ]

1936
01:43:11,120 --> 01:43:12,200
Which of you is the father?

1937
01:43:12,224 --> 01:43:13,224
I am. I am.

1938
01:43:13,280 --> 01:43:14,281
Right.

1939
01:43:14,440 --> 01:43:15,441
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

1940
01:43:18,880 --> 01:43:19,881
[ GROANS ] Oh!

1941
01:43:19,960 --> 01:43:21,450
Breathe out the pain.

1942
01:43:22,920 --> 01:43:25,446
Oh, good! I was wondering
how many fathers we'd get.

1943
01:43:25,600 --> 01:43:28,080
Full house! Bingo! [
CHUCKLES ] [ CHUCKLES ]

1944
01:43:28,160 --> 01:43:30,447
Bridget, how do you want
to do this? Epidural?

1945
01:43:30,600 --> 01:43:32,200
No, you can do this.
[ BREATH TREMBLING ]

1946
01:43:32,224 --> 01:43:34,809
A positive mental attitude
is stronger than any drug.

1947
01:43:34,960 --> 01:43:36,405
Just think away the pain.

1948
01:43:36,600 --> 01:43:38,807
Bollocks to that. No.
I want everything.

1949
01:43:38,960 --> 01:43:41,964
Gas, air, injections, morphine.

1950
01:43:42,120 --> 01:43:43,929
Bridget, remember your yoga.

1951
01:43:44,080 --> 01:43:45,764
Fuck yoga!

1952
01:43:45,920 --> 01:43:47,616
[ DR. RAWLINGS ] Oh, I
couldn't agree with you more.

1953
01:43:47,640 --> 01:43:50,000
It's supposed to relax one, but
I just spend the entire time

1954
01:43:50,024 --> 01:43:52,231
clenching my sphincter in
an effort not to fart.

1955
01:43:53,160 --> 01:43:55,640
Now, can we turn you over? I
just need to check your cervix.

1956
01:43:56,680 --> 01:43:58,808
Mmm. Mmm.

1957
01:43:59,040 --> 01:44:02,647
You're doing very well. That's it.
Turning around to me. Gently.

1958
01:44:03,000 --> 01:44:04,490
Just a little rummage.

1959
01:44:05,320 --> 01:44:08,164
Right. Ready? Rummaging now.

1960
01:44:08,240 --> 01:44:09,241
Oh! Oh!

1961
01:44:09,320 --> 01:44:10,970
[ GRUNTING ] Ow! Oh!

1962
01:44:11,320 --> 01:44:14,563
Yes. Oh, good, good! You're at eight
centimetres already. That's excellent!

1963
01:44:14,640 --> 01:44:16,529
That means you can't
have any drugs at all.

1964
01:44:16,600 --> 01:44:17,601
What?

1965
01:44:17,680 --> 01:44:19,808
Yes, you're too far
gone. Well done!

1966
01:44:20,160 --> 01:44:21,491
Oh, another contraction.

1967
01:44:23,000 --> 01:44:25,162
I'm not sure how much
there is to gain

1968
01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:27,488
from you two being at the
coalface, if I'm honest.

1969
01:44:27,640 --> 01:44:30,320
My ex-husband said it was like
watching his favourite pub burn down.

1970
01:44:30,360 --> 01:44:31,521
So, your choice.

1971
01:44:33,400 --> 01:44:34,447
[ GROANING ]

1972
01:44:34,680 --> 01:44:37,889
Maybe Dad should go and
fetch Mum a cool flannel.

1973
01:44:39,520 --> 01:44:41,284
[ CONTINUES GROANING ]

1974
01:44:42,000 --> 01:44:45,800
I know, I know. Okay. It's okay.
It's okay. [ WATER RUNNING ]

1975
01:44:46,240 --> 01:44:47,571
You can do this.

1976
01:44:47,760 --> 01:44:50,366
Okay, just think away the pain.

1977
01:44:50,480 --> 01:44:51,481
[ SCREAMS ] Oh!

1978
01:44:52,040 --> 01:44:53,530
Mother-fucker.

1979
01:44:53,720 --> 01:44:55,484
Just think away the pain.

1980
01:44:55,760 --> 01:44:57,808
Get out, both of you!

1981
01:44:59,200 --> 01:45:00,770
Where are you going?

1982
01:45:03,720 --> 01:45:07,008
[ SOBBING ] I've
changed my mind.

1983
01:45:07,160 --> 01:45:09,891
I've changed my mind.

1984
01:45:12,040 --> 01:45:14,168
[ BRIDGET MOANING LOUDLY ]

1985
01:45:35,640 --> 01:45:37,005
[ SOBS ]

1986
01:45:38,960 --> 01:45:41,042
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

1987
01:45:58,000 --> 01:45:59,206
[ COUGHS ]

1988
01:45:59,280 --> 01:46:01,442
[ CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY ]

1989
01:46:02,240 --> 01:46:03,571
[ GROANING ]

1990
01:46:05,600 --> 01:46:06,806
You can do this.

1991
01:46:09,400 --> 01:46:11,164
You can. We can do it together.

1992
01:46:11,320 --> 01:46:13,084
Just think what life's
thrown at you already.

1993
01:46:13,320 --> 01:46:14,606
[ SCREAMS ] [ GROANS ]

1994
01:46:15,040 --> 01:46:16,246
[ GRUNTING ]

1995
01:46:17,640 --> 01:46:20,086
[ STRAINING ] You've turned
disasters into triumphs

1996
01:46:20,240 --> 01:46:24,609
with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable,
infectious lust for life.

1997
01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:27,843
You've managed this entire pregnancy
almost entirely on your own,

1998
01:46:27,920 --> 01:46:30,002
despite a lunatic mother,

1999
01:46:30,160 --> 01:46:31,207
repressed men,

2000
01:46:31,320 --> 01:46:33,129
and cheating boyfriends
who don't deserve you.

2001
01:46:33,240 --> 01:46:34,321
[ GROANS LOUDLY ]

2002
01:46:36,920 --> 01:46:38,365
Just the last few moments.

2003
01:46:38,920 --> 01:46:40,365
Just the last few
moments, my love,

2004
01:46:40,440 --> 01:46:42,000
and then you'll see
your beautiful baby.

2005
01:46:43,680 --> 01:46:45,011
What if it's not yours?

2006
01:46:45,160 --> 01:46:46,491
Then I'll love him anyway.

2007
01:46:46,800 --> 01:46:48,802
Just as I love you.

2008
01:46:49,160 --> 01:46:53,051
Just the way you were, the way you
are, the way you always will be.

2009
01:46:54,520 --> 01:46:55,646
[ SCREAMS ] Ow!

2010
01:46:57,840 --> 01:46:59,763
[ GROANING LOUDLY ]

2011
01:46:59,840 --> 01:47:00,921
[ SIGHS ]

2012
01:47:01,640 --> 01:47:03,440
I think you'd better go
and have that seen to.

2013
01:47:03,464 --> 01:47:04,511
Thank you.

2014
01:47:04,880 --> 01:47:06,848
I'll handle it from here.

2015
01:47:11,160 --> 01:47:12,730
"Think the pain away."

2016
01:47:12,960 --> 01:47:15,884
You're pushing an entire human
being out of your vagina.

2017
01:47:16,040 --> 01:47:18,042
I'd like to see them
thinking it away.

2018
01:47:19,000 --> 01:47:20,126
[ APPLAUSE ]

2019
01:47:20,200 --> 01:47:24,046
And with 367 of the votes,

2020
01:47:24,160 --> 01:47:26,367
the winner is, Pamela
Margaret Jones.

2021
01:47:26,520 --> 01:47:28,360
Pamela! Darling, it's
Bridget. [ PAMELA GASPS ]

2022
01:47:28,384 --> 01:47:29,441
Not now, Colin.

2023
01:47:29,520 --> 01:47:30,567
It's about the baby!

2024
01:47:30,720 --> 01:47:34,361
I hereby declare that
Pamela Margaret Jones is...

2025
01:47:34,680 --> 01:47:36,091
I'm so sorry.

2026
01:47:36,240 --> 01:47:37,890
You'll have to excuse me.

2027
01:47:38,040 --> 01:47:40,441
We are about to
become a grandmother!

2028
01:47:40,520 --> 01:47:41,965
[ APPLAUSE ]

2029
01:47:42,600 --> 01:47:44,443
Well, that's it for this special

2030
01:47:44,560 --> 01:47:46,847
late-night edition of Hard News.

2031
01:47:47,360 --> 01:47:50,170
[ WOMAN ] Grams going at
25 seconds to off-air, 25.

2032
01:47:50,320 --> 01:47:51,526
Bridget's in labour.

2033
01:47:51,680 --> 01:47:53,887
[ SHOUTS ] Bridget's in labour!

2034
01:47:54,040 --> 01:47:57,283
Except to say, Bridget
Jones is in labour!

2035
01:47:57,360 --> 01:48:00,170
[ LAUGHING ] [ AL
CHEERING AND WHOOPING ]

2036
01:48:00,240 --> 01:48:01,765
Yeah! Brilliant!

2037
01:48:04,120 --> 01:48:05,281
Run the credits!

2038
01:48:05,440 --> 01:48:07,283
Run it! Run the credits! Run it!

2039
01:48:07,440 --> 01:48:08,851
I hope I'm bloody godmother.

2040
01:48:09,040 --> 01:48:10,451
Cue the fucking weather!

2041
01:48:11,680 --> 01:48:12,681
Listen...

2042
01:48:16,960 --> 01:48:18,928
I owe you an apology.

2043
01:48:20,400 --> 01:48:23,370
I know I haven't behaved
very well in all this.

2044
01:48:25,400 --> 01:48:26,765
No, it's okay.

2045
01:48:28,520 --> 01:48:31,171
[ DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES ]

2046
01:48:34,000 --> 01:48:36,082
[ BABY CRYING ]

2047
01:48:43,560 --> 01:48:44,846
[ LAUGHS ]

2048
01:48:46,600 --> 01:48:48,170
[ COOING ]

2049
01:48:51,480 --> 01:48:52,891
[ SOFTLY ] Hello.

2050
01:48:55,280 --> 01:48:56,805
[ COOING ]

2051
01:48:57,640 --> 01:48:58,801
Aw!

2052
01:48:59,120 --> 01:49:00,770
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

2053
01:49:00,880 --> 01:49:02,291
[ DOOR OPENS ]

2054
01:49:16,080 --> 01:49:19,004
Say hello to our beautiful boy.

2055
01:49:20,920 --> 01:49:21,921
Go ahead.

2056
01:49:22,600 --> 01:49:23,601
Thank you.

2057
01:49:24,000 --> 01:49:25,001
Hi.

2058
01:49:25,400 --> 01:49:26,561
[ BABY CRYING ]

2059
01:49:27,320 --> 01:49:29,402
[ CHUCKLES ] [ SHUSHING ]

2060
01:49:29,480 --> 01:49:31,005
[ COOING ]

2061
01:49:38,920 --> 01:49:40,365
That's who you are.

2062
01:49:40,520 --> 01:49:41,806
Isn't he perfect?

2063
01:49:41,960 --> 01:49:43,041
Yes.

2064
01:49:43,840 --> 01:49:45,080
[ COOING ]

2065
01:49:56,120 --> 01:49:57,770
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

2066
01:50:04,360 --> 01:50:05,691
Oh, hello.

2067
01:50:09,280 --> 01:50:11,521
[ GIGGLES ] I'm so sorry
I'm late, Bridge.

2068
01:50:11,680 --> 01:50:13,762
Some lesbians are having a
stupid all-night march.

2069
01:50:13,960 --> 01:50:16,008
Actually, they're marching
in aid of free speech.

2070
01:50:16,160 --> 01:50:18,401
It's rather important.
Oh, my God. Look at him.

2071
01:50:18,560 --> 01:50:19,925
Bridget. Bridge.

2072
01:50:20,800 --> 01:50:24,247
I'm so sorry we weren't here. This
unbelievably annoying march...

2073
01:50:24,360 --> 01:50:26,600
Actually, the march is critical
to... Can I be godfather?

2074
01:50:26,680 --> 01:50:29,047
Oh, I'm depending on
you. [ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

2075
01:50:29,440 --> 01:50:31,616
Oh, congratulations. Yeah, well
done. Well done. Congratulations.

2076
01:50:31,640 --> 01:50:32,736
Thank you very much.
[ TOM ] Well done.

2077
01:50:32,760 --> 01:50:33,960
To both of you. To all of you.

2078
01:50:33,984 --> 01:50:34,841
[ MUM ] My daughter!

2079
01:50:35,000 --> 01:50:36,445
Where is she? [ EXCLAIMS ]

2080
01:50:36,600 --> 01:50:39,649
I'm so sorry we didn't get here
on time! Daddy's parking the car.

2081
01:50:39,800 --> 01:50:41,370
There's some march
for women's rights.

2082
01:50:41,520 --> 01:50:43,761
I mean, honestly, do we
need any more rights?

2083
01:50:44,840 --> 01:50:46,569
Mum, meet your new grandson.

2084
01:50:47,080 --> 01:50:48,286
[ MUM GASPS ]

2085
01:50:49,240 --> 01:50:52,403
Aw, the darling.
He looks just...

2086
01:50:55,320 --> 01:50:56,924
Not that it matters,

2087
01:50:57,920 --> 01:51:00,082
but do we know who
the daddy is yet?

2088
01:51:02,760 --> 01:51:04,091
Shall we find out?

2089
01:51:06,160 --> 01:51:08,401
Come on, you two. Time
for a little test.

2090
01:51:08,880 --> 01:51:10,240
[ CHUCKLES ] So
exciting, isn't it?

2091
01:51:10,264 --> 01:51:12,312
It's like the final of The
X Factor or something.

2092
01:51:12,440 --> 01:51:14,522
Dial 0-1 if you
want it to be Mark

2093
01:51:14,600 --> 01:51:16,568
and 0-2 if you want it
to be Jack! [ LAUGHS ]

2094
01:51:17,240 --> 01:51:18,526
[ SIGHS ]

2095
01:51:25,640 --> 01:51:26,641
[ SIGHS ]

2096
01:51:27,840 --> 01:51:29,046
[ CHUCKLES ]

2097
01:51:31,480 --> 01:51:32,481
Oh, good luck.

2098
01:51:32,640 --> 01:51:33,846
You, too.

2099
01:51:36,320 --> 01:51:37,560
[ BABY COOING ]

2100
01:51:40,440 --> 01:51:42,124
Please. Thank you.

2101
01:51:44,520 --> 01:51:45,760
[ DOOR CLOSES ]

2102
01:51:46,800 --> 01:51:48,609
[ COOING ]

2103
01:51:53,640 --> 01:51:55,642
[ CHURCH BELLS PEALING ]

2104
01:52:28,880 --> 01:52:30,086
[ SIGHS ]

2105
01:53:03,080 --> 01:53:04,320
You look beautiful.

2106
01:53:04,560 --> 01:53:05,641
Thank you.

2107
01:53:06,320 --> 01:53:08,129
Hello, darling! Hello.

2108
01:53:09,200 --> 01:53:10,361
Hello.

2109
01:53:21,080 --> 01:53:22,286
Hello.

2110
01:53:22,840 --> 01:53:23,887
Hi.

2111
01:53:27,560 --> 01:53:29,324
We're really doing this.

2112
01:53:29,400 --> 01:53:31,846
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
No going back now.

2113
01:53:32,200 --> 01:53:35,010
[ PRIEST ] We are gathered
here to celebrate the union

2114
01:53:35,200 --> 01:53:39,444
of Bridget Rose Jones and
Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy.

2115
01:53:42,560 --> 01:53:45,006
And by the powers vested in me,

2116
01:53:45,360 --> 01:53:48,170
I now pronounce you, finally,

2117
01:53:49,160 --> 01:53:51,208
husband and wife.

2118
01:53:51,960 --> 01:53:54,247
[ APPLAUSE ]

2119
01:53:56,520 --> 01:53:58,124
[ ALL CHEERING ]

2120
01:54:26,480 --> 01:54:27,891
[ LAUGHS ]

2121
01:54:30,840 --> 01:54:32,604
[ BABY LAUGHING ]

2122
01:54:34,280 --> 01:54:37,045
Jack, what on earth are
you doing with my son?

2123
01:54:38,120 --> 01:54:39,884
Well, don't leave me
alone with him again.

2124
01:54:39,960 --> 01:54:41,724
I have no idea what I'm doing.

2125
01:54:42,320 --> 01:54:44,322
Is he traumatized? [ ALL LAUGH ]

2126
01:54:48,960 --> 01:54:50,325
[ GASPS ] Oh!

2127
01:54:51,200 --> 01:54:54,488
Hello, William Jones-Darcy.

2128
01:54:54,640 --> 01:54:56,210
Are you ready?

2129
01:54:58,680 --> 01:55:01,160
Some champagne for you?
[ GASPS ] Yes, please.

2130
01:55:02,480 --> 01:55:09,329
[ BRIDGET ] Dear Diary, and so, I,
Bridget Jones, am a singleton no more.

2131
01:55:09,640 --> 01:55:11,881
Married? Yes.

2132
01:55:12,040 --> 01:55:13,326
Smug?

2133
01:55:13,480 --> 01:55:17,610
Well, it's about time,
so maybe just a little.

2134
01:55:24,760 --> 01:55:26,125
[ WIND WHOOSHES ]

2135
01:55:26,360 --> 01:55:27,566
[ GASPS ]

2136
01:55:33,720 --> 01:55:36,007
[ LAUGHING ]